The 5 Fears of the Narcissist

5 FEARS

1. You will leave

You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are,  you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.

2. I am ignored

There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.

3. I am exposed

Whether it is the unmasking of me as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.

4. I grow weary

I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.

5. The creature escapes

What if as a consequence of all the above I can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that I have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting me, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes me to the edge of the abyss and forces me to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around me. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in my vast mind, this awful, terrible thought as I feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove me over the edge……..

Listen to ‘The 5 Fears of the Narcissist’

38 thoughts on “The 5 Fears of the Narcissist

  1. TheCreatureOf says:

    The “creature” is the part of the person(HG) that was banished away when the new identity of power was created. The so-called creature is the part of the person that is capable of love(empathy, compassion, mercy, etc, positive emotions): some of what is needed to fill the illusion`s void. Hated is also accepted for the void, being a reflective match for the new self-identity, who became what he could not forgive, after years of practicing in the thought-to-be power identity. The creature would fill the void, but at first it would be painful, because the creature, the person, feels for real. So fear the creature, must not interact with the creature, true self. This is why there must be creature replacements, because one cannot live being cut in half, this also is too painful. So, in order to not face the fear of one`s creature, one must recreate their creature along with the new self- identity, the both halves of a person. And of course, forever punishing the (you)creature(your victims) for being weak in the first place, yourself. That’s my comprehension, anyway.

    1. TheCreatureOf says:

      I want to add, as described above: the narcissistic sociopath remains in the cycle that began since the very beginning. The same cycle has never stopped since day one. This is the cycle of destroying the “creature” which is the part of himself that is capable of loving and accepting love. The first time he destroyed the true-self the repetitive motion repeats itself over and over and over and over again, like being a mouse on an
      exercise wheel. This has merely transferred to others as he deems the creature replacement, those who are capable of loving greatly. The major point about love is that love accepts, to be accepted is most sought after. This angers the narcissist because he is a false identity, and he is also mirroring the creature(victim) to ensnare her. He is not the one being accepted, loved, and he knows it. To him, he is not loveable, not worthy, though he would never entertain this thought consciously. He is mirroring, secretly, the narcissistic sociopath who abused him, whom he could not forgive. He is always in protective mode to keep himself in the most “high” position of control over others, the victim-creature must be recreated and destroyed, which is why he is always on the hunt for another, the cycle must continue, or else he must face his own true self, the creature. That is the only thing that keeps the cycle going: fear of feeling the initial pain of the true self (creature). Fear is a mighty destroyer, and has destroyed the narcissist, making him incapable of being accepted by love because he cannot allow that and nor can he accept others, love others, because the creature is hidden far beneath the heart of stone created. Round and round he goes, till he dies. So sad for him, and more sad for his victims.

      1. WiserNow says:

        Hello TheCreatureOf,

        Your comment is very interesting. You make a lot of sense. I can understand what you say about fear and I think fear (and maybe also shame) can cause some kind of loss when it comes to acceptance, love and self-compassion. When self-compassion, self-love and self-acceptance is lacking, there seems to be a lack of those things for other people as well, and fear takes their place. In the case of narcissists, it is a continual loop that cannot be broken.

        I would really like to know what HG thinks about your analysis of the narcissist’s repeated cycle of destroying the creature (true self), projecting the creature onto others etc and being in a constant protective mode.

        HG, does TheCreatureOf’s comment resonate with you or ring true?

      2. TheCreatureOf says:

        Thanks for your reply, WiserNow. When a child is treated as an object, based on performance, never meeting expectations of a narcissistic parent, not receiving love and natural nurturing then a child has a loss of identity. This identity crisis comes in the form of the loss of self-love. A child sees himself through the eyes of a parent with the greatest influence, as in HG`s case as he has written, was his narcissistic mother. My theory is that children who become narcissist via narcissistic abuse of a parent, as in HG`s case, is due to be especially vulnerable due to hyper sensitivity at a young age, more than the average. Unable to cope with the being put on a throne and then being crushed beneath it on a continual basis, as narcissists do their “objects,” the child not only obsessed-love, self-identity, but loses all capacity for the emotions that come with the emotion of love, and without the capability to form human connection thru the variances of love such as mercy, empathy, compassion, etc. The self-identity is gone, only learned mimic human behavior is practiced to cope with fitting into a world of non-objects, humans who are complete. The child-man envy filled rage goes on living as the object, treating others as objects as he mimics his way in the world. I see that HG utilizes the word “appliance” in his writings, object. The child that was before broken, human to object, utter loss of self, is the cycle that repeats in the mind, playing out as a well established fantasy world of control, when in reality the narcissist has no control of himself at all, like a mouse on wheel, running unto death. The only thing is that he destroyes many lives by his evil ways, many many lives, in horrendous ways.

      3. Stéphanie says:

        All interesting theories, but there are many victims of narcissist parents (I could tell you stories about my childhood that would make you cringe) who did not become narcissists as a result, as well as narcissists who had very normal, happy childhoods, so it would seem that there is a predisposition to this disorder that is independent of conditions.

        I have always had contempt for people who cannot take responsibility for their own problems and blame them on other people, things, or circumstances. This is no different.

        “People with a grudge against the world are always dangerous. They seem to think life owes them something. I’ve known many an invalid who has suffered worse and been cut off from life much more . . . and they’ve managed to lead happy contented lives. It’s what’s in yourself that makes you happy or unhappy.” – Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple

      4. TheCreatureOf says:

        Hi Stephanie, Yes, narcissists come from all walks of life, great parents, parents who practically worshipped the child, narcissistic parent, etc, and there are most children who are in these conditions who do not become narcissists, but deal with the abuse or childhood problems with emotions still surviving, or at least capable of human feeling expressions. I discussed above concerning only those whom were unable to cope to the point of, as a small child, lost identity and the condition is incurable, at present. No excuses, these people are criminals, the evil people on the planet. The surpass what we can imagine evil truly is and capable of, I know first hand. They don’t have my compassion; I was offering explanation.

  2. Michelle says:

    At least Narcissists don’t have to deal with suicidal thoughts on regular basis because they love themselves too much. That creature that you talk of, the one that wants to push you over the edge…. well that same kind of creature I have to fight and all the insecure worthless feelings that come along with that.
    I have no choice but to endure that dark abyss regularly. If those feelings of being in that abyss disturb a narcissist perhaps on some level they can kind of see what a fight a borderline often has, and the inner turmoil but strength it takes to keep going at times.
    But then a Narc would probably just enjoy us wanting to kill ourselves! Probably help us do it…..

  3. Prey says:

    Is #5 about plunging into the abyss that is a blackhole of depression or suicidal thoughts? Or suicide in itself?

  4. Michelle says:

    Wow!…..

    “I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop.”

    I literally couldn’t stop laughing at this….. my goodness Narcs really believe this about themselves? They really do live in a completely different world to the rest of us! It’s almost schizophrenic like…. serious delusions…. warped thinking indeed!

    So basically they think they are like Thor and Loki…. but for real!? That certainly puts a new twist on the Avengers!!

    Immortal st?! Guess that goes with the god-like thinking!? I’m sure many Narcs get a real shock when they get injured, die…or as their cells die and they age, and their body breaks down just like everyone else around them…..(coz that wouldn’t happen if you were immortal! And if you were immortal, why an earth would you choose to live a dull life on earth paying bills and getting old when you can go anywhere in the universe?! Duh!)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It’s nothing like schizophrenia.

      1. Michelle says:

        I only meant in the fact that people with Schizophrenia often think they are Jesus or a kind of god too. Their voices tell them so. I don’t know how much you know about schizophrenia but my brother has it so I had to learn. In your case, your inner mind/self tells you these things and you believe it with such intent that anything to the contrary is completely dismissed.

      2. Michelle says:

        No doubt whatever I say is wrong, from your perspective. So you go along with what you believe and I’ll stay out of it.
        All the best HG!

  5. WhoCares says:

    “What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then?”

    It must tiring being constantly at odds with oneself. To think that cognitively , intellectually, you can reflect on your own behaviour (as in the above statements) but it’s easier to give in to the endless loop. What’s more tiring; the self-questioning or the endless cycle of facade maintainence?

    Same for the empath who comes here; it is tiring to constantly self-reflect. Okay; so I know my patterns of behaviour and what I need to do…but even that requires constant upkeep.
    Sometimes you just want to act…to naturally *be* without questioning every damn move.
    So exhausting.

    HG – do you ever wish you were a narc that is not capable of self-reflection?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. I have a perfect conceit of what I am.

      1. WhoCares says:

        Yes, I suppose you do.
        Thank-you for your candour.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Pleasure.

      2. WhoCares says:

        Another question for you, HG – you have stated many times that your goal with the blog is not altruistic, but self-serving in some (or all) ways. Do you believe there are other alternatives to achieving whatever your end goal is – or in your own estimation *and* your own worldview, do you believe this best course of action (the blog/arming empaths) for you? Or, said a different way; given your narcisstic perspective, is this the most efficient way to achieve your aims?

    2. MB says:

      WhoCares
      Sometimes I really believe ignorance is bliss, too! There are things I know and understand that cause me pain. Even so, awareness and understanding is the only way a truth seeker knows.

      1. WhoCares says:

        “Sometimes I really believe ignorance is bliss, too! There are things I know and understand that cause me pain. Even so, awareness and understanding is the only way a truth seeker knows.”

        Oh yes, MB, I agree – despite the pain that awareness brings with it I would I would entertain the idea of putting blinders back on.

        Regarding truth-seeking; I know I have been a truthseeker from day one and I have found a lot of answers here.

        I made that comment from dark place (it has been a rough few weeks for me) and even though I meant it…sometimes I really do wish I could simply shrug off the sense of obligation I feel, as an empath, especially when I see the truth…the obligation to recognize and act on that truth. But that is how I’m built.

        1. MB says:

          I hear you WC. Give me the blinders and the golden period for a day or two. Let me be oblivious and dizzy before I have to come back to the cold hard truth! I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time. Sending strength and love. ❤️

        2. T says:

          I agree. Ive always said ignorance is bliss because a lot of the time it has to be.

      2. WhoCares says:

        “Let me be oblivious and dizzy before I have to come back to the cold hard truth! I’m sorry you’ve had a rough time. Sending strength and love.”

        Thank-you MB.

        I typed wrong in that reply; I meant I would *not* entertain putting the blinders back on once enlightened but I wonder if it wouldn’t be simpler never having self-awareness in the first place…not unlike lessers or midrange narcs…thinking of that made me realize HG’s completely unique perspective – even his insight into himself – and how he comes to terms with that.

        MB, thanks for your well wishes. I’m feeling better and I know that my current stressors are time-limited…one insight I’m happy to have: I know I’m stronger than my narc.

    3. Chihuahuamum says:

      Hi who cares…great post and i have seen first hand narcissists come face to face with their mortality. One in particular was diagnosed with terminal cancer. They are a CEO of a large company. They found out a couple months ago and ate distraught bc this is something they cannot control. I feel awful for them and wonder how they will choose to cope.
      Narcissists encapsulate themselves into an egotistical bubble maintained by control of everything around them but not everything can be controlled and that bubble can pop. Disease, financial issues, death, major injury….so many variables in life. Narcissists are not excluded from lifes struggles.

      1. MB says:

        Control is an illusion. Now he sees how it feels to be knocked from the pedestal into the dirt. Not that I wish him harm or relish his condition; I just think the loss of control is the closest they can come to feel what it’s like. Bound to be a shock!

      2. WhoCares says:

        Thank-you NarcAffair.

        I’ve been thinking of your post and the subject of narc’s facing their own mortality. That must be interesting to witness; their struggle with it. Not that it’s easy for anyone having to deal with a terminal diagnosis…my only experience with this is empaths (now as I understand them) in my family who faced, and succumbed to, a terminal illness and subsequently, their (narc) partners’ reaction – which is not pretty nor authentic in my experience (and now, post HG, I recognize why).

        Yes I wonder about that too … how a narcissist would cope with a terminal diagnosis. I have no empathy for the narcs currently in my life; but I would be there for them, in the end, if they had need of someone being there.

      3. WiserNow says:

        Hi Narc Affair,

        It’s interesting that you say that. My narc mother has faced cancer over several years now and the way she has dealt with it is to show very little weakness or fear, and she doesn’t want people to know much about it because she doesn’t want their pity or curiosity or to appear less than her usual self to them. However, she has milked it at times to get sympathy from her close family as well as doctors and nurses. It has also made her even more self-centred.

        It has been a strange thing for me to have her face this illness at the same time that I discovered her narcissism. I sometimes feel I am walking a fine line of being a “normal” caring daughter as well as trying to have minimal contact and acting “grey rock” when we are together.

        One incident stands out to me. At the very end of a long round of treatments that were physically and mentally very draining for her, I think she couldn’t maintain the facade of being unfazed by it all and the mask slipped. She cried out in frustration and wailed like a child having a temper tantrum. Her eyes looked like something that I had never seen before and don’t wish to see again. They seemed contorted and crazed and not like normal eyes at all. There was something very strange, angry, tortured and unrecognisable about her eyes that’s hard to explain. It was the first and only time I ever saw her like that. It was both riveting and frightening and I just stood still and watched. It felt extremely unusual to see her like that and I would never believe it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes.

        My reaction while this was happening also surprised me. Instinctively, I felt I needed to calmly exit the room and leave her alone. I quietly walked away and started doing something else in another room. I was acting like there was nothing unusual happening, when in reality, a part of me thought it was the strangest thing ever.

        People cope in different ways and narcs cope in their “special” ways too I guess. While I feel sympathy for anyone going through a terrible illness, the manipulations and deceptive behaviour doesn’t stop with narcs. They carry on regardless. I don’t feel for them in the same way I would for “normal” people. Narcs leave you with the dilemma that you need to care and show feeling for them as family members who are ill, while also being careful to remain distant enough to protect your own boundaries. Being an empathic person, I have feelings of compassion and guilt, and that’s mixed with wanting to stay detached. I would like things to be very different.

  6. Quasi says:

    Ah this is one I heard on you tube !
    I really like it in this format too, very articulate as to be expected.

    As stated very brave, clear and helpful. Deja vu comment, my addled brain just remembered that it was heard and not read originally..

  7. Quasi says:

    I have always thought this article to be very brave, clear and helpful.

    1. WiserNow says:

      Me too Quasi. When I first saw this article I thought it was brave and open, It seemed different from most of HG’s other articles. It doesn’t have the usual tone of omnipotence and arrogant superiority.

      There is an open admission of fear and vulnerability in this one. To me, there’s a contrast to most of the other articles that convey a brutal inhuman attitude. This one shows a glimpse of the brittle human under the facade.

      1. Quasi says:

        Hi wiser now,

        That is so beautifully articulated and exactly what I meant by brave, so open and honest. Definitely different to some other articles which are projected from a stance of superiority.

        HG is incredibly clever in the way he chooses his writing style, matching the content he wishes to express. I don’t think he could have provided this information in any other way. I think it’s a very powerful article.

        1. WiserNow says:

          Hi Quasi,

          Thank you for your kind comment.

          I agree that it is a powerful article, and yes, HG’s writing expresses the content extremely well. While reading all of HG’s articles, I often feel that I’m being transported into another world. By the time I finish reading though, the foreign world becomes a lot better understood.

  8. T says:

    It’s so true!
    But he would always had someone or thing lined up he was into the law of averages, meaning if one thing didn’t work, something will work at some point.

  9. PH says:

    What is the craven creature?Depression?

    1. K says:

      PH
      I think the craven creature refers to the critical Superego. The voice that tells him s(he) is unworthy and a failure.

    2. MB says:

      PH
      We are all awaiting the publication of The Creature which will explain it all!

  10. Stéphanie says:

    There is no creature – it is only a mental construct; it is your own self that you cannot and will not face

    1. /iroll says:

      That is who he is, who he created himself to be. Rejection is hard for everyone, but it completely crushes a pathologically (repressed, compulsive) – entitled person who lacks the (real) self-esteem to deal with it, who then develops a hate-addiction instead… superiority is just deflecting that wound all the time… all is sacrificed to denying any vulnerability… and if that gets to Ted Bundy proportions, they’re in trouble.

    2. T says:

      I completely understand. I’m also that way when things get heavy.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Searching

Next article

How Could You?