The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 14

soc med 14-2


49 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 14”

  1. My narcs never done this. He plays it so cool and never gets upset but he would get even covertly by doing the same. If i didnt answer for a few hours hed start to do the same until id end up getting upset.
    He never expresses insecurity rarely.
    Ive been the one in the past upset over this but its not been 10 seconds. If its a couple hours then it does bother me bc id reply in a timely manner bc i consider his messages important.

    1. NA…
      So true.. at the begining they text you constantly then they stop texting as frequently and as quickly if you dare mention they have changed all hell ensues! Crazy making at its finest. The excuses abound as well.

      1. Julie, so true. In fact I dumped mine after a month because he would text constantly – I mean constantly – when I was busy and then disappear when I was available. I recognized it then as controlling behavior but unfortunately I second guessed myself so it went on for another two years.

        1. Na.. so glad you said this! i just had a guy I was talking to (the meth mouth bad teeth guy of prev post) and he would not stop texting me literally every minute of the day and if I didnt answer right away he started questioning what I was doing and why I didnt answer right away. I couldnt even get any sleep it was that bad! It was crazy! I get up at 0430 in the morning and I couldnt even have 5 mins to myself to have coffee and wake up before he was calling my phone! I think he watched my fb to see if I went online and that way he knew I was awake.I finally told him the other day this isnt healthy and I dont think this is a good situation. Then I see on fb he has posted a bunch of “fml” memes and mean, hateful ones I can safely say are directed at me. I am now wondering if he is the poor me whinny narcs Ive heard about.

          1. Mine would text at 5:30 a.m. when he got up. I started waking even though I did not hear the emails. And then of course I would wake when they weren’t there. He conditioned me, so I also lost a lot of sleep because I am not an early riser. Mine sounds a bit more controlled than yours, though. He wouldn’t do anything directly insulting or negative. It was all about withdrawing and withholding. Yours probably is a ‘whinny’ narc (like that – I call those pity narcissists).

          2. Smh…
            Ughh that would piss me right off if someone hade rising like that needlessly grrr. I dont know if this guy was a pity narc but I am SERIOUSLY wondering. At best it is not mentally correct the amount of texting he was expecting. That is draining and pure nonsense. Glad I told him to tale a hike at this point. Slept well past several nights lol. That wasnt a healthy thing to happen and Im learning to recognize these things now.

          3. Julie

            Have a heart. Poor thing just wanted your teeth mirrored back at him.

          4. Narcangel!! I just spit my morning coffee out lmao!! You kill me! he cannot have my teeth I have far too many crest white strips invested in them 😬LOL

      2. Hi julie …my narcs used these covert tactics to manipulate and devalue me and its worked. Im slowly trying to get away from that mode of thinking in having him respond for me to feel ok in my day. Its a bad trap to get into. He replies all the time but the span of time has varied and i do know theres been time its been deliberate whether to devalue or trigger insecurity.

        1. NA… with my lesser I tried to play his game back at him and ignored his texts. Once he even drove to my house after I didnt answer him for about 45 mins. Wasnt pretty. I caught onto my greater towards the end. He wouldnt text me back half the time because he was texting other women then when he did he would tell me he was going to his sisters for a few hours.. not, he was fucking my coworker and that was my que that he would be “unavailable” for a few hours. He would condition me that way. Such a twatwaffle grrr

      3. HG has a really excellent post on texting. That is how I found this site. I Googled ‘why won’t he answer my text messages?’ !! And boom. It all made sense. HG is the bomb.

  2. Funny but if I didn’t answer (which happened rarely), there would be a barrage of follow up emails. Are you alright? Where are you? I neeeeed you. That sort of thing. If he didn’t answer, it was because he was busy or had simply disappeared. I would always tell him if I was leaving a conversation. He would never say goodbye. He would just leave. I eventually told him that his style wasn’t normal and that’s because he’s a psychopath. I could kick myself for tolerating it for such a long time, but that’s because I thought he had Aspergers. LOL. I have to laugh at myself. I tolerated things about him that I would never, ever tolerate from anyone else.

    1. Yes ! And it’s more welcoming. I remember how the old one scared me away at first. 🔥👹🔥👺🔥

      1. The new banner is great in many respects. Less intimidating for new visitors and more pointed to the goal of KNOWING the narcissist instead of only fearing him, being among them. Classy but still bad assy HG.

      2. Hi abrokenwing,

        I heard that coming from other people too. The *Evil* picture used to scare them away. I also remember listening to a video on YT. HG was speaking with a scary voice and there was an eerie, dark background sound. My husband said it was frightening and asked me to put my headphones on.

        1. And fear comes from the unknown.
          So ‘fear do not’ . Truly wonderful the mind of Mr.Tudor is.

  3. 10 seconds, you are not developing a soft touch here HG are you?
    I was made believe by the narc if I didn’t reply quick enough he would worry about me, what a joke.

  4. Hi HG. Each time we had a disagreement he would hoover instantly. Each time, the hoovering would get longer to materialise, going from 1 day to a week then 2 weeks. It’s now been 6 months. Is this common with narcissists? I believe he always felt I would return, and this time I have chosen not to. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Not necessarily a common pattern, but governed by the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria. It may be the case that if ignored his hoovers, the wounding effect was sufficiently prominent amongst the criteria that it caused other prospective hoovers to not happen until the wounding had reduced over time, hence the pattern of elongation.

      1. HG, so any interaction a narc has with an appliance is governed by HT and HEC, so say depending on what else is going on in the narc’s fuel matrix, HT and HEC change and thus frequency of interactions may substantially change overtime. Consequently, appliances previously engaged with on a regular basis get shelved for example for an indeterminate period of time. Is this all accurate? Thank you!

        1. Any hoover is governed by the Ht and HEC.
          The constitution of the fuel matrix is a criterion within the HEC.
          The HEC are fluid – some may not apply, some have different applicability.
          Yes, that can happen.

      2. Thanks so much, HG! Would you say it is accurate to define a hoover as a contact initiated by a narcissist as opposed to a mere response?

        1. All contact is initiated by a narcissist in response to a hoover trigger.

          Narcissist is reminded of you – send a text message. Hoover
          You call narcissist. Narcissist answers phones and speaks. Hoover.
          You call narcissist. Narcissist ignores you – no hoover.
          Narcissist sees you walking past his house. Ignores you. No Hoover.
          Narcissist sees you walking past his house. Comes outside to to speak to you. Hoover.
          Narcissist happens to think of you. Drives past your house. Hoover.

  5. Fuck the royal wedding. Here is royalty:

    Freddie is God! My God, what a voice. And such an adorable overbite. I love the greatly talented. He’s the type I would have fallen for (gay) and also broken my heart.

    I am like a gay man magnet. They come to me, play a bit, and then are off. So sad. And I love Brian May too. Queen is phenomenal.

    Can’t wait to see this.

    1. “Go on, let the girl have some fun”

      — Freddie telling Di’s keepers to let her go to a gay bar brawl

      “no one puts princess in the corner!”

    2. I am in complete agreement, Bibi. I can’t wait for this. Though I have no interest in gay men in particular, Freddie Mercury IS INDEED God. I have perfect pitch and argue with friends all the time that no one tops that voice.

      1. Whilst I am not a particular fan of Queen, one does recognise that Mr Mercury had a great singing voice.

        1. Good. It is true. My tastes range pretty widely but I grew up in 70s London, though I am American, so glam/glitter is alright with me. I am a Queen fan (big Darkness fan too).

          Speaking of music, which is important to me, funny thing about my narc is that he seemed to not listen to any music at all. Never recognized a lyric, never sent a song or listened to any that I sent. Never mentioned a concert. I don’t even think he knew the line ‘tramps like us’! Ha!

      2. Wasnt a big fan of Queen but this looks very interesting. They should do a good Kurt Cobain his music. He was such a sad & shy person. I always felt bad for him.

        1. There is an interesting Kurt Cobain film – Montage of Heck. A documentary, as I recall. I wasn’t a big Nirvana fan but I do love Dave Grohl/Foo Fighters.

          1. Seen montage. It was good but not what I expected. Courtney Love is a hideous narc.

          2. Yes, a piece of work. If you want to read about another piece of work, and a similar toxic relationship, there is a very good biography of Nancy Spungen (Sid Vicious’ girlfriend) written by her mother called And I Don’t Want to Live This Life. I love rock bios and biopics.

      3. Hi julie…im another kurt cobain fan! He had a very deep mysterious sad side to him. I loved the remake of the man who sold the world.

        He sounded even better live!
        Love david grohl/foo fighters too!

          1. Smh.. love dave too! I always found this video erie due to the fact the stage is set with a shit ton of white lillies (aka funeral flowers) .

        1. Narcaffair…
          Yes! Love that one as well! He was so sad I swear Its like I could feel his sadness when I just looked at him in interviews and of course his music . Heartbeaking sadness.

  6. I tested this out when I pissed at the lesser narc.. reading it knowing he saw it had been read. Not so much of a good idea to ignore his messages. Its ok for them to do it though… not

    1. I was told i had to answer within the hour, which i didn’t. He can reply on a sliding scale of Silent Treatment debt interest, so that escalated quick. or is it, just plain ole abandonment, till the next feeding?

      1. Iroll..
        I wasnt given a time frame but it certainly was made clear if I didnt answer within a few mins that I was talking to other men. Being at work and on a call was irrelevant.

      2. Julie, that was just during the tank parking phase.

        <3 these terms, internalising the blame really is bullshit.

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