The Relational Tower

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I sit up on high in my Relational Tower. I can see so much from this throne.

I look to the north and see the golden and shimmering lines which extend from me to my loyal subjects across the land. I see my supporters, my followers and my coterie going about their daily lives but all the while connected to me. They feel such privilege to be linked to me, their liege and I feed on that sense of privilege and the admiration and that adoration which is entwined around it.

I look to the south and see yet more lines of sparkling gold which link between me and my most devout lieutenants. From my vantage point I can signal to them and they will obey, carrying out my commands, executing my diktats and honouring my instructions. It is a source of great comfort to gaze in their direction and observe their industry on my behalf.

I look to the east and frown at the assembled legions which march towards me. The malcontents, the rejected, the fools and the idiots, all those who have taken up against me and now march in the expectation that they will unseat me. Yet further lines span out from me to these traitors. Dark purple lines, nearly invisible against the glowering firmament, these multitudinous lines which have those transgressors permanently attached to me and through which I pull, twist and yank. They moan, they wail and they lament their fate but there is no hope for any other for these are those who bear the stain of betrayal, the putrid stench of sedition emanates from their shambling frames. Let them come, let them advance towards me and I shall watch them as they break against my tower, like waves against the rocks as they are sent scattering and dissipating into so much spray. I watch them from afar, sometimes commanding my lieutenants to enter the fray to cajole and direct, a myriad of gold and purple shimmering and glinting as the lines combine. From time to time the purple becomes golden as by my most glorious bounty I bestow the wondrous joy upon the select few.

I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.

I watch you all as you journey towards me, the supporters, the lieutenants, the outcasts and you. I can see it all from this elevated position as I organise, direct and orchestrate. I know what you want. I know what you all want, each and every one of you.

I am attached to you all, you are bound to me, some tighter than others, some with those chains which bite and burn, others who raise no objection to their silken bondage, but all are bound to me. I made it so. I wanted that. I am connected to so many of you. I have a relationship with each and every one. Our relational proximity varies from stranger to intimate partner, from minion to inner circle friend, from colleague to family member and so on. Relationships. I have them by the hundred and create more each day, reaching out with my tendrils of gold and purple in order to remain exactly where I want to be – at the centre in my tower.

I know why you all head towards me. You want to enter this tower and thus gain admittance to me. You wish to unlock the vast gate and pass through the imposing portal to enable you to climb the winding stone steps, each time passing without hindrance or complication through the many doors and gates which guard my inner sanctum.

I know you want to enter my inner sanctum.

Some of you want to cradle what you find there. Some of you wish to possess what your eyes will rest upon. Some of you wish to claim a portion for yourselves and be forever imbued with its effects. Some of you wish to release what is in this inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. Some of you wish to destroy what is revealed.

Whatever it might be, the hundreds of relationships which I have, no matter how long, how strong and how tightly bound or otherwise these may be all seek to enter my Relational Tower and penetrate the inner sanctum.

This cannot happen.

I made this tower. I built it high. I built the walls deep and thick, constructed from the stones of denial and the slabs of deflection all held in place with the mortar of fuel. I fashioned the thick timbers of the door from projection, the timber bolted together through triangulation and the lock created from a steely gaze and iron resolve. The heavy bar that is set against it arose from the blame-shifting. I have set many traps and pitfalls within this tower in order to prevent anybody reaching the inner sanctum. The stone steps are smeared with vitriol, the walls spiked with character assassination, cauldrons wait to pour their heated fury onto you and cast you in deep pits of despair. The stone is so thick that there is only ever silence here, it as if the very walls are giving you a cold and baleful stare. Everything that I have learned will be used to impede your progress, hamper and hinder you so you may not ever reach that inner sanctum.

I know you all want to go there. I know you want to reach deep inside of me, into my inner sanctum but I must not allow it. I dare not. I cannot admit anybody. Ever.

I built this tower high. I built it thick. I made it impenetrable.

I built it to keep you out.

I built it to keep me in.

We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such splendid isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.

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8 thoughts on “The Relational Tower”

  1. I still ask myself, what is this “inner sanctum”? What do you want to protect? Sometimes you talk of a creature, which should not escape, sometimes you talk of an inner sanctum. Or is it just another illusion and it is an empty room? Such a tower is a very interesting building, which attracts a lot of people. I do not believe in your inner sanctum anymore.
    People are, what they do. Of course- so many empaths believe that there must be an inner sanctum (the word itself pretends there is something wonderful and natural good). But as long as you keep a secret around it, I believe meanwhile – there is nothing.

  2. I understand the difference now between being entwined and immersed in abuse, and seeing the real person behind it —it’s not impossible to see, everyone is revealed by their actions one way or another, and who someone is to me, how they affect me, is also who they are: the self is also a social one. Otherwise, simply saying “I’m not an asshole” means one is not being an asshole, and that’s simply not true.

    I understand that an abuser can give the illusion of mutual involvement by toying with and triggering intense emotions in me, while they themselves reject all relationships. This isn’t a gap that i or anyone should try to bridge, because it’s always a person’s choice to connect with others or be alone. Without choice, how can we be ourselves. Isolation is your true self, so this is one area of authenticity that you have – and have a right to.

    Abusing and lying to others violates *their choice*, and that ruins your authenticity, whether you understand that or not. It shows a lack of conviction in your choice, it means that you cannot even live with yourself. We aren’t invading your space, you are invading ours. This isn’t a tower, it’s a trojan horse that parks itself on our lawn and then stands there closed-up in childish superiority, forcing us to witness or try to budge it, in order to carry on our authenticity. Which, is ridiculous.

    No one is trying to get inside that tower until you become an obstacle, they’re trying to live their lives.

  3. “This cannot happen.”

    There is not 1 of them in the world who would ever let you in their self-built monument for longer than a few moments (and you will have to pay for it).
    Stop dreaming. They will not allow it.

  4. Phenomenal analogy! It speaks more then that which is read…. What a view… dark and isolated, and not a view I would enjoy, but a view nonetheless.

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