The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist

THE DESIRE TO DESTROYTHE NARCISSIST

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you on that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull your hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you so deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need.

All you will do by obsessing over trying to bring me down is remain ensnared. True, we may no longer be in a Formal Relationship as husband and wife any longer, but you are continuing to engage with me. You are thinking about how to bring me down, you are discussing how hateful I am with your friends, you are stalking my online activity, you drive past where I work and where I live to see what I am doing as you plot and hatch. All you are doing is keeping me alive in your mind, making it easier and easier for me to stay there. Your emotional thinking was too high to begin with as a consequence of the ensnarement and then the unanswered questions when I disengaged from you. You failed to drain your emotional thinking. You failed to allow your logic to gain any kind of foothold. You have read, watched and listened but there is no room for it to sink in because your emotional thinking was too high and furthermore it remains too high. It remains too high because your desire to destroy me, to exact revenge and see me suffer keeps feeding that emotional thinking.

Round and round your thoughts go. You think you are feeling better, no longer sad, no longer hurting, but the anger that has replaced those feelings (or perhaps has temporarily overridden them) means that you have lost insight. Your emotional thinking has you in its grip. It, in its usual cunning way, has conned you into thinking that you have moved forward by causing you to think that this anger, this planning, this desire to destroy is evidence of progress and recovery.

It is not.

It is too soon. Too soon from your disengagement. Too soon from your escape. Too soon from the hoovering.

All you are doing is engaging with me once more. My reactions may seem one of anger and irritation, but that is just my self-defence mechanism responding in order to assert my superiority once again as I draw on your Challenge Fuel. You are not wounding me. I repeat, you are not wounding me.

Your attacks against me are surrounded by venom, anger and annoyance. Thus it is Challenge Fuel. This just fuels me and my responses cause you to think you are getting to me, you are not, those reactions are designed, an instinctive response by my narcissism, to make you think you are getting somewhere, to make you give me more fuel and to allow me to assert my superiority over you as that must always be done.

Your desire for revenge is premature. You must reduce your emotional thinking through a robust no contact, you must build your Logic Defences and allow them to gain a foothold and then bring that reduced emotional thinking under control. This takes time, many months, to achieve.

Yet once done, with that emotional thinking at a far lower level and with logic prevailing, any remaining desire to destroy (and often it has now faded with the diminution of emotional thinking) means that it will be deployed from a distance, with cool, hard calculation and if you do so in accordance with the steps set out in my work Revenge then you will avoid being ensnared, you will avoid messing up the revenge campaign and you are far, far more likely to meet with success.

But if you fail to heed these wise words and think you know better. If you think you are ready now to effect revenge, with ill-preparation and rampant emotional thinking then please do seek it.

You will not get it.

 

 

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65 thoughts on “The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist”

  1. Thank-you Twilight.
    I greatly appreciate you elaborating; yours is certainly a unique insight into the matter.

  2. T & Omj,

    I think it is absolutely unselfish of us to feel resentful to giving our energy to others…if needed to reclaim ourselves. In fact, we owe it ourselves. And in time, you can always give it away to others again…for me; I’ll be selective of how I spend that energy.

    1. Who Cares, reading this was like a breath of fresh air. I’m not sure why? Maybe I got a glimpse of how the future can be? In any case, I’m glad you wrote this.

      1. T – thank-you for writing that in response. Sometimes when I write things to people here I mean it but I only 75% believe it for myself. But reading your response confirms for me that I really do feel that way. 100%.

      2. Who Cares! I feel that way too, and I think that feeling is the Empath in us that causes us to doubt ourselves. It’s an empathic shame due to our wounds.
        I hope that makes sense.

      3. ” It’s an empathic shame due to our wounds. I hope that makes sense.”

        T,

        Makes absolute sense.

  3. Twilight – I took some time to think on your words – thank you for your response.
    Not sure if I’m reading into it, or I even understand all of your words – but it appears you were aware of this when you caused a fuel crisis for yours? (I was not.) Don’t feel obligated to answer if you’d rather not. Of course, I have no real idea what you mean by the existence of a backdoor; my curiosity is piqued naturally.

    In my case it was the circumstances of our life together at the time…I can see now how mine must have made in roads to setting up a new IPPS or secondary sources but I believe they were not established or even within easy reach – geographically speaking. Sadly, he put me in the position of having to shut off whatever remained of my compassion for him – and then I caused a dominoe effect that literally shut him out of my life for time. So he was forced to look elsewhere or starve.

    But I only realize all of this after encountering HG’s work. I guess you could even call it the ultimate revenge; give everything to the Narcissist that they ever wanted (until you very nearly have nothing left for yourself), let them take you away from, virtually, any contact with the outside world (so that they are almost fully reliant on you) and then just simply remove yourself from their life…or shut them out of yours with no wiggle room.

    Watch them fall.

    I have no idea what HG advocates regarding revenge and have no interest in finding out. At the same time I would not recommend my way to anybody. Twilight, given the opportunity I would love to hear more of your story – that’s one thing I know for sure.

    1. WhoCares

      It is a painful subject for me.
      I call it a backdoor because I called him a human computer.
      There is always a backdoor, I don’t believe empaths acknowledge theirs due to being upfront and letting people in. We don’t live in a world of deceit and lies. Theirs is guarded. No one is allowed in.
      They do not let anyone close to them, we do.

      I cut his fuel supply off in a way he never expected. I want to say it was intentional, I was angry and it was wrong. There was a consequence for this…feeling what he did. I never want to experience this again.

      I only know this has happened when my emotions hit an extreme. The positive is awesome, the negative not so awesome.

  4. Mine was left in a major fuel crisis.

    I guess that could be considered revenge.

    But I only know that now…if I dwell on it; I don’t feel good about it…so I’m detached.

    I prefer Narc affair’s perspective.

    1. WhoCares

      I did that….he didnt realize there was a backdoor someone could find, or maybe he didn’t realize someone could find it.
      I have looked at that particular situation in many angles. as to why it affected him the way it did. After speaking with HG I understood and found the answer within me.
      They really are not much different then us, just perspective. We look inward, they look outward, objective vs subjective. Emotions thou cloud things and changes the context of what is, into what if triggering any insecurities we have, for both sides. We all have instinctive self defense mechanism and it will kick in, it just will not look the same for everyone.

      We all have a trigger point on desiring revenge, it is a matter of one reaching it. Then the choice of actually carrying it out. My question will always be are you prepared to pay the consequences for such actions? We do not always know how the consequences will affect us truthfully until we cross that bridge, realizing once you cross it you can never go back.

      I will never go back to him….what was died the day I cross that bridge and brought me closer to my destination.

      You will find your way, go at your timeframe. Your answers will come when you are ready for them.

  5. I cut a big circular hole in his convertible top, right over where his head would be. It rains a lot here. Oh, I took that piece so that the bitch he was not telling about couldn’t sew it back together (she is a total tool).

    1. Hilarious !!! 🙂 I am sure it felt good for awhile and you can laugh alone when thinking about it .

      As long as it did not turn in a war:)

  6. Ive felt deep seated anger towards my narc brother and narc mother but never to seek revenge. Not even on my narc. Ive imagined scenerios in life that would be difficult for them to deal with but i never had thoughts about getting revenge. Theyre living their misery. Theyre not happy with life…not really. They may be happy at times but deep down theyre miserable souls. Misery loves company and im not joining them in that misery by wasting my time filled with hatred and venom. Lifes too precious. I want to help and love others. Be the best person i can be not become them no thank you.

    1. NA, I’m so sorry. I can feel your pain.
      I fantasize about shooting my ex in the face.
      I’ve heard so many viewpoints on revenge. My favorite is having a solid life, doing thing’s for myself that I would do for him.
      Believe it or not, I got so much joy out of doing thing’s for him. It’s so sad I don’t feel the same when it comes to me.
      I just want back the pieces I lost.
      I don’t want to really hurt anyone, I just want peace.

      1. T….I felt the same way (hence me spending about 40k on the N) I felt great when I was able to do things for him yet to do something for myself was damn near impossible. Took me a few years to start enjoying things for myself again. Its a strange feeling isnt it?

      2. It’s crazy, like I don’t matter to myself but other people do? I figure it’s a learned behavior.

      3. Yes!!!! My children even suffered as a consequence. Everything for narc is how it became. It was like being on crack. After I escaped It took years to be able to enjoy doimg even the smallest thing for myself. I know this sounds strange but he had me even doing HIS grocery shopping and paying for it! I detest grocery shopping still. Ive started doing the app grocery shopping lately and its working well. I am always afraid also I may run into him there. If i do go I ALWAYS go when I know he is working but I still fear what is more than likely going to happen one day.

      4. T

        “Believe it or not, I got so much joy out of doing thing’s for him. It’s so sad I don’t feel the same when it comes to me.”

        I agree with your statement. It’s not that I can’t do things for myself. But I wonder why it feels so…foreign. I can find infinite energy, determination and focus for other people or certain challenges.
        But when it comes to directing that much energy towards myself and my pursuits; I’m at a loss. At least for now.

        One thing I’ve come to learn in interacting with my narc is that my time, my energy and my attention are precious. Also, that these things are finite – especially emotional attention. And I will no longer give these so generously – to anyone – simply for the asking.

      5. Hi Who Cares, yes, I’m feeling really emotionally shut down to where I don’t want to do anything for other’s and annoyed if I have to. That’s unsettling to me.
        Maybe I’m lost in a type of supernova?

      6. This is so true re: energy , focus etc
        I find now I can really focus on work , on my health etc … I get so tricked into the narcs crazy behaviours it’s sucks all my energy , time and vitality.
        Most probably why I feel good now.

    2. I agree Narc Affair … Don’t want to be in that misery and the tension that transfer from the Narc unto us.

      I feel so good not to have him around- I feel free.

      I keep coming here and hang around cause I need to build my fortress but otherwise I am disengaging too everyday – disengaging from revenge too. My energy must be spend for me-
      My well being – my life.

      I think I was done with him way before I left.

  7. Hm, most of the people on here say that they do not need or want some revenge. I cannot understand that, because my need to do it had been very strong and it haunted me for a long time. I know that revenge is not a good way and my rationality tells me, it will lead only to further aggression and probably will hurt the wrong people. It is not my conscience (referring to him) that stops me, it is rationality. Therefore I do not understand the feelings of the other ones here…
    It is really strange for me to read that there is no desire for that at all and that most of you are satisfied to have been escaped.
    And you are right, HG, revenge is only possible when there is cold fury. Heated fury does not lead to the effect you want.
    And of course- he should never know- where the attacks come from…

    Oddly this feeling of huge anger leads to a feeling of greater self-worth.
    It seems as if anger or aggression is connected to a lower or higher feeling of self-worth. That is quite interesting.

    1. Mona, I will dare say that everyone has the DESIRE for revenge, but they just don’t aspire to act upon it. IOW, rationality, analysis, and logic tells them it’s basically a futile gesture. But if fantasizing about him crawling through sewage to beg your forgiveness, only to have you stomp on his neck makes you feel better, ‘ave at it, g/f. Nothing wrong with daydreaming…

    2. Mona, I concur. I wanted revenge. I went nuts. All I could think about was how to destroy him. Of course I felt guilt cuz I’m a nice person, right? I hate him. I’m getting better but still entertain thoughts of bad intent.

  8. Revenge will come via life circumstances if enough time has passed…at least that has been my experience. Now, all the narcs in my life were immediate family or in-laws, and while I have been no contact with them for years, some even over a decade, I still hear about their endeavors through their “friends.” A new one just contacted my son while he was at work yesterday! His fellow employees asked if he needed to have a visit with Jerry Springer afterward because even they felt the awkwardness of it. These narcs never give up wanting to regain the contact/control somehow and the knowledge of the huge thorn in their side over this continued failure could be deemed as revenge. But, my experience has been that old age will catch up and people grow weary of their schemes. They are left grasping at straws, which in the case of yesterday, the person who cornered my son was a childhood friend of my husband coming out of the woodwork after some 35 years! Because of HG’s work here, I recognize the patterns, and their desperation is just entertaining at this point.

  9. “The you will do as i do to you” is ofc projection, npd types are only living in their own world.

    I think the point is that ’emotionally wounded anger’ comes from a place of defence against fear of powerlessness, which is already receptive to narc predation. To take back your subjectivity (re-empowered) you can’t stand in the ‘chess positions’ – that allows the narcissist to project their own pathological (and disavowed) wounds onto you.

    Apparently that means going into a purely rational, coldly non-emotional state. This is good advice if you’re dealing with any serious threat because it can temporarily compartmentalise your vulnerabilities.

    For general self-healing though, i think that you do have to be very over it – to genuinely be unaffected by the projections and hence not react to them. Playing a poker face isn’t the same thing, but you don’t have to shut down your feelings in all facets of your being, i tried that and it didn’t give me the joy i needed to be free. Exacting his punishments to him, just felt like too much work in my mind and a drag. Let him be the obsessive compulsive sadist, that’s not my job.

    I think that just my very existence – feminine and self-posessed, is already a massive if not ultimate threat to the narc, who is essentially gynophobic. My revenge is that i am unobtainable and happy without them, able to stay on the path that helps me find the intensities and focus i seek – and it’s true. I have more clarity now and aim for more.

    1. To be fair – i can see how feminine emo-psychological complexity and the ways in which current society allows women to adorn themselves, poses a special threat to the narc’s supreme individuality, coupled with how they really hate all vulnerability – which has sexist associations with femininity. Gay men break the taboo around that, which is why homophobia is based on misogyny. If they also desire women, it must really make it worse for them. They also likely never separated from their mothers. The nightmare is really endless for them – and us, because all life comes from mothers. It’s not healthy to reduce women to motherhood, but that’s what misogynists and narcissists have in common – the whole madonna/whore complex.

      I’ve been really affected by my parent’s obsession, violence and neglect. For me, narc abuse has made social commitments (identifying with ‘social roles’) kind of terrifying for me, and i need to battle that in myself – not the narc as symbolic gatekeeper. They forced me to exist in an emotional-fantasy realm, told me they were the stronger ones who could face the harsh realities of the world that i could not – and protected me with an insidious protection that made me fear my own autonomy. Which is quite considerable because i have an independent mind, albeit, chained to these fears.

      It is a very strange self-image one gets from being raised by and loving narcs – you are made to be worthless so they can idealise you in their special cage.

      But i’m sure lots of people have fear-cages they feel comforted by, the narc included. I want to destroy the cage, not actual people, but in some cases they are kind of the same thing.

      1. Ps. when all else fails, you need a wildcard aka ‘a chicken egg’

        – see Return of Oz: how to defeat the Gnome King & Princess Mombi

  10. I have never wanted revenge, so I have no idea what came over me only that I desired it. I have not felt like that sense. I was angry, yet it wasn’t my anger. I couldn’t separate my emotions from what I was absorbing.

    I remember something he told me while sparring, “why are you wasting your energy?” I am not sure he meant what I believe he did, yet from my perspective something clicked he was right….I changed up and used his energy against him, he ended up on his tail instead of me. That was the end of that lesson, it stuck with me.

    My intentions made what I did wrong, not doing what I did.

    I would do it again under different circumstances. To heal, not harm.

  11. I have not feel hatred and disgust as much as I have it now so much that it falls unto indifference . Funny feeling . I was thinking of HG’s word about the ensnarement – INFECTION- we get infected by the Narc poison. It does not get out of our body so easily.

    It’s like because we have rubbed our body against theirs , exchanging fluids and breathing the same air we have Inhaled and absorb their gall.

    F… i can just see the ugliness in its full light and I don’t want to be ugly.

    1. I came up with a mental slogan the other day, “I only mirror light.” I won’t be ugly again for someone just because they need someone else to be uglier than them. Someone who knew my narc made that comment once, that he tries to drag people down to his level. So in that regard, “I only will mirror light. And if you have no light in you, only ugly darkness, then we part ways.”

      1. I do really love this !! I hate myself when I become ugly in someone’s ugliness- I can deal with my own but not the infected one.

        I love this … I only mirror light :))

  12. I need to re-read Revenge. I have no problem protecting myself if someone is trying to hurt me. I’m not a gun owner but I know how to shoot one. I wouldn’t shoot to kill, just shoot his kneecaps. This is not a threat, or do you consider it a threat??

    I have a bad feeling he’s reading ur site . . . I knew my replacement would have to be a Super and wouldn’t last long . . . and there was a comment made by a new person, my real first name as the respondent . . . I have a very unusual name as named after a grandmother . . . I hope I’m just being paranoid, but my intuition . . .

    I hope he follows us . . . I know it is ur nature–the poisonous spider and the frog story–but in my heart of hearts I empathize with any human who suffers. I dont choose to inflict harm on anyone, however, I am the most important person if someone is intentionally trying to hurt me.
    HG, time for another consult between you I. After I read Revenge again.

    1. Whoa. I wonder if they troll these sites looking for people writing about them.

      HG I know you say a lesser isn’t aware but mine had some awareness. He told me he didn’t really feel positive emotions and he has some awareness his relationships only last short periods. He said he could forget someone in days and he’d never want me to be like him. I know he was a lesser because he could not control his fury well at all. I witnessed several uncontrolled outbursts

      I have often wondered if he looks to see if his victims post about him but honestly their stories all sound a like so they can’t really know it’s you

      1. Lori.. I have wondered the same thing if they look for sites like this and go secret squirrel and spy. I imagine some do. Even those lessers are not stupid really. Now you have me thinking I should change my name LOL

      2. I don’t believe they come here to stalk at least not lessors or midrangers, they would be here as the victim.

      3. Mine trolls. I can completely tell it’s him. He even poses as other women.
        One word for him, disgusting.
        Narcs really have no shame.

      4. I really dont put anything past any one of them. Never underestimate for sure

      5. Hi, Lori. I tried revenge before I read the books. (Caution: do not do this until either reading the book or a 1:1 consult with HG. It backfires as it so often does in any human exchange, normal, narc, former boss, current boss, etc. “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. Whatever ur belief, atheism, agnostic, Buddhism, etc., it is true . . . what goes around comes around.)

        My ex saw the HG books and checked out HG and this website. He told me he did in a text. I have kept all his texts as I have a Restraining Order and the police told me to keep them as evidence.

        In the text, of course, he tried to belittle HG. He told me HE, the “greatest” could have written HG’s books. No doubt. Mensa IQ. Lots of experience for a handsome, young, educated prick.

  13. With all due respect HG, I really must disagree with you here. Please do not feel the need to respond. It is my sincere opinion and while you are free to devalue my opinion or “re-assert your superiority”, my opinion still stands.

    I don’t think you really, truly understand the point of view of empathic people. Sorry, but I do feel this way. You are an expert on narcissistic behaviour and I’d be the first to acknowledge that, but I’m not sure if you are an expert on empathy.

    When I discovered the truth about narcissism, I did not become a “glowering fireball of hatred” at all.

    My initial first reactions included:
    – despair and sadness (at the thought that what I thought was true was really a facade)
    – relief (at finally understanding what was actually happening)
    – fear and worry (the need for continual self-protection against those I “loved” was concerning)
    – curiosity (I wanted to learn all there was to know about this condition)
    – anger

    Yes, I was and still am angry that seemingly “normal” and intelligent people are hell-bent on deceiving and manipulating others in order to achieve their unwarranted “superiority”. However, it’s not in the form of anger that you describe. Your descriptions of wanting to “destroy” someone are based on your narcissistic perspective. I truly never had thoughts of wanting to “destroy” anyone. I want to understand your kind in order to protect myself, first and foremost. I do not hate you and have no wish to destroy you.

    1. I accept this does not apply to everyone WN. Those that do want revenge are not a majority, but the article was aimed at that proportion that do feel that way and of course I am sure you will agree that some victims of our kind do feel this way – I have witnessed it numerous times in consultation (both e-mail and audio) and seen it in my own dealings.

    2. In my situation I wanted to destroy him when i didn’t know what he is just like HG described, but when i found out what he is I felt exactly what WiserNow said.

      just informative post 😉

  14. HG,

    I have read the Revenge a few weeks ago. Very insightful, every victim should read it.

    But I wonder – is it possible to get revenge after the narc was the one who ended things and it was monthsss ago and he is now in the golden period with new IPPS and he stopped hoovering you because you went no contact and blocked him and he did the same?

    So right now, when I am painted black (wounding by blocking after his benign hoover) and soon after that he has found someone new who is painted white and he doesn’t have a need to contact me it would be difficult to hurt him. It seems like I am dead to him so I am questioning my power to wound someone who simply doesn’t care. His new IPPS gives him a lot of fuel right now so probably he feels powerful.

    I’d like to ask – do you think that taking a revenge in this kind of situation makes any sense or maybe it should be applied when he devalues the new IPPS and may look for a hoover and has higher fuel needs?

    1. Good question, Sal. On the basis that your Emotional Thinking is under control and at a low level and time has elapsed whereby a solid no contact has remained in place then yes, administering your revenge campaign as set out in Revenge will repay greater dividends when applied when a narcissist may be having difficulties with his fuel matrix. An optimum time would be if your replacement has escaped and he has no immediate replacement for that person. After that, it will be more effective when the IPPS is painted black and in devaluation – although he will be gaining potent negative fuel during this period, a revenge campaign administered then would create problems for him in terms of wondering who is behind it (so long as you follow the principles whereby your hand is not shown).

  15. I would say that whatever is left, it not revenge or much anger even. Just this occassional wierd stressful, anger. I think if I decide to remove my 3 posts publicly taggging him and calling him out as a sociopath, then I will have totally moved on. I removed one and feel fine. The others remain but it was an odd type revenge. I never tagged him in them with ( @ ) but did flag them with hastags ( #). I didn’t tag him as I didn’t feel like dealing anymore with his irrational, wild, rage, fury. So, unless he Googles the tag of his name, which is unique enough to only have his name ever tagged, then he may never, ever know. I think what cold revenge would be that if some time down the road, and when I have finally let it all go, he one day discovers it all there. But by then, I will feel cold and over it so fully, it won’t matter if he ever contacts me in response or does his own revenge. And why is this revenge… he so prides himself in his name, a cultural thing where he lives. Maybe some future business person will see it. The world is not taking kindly to #MeToo type stories these days and I was blunt. It doesn’t bother me if anyone I know saw what I posted who follows me and who also know him (the 4 remaining friends we have in common). I almost feel sure at least 4 people saw what I wrote and given that they continue to like my posts, view my stuff, I know its no big deal to them at all. Other than that, when I do have those few surges of anger and emotion, this post of yours and similar warnings to not react to those feeling and why are what restrain me. And the less I have ever reacted myself over the past 14 months, the more the bond has weakened to almost be gone. Anger is a powerful bonding emotion I discovered. My anger bonded me to him and prolonged it. As I stopped feeding my own anger, the less emotionally obsessed I became until now, it feels alas at the very tail end. Just like I said, these occassional parts of me that still manage to go, “WTF!!!!” and get all confused again.

  16. HG

    “Huddled around your cauldron”

    Guaranteed laugh at your demonstration of perfect disdain every time. Great article and advice as always.

  17. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.. only one if dealing with a greater tho. You will loose. Just saying

    1. I so agree – don’t want revenge . The fact that I escaped is enough revenge for me / the fact that I no longer have fantasies about our golden is a revenge for me / the fact that he knows that I know who he is and what he does is a revenge / the fact , to his own admission, that he was never able to fault me / is my revenge.

      The fact that I truly no longer desire to be with him is my revenge . The fact that I was able to save partly my sanity is my revenge.

      The fact that I can walk away with remaining self esteem, true friends and some residual benefits is my revenge.

      That tiny parcel of detachment that is growing inch by inch everyday – of i don’t care … is my sweet revenge .

      1. Omj.. well said! I feel the same way. I wanted that revenge at first but after all these years I am content in knowing revenge is him still stuck in his perpetual groundhog day life and He will never change but I can and have! I still wouldnt piss on him if he were fire tho but I’ll let karma take care of him.

  18. Very true. Indulging in forms of retaliation and anger prematurely is like wrestling with a pig in the mud. You get dirty and he pig likes it.

      1. Its true they love it! I can still see in my mind my greaters shitty little grin when I would try to retaliate when he got me all riled up. Fuel…i know better now.

  19. I do not wish to destroy him. I wish I could destroy memories of him, wipe my mind clean of him, and move on like it never happened.

  20. where is the article about the first time the narc celebrates your birthday its all presents and dinners out no expense spared then the next birthday they forgot you had one?

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