No Contact No Nos


No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.

Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.

1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and

2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.

As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.

No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.

This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.

Obtain it here

61 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos

  1. Insatiable Learner says:

    Wow, Clarece, I am so sorry to hear about your breast cancer scare but so glad you are well. How cold of the narc not to respond to you when you needed support. I am not surprised though. As HG stated in one of his articles, they do not offer emotional support . They simply do not have it to give and do not care anyway. Hard learned truth! Wishing you the very best! Thanks again for being there! Your kind words and comments really helped me.

    1. Clarece says:

      Keep me posted how you do! The scare was a little over 2 years ago. I’m in top top shape now.
      Thanks for your comments back. Much appreciated! ❤🌷

  2. Insatiable Learner says:

    Thank you so much, Clarece and HG! Clarece, I love the mirror exercise and will do it daily. It may just help me with a break-through. I feel stuck.
    HG, thank you for the reminder! You are right, as always!

  3. Insatiable Learner says:

    Dear Clarece, Thank you so much for writing to me. I do not find your comments disrespectful in any way. Quite the opposite actually. 🙂 Thank you for that! Yes, this is my goal too: “complete eradication from the brain.” Unfortunately, he is still on my mind every day. I hate him and myself for that. Lobotomy sounds pretty appealing. Haha. Not really, but I am sure you get the message. I have mixed feelings honestly. On the one hand, yes, I think I am still longing for validation I was worthwhile fuel. I know that is sick of me! I know I was. I adored and worshiped this guy. Never asked for anything, always complied, gushed with positive fuel, etc. In a way, because I never really spoke up and called him out, I keep wondering why he would just let me be. I keep reading and hearing narcs want fuel, they seek it out, etc. And here I am with fuel on offer while expecting nothing of substance and yet, he is silent and I am not even worth a lame text message. So this is one side of my thoughts and struggles. On the other hand, I am glad he is silent. I know he is toxic and destructive to me. I felt on edge and anxious when we did interact. I now feel so much better. Why would I want more abuse, more misery, more exploitation while getting nothing in return? I know this is an addiction and I need to fight through it. I can do this! Thanks so much for your understanding and support!

    1. Clarece says:

      Hello IL! Oh I’m so relieved you knew my heart was in the right place.
      I can tell, you must have a perfectionist streak in you. You worked extremely hard at being the perfect fuel for him and internalizing anything negative to deal with on your own. I think that is what is such a daily cross for you to bear with this silence right now.
      You forget that HG talks at length about how deliciously divine negative fuel is to extract from someone. It ranks higher than positive fuel.
      Like you, I gushed and fawned, and admired and made myself always available for JN.
      I also could blast him with both barrels fighting dirty, nasty, and really lashing out.
      For me personally, I dont ever regret anything I ever said to him negatively or in anger. Did it give him power? I guess. I really don’t care or get that part. So what. He had it coming. I don’t take any of it back. And I wasn’t letting all that garbage fester inside of me or let it affect me being grumpy or moody around my daughter or friends who would be most undeserving of that. No, I took it right to the source who caused it.I needed to work it out of my system.
      You need to decide what can help you work out these feelings out of your system.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Dear Clarece, thank you for your supportive words! They mean a lot to me. I am glad you were able to confront him on his bad behavior. Yes, I just stuffed it all down and continued adoring him. I was a secondary source and I believe HG said they preferred positive fuel from secondary sources. I provided the positive contrast to the negative fuel he was gathering from his former IPPS who has since been discarded and he got himself a new IPPS. He started shelving me right about the time he was discarding the old one and embedding the new one. I think I spoke up maybe a couple of times total but even then I was very respectful and polite. When he was going through a divorce, I was supportive and always offered a listening and empathetic ear as he was sharing his woe stories, all lies and projections I am sure. He is now with the new IPPS and I am not needed. I think for a while, I was hoping that maybe one day he would think of me but as time passed, I just lost hope that he would. On the other hand, even if he did, it would just be more trauma, misery, and deceit. You are right: I need to find ways to get these feelings out. Sharing on here helps some. Thank you for reading and empathizing. I really appreciate it.

        1. Clarece says:

          You are most welcome IL. One statement stood out the most which was, “I was a secondary source and I believe HG said they preferred positive fuel from secondary sources. I provided the positive contrast to the negative…”
          Do me a favor later when you are home alone and you start thinking about him, which we know will happen. Look in the mirror and say “Fuck you xxx”. With everything from your gut. He doesn’t deserve your politeness or your respect. Ever again.
          Say that enough in the mirror and if he ever dares approach you again, you’ll be ready to tell him to fuck off.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No, walk away if he approaches you (which will wound him and raise the hoover bar) as saying ‘fuck off’ is fuel and engaging with him (even in an abusive manner) will spike your emotional thinking. When he reacts to this Challenge Fuel, your ET will con you into thinking you have landed a blow (when you have not) and you may try to do so again, thus continuing your engagement.

            Get Out, Stay Out – telling the narcissist to fuck off is not abiding by GOSO.

          2. Clarece says:

            Okay granted, I’ll give HG the emotions kick in. Fiiinnneeee! Early on in reading and learning on HG’s blog, I had a breast cancer scare with a double biopsy scheduled. I had reached out to JN twice during the two weeks leading up to the procedure. I got silence that whole two weeks from him. A month later when all was well and I was healed, that’s when I went off one night with my F-you tirade to him. Sure, back then, it lead to an emotional exchange.
            Looking back, I’d do that all over again and add about 10 more f-you missiles with what I know now that I didn’t back then. HG may label it abusive. I have my Whiskey Tango side that comes out once in a while. lol Still don’t regret it and I’m contently on lock down mode now.

  4. Insatiable Learner says:

    Hello, Quasi. Thank you for writing to me. I completely agree with you with respect to the danger of applying labels. When I used “just” in this context, I was trying to put myself in the narc’s shoes and apply the narc’s perspective based on HG’s writings about the fuel index for example. Obviously, the primary source, being the only one, would warrant a lot more effort from the narc than a secondary source, one of many. I hope this makes sense to you. Thanks again!

    1. quasi7 says:

      Hi IL,

      I absolutely understand what you mean. It is helpful to use the terminology for understanding, and expressing views. Also the ranking as it were between the sources.

      If I’m totally honest I think that my comment was a projection triggered by the thread of conversation. This is something I have picked up on doing myself often, and when I read it with my lens – seeing the word “just”, I saw a negative or devaluing term.
      That sparks the rest of my rambling brain, wanting to tell myself / remind myself of those things, when the emotional mind gears up..

      The massive irony that came to me today after doing this post is the secondary thought that a part of me wants to know what type of empath I am. I think I’m under the standard empath umbrella but no idea about the school I am in….. I will probably never know. But this is a massive contradiction as a part of me wants another label….. is this just the fight between emotional mind, the truth seeker element, and the rational mind telling the others to shut up?

      I’m thinking I should just read and not blog as it were……

      Thank you for your response though IL, I appreciate you taking the time to do this, and helping me understand.

    2. Quasi says:

      Thank you IL, I understand completely. I appreciate you taking the time to respond me and help me understand.

  5. Jess says:

    It’s fair to say that the narcissist will do what ever they can to get to you/at you. Any door you leave open will be taken advantage of which means it will take longer to get over them. They will do things you have never even thought of so cutting off all means of contact is really only the beginning. They might make you feel good short term but they do not wish you well. Love yourself and don’t let them in.

    1. kim says:

      Thank you Jess. I am working on this. It is hard but my logical thinking is slowly but surely moving away from my emotional thinking. I realize that I am leaving myself open. Baby steps.

  6. kim says:

    Hi All,
    This is a question for all. Is it possible for a SIPSS to just walk away and not have to change phone numbers and such? Since we are on the “shelf” I figure we are amougst lots of appliances and wont really be missed. We are after all secondary sources.
    Thanks all.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, you should not be complacent when applying no contact.

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Well, what frustrates, annoys, and is mildly irritating to me is when my experience is being dismissed and discounted, when, supposedly, everyone is welcome to share his or her opinion and experience but then, unless it is perfectly aligned with HG’s teachings, it is scorned and ridiculed. Kim asked “all” whether it was possible to just walk away without changing one’s number and I responded that from my experience it is possible but that ultimately she is the best judge of her situation and what measures she believes she should take given her particular situation. As I shared elsewhere before, it has been almost 6 years of no contact with the first narc I have ever entangled with. I was a secondary source. I have never blocked him or changed any numbers or email addresses. We even shared and still share some social connections and it would be very easy for him to contact me. Now I am completely over him and have been for a long time. I am not yet over the second most recent narc but again, I have not done anything in terms of changing numbers or email addresses. No contact of 7 months now with no word from him. Our last interaction was friendly and he promised future contact and we all know how good narcs are at following through on their promises. I was a secondary source to this narc as well. By the way, prior to this 7 months of no contact, there was another period of 7 months of NC. I was actually the one to reach out, not he. So now I am not contacting him and I won’t and he will not. So, this is done also with no changes whatsoever. I am not going to be paranoid and put myself and others who have my contact information through inconvenience on some slight improbable off chance he might hoover 10 years down the road. Who the hell is he anyway? 10 years down the road, I will vaguely remember his name if at all. If some feel they should change numbers, move countries, continents, or whatever, that is fine and they should do what makes them feel safe and protected.

        1. Clarece says:

          I think the ultimate goal with the NC route is to allow for ample time (which can vary from person to person based on their experience and also safety factors depending on the Narc they were with) for complete eradication from the brain. To become content and fulfilled moving forward in your life with whoever is or isn’t in it. And if, by chance, that hoover comes along 10 years later, 12 years later, or 25 years later, it is irrelevant or even laughable to you, and there is absolutely no inclination to even want to respond for any reason. That is my goal anyways.
          I am still able to count exactly to the day I started my last NC with JN. I feel I have done extremely well for approx 16 months never being the one to reach out to him anymore. But if he hoovered, I still cannot contain myself from engaging even if it is just to tell him off one more time. So I have to force the extreme lock down. However, it hasn’t seemed necessary to change my phone number.
          If you are still counting days and months, which you are IL, I think HG’s point in all of this is that you aren’t ready to let go. You are still hoping for one more interaction even if it is just to prove he did hoover or that it will validate you were worthy fuel that he would pursue again at some point. I read your comments and I don’t mean this in any kind of disrespectful way, but I can feel your longing to want him to hoover and chase you. You want him to miss your fuel. I get that. I wanted it too.
          Just like snowflakes, no two narcs are going to be alike. Even though JN’s track record was to resurface about every 1-2 months and times when I thought for sure there would be no possible return, he did. What has changed though is his life circumstances too. He’s at a stage in his life, he needs a permanent, stable relationship even if just for the facade for his career moves and he is pursuing that wholeheartedly now. I do not fit in that framework. I don’t think I will hear from him when I think it may happen. It’s always on their timetable dependent on their life circumstances. That is the “X” factor. HG cannot predict that timetable for everyone’s situation. He knows the potential will exist for that reason though.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Valid points.

    2. Insatiable Learner says:

      Hi Kim,

      From my experience as a shelf secondary source, I have not done anything and no word from the narc since October. I think as long as we do not contact the narc and if our paths do not cross (no professional or social connections), we should be safe and certainly no need to change phone numbers. Now if the above is not true for you and you have connections, etc, then you may need to take more drastic measures. I am not rejecting what HG recommends but am just sharing my experience. Ultimately, you are the best judge of your situation. But I agree with you we are after all only secondary sources.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Well, you are rejecting what I recommend and adopting this approach is not enforcing no contact.

      2. MB says:

        Does it frustrate you when readers don’t follow your advice, HG? The standards that you set for yourself do not leave any room for “do the best you can” and I can see that others not doing so could get under your skin.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is mildly irritating but ultimately if they wish to make mistakes after they have been told the right way to do things, it’s their life, so they are the ones who have the problem, not me.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I should think that at the very least it would annoy that you have spent time answering and moderating posts back and forth where your time might have been put to better use answering another who might actually use it. It does me, but then you are more patient than me and for that they can be grateful.

          2. MB says:

            His irritation is palpable at times. You can pick out the ones he is “done” with.

            Without the albatross of emotion hanging around his own neck, as well as the dynamic of being on the outside looking in, (The same perspective we are afforded as it relates to other readers’ comments) it is easier to apply logic. What I’d give sometimes to be able to make a decisions based purely on logic. You want to say wake up, can you not see the forest for the trees? It is much more difficult to see it in your own situation.

            That is another huge benefit to this blog. Sometimes you become aware of your own f’ed up situation by peering in at somebody else’s.

      3. Insatiable Learner says:

        Well, HG, I guess I have finally come to realization, no matter how painful, that I meant absolutely nothing to him.

      4. Quasi says:

        Hello IL,

        I have been thinking about some comments in this thread and how we view ourselves. ( this can tend to spark more reflection/ joys of an analytical brain!! Lol)

        I think we have all referenced our roles to narcissists, based on what we have related to within HG’s writings re -categories of sources. Or alternatively the direct advise from HG.

        A view could be that the pure nature of categorising ourselves with a label like this, is confirming our status as an object and not a person.

        It certainly makes it easier to understand people’s positions when we identify with a label. So when we interact on the blog we can understand more if everyone is using a similar or the same dialogue and referencing. This is also true to society, we all have roles in our lives, in our career, our family, our culture, our gender etc … labels are a part of identification.

        We do this for the narcissists we were untangled with also, with the learnt classifications of school / cadre.

        When I think back to how I presented myself on the blog I did the same, I called myself a Sipss, because this is what I was informed of, this was the label I was given. I was also informed that I was a dirty empath, through the nature of my relationship with the narcissist and my situation.

        However I did this in a negative way, I identified that I was “ JUST an sipss”, I identified that my situation paled in comparison to everyone else on the blog (which is factual but hey) .
        By doing this I confirmed my narcissists superiority because I was “just his SIPSS”… I confirmed my unimportance, my insignificance!
        I observe this frequently in other posts/ comments… devaluing ourselves extensively.

        When in truth I do value myself, this was a key aspect in my later decisions and ability to challenge my emotional thinking.

        I think we need to be careful about the extent we use and ingrain this terminology/ and also the linked negative connotations —devaluing ourselves.

        I wonder if a big part of the journey after developing the understanding, is to talk to ourselves and about ourselves in a kind way. To differentiate our thoughts And opinions to that of the narcissist, why do we start to view ourselves in the way they viewed us?

        So maybe only using the labels when really necessary to make a point clear. And outside of the blog not using them at all.
        Also using positive reinforcement/ affirmations about ourselves, teaching ourselves to like us again, to see our individuality, our importance, our own worth/ value.

        Maybe from that place it won’t matter if we were worth anything to them… we give them great power by valuing their opinion of us, what we mean to them… maybe we could try giving this power back to ourselves.

        1. Julie says:

          Quasi… nice post thank you. I have never “labeled” myself. I dont know what “label” I would be. I have read and reread but I see a bit of all of the types in me. So I dont label myself because of that. I will bend over backwards & give someone the shirt off my back but disrespect me and Kindness goes out the door. I dont know but sometimes i question my own possibly narcissistic traits when im angry. Maybe one day I will figure myself out. To be honest. Kind of scared to know : (

    3. /iroll says:

      If he is a narc and you were together for more than a night, you ***will*** get hoovered, so it depends on how much you can be emotionally manipulated or if you really don’t care no matter what.

      AKA it depends on how your stockholm syndrome is:

    4. Julie says:

      Kim.. I feel that shelving is exactly that, shelving. They will eventually loop back around. If you dont want to have anything to do with him go NC and block him in every way shape and form. It is called shelving for that reason. Thats just my take on it.

      1. Kim says:

        Thanks Julie. I am working me way towards it. Baby steps. I changed up my routine last week and I could tell when I did see him he was not happy with it. Boo hoo. He is slowly pushing me towards nc

        1. Julie says:

          Kim.. you’re welcome. You will get where you need to be. Absolutely

      2. Quasi says:

        Hi Julie, it’s probably a good thing not to identify with a label in this regard. My post was over generalised as trying to communicate to a mass collective of people. I totally understand that many will not identify or relate to my comment at all.

        It’s nice to hear lots of different perspectives. Thank you for responding, I like your comment and the value that you have for yourself! Valuing yourself in a balanced way, having good boundaries, is only ever a very positive thing.

    5. SuperXena says:

      Hello kim,
      I do not know too much about being a secondary intimate source but I think the no contact rule should be rigorously applied regardless of which position you had / have on their fuel matrix .
      If I were you, I would change phone number or block him everywhere. In that way you know you will have the complete control of the situation in your hands.No “what ifs” left.( Unless you want deliberately to leave that door open just in case…something you should reflect upon )

      Why leaving a fissure , a crack on your shield? It will be a weak shield ,not an impenetrable strong one.Why taking the risk?

  7. Jane Hall says:

    3 months no contact. Tried to leave him so many times. This time – its for good. Because I know WHAT he is, those EYES. Yes. Don’t look at them. When I tried to explain after a failed attempt to leave – a friend said when I looked at his sad teary eyes…”He can take his eyes to hell with him”. Makes me chuckle every time. This time. When he had his stuff packed – I didn’t look at him, just shouted out “put the keys through the door when you go”. That was that. He texted me “call me…please” one month in to NC I ignored. I am free.

  8. Julie says:

    This is really good.. purge! Have a bonfire or just throw it all in his front lawn. Just get rid of it all! It is a gateway back to you and any healing you have made progress in.

  9. 69 Revolver says:

    Went NC on Jan. 31. Found HG on 2/1. Now I’m 87 days NC baby!!!

    My sincerest thanks HG…..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done.

      1. Edie says:

        HG do you have a list by chance of the verbiage or terms normally used. Also where is a good place to start? I dont think I will hear from him after my NC to his email. He’s a coward. Ha. This site has helped me more than words can say. Sorry to post here didnt really no where to post for you. I have been in an heartache hell for a year and he’s been another relationship for that long. Knowing that this is a game and so many other things has lifted my heart. I feel like I am regaining my sense of self and life back. I cant comprehend doing what he did to me to my worst enemy. I cant fathom it, nor do I want to, but this site has helped me to understand the process. Thank you. 30 years with this man in and out of my life. I had no idea who he was. stupid me for thinking we were meant to be together, but live and learn. Again many thanks.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Edie, verbiage in what context?

        2. Julie says:

          Edie… never think they wont come back. There is no time frame with them. You can lower the chance of them being able to contact you but where there’s a will there is a way with them.

      2. Insatiable Learner says:

        HG, can I get “well done” on my 7 months of NC?

    2. Merripen says:

      69 Revolver, Awesome effort! Let’s keep going!

      1. 69 Revolver says:

        Merripen, I intend to!
        I won’t lie, there are some very tough days. Thank God I erased all his info from my phone.
        And your NC time?

        1. Merripen says:

          69 R,
          I’m glad we have this place to comiserate and gather. Yes, some days are very hard. I feel you. Every day puts us further away from those emotions, every post of HG’s makes us more logical.

          Well, he abruptly disengaged (in a Skype message) February 27th, 2017. I went NC two days later (not yet even knowing what that was), but he made it easy, as he was already into the Golden Period with his IPPS. I blocked him in every way imaginable and I didn’t seek him out, but I sure longed to. (I dallied a stupidly long time in getting rid of the photos, mementos and gifts, btw.) He didn’t breach NC until January of this year. I came out of work and he was in the parking lot (he lives 3 1/2 hours away). I remember HG said that to really wound a narcissist, you have to give no emotion, no affect, no gesticulations, no eye contact. Nothing. It was difficult, because my heart was in my throat and my stomach had fallen to somewhere around my knees. Not to mention that as an empath, that’s just friggin rude and against my nature to ignore someone like that. But I did it, because I trusted HG. Inside, I knew that I was faking it, really, because I was overcome with emotions. If I’d followed previous protocol, I’d have met his intense eyes with my own and mounted him right there in the parking lot. Instead, I didn’t look at him, but walked to my car and started to get in. He followed, talking by then, saying that he missed me, he’d made a mistake, that I was the one who really understood him, etc. Jesus, it sounded like one of HG’s posts and had zero effect on me (not so with the eyes, so I made sure to not look). A recent incarnation of my “Letter to the Narcissist” had been printed out a few weeks earlier and tucked in my car. It had become pretty polished and succinct by this point, just one page. I reached over and grabbed it and put it in his hand, flatly saying “I’m expected elsewhere.” I absolutely stole this line from HG, I don’t even talk like this! It seemed to put him on his back heel for a moment and I used the opportunity to close the door, lock it and drive away. He has not reappeared.

          1. Omj says:

            Down Merripen ! That is quite the story and a great example on his this site and HG’s work is weaponizing us to deal with them in the most effective manner.

            I like that you said you were faking it and being conscious of everything that was happening.

            I feel the more we read and hang out here ( I do consults as well) the more we see the «  narc movie «  playing in front of us and we are less surprised by the lines in the scenario.

            Last weekend something came out of the left field and I lost it and realized that although I thought I was all armoured – I am not. So I keep hanging here .

            Thank you for your story.

            Question for you … did you wonder about eh letter , what he thought etc ? Can you pusblish it ?

            Many thanks !!

          2. Merripen says:

            I’m glad you were stirred by my story and you are most welcome! This website has been a blessing for me. We know that HG’s knowledge guides us to safety, but it was unexpected (and a bit comical) to find myself whipping him out in the moment to be my logic-beard! Instinctive, knee-jerk reaction, but again, just a beard. I really wasn’t safe in that moment, not healed enough and still really emotional. But I held HG in front of me (who’s got the facade, now?) and faked my way thru the encounter. Fake it ’til you make it, or something like that, right? The dynamic of this website is perfect for helping us recover. Never in a million years would a situation occur that a Greater such as HG would come to open his mind to a gathering of wounded empaths. And yet, here he is. Lightening in the bottle. The universe has given us what we needed. No one else could help us like he does and no other narcissist WOULD.

            I am sorry you were blindsided last weekend. We are hardwired to emote. It’s what we’ve always done. HG weaponizes us with his knowledge by nudging our trajectory just enough to find ourselves on a different path. I’m glad you’re hanging in there. And here. We’re all sort of shuffling in the same direction (post-narc’apocalyptic zombie generation).

            I have actually not fretted very much about what is response to the letter may have been. Weirdly, it seems moot, now. Like the letter had become as much for me as it was a ballistic at him. He hasn’t again driven the 3 1/2 hours to wait in my parking lot. But I don’t know if the letter should be considered narc-bane. He likely just has adjusted his fuel matrix as need necessitated. As for the letter, I don’t know. Maybe HG will post it one day.

          3. 69 Revolver says:

            Oh BRAVO!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
            I love your story Merripen. And I identified well when you said it’s so unlike you to ignore people. It’s not in my makeup either. But to these Walking Dead, in particular, we must.
            The Narc lives 1700 miles away from me. It’s highly doubtful that he’ll fly all this way only to risk being ignored. He won’t DARE risk being rejected. The Hoover bar has reached up to the Milky Way by now. His ego is up there, too.

            My friend emailed him from her phone telling him that I’d shut down my gmail acct & his number is blocked. He’s also blocked on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. So snail mail is his only way. (Don’t know how to block that one yet.)
            And I already have a remedy for that: “Return to Sender, Recipient deceased.” Lol

            I had forgotten what HG said about looking into their eyes. Yeah, if I do that, I’ll need a hotel room, STAT (best sex I’ve ever had. TMI). So, no eye-looking and I also will be “otherwise engaged.”


          4. Merripen says:

            Haha! I love the “Return to Sender, Recipient Deceased” evasion! OMG, I am going to use it, too, in the event of a snail-mail breach. It sounds like you’ve made careful work of blocking him. That and the 1700 mile distance should give you the time you need to shore yourself up even further. It’s interesting to know that you are also affected by the eye-lock thing. I wonder if they all deploy this technique? It’s so intense – like Bela Lugosi, only hot, not creepy.

            I’ve had to gently encourage myself to let go of the reverberations of our sexual encounters. I think that because this particular aspect of our illusory relationship with them manifests in such a physical way, it lingers as being especially real. It is important to remember that he mirrored back to you the best qualities that you possess. That’s how he snagged you. It was true for the emotional parts of the illusion and he carried that same hypnosis into sex. HG has said how important it can be for a narcissist to get the sex techniques nailed down, because of the efficient way it ties the victim to them. He said if baking chocolate cakes were the best way to achieve this, then narcissists would all be the best bakers. It should put a bucket of cold water on us to consider the massive amount of porn they watched to learn their moves and the mechanical way they recorded this information away. It is as equal a turnoff to consider the multiple other partners he’s perfected/perfecting his performance on. The hypnotic illusion they wove was intentionally carried into sex acts with us and we achieved excitement that no normal man could have given us. Well, yeah, because we were essentially having sex with the illusion of the best aspects of ourselves, worn by a well-practiced predator and manipulator. Sure, it was their penis and it was their freaky-learned sex moves and Bela stare, but the passion that made any of that anything other than mechanical and hollow – was us. Our passion, our qualities. Us. They gave us what we wanted and we wanted us. So, I’ve gently encouraged myself to let go of the reverberations of our sexual encounters. Like every other aspect of our entanglement with them, it was, at heart, illusory, toxic and not maintainable.

          5. NarcAngel says:


            So……youre saying we really CAN go fuck ourselves.

          6. Merripen says:

            Yup. Not only can we, we HAVE been all this time!

          7. blackunicorn123 says:

            Wow, Merripen, that was brilliant! 👊

          8. Merripen says:


            Thank you. I value your good opinion. It is a handhold on the side of this mountain.

          9. Julie says:

            Merripen… well done! That took alot of courage and i know how hard that must have been. Bravo.

          10. Merripen says:


            Thank you. It’s funny that you mention courage, because I swear it was all a bluff. I went thru the motions HG said to, but I was a wreck underneath. Luckily the narcissist didn’t know that, I guess.

          11. Julie says:

            Merripen… your very welcome. It is very hard to walk away from them. Took me about 8-9 tries then one day you just snap and realize you have had enough. I realized what he was just at the end but not fully understanding. A person can only take so much mindfuckery before they lose their shit and I hit my limit. Seems like you did too but you were MUCH nicer than I was lollll

    3. Lori says:

      Rock star? I’m. 14 days had I not opened my mouth 14 days I’d be a month. Oh well line and learn

  10. Omj says:

    I am not in NC but just a picture that popped up – fb souvenir – for me in ET big time and made me react the old way again.

    I know I am not immune to a spike of ET… although I was sure I was 100% under control .


    1. HG Tudor says:

      A useful test OMJ.

    2. sarabella says:

      His pictures had little to no affect on me at the end. I used to look at his social media just to feel what I would feel just so I could walk my mind and heart through having a different reaction. Conquering the hear with my mind. I used those heart stabbing reactions as an opportunity to feel them and then talk to myself about how he didn’t care, how perverted he is, how he is a predator of very young girls and so on. It was like training myself that something that once felt good was really bad, tasted awful, smelled awful, and was really rotten. Aversion therapy.

      1. Omj says:

        You recreating new brain path and association that is a good way for sure. Reprogramming.

        My picture was not even of him , he is not on social media, it was a picture with one of my friend last year and it remembered me how devaluation- now I know what it is – started last year and I started being mad at all this d’évaluation shot and at me I guess for still being there.

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