Tell Me That It’s True


I told you I loved you. That was not a lie. I meant it when I said it. I meant it every time that I said it, wrote it, messaged it, voice mailed it, gifted it and e-mailed it. I knew how to portray it. That wasn’t hard. There is so much material available for me to know what to say, how to say it, what to do and how to do it. I have seen it when it has been directed at me time and time again. All I had to do was mirror it. I have had enough people fall under my spell and love me so that I recognise love when I see it. It became simple enough to replicate it. My intentions really were noble. I wanted to love you and I gave you the love that I knew that you wanted. I did enough to fathom out how you wanted to be loved. Goodness knows I put in the spadework. I observed you and saw who you interacted with. I followed you to the places you frequented and noted what you ordered most often to eat and to drink. I sat behind you on the bus one time and saw the book that you read. I recognised the author so I went and bought three other of her titles and displayed them at home in readiness to show you and to let you borrow those which you had not read yet. I dispatched a Lieutenant to chat you up and gather more information for me to collate and consider. I trawled the internet looking for your footprints. I sat up late as my phone buzzed and pinged with the messages from other prospects that I was cultivating but I made them wait as I searched for you. I found you and using a reliable false profile in the name of a friend of the opposite sex to me I managed to secure your online friendship. I did not approach you directly, despite the cloak of anonymity. I preferred to walk like a ghost through your cyber world, observing your photographs and establishing the places where they were taken. I noted who your friends were, I highlighted potential competitors and I discerned who your family are. I took in the YouTube postings and when they were timed which told me you enjoyed a few glasses of wine in the evening on your own as you posted musical memories from your teenage years. I walked through your posts and your comments, picking up snippets of information that detailed your devotion to romance, your love of small dogs and your dislike of the cold. Like a silent, vast machine I remained your unseen companion for a month as I sucked up as much information as I could in order to build a picture of you and how you wanted to be loved. Each meme you posted gave me a clue. Every discussion with your friends added further layers as I created the person that would love you. I uploaded to him your interests and made them his. I bolted on the necessary skill sets which would please you. I furnished him with the choice phrases that you wanted to hear. I configured his actions, expressions, behaviours and more that would make him provide you with the love that you wanted to much and once all of this considerable preparatory work was complete I began my seduction.

I loved you. I loved you with passion, desire, attentiveness, excitement, mystery and kindness. All created from the morass of information that I had gathered about you which was layered onto my existing experience from previous relationships and my knowledge of how love operates in the world. I know that it worked. You fell for me hook, line and sinker and you became enveloped in my creation where you flourished, you shone and you bloomed. Your happiness radiated from you like sunbeams, the pleasure you took in us being together was tangible and all of those around us commented as such. It was marvellous, spectacular, wonderful and perfect.

You had no idea that my love was a creation. Why would you when not only did it match your concept of love but driven by my excellence it exceeded it? Why would you challenge something that felt so golden and so glorious? You would not. I gave you this love and you returned it. It was a match made in heaven. It was a transaction that suited us both. You received my scintillating synthetic love and you gave me the love that sustains me, that emotion infused reaction which powers and sustains me. We both were winners.

Was it such a bad thing that what I gave you was a fabrication if it looked like the real thing? I might even go so far as to say that it was even better than the real thing. Am I to be regarded as a bad person for this fraudulent act. Is it not the case that my deceit pleased you? Yes, you did not know about this deceit, you had no awareness of the fabrication but that caused you no harm did it? You saw and you believed and seeing is believing surely?

When I took you in my arms, shielding you from the black day that you had emerged from and you looked into my eyes and saw the love, the devotion and the optimism that burned there, did it really matter that I was mirroring what you showed me so long as it made you happy, elated and feel loved? My optimistic eyes were your optimistic eyes.

When I unleashed my hatred you could not and still do not understand how someone could treat you like that when that person kept saying that he loved you.

It was easy to switch to this vicious malevolence. It was easy to peel back the veneer that was the manufactured love. It was easy to switch off the creation that I made that provided you with this perfect love. A flick of a switch and he ceased to exist, leaving you with something else instead.

I did not lie when I said that I loved you.

I did not lie when I whispered that I loved you.

I did not lie when I shouted that I loved you.

I just did not tell you the truth.

The truth that I never felt love for you.

Because I cannot do that.

90 thoughts on “Tell Me That It’s True

  1. Twilight says:


    A boarderline would be low hanging fruit in the sense of harvesting fuel. You thou IMO are not.

    You I believe throw this I am a boarderline so I can do as I please. You continuously try to provoke HG which is disrespectful and like I have already stated makes your jealousy glow.

    It really does amaze me how blind you and those like you are.

  2. WhoCares says:


    “So with you on that one who cares…
    my ideal 80’s movie night marathon would be…”

    Whoa, that would be some movie marathon!

    I would join you for:
    Weird Science
    Ferris Buellers day off
    Stand by Me

    And I would add:

    Top Gun
    Lost Boys
    Back to the Future
    Raiders of the Lost Arc

    Speaking of your choice of movie for your leave day – I recently (finally – with local craft beer, not red wine) watched American Psycho, and I echo your sentiment on the ‘chainsaw down the stairwell’ scene.

    And – despite that the scene during Patrick’s phone conversation with his lawyer has improved my opinion of Christian Bale as an actor, I don’t think it’s enough to clear me of heretic status…

    1. Quasi says:

      Who cares,

      Yes yes yes yes to all of those – such good choices – I like your style ….

    2. K says:

      Remember, Twin Line’s of Defense, line two: blame it on the a a a a a a alcohol!

      Useless trivia. Stand By Me was based on Stephen King’s novella: The Body.

  3. Star says:

    This is a very beautiful article in its own tortured, twisted way

  4. amandaSnapChat says:

    Is it wrong that I feel flattered that narcs spend time investigating me to present the perfect love?
    Well I guess maybe it’s like a murderer sharpening up his knife to kill me perfectly. Should I feel flattered with that? NO.
    I have started to see narcs as drug addicts. They waste so much time getting their drug; their fix.
    Pretty sad

  5. Ugotit says:

    Yup and he just left me and again and blocked me after I caught him cheating and he said you were never serious about me I know that means I was never serious about u

  6. WhoCares says:

    This is one of my all time favourite articles of yours, HG – plus the artwork that goes with it.

    You’ve mentioned, somewhere, that ‘minions’ find the images…do the minions know what (the blog) the artwork/photograph will be used for?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, they do not.

  7. Jenna says:

    I will never understand fully why you adopt the candidate ipps’s likes and hobbies. You have enough of your own likes, favorite authors, favorite sports, musicians, etc. You do it in order to guarantee seduction. Why do you think seduction will not be successful if you display your own likes and dislikes?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Remember that there are considerable differences between the schools with regards to capability.

      1. Jenna says:

        I would expect greaters to be confident in displaying their own likes and dislikes, and maybe some midrangers (like the narc i knew). Why do you not display your own likes and dislikes?

  8. MB says:

    The love isn’t genuine, but neither is the hatred? Is it fair to say that nobody (including yourself) knows the real you, HG?

    1. K says:

      The hatred is genuine. He is whoever you want him to be. If you haven’t already, read this thread; I really liked it.

      1. MB says:

        That’s a blast from the past K! I will check it out.

        He is NOT who I want him to be. I want him to be the HG as I know him. The one with the intelligence, humor, goodwill, and largesse; but without the emptiness, the restlessness, and the need to cause others pain. My heart hurts for him. I wish with all my might that it was different for him and his kind. An exercise in futility for the eternally naive MB. I feel quite defeated today. Too much negativity. I need some good.

        1. K says:

          Sometimes, I feel the same way you do and I wonder what HG would be like if he wasn’t a narc. Would he still be brilliant or would he be boring, like a bowl of oatmeal or the color beige? Would he be free? It is one of life’s mysteries.

          This might cheer you up.

          A guy wakes up in the morning and tells his wife: “Wow darling, you won’t believe what happened. I dreamt I was forced to eat a live sheep and now I can’t see my pillow anywhere!”

          The wife answers, “The pillow’s fine, it’s lying right there on the floor, but I have been calling our dog in vain for the past 5 minutes!”

          1. MB says:

            If he wasn’t a Narc, he would still brilliant and humorous although not as driven and some would say not as successful. (It depends on one’s version of what success looks like.). I can see that he is fulfilled and his own version of happy. It works for him; he can’t miss what he never had. It’s the others in his life that miss out on the lack of his ability to connect with them in a healthy way.

            He definitely would not be beige! He would have the same intelligence, awesome voice, looks, athletic ability and everything else that makes him HG, but with the added ability to love and to care. Perfection to be sure! And yes he WOULD be free. Free to be himself, follow his bliss, and show all of his non-beige colors to the world without fear of not being good enough.

            Your joke certainly did cheer me up. Poor doggy!!!

          2. K says:

            He definitely wouldn’t be beige and, most likely, not as driven. Narc traits impel some narcissists. But he would be free. I am glad you liked the joke. That poor dog! Ha ha ha…

          3. tigerchelle78 says:


            He doesn’t want bliss, freedom (how you mean freedom), to love and to care. He wants power, until it comes out of every oriphis… and FUEL, by the truck load!
            Think of him as a giant power station! He is a greedy, selfish, abusive, evil, cunning, addict…And a bloody bastard! And why is it im the only tertiary source in here, who seems to have the guts to tell him this, and to see him for what he really is? It’s not like he can punish us, as we are just readers, TS, therefore, those rules do not apply! If we were proximate to him and within his circles, then he would punish us no doubt. But we are not.
            Don’t get me wrong… he is flippin brilliant at being all these things, aswell as a awesome writer, who makes your heart skip a beat at times, and he manages to make you “feel” through his writing even though he does not feel himself. Which is amazing in itself! But he is still a dark and twisted, delusional coward!
            If ya gonna do something you might aswell do it whole-souled I say!
            It amazes me how you can look at him with such puppy dog eyes, and be besotted and taken in by all his so-called fake goodness.

            He doesn’t even know HOW to love. The whole idea of love and intimacy is frightening and repulsive to him. He IS free, to be himself. He KNOWS he is good enough! His ego is the size of #$@kin Everest!
            And as for connection….. he has the ability to connect on a very high level. But he will only use it during seduction I would imagine. But it is like a switch that he switches on, and then off when he has no need for it. No care in the world! He only cares about HIMSELF!

            You are thinking of fairy tale love fantasy. Sickly type romance bullshit! That’s just in books and on tv. You are trying to put HG in a box he definately would never fit into. Why? Because he doesn’t want to! He is firmly on the dark side…. And the thing is, we are all drawn to him because of who he is, so if he wasn’t what he is, probably most of us, would not even give him a second look, or be in his blog.
            Stop getting so soppy about him! I thought my emotional thinking was bad….. And I’m meant to be “low hanging fruit” according to everyone else? LMAO!!! Uh huh!!!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            No, you are not the only person to see that. Everybody sees that because I am completely upfront about what I am and have always been so from the very beginning. What you are doing is confusing the fact that people do understand what I am, because I do not hide it, but they also recognise that the information they are provided by me is the best, is the most helpful, the most accurate and therefore people express their gratitude. They do so in the full knowledge of what I am but that does not mean they are prevented from expressing their gratitude.

          5. tigerchelle78 says:

            You have enough gratitude HG from thousands of people. You don’t need it from me too. I do also recognise your writing and expertise in this regard, but you are still a bastard! It’s not like I wound you with any of my statements.
            Do you want me to come off your blog HG? Is this what you would prefer?

          6. Twilight says:

            And that is what you truly desire is for HG to tell you to leave.

            You are not the first to come here provoking and prodding HG trying to force him to do such a thing, what you don’t see is your colours are starting to show.

            Your jealous of the attention, respect and admiration he gets for his work here. He has helped many find their way and clear answers and all you do is paraded around here comparing your and his similarities then your remarks of how much of a bastard he is.

            ENERGY doesn’t fucking lie all that drips off of you is jealous, rage, envy, lies, twisting of things said into what you want others to believe, making fun of someone because they have shown HG some gratitude and admiration, believing if you say your a borderline enough times people will believe it.

          7. NarcAngel says:

            I would add that rational, intelligent people can also agree with him on some issues, enjoy his excellent humour, and give him credit where it is due without being labelled a narcissist, lieutenant, or syncophant. Its called being an adult and conversing. That one is old and tired and comes out when they have nothing else of worth to offer.

          8. Twilight says:


            Have you looked in the mirror lately?
            Then again jealousy does look good on you, it just highlights you and gives this wonderful and amazing glow. Not everyone can rock it out like HG.

          9. tigerchelle78 says:

            Twilight, who am I supposed to be jealous of? I do not understand. I looked the mirror this evening before I went out climbing actually…just to tie up my hair, and try to make my face ok, which is hard when you are nearly 41. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Are you feeling ok today? HG definately has a way with words yes! I agree.

          10. tigerchelle78 says:

            What am I jealous of? HG’s constant abuse to others? His cruelty to others? The way he manipulates, lies, controls and literally enjoys and feels power from watching people in tears and hurting? 
            The way he sucks life from people, until they either want to die, or are so confused, and disoriented, and broken that they do kill themself?
            Are these what you are suggesting and presuming I’m supposed to be jealous of?

            Well of course that must be the answer HG leads others to conclude and come up with in his delusional head everytime someone says something he doesn’t like or that puts a ugly light on him instead of a bright shining light he is acclimatised to. But the truth is, he just is a very cruel bastard and always will be. You can’t change that, just because he does all this writing as if it somehow that makes it OK for him to do these things…or makes up for all the abuse and cruelty he gives to others. Yes, he is an evil person and he really treats human beings as if they are his slaves and like they are rats in a sewer, but ya know he writes some really awesome stuff. And his information is the best! So ya know….

            Sure, go ahead and believe what you believe! I expect HG to come up with the “I must be jealous” thing, but I expect more from others in here, who are not delusional thinkers.

          11. NarcAngel says:


            Your repeated posts attacking HG appear to demonstrate your frustration and jealousy of all of the attention he receives, because you are not imparting any information that we are not already aware of. And yet we are still here, so we must be getting something out of being here that you are not able to grasp. I suppose that would be frustrating.

          12. IdaNoe says:

            If you don’t like it here and can’t learn, then go away.

          13. Ugotit says:

            You should stick around and read more hg hurts other people primarily for fuel its all about the fuel enjoyment and pleasure of hurting people is secondary if at all

          14. MB says:


            You have such passion! A very admirable trait indeed. I respect that in a person.

            As for how I feel about HG (or anybody for that matter) I am kind and trusting until I am given a reason to be guarded and protect myself. Innocent until proven guilty so to speak. Everybody starts with a clean slate with me. Trust is spilled in buckets and earned back in drops. I’ve never burned a bridge. If you want it back, it can be earned albeit slowly.

            I know what he is, and I know what he is capable of in his private life. He hasn’t tried to hide that from us. But he has never been anything but delightful in his interactions with me. He has helped me tremendously. I’ve gotten answers from him that neither expensive therapy, nor years of begging every deity I could think of produced. I guess the Universe didn’t want me know, but HG did and he told me. For that I am forever loyal to the man. Plus, he’s quite a likeable chap.

            Call it soppy puppy dog eyes and romantic fairy tales if that’s the shoe that fits; but when all is said and done he sure would be a lot more fun to hang out with than most people I know.

          15. MB says:

            Have you seen my reply to tigerchelle?

          16. HG Tudor says:

            Not yet.

          17. MB says:

            I worked so hard on it! It must be in the ethers. Is that I sign I shouldn’t respond?

          18. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. Youre such a worry wart. Just hold tight. He’ll get to it as soon as he finishes answering all those hoover questions for the millionth time.

          19. MB says:

            Hoovers!!!! I know, right? I usually would NEVER ask him but I had comments that I composed after that one that got posted.

            Normally I wouldn’t care, but tigerchelle had specifically called me out and I wanted to reply.

            If the worst thing anybody can say about me is that I have soppy puppy dog eyes and believe in fairy tales, I’m ok with that! And yes, for the record, I CHOOSE to believe in fairy tales. I am quite the fantasist.

          20. MB says:

            Thank you for finding it HG

      2. DUTG says:

        K, thank you so very much for sharing that link! I read all of the commentary! Wow! THANK YOU!

        1. K says:

          My pleasure, DUTG!

          The archives are sublime and it is a treasure trove of information.

      3. Catherine Parr R says:

        tigerchelle78‘s posts suggest to me that she actually likes HG Tudor and his site very much but secretly she would prefer he show fondness for her through a more gregarious or affectionate interaction. Unlike others here it does not appear that she is jealous of HG Tudor per say but perhaps jealous of other female commenters who have won Tudor’s attention which she may fail to take into consideration that it developed over a period of a couple of years in contrast to her newly acquired presence on the site.

        I don’t believe her issue is with HG Tudor so much as her own secret personal battles which she purposefully does not disclose clearly or at all. I’d suggest reading between the lines for alternative messages from her.

        In time tigerchelle78 will understand that narcissists can also make great friends. Give her time!


      4. Quasi says:


        I wouldn’t normally interject onto threads of conversation such as this. I am certainly not doing so in the defence of anyone else here as I feel everyone here is able to speak out when they feel the need to do so.

        I just wanted to share another perspective with you in response to your comment to MB.
        I may have mis read this, but it presented to me that you may view people showing gratitude to HG as abit soppy or that MB’s comment was fairy tale fantasy.

        My view was different, when I read her comment I saw an expression of understanding exactly who he is and his level of contentment in that ( no need to change/ motivator or ability to change). She hypothesised another version of him as many have done before, not with a fairy tale lens but with a level of understanding for him and a view of an alternative for him if he was not a narcissist.

        It is my belief that gratitude is one of the stronger emotions which can be felt and expressed. It certainly is the foundation/ primary emotion that I feel when I think of HG and narcsite.

        I do not confuse my gratitude with fantastical beliefs of HG being anything other then what he is.
        I am very clear that HG is a narcissist, and can be dangerous to those in his real / personal life.

        No amount of reading here or interaction with him will ever allow us to “know” HG, we will never “know” him.
        But I do respect him in the persona he presents on narcsite.

        I have expressed this previously at a time when I may have been interpreted as “a fan” of HG.

        My perspective is my own and I do not expect or feel anyone else should share it particularly.

        I found narcsite and HG when I needed help to understand, I needed support to work out what was going on in my head and was not able to talk to anyone in my world at that time. I needed truth, reality, a slap in the face!

        I found other sources also, and gained a lot from others too, as I like to learn from all different angles and perspectives, for a balanced approach.

        However I found true understanding here, I found out who I am, who he was, why it came to be, why I was targeted, why I enabled this to a level.
        The intricacies of understanding that I have gained from HG and the bloggers here is beyond measure for me.

        I feel like I know me again, I feel like i can breath, I feel free, I feel like I have been supported by some of the best and most caring individuals that I will never meet.

        So yes I am thankful/ grateful beyond a level of articulated expression, and I honestly feel I will always feel this gratitude, and attribute a huge part of this to HG. He won’t feel the emotion that I may express in my gratitude or ever understand what this feels like, but he cognitively gets it, and knows why I may feel this. He is courteous in accepting expressions of emotions that he can not feel.

        I have also grown to deeply appreciate HG’s skill as a writer, and find his work emotive and thought provoking, but also the clearest and most understandable information available.

        I am aware that I gush about this from time to time lol… but this is a genuine expression of how I feel at the time.

        I can sense that your posts are also an expression of how you feel at the time you write them. I just wanted to respond to you with understanding of this but also another view… as this is what we can do for each other here.. we can offer another viewpoint.

        I think that you would be able to share here and support other people, as I can see you have supported others here already, and they can do for you. But this would require a shift of focus away from HG as an indvidual, towards the larger context of narcsite. It is here for sharing good information and as a by-product the bloggers here support each other.
        You can be heard here and supported if you want that.

        (I’m also grateful to HG for putting up with my epic long posts, always feeling abit sorry for him having to read my stuff.. one day I may achieve the skill to be concise! )

        1. MB says:

          Well said Quasi

          If there was a “love” button I would use it. It is such a wonderful feeling when people “get” me, I teared up a bit just then. You definitely have a gift for writing. Like HG, you are able to bend words to your will and to be honest, I am so envious of that ability. May I borrow it for my construct? Ha ha

          “ I have been supported by some of the best and most caring individuals that I will never meet.” Ditto girl! Ditto! x

          Don’t give up. Maybe if the Empaths raise enough hope to the heavens, we can have our convention. What fun we would have!

      5. DUTG says:

        Quasi, excellent! I ❤️ your words about some of the greatest people I’ll never meet as I feel that way too! I have so much gratitude for the commentators here who I have learned so much from. And I always think of HG now when I listen to Depeche Mode. Not in a love sick way. More as my life coach reminding me of who I am (an empath), what otters exist out in the world, and reminding me to saddle up with my logical thinking vs. ET.

        Sometimes in regards to toxicity I sing to myself ‘Words are very unnecessary they can only do harm.” – Depeche Mode/Coach Tudor

      6. Persephone In Sunlight says:

        I enjoyed rereading this!

        On a side note, the related articles listed was ‘A Personal Jesus’.


        1. K says:

          Persephone In Sunlight

          I am happy you liked it. The archives are fun!

      7. Quasi says:

        MB, and DUTG….

        You have both been so very kind with your words, they were very humbling. Thank you..

        I’m not sure about my writing being in line with HG, at all, I am certainly inspired by him, but I do not possess the skills in writing styles or the extent of knowledge re- English language that he has.. However I do appreciate that very lovely compliment.
        MB I think what you say and how you write is already awesome and more importantly it’s who you are – remember self esteem- valuing who you are right now!

        I did smile at the thought of an empath convention! What a sight!
        I think it would be most entertaining and I would be well up for a narcsite meet up.. I have only visited the states once, long weekend in New York, I loved it… I was such a tourist…. so tempted to wear a bum bag, and hold a map but I resisted this… lol…

        DUTG… the only thing I’m not on board with is Depeche mode… not my bag, I like a bit more funk and soul.. but I like how you utilise the music as a reminder for what you have learned..

        As an aside my opinion of James cordon ( I know I uttered the forbidden name!) has shifted though, I made a point of watching a few more things, and I have to agree that he is abit of a plank … the awards ceremony thing with Patrick Stewart was the clincher for me… oh dear… that was just embarrassing.

  9. 69Revolver says:

    Wait. What? I’m confused. If you didn’t tell the truth, you ARE lying.
    My Empath brain isn’t computing. Help me out here HG.

    1. K says:

      It is a lie by omission. “I told you I love you (his truth). However, I am incapable of love and you didn’t know because you never bothered to discern this (blame shift).

      1. LYNN says:

        they can’t love

  10. amandaSnapChat says:

    great article. I really liked that it helped us to understand that narcs spend sooo much time investigating/reasearching victims. It’s actually pretty scary.
    I have met a person who I believe is a narc. I sometimes think he has been planning so much to attack me (like investigating me). But then I am like: “nahhh… who would do that…???”
    This article was great for me to realize that narc DO THIS! They do invest time in investigating you; planning. Its actually pretty scary. WE NEED TO RUN!!!


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. Melinda says:

      Amanda, it is stalking is scary and when you don’t know them or know them, etc. it reads Stranger Danger!!!!

  11. quasi7 says:

    Excellently written article..

    I thought of the film weird science when reading this, does anyone remember it? I think it’s a classic and an all time favourite of mine. I was reminded of it when reading the section, talking about creating the person that would love you.

    Just like kelly le brock in weird science, they created her physically, chose her personality, her intelligence, they prescribed what they wanted and created her in a perfect vision.
    So the narcissist is a self creation of perfection for the person targeted!

    It’s just a shame that there is no such thing as perfect. When it’s fake perfection I’m sure it erodes quicker also.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. WhoCares says:


      “I thought of the film weird science when reading this, does anyone remember it?”

      Another 80’s movie classic, yes! I love that movie and that you brought it up as a comparison.

      (I think I need to have an 80’s movie binge night, actually.)

      1. quasi7 says:

        So with you on that one who cares…
        my ideal 80’s movie night marathon would be

        Uncle buck
        Trading places
        Planes trains and automobiles
        Weird science
        Breakfast club
        Ferris Buellers day off
        Great outdoors
        St Elmos fire
        Bachelor party
        Money pit
        Jumping jack flash
        Stand by me

        Some may be verging into 90’s so the general theme of this movie ( week) probably is just “classics” ….

        If only I had the time to actually sit and watch them.
        I was on an annual leave day today and was determined to do nothing so I dusted off the dvds and watched American psycho again this morning… I forgot how disturbingly amazing that film is… the chainsaw dropped down the stairwell ….. urgh…

        1. K says:

          I love those movies! My MMRN and I saw the Goonies together (I was an NISS) and it is a happy memory. Home Alone was another good one.

        2. K says:


          I read American Psycho and the sexually graphic violence was very disturbing, if you get a chance watch Body Double (1984), it was Patrick Bateman’s favorite movie and he rented it 37 times.

      2. quasi7 says:

        Thanks K,

        WordPress has given me a 7 for some reason…. but it’s cool, good number.

        Home alone is a definite classic too, but that is a Christmas time only watch in my bizarre world- that along with the muppets Christmas carol, and die hard obvs … lol

        I have not read the book for American psycho but I can imagine it being just as, if not more disturbing.
        I will check out that film recommendation thank you.

        So Patrick Bateman actually did need to return some video tapes – at least 37 times …… who da funk it!

        1. K says:

          I noticed the 7 and I thought you added it; WP is weird. But what the hell… lucky 7. The book is disturbing; I don’t recommend it. Oh yeah, Patrick was very busy returning those video tapes and he was obsessed about clothes and restaurants. The crazy 80s were a riot. I loved Uncle Buck, too.

      3. Quasi says:

        K …. I am a complete novice and was not aware that you could change it again… lol
        So back to normal now …

        I think Christian Bale did a great job in portraying the character… The 80’s we’re definitely special..
        Not great for music but pretty spectacular for films ..

        1. K says:

          Don’t let WP boss you around! They wouldn’t let me use one letter (K) so I had to use “theletterafterj” and then I change it back to “K”.

          CB is a great actor and I like the 80s music better now than I did then.

    3. blackunicorn123 says:

      I remember it! I love Weird Science! “Do you have anything in rubber, or barbed wire”?! 🤣

      1. blackunicorn123 says:

        HG – are you at the IOW Festival this weekend? Depeche Mode are playing?! 💕

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, I won’t be there.

      2. quasi7 says:

        “It’s a normal party you know -Chips, dips, chains, whips” ……haha

      3. quasi7 says:

        “Just a party you know, chips, dips, chains, whips’ …

        1. blackunicorn123 says:

          Aw, brilliant! I’d forgotten that line! Nothing else for it. I’m going to have to watch it again this weekend! 💕😂

      4. Quasi says:

        Deja vu anyone …. I was clearly too impatient with getting that quote out there,..

  12. IdaNoe says:

    HG Sir, have any of your empaths ever told you they could see your “creature”, either before or during the golden period? Like they could feel or see in their minds eye? Generally, when you were a child, around the time it was created? Like sometimes a picture in their heads of you as a wounded child and sometimes just a feeling or sense it was there, and describe it? How would you react to that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, they haven’t.

    2. Twilight says:


      I know your question was directed towards HG and hope you don’t mind me commenting.

      Has this happened to you?

      My ex knew I knew many things about him, I believe that was one reason why he went on to explain his perspective to me and I of mine to him.

      1. IdaNoe says:

        Twilight, yes. I was raised by narcs and have spent most of my life around them. Sometimes I get a picture in my mind eye, guessing around the time of most severe injury. Sometimes just a feeling with no picture. I can get it about normals too, just not as strong, unless I focus. I try not to because it’s unnerving and feels like I’ve somehow violated their personal space. But I’ve seen all the creatures ( weaknesses/ injury) of the narcs I’ve loved, mom, partners, friends except my father. I see him as a brick wall with something peeking out then hiding again behind the wall. But I can never tell what it is, weakness or injury, it hides too quickly. I know, I’ve lost it! But it’s been this way since I was a child.

      2. IdaNoe says:

        Twilight, As an example, was sitting on a car with a guy. Think he was a greater, anyway, I saw him, in my minds eye, at around 8-10 yrs old, from the back curled into the fetal position. He was crying, thinking why doesn’t anyone believe in me. That was all I got. I didn’t know him as a child. Found out later he was being molested about that time. Does that help explain it?

      3. IdaNoe says:

        Twilight, I got one other thing that day in the car, I knew I was in the presence of the most dangerous person I had ever met. I didn’t know what he was, but could feel the fury stronger in him than any else before. A deep river of rage, tightly controlled, every move he made, completely calculated. By “seeing” what I saw, I had opened myself up to him. It took many months to convince him I was not as “interesting ” as he thought.

        1. Twilight says:


          Thank you for your reply, I apologise for not being able to respond before now.

          I “see” in this way to. In some situations it has kept me alive.
          Do you get impressions from places and objects to?

          1. IdaNoe says:

            Twilight no it’s just living things. I wanna sit at the feet of the Giant Sequoias and learn the wisdom of trees!

          2. Twilight says:


            Now that sounds relaxing, sitting at the foot of a Giant Sequoia….that would be ancient wisdom!

      4. SuperXena says:

        Hello Twilight,

        Quoting what you wrote :

        JUNE 20, 2018 AT 21:07

        Have you looked in the mirror lately?

        Then again jealousy does look good on you, it just highlights you and gives this wonderful and amazing glow. Not everyone can rock it out like HG.”

        Well said Twilight but oh no I do not see any glow there whatsoever
        I can only see and sense turbid water. Not worth consuming more time or energy.

        “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
        It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock
        The meat it feeds on.”

        ― William Shakespeare, Othello

        I hope you are doing well!

        1. Twilight says:

          Hello Superxena

          How are you? I am good thank you.

          I was being sarcastic and threw a backhanded comment in there, I called her a narcissist in the nicest way I could.

          It has been a long time sense I have read anything by Shakespeare and that said it perfectly.

          I hope you are well and have had a wonderful springtime.

          1. SuperXena says:

            Hello Twilight,
            All good thank you for asking.
            Enjoying the summer festivities (Midsommar) on the archipelago at my home country with the rigorous intermittent rainfalls that come with it …..every ….single …..year. It is part of its charm!

            Yes, I understood that. Interesting educational case studies that pop up here sometimes.
            It came to the point though that I found her comments tiresome and pathetic to read . A total waste of time, so I just skipped them: not worth commenting anymore getting into word salad/circular conversations.
            It was very transparent ( to me) the underlying issue: attention seeking due to lack of self-esteem.

            Good to know all is fine with you !
            Best wishes

          2. Twilight says:

            Hello Superxena

            Glad to hear all is well for you!

            Yes, Interesting indeed.

            Enjoy your festivities!

            Take care

          3. SuperXena says:

            Twilight , I forgot to mention about Shakespeare’s ( one of my favourite English writers. Not the only one, sorry for that Shakespeare !) quote about jealously:

            one can interpret it in different ways . I interpret it as jealousy becoming a self-destructive ,self-eroding and self-consuming negative feeling when it turns to
            be pathological jealousy, also known as Morbid jealousy, Othello syndrome or delusional jealousy.

          4. Twilight says:


            I agree with you.

            That is one emotion I am thankful I do not experience as my own, being able via from absorbing another’s has been enough.

          5. SuperXena says:

            …reflecting the underlying issues of obsessive jealousy: feelings of insecurity ,poor self image and lack of self confidence . Interesting to see that most of the people ( in a romantic relationship) that are jealous are projecting because they are the ones being unfaithful and assume that the other one is as well unfaithful.

    3. tigerchelle78 says:

      These are just my thoughts, and how I would explain it (which I’m not very good at)…. but I felt I could clearly see the creature, what it was, when I read FURY. You can see what he is keeping at bay. How he begins to build his construct and why. But the creature is like a massive phobia, the worst possible fear to them, because it’s a childhood fear, (Which are the worst) because they have never been reassured about or have talked about it. It basically is where all their pain and shame etc is. Its everything they associate with weakness or failing inside there. Loss of control….

      They make it into this big blob or creature. Again it’s like how a child would deal with it. Therefore it’s grown with them as they have grown. But in reality it’s all the uncomfortable feelings/hurts/fears that they have never been able to process or talk about. This creature encompasses all of what they see as bad within themselves, or even real about them. Therefore it HAS to be kept at bay. It can’t be let out. Because they only have an inferior/vulnerable like construct and therefore it would literally be too overpowering for them. It would be like a tsunami over a wooden hut. These feelings are just too powerful for them to deal with. And because they have never felt them and just blocked them, it would essentially be like a blind or deaf person suddenly being given sight or hearing. They literally would hear every sound so Cristal clear and loudly. Or the blind person could not cope with all the visual colour and light coming into his head. It would be way too much. I believe in the same way, a Narc would react to these feelings which we have always felt.

      They do not know how to deal with these feelings and have never been taught. They have been completely blocked out. Or dissociated from. They will only feel numbness and nothing, when there should be a feeling. But they are used to the dissociated like state. But this numbness protects them. It’s like a barrier too.

      But with completely blocking those hurtful feelings, they have to block the good ones too like love, empathy, because like antidepressants they block the bad feelings but also block the good ones too. So the creature is almost like a massive antidepressant lol!

      They cannot allow themselves to feel in any way. That whole area of the brain must totally be blocked off. But they can’t completely get rid of it. They are aware of it. What they do not realise is that although there is much hurt and shame, and other very painful stuff in there, that is also where their love and empathy resides too. They have it, but are protected by their own childhood survival mechanisms from accessing it.

      I don’t know if this makes any sense. But to me I can see it all. And the only way to get to it, would be I would think…. to completely strip the Narc bare, with the help of drugs to stabilise them and make the Narc face these frightening feelings but to be there with them as they were going through it, so that they could be reassured over and over and no doubt you would see a very desperate and fearful child inside. And these feelings you could gradually reintroduce them too and explain why they have them and that it’s ok to feel them. It doesn’t mean they are bad or weak or any of these other things that they’ve been taught.

      1. windstorm says:

        The really smart, introspective ones have a pretty good idea what their “creature” is. Especially as they get older and if they’ve been thru therapy or treatment.
        Like you, Michelle, I’ve seen glimpses of this dreaded fear from my exhusband over the decades. He knows this and has even occasionally given me brief vignettes from his childhood that explain these fears – just glimpses – but enough for me to piece together better how his mind works.

      2. LYNN says:

        Ayahuasca maybe?

  13. LYNN says:

    why can’t you?

    1. Twilight says:


      I believe it is due to how they were taught love looks and feels like. They were treated as an object, a means to an end and in this they show love in the way they don’t feel it, except in the beginning when it is infatuation.
      One can not feel love with out emotion, in the beginning infatuation is the drive of this “love” and many mix this feeling with being in love. After some time infatuation switches to Love and that is a decision and an action. If one doesn’t feel any emotions then it become and obligation, and we know obligation and them really do not go hand in hand unless it serves a purpose.
      Love is a decision in which we show to others everyday, the little things even when we don’t feel very loving.

      In their twisted sense of what love looks like, I believe they do show it. Those thou that have an awareness understand it is not love by our standards and can not show this in that way, only when they are infatuated with us can they show us love in the way we understand it to be.

      1. LYNN says:

        Hi Twilight no I meant ‘why can’t you tell us the truth’ x

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