6 Phases of Fuelling


Fuel is our lifeblood. Whether it is positive fuel from admiration, delight and love or negative fuel from hatred, anger or upset, we want fuel. There are many, many different ways in which we will manipulate you, many different machinations, some wonderful and others terrible, that we will use against you to extract fuel from you. These different methods appear during the six phases of fuelling.

  1. Seduction

A period when everything is rosy in the garden. We are the most wonderful person you could every meet. Kind, considerate, amusing and entertaining. We are generous with time or money, sometimes both. We are impressive in terms of our achievements, our abilities, the people that we know, the places that we have been and we just happen to like all the things that you like as well as we engage in our tried and trusted practice of mirroring. If we have chosen you to be our intimate partner we will gushing with love as we sweep you off your feet with borrowed love quotes, gifts and sensational love-making. It is irresistible and you will succumb to this intense love-bombing whether we want you as our partner in love, friend, trusted colleague or reliable family member. Our seduction is powerful, effective and is aimed at getting you hooked on us as we begin to drink from your positive fuel that you will provide to us during the golden period.

  1. Devaluation

In this second phase we have found your positive fuel has lost its potency. You are no longer providing us with the earnest and amazing admiration that we require and this is entirely your fault. The consequence of this is that we must continue to draw fuel in order to sustain our existence and now we must do this by extracting a contrasting fuel, negative fuel. This is derived by treating you badly, meting out silent treatments, shouting at you, provoking you and unleashing the whole malevolent content of our Devil’s Toolkit against you. We want you to shout insults at us in anger, we want you to plead with us to stop our torment of you, we want to see you sob in desperation at our continued abuse of you. Tears, frustration, anger and hatred are all delicious emotions which will fuel us and they provide such a magnificent and stark contrast to all of the positive fuel that you once gaze that the effect for us is considerably edifying and invigorating.

  1. Respite


We do not want to keep the devaluation in place all of the time otherwise you will break too soon and deprive us of our primary source of fuel. Accordingly, the third phase is one where we allow you some respite from the devaluation. We reinstate the golden period and you provide us with relief tinged positive fuel. This is of an excellent quality as it is heightened by your relief and joy at returning to the golden period. It also allows us to convince you that the golden period can be resurrected to you will not leave us and instead keep trying to recover it. We will alternate between devaluing you and offering you respite, back and forth between these two states in order to confuse you and keep you in situ. The contrast between treating you well and treating you badly also provides us with a greater degree of fuel as your emotions are pushed and pulled by us. This phase may last for years as we move you back and forth, one week everything is wonderful and then you are plunged into a fortnight of awful treatment with you completely bewildered as to why this is happening.

  1. Preventative

You may be pushed to a point of no return. You may have received some outside help from a friend or a professional who understands what is actually happening to you or it may be that you do not know what is happening but you know that you cannot allow it to continue any longer. In such a situation when you warn us that you are thinking of leaving us or that you intend to end our relationship we will instigate the preventative phase. This is designed to stop you from going. We will provide a massive dose of the golden period but we will also ally it with promises to mend our ways, seek help and change. None of it is meaningful but it is a desperate measure to prevent you from leaving us. We decide when we no longer want you, you are not superior to us and therefore you are not allowed, in our minds, to make this decision. By applying these preventative moves, which might be seeking pity, forgiveness, understanding and sympathy, we aim to stop your departure and then drink deep of the fuel that you will provide as you soothe away our concern, responding favourably to our stated intention to better ourselves. Your delight at hearing us say these things provides us with further fuel.

  1. Benign Return

Whether you escaped us or we cast you to one side through one of our callous discards we will also seek fuel through the benign return. Similar to the preventative stage but this takes place after there has been a cessation in our relationship. You try to stay away from us or you have been trying to get back with us but we have kept you at arms’ length for some time until we decide that we want your positive fuel once again and we approach you taking you back. We may seek forgiveness, express we made mistakes, that we were not thinking clearly and so on, all done in order to con you into resurrecting the relationship. If we ended it, you will return with joyful open arms. If you ended it, you will return delighted you have got us to agree to making changes. Of course nothing changes. It is all about the fuel and as you respond in a favourable manner, admiring us again, expressing your love and gratitude, portraying relief we will take all this fuel.

  1. Malign Return


This also takes place post cessation of the relationship. You may have ended it and resisted out attempts to hoover you back in. We may have ended it and you want to return to the fold but we will not let you as we have a replacement. In either instance we will not forgo the opportunity to extract additional fuel from you by continuing to administer terrible and hurtful manipulations against you. We may no longer be in a relationship but this will not stop us from lashing out, lying about you, invoking the assistance of others as we smear your name and doing everything we can on a repeated basis to cause you to become angry and upset and thus provide us with fuel. You may not have heard from us for some time but there will be some trigger, some opportunity and whilst we may not want you back or we may be unable to cause you to come back, we will still look to provoke and emotional reaction from you and obtain fuel. It is always about the fuel.

10 thoughts on “6 Phases of Fuelling

  1. OrangeK says:


    Is the Benign return a given?
    I was married, and within 3 months my Wife began the Devalue process over the course of a year. When i confronted the affair, we split up. She has been a malignant nasty person for months now with the occasional warmer probe. I have been as close to no contact as i can with a co parenting situation. Our split up was very public and I just want her to piss off for good and all (or as close to it as I will get).

    She has had her new fuel source for about a year now, 8 months since i was disengaged. we are about to be complete a divorce.

    I cannot see how it would be logical for her to try any sort of positive hoovers to try and get me back after how public our breakup became, but shes never ceases to surprise me, and after all ive read. It Will Happen.

    1. I was devalued and disengaged, she left, i didnt leave her. Didnt realize what i was dealing with until i had given her tons of discard fuel.

    2.) I believe her to be a UMRN, often described as “Covert” or “introverted”. She is very sweet, charming and is VERY good at keeping her anger in check to maintain facade, but cruel cold and vindictive behind closed doors. Was copying other womens Instagram posts, compulsive liar, never any outward expressions of grandiosity, but it was there to be read between the lines.

    3.) I was cheated on for about 9 months with her new source before i was disengaged. I believe she had a one night stand just weeks after our wedding. She also was hoovering her EX the entire time also. She is now bolt holed at her mothers, or potentially a new apartment with the new source.

  2. Sanna paterson says:

    An empath can and, subconsciously probably always will, keep a “watching brief ” going. You may assume it’s all going your way, all under your control, but those cruelties are noted and logged as are all the over blown, “I love you’s”. Some conciously, some unconciously but, at some point , they are tallied up and we take stock of how we feel now as to how we felt before we became entangled.
    We can withdraw and you would have no way of knowing. You cannot feel our genuine warmth, you never could, so we can keep the show going but we are backing away and your mask is playing to ours. Anyone who loved us would know that. Would feel that. You are not equipped .
    We leave our mask smiling nicely at yours. Gather up our soul and our ragged bits and pieces of whatever we were doing before you and , leave the stage, long before you knew we knew.

  3. Caroline says:

    Congrats on the big milestone…you’ve changed a lot of lives for the better by allowing us a look behind the narcissist’s mask.

    It was about this time last year when I was wondering what on earth was wrong with my ex-BF.

    Fuel was one of the first topics I read about on here. Thanks for the continuing education, Mr. Tudor.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Caroline and thank you for reading.

      1. Caroline says:

        Of course. It’s great reading, HG.

        Perhaps I’ll drop in someday to have that spot of tea with you after all…I mean, if you bring Kim to the restaurant. And you’re blindfolded. And I can sit by an exit… with a bodyguard.

        What, too awkward?

        (There’s always one goofball in the crowd).

  4. purpleinnature says:

    Yes! This is so predictable! Mine all happened in this order, but with 1-3 cycling over and over and over until I stopped it. I think I really threw my mid-ranger for a loop when the preventative didn’t work. The benign isn’t working, either. He is honestly confused. Like, “Why is she ignoring me? That’s not in the script! How can this be happening?” You don’t write the script anymore, jackass.

  5. Barbara says:

    An individual with NPD is presenting an inauthentic and often confabulated version of the self which elicits spurious adulation/supply from victims. Outside the insatiable need for attention/control, does this impact the narcissist’s self esteem and desire for negative NS for more cerebral narcs? Also, if a N prizes his/her intellect above other traits would s/he negate an unintelligent source of supply’s admiration (less potent fuel)?

  6. Congrats on 10M hits 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Strongerwendy

      1. You’re welcome

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