The Greater Narcissist

 

the-greater

This is a Greater Narcissist. There is much to write about the Greater, but for now, a snapshot shall have to suffice. We have met Lee the Lesser and Malcolm the Mid-Ranger. There are lots of Lees and Malcolms. Lots of them. In fact most people who have ascertained that they have been ensnared by a narcissist will have entangled with either a Lee or a Malcolm. This is Greg, Greg the Greater, a rare beast indeed.

“Hello, what was that?” asks Greg.

“Hello Greg, I was just explaining that you are a rare beast indeed.”

“Oh completely, how good of you to notice and may I say just how delightful you look today, you have done something different with your hair haven’t you, it really suits.”

I cannot help but smile and look pleased at this remark. I know I shouldn’t but this is the problem with the Greater, they are ever so charming and before you know what has happened one has given them some fuel, told them something they wanted to hear or agreed to do what they want.

The Greater exhibits considerable charm. Charm is one of his prevalent weapons. With the Lesser it is raw aggression, with the Mid-Ranger it is the ability to draw sympathy, but with the Greater he uses charm to achieve what he wants.

His charm manifests in many ways. Courteous, polite, amusing, well-read, urbane, complimentary and attentive. But this charm is a combination of considerable intelligence, confidence and planning. Out of all of the three schools of narcissist, the Greater knows the benefit of planning and scheming. He is always gathering information, storing it away, logging it for later or immediate use.

“You are the master at gathering information aren’t you Greg?”

“How very kind of you to say so and I cannot deny that,” he responds with that slow and engaging smile of his. See how he holds my gaze, boring deep inside of me? Of course he is just reflecting back at me what I want to see, after all, he is an expert in the art of seduction. He is an expert in most things, he has to be, the world cannot be afforded any glimpse of weakness, any hint of the loss of his control. He must project an image of success at all times.

Greg knows that the foundation of his success lies in planning and preparation.

“Greg, what is your view about preparation?” I ask.

“Every battle is won before it is ever fought,” he responds in a matter of fact. He is deadly serious. To him, every engagement in his life is a form of battle. Every person he interacts with, every situation he faces, every scenario he is engaged in – all of them are battles and he has to win every one. Even if he appears to lose, he will have allowed that to happen for the sake of a future win.

Greg knows that to forge his rightful and entitle path through life he must secure these victories and win. He does so by ensuring he knows his enemy. Everybody qualifies to be an enemy because the Greater knows that the world is against him and if he gives any quarter, this cruel and heartless world will seek to topple him. He may be a Greater but the wariness and paranoia applicable to all narcissists is just as applicable to him. Greg understands that he has to know who he is dealing with and this means gathering intelligence.

By the way, than unflinching stare has remained focussed on me. The attention from this handsome individual is both unnerving yet oddly engaging. He uses his eyes a lot. Do not think however that when he is staring at you, mirroring your own desires, so you become trapped like a deer in the headlights that this is all he is doing. No, not at all. He is evaluating, considering his next move, what to say next, gauging how I will respond. The Greater’s mind is always whirring, thinking about the next move, ascertaining how to seize the most appropriate advantage. Normal people would find it exhausting but not the Greater for he, among all of the narcissistic brethren has the greater energy levels. This of course means he has the highest demands for fuel but he is also the most effective at gathering this fuel. This effectiveness manifests in two ways. The first is the methodology applied and the second is the range of appliances at his disposal.

The Greater has the widest range of manipulations at his disposal. He is well-practised and able to match, with considerable accuracy, the best forms of manipulation to his victims. Of course he relies on understanding his appliances, knowing what they like and dislike in detail and achieves this through extensive information gathering through his own questions, the use of Lieutenants, conducting background searches and so on. He has had many victims and therefore knows how certain types of person are likely to respond to certain manipulations. Admittedly, he will not get is right every single time, but his error rate is very low indeed. His effectiveness is heightened through how driven he is. He must succeed, be the best, be the sparkling diamond at the centre of the crown. Leader in his field. Champion. Conqueror.

Like a master artisan, he selects only the finest materials (victims) on which to work and then he applies his deft touch through carried manipulations from his Devil’s Toolkit. All of this is done enveloped in charm. He has people do things because they want his praise, his approval, his largesse, his friendship and is love.

The Greater also has extensive fuel networks on which he relies. Unlike the Lesser who has a narrow fuel base or the Mid-Ranger who has a wider one with numerous appliances, the Greater has an extensive and impressive network. Let’s find our more from Greg.

“Hey Greg, who is warming your bed at present?”

“Why are you interested?” he asks as he places a hand gentle on my arm.

“Oh this is professional purposes only, “ I respond trying to rebuff him, but the hand remains unmoved. He is confident and assured.

“I am ever the professional.”

“I am sure that is the case, but tell me, who is on the arm of Greg?”

“I have a girlfriend at present.”

“Just the one?”

“Yes, but there are others, certain ladies who know me well who I can call on if I need to.”

Those are his intimate partner secondary sources, his friends with benefits and booty calls.

“How many?”

“Four,” he replies without hesitation.

“What about your friends?”

“I have six guys I regularly knock around with, plus two good female friends.”

Those are his inner circle.

“Then maybe another twenty or so people I know well through golf, football, the pub, you know, I see them every so often.”

Those are his outer circle. More secondary appliances.

“What about work and family Greg?”

“Well I head up a department at work so I have a team of eight working for me and I am on good terms with the other directors.”

More secondary sources there through colleagues.

I let him continue as he explains how he is well regarded by his family (more secondary sources), his neighbours, people in his community, the people he knows through a charity he is a trustee of (lots of tertiary sources). His network of fuel appliances is vast and he can rely on it regularly to ensure that his considerable fuel needs are catered for. It is rare to find a Greater running short of fuel.

The Greater knows what he is. His higher cognitive function allows him an awareness. He may know that he is a narcissist, since it has been pointed out to him and his increased cognitive function means he can understand and relate to it. Of course, he knows not to admit this to anybody, unless he sees a distinct advantage in doing so. In some instances he may not know that he is a narcissist but he certainly knows that he is different from other people. He knows he is special, talented and destined for continued greatness. He knows that it is necessary for him to control his environment and people, for if he does not do so, he feels weakness gnawing at him, unease and the threat of the loss of his superiority. He knows that he must maintain this edifice that he has built and this is done through having people react to him. He may not know it as fuel, but he knows how important it is for people to respond to him. He knows he must receive admiration and anger, love and loathing, adoration and abhorrence. These power him and allow him to achieve the things he knows he is entitled to. He recognises he does wrong, but does not care. He knows he has no conscience, no sense of guilt, he knows he has a reduced emotional repertoire because from years of observing and listening – as opposed to just doing as the Lesser and Mid-Ranger does – he has learned what he does not feel, not that it concerns him in any way.

Greg knows that charm, manipulation and persuasion are they key attributes to staying number one and having people do as he wants. He wants to own people, make them his, subsume them into him and he understands why this must happen, because it makes him all the more powerful, all the more effective and all the more able to keep his creature locked away and never heard. Greg knows that his Machiavellian nature, his duplicitous nature and slavish devotion to the doctrine of the ends always justifying the means, results in him staying on top of the pile. He is proud of his orchestrations, his status as Supreme Puppet Master. He knows that people are there to do his bidding, to be moved where he wants them to go, to carry out his wishes and best of all, they often do not even realise that they are doing it.

Of course, Greg is no fool and understands that when the velvety caress of his subtle manipulations is not working, then the iron fist must be deployed. He has no reluctance to dole out his innate wickedness. He will ensure that this is either done through a proxy or if it must be by his hand, then he will reduce the risk of retribution and consequence to him. He evaluates. When that apparently loving gaze becomes the inky dark stare of malice, the whirring mind is plotting to ensure a most malevolent outcome for those that cross him. Whilst the Lesser and the Mid-Ranger will act with malice, theirs is nothing to the concentrated vitriol that the Greater possesses and will unleash when he deems it appropriate. This is another factor which sets him apart from his brethren ; the sheer evil that he is capable of and that will be readily applied in order to preserve his position.

The Greater will pursue for longer, hoover harder, use more energy, charm more fiercely, devalue with scathing intensity and channelling the vast amount of fuel he can draw on from the extensive fuel network, this powers this effective machine as he achieves his machinations. The Greater calculates the impact of his words, either to seduce or to devalue. He assesses the likely responses of those he wishes to control and the likely benefit for him. For him there can be no end, the games must always continue and he must always be wining and be seen to be winning.

The Greater may often be hard to detect because he is most capable of exhibiting cognitive empathy. He has studied and knows how to mimic with considerable conviction, but this is not a perfected art. He will be prone to those pauses when he is ascertaining his best response and that sudden frozen look will appear, albeit momentarily. The Greater is also hard to detect because he will engage in what appear to be good works. The Lesser is self-centred in a brutal and demanding manner, the Mid-Ranger is self-centred in a sulky, feel-sorry-for-me style but the Greater, well the Greater will show generosity, be charitable and appear to exhibit kindness. He will hold positions of authority, trust and responsibility. They are put part of the carefully constructed façade on which he relies more than any other type of narcissist. He builds this façade, cements it and uses it repeatedly. His apparent good works are but a veneer of respectability which are either:-

 

1.      Committed because there will be a distinct gain arising from this act in due course – for example, lending someone money to then have them repay him through actions and loyalty ; or

2.      Part of furnishing the façade and thus a worthy sacrifice for the maintenance of this artifice.

Be in no doubt that this apparent sugary surface coats a venal and vicious individual who will never stop in the pursuit of victory. Cruel, perverse and utterly self-serving, behind that engaging smile and warm handshake is a cold and calculating mind.

Of course Greg would never admit to any weakness, unless as usual, he saw an advantage in doing so, but he has them. Like all of his kind he hates criticism. It burns and wounds and he uses his considerable control to keep his fury under control. Furthermore, the innate confidence and superiority that Greg has means that an objective observer will regard him as not necessarily appreciating certain risks to the extent that he might. Naturally, Greg would reject such a suggestion as failing to understand, however, there is an over-confidence which exists, which might, not always, but might lead to occasional difficulties for Greg the Greater, although of course he is equipped to address those difficulties using his customary charm, malice and manipulation.

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105 thoughts on “The Greater Narcissist”

  1. Dear Mr Tudor,
    Our friends (Ken n Barbie)… him in particular… used to niggle me for a reaction … I always fell for the bait … however … since coming onto your blog and learning about the different cadres (he’s a greater … I stopped engaging)
    He still persists … why is that? I haven’t taken the bait for the last three years. Mr Bubbles and I are in a quandary wondering why he’s still throwing crumbs
    Do you have any thoughts on this (he knows we know about narcs and what went on with the weasel…. in fact, they knew the weasel before we did)
    We find it intriguing … but weird …. and can’t come to a solution
    Hoping you can fill in the blanks
    Many thanks Mr Tudor
    Luv Bubbles xx

    1. Greater is a school, not a cadre BUbbles. He continues because there is a hoover trigger and the hoover execution criteria are met, so he hoovers through niggling you for a reaction.

      1. Dear Mr Tudor,
        Oops slips, must’ve been having a blonde/senior moment when I typed that or one too many bubbles …. of course it is, I knew that …. haha …. Fail
        I’m damned if I know what my Hoover trigger is … I’m trying so hard not to … oh well back to the drawing board … haha
        Thank you Mr Tudor
        I appreciate your reply

  2. You are absolutely right, Caroline. And thanks for taking time out to respond in depth like that. I find that I respond best to no nonsense advice, so this is exactly the wake up call I need.

    I identified early on that I have somewhat of an addictive personality and as such have had to consciously refrain from doing anything generally considered to have the potential to form undesirable habits. I am very fortunate in that once a ‘threat’ has been perceived, I am usually able to ‘go cold turkey’ and avoid it completely, (I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, gamble, etc. I just won’t allow myself to go there) almost as easily as throwing a switch. So, now that I am armed (pun totally intended… I’m still laughing at the comment HG made about “weaponising empaths”) with the knowledge and understanding required to spot ALL types of narcissists and evade ensnarement in the first place (prevention is always preferable to cure), I just need to add that to my “NOT to do list” in future… simples(ish) haha!

    Incidentally, the last time I was with my GEN I caught a fleeting glimpse behind his mask. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and he didn’t know that I was looking at him. I can’t find the words to fully express what I saw. Alien/reptile hybrid doesn’t even come close. I didn’t even recognise him as human, never mind the guy I had been in an intimate relationship with for 8 months. Needless to say, it absolutely chilled me to my core and it was the beginning of the end as far as I was concerned. A second or two later his face crinkled back into the gorgeous signature smile, complete with twinkling eyes and warmth that I had become accustomed to seeing. He used to send me selfies every day and from that moment onwards all I could see was the mask. He may as well have had ‘fake’ stamped across his forehead.

    1. I’m so happy if my comment was helpful to you, Merrymagenta. 🙂

      It’s great that you’re aware of your tendency toward addiction — and impressive that you’re so self-disciplined about steering clear of things that you feel could spiral out of control. I think that attitude will help you more than you know, in giving the narcissist the heave-ho. It’s a process usually, but being driven and disciplined (and your ability to go “cold turkey”) can only help!

      I’ve heard what you describe “behind the mask” of a narcissist. I’ve never seen that myself. Too bad we all can’t see that from the get-go… that would scare most of us right outta there!

  3. Oh my god, there is no hope for me… I was positively bristling with pride when I read “Like a master artisan, he selects only the finest materials (victims).” The GEN who I managed to escape from recently (extensive thanks to you, HG, you manifested exactly when I needed you most and I couldn’t have done it without you) actually chose me… little old me… I must be sooo special… ‘they’ do say that pride comes before a fall after all.

    I’m beginning to think that I’m a lost cause. The more I understand the complexities of narcissistic abuse, the more I realise that I actually crave it subconsciously. Since joining this community a few months ago I have had to be on constant high alert (in my own head) because I’m mindful that I could very easily become addicted to you, HG. The pull is deliciously strong. How easy it would be to trade up with you (obviously entirely in my own mind only). It’s an ongoing battle in the real world though and it terrifies me. While I would now instantly recognise and run a mile from the unsophisticated lesser, with his brutality and uncontrollable raging, subtle as a brick bully boy manipulation tactics (my ex husband), I find the lure of the Greater is irresistible… I’m genuinely scared for my future. I don’t think I have the capacity to even pick up the pieces of my shattered self, let alone put them back together again if I’m subjected to yet another narc attack. This is an especially cruel contradiction. I am aware of some of the hideous, abhorrent things you’ve unleashed on your primary sources in particular. I haven’t romanticised what you are and are capable of at all. However, I think I would still succumb to the lure of that golden period again and having read a lot of comments in here, I would be most surprised if I am alone in that.

    It’s extremely challenging not to be in absolute awe of The Greater Narcissist, especially of the Elite variety.

    1. merrymagenta
      HG is awe inspiring and your feelings are normal and they will fade as time goes by and you replace your emotional thinking with logic.

      1. Thanks, K. That elusive cold, hard, logic… if HG could bottle that (and let’s face it, if anyone could it would be HG), I’d buy a lifetime supply and gift it to everyone I know haha

    2. Merrymagenta,

      There is much hope for you! With awareness comes the power to overcome entanglement with a narcissist. You CAN free yourself. Absolutely.

      Focus on what they do — not what they project/say. The Elites will be charming, and who doesn’t like smart and good-looking… but always keep in mind how much YOU have to offer, and remember there is a hollow self within the narcissist… they are just play-acting (reading off a script). Remembering that helps you not be admiring and so taken with them. Once you truly understand + absorb their duplicity and fakery, it’s darn hard to be enamored.

      K is spot-on. Logic is your friend. It helps you break the romanticizing of it.

      The narcissist will give back to you what they think you’ll like… in a sense, they try to make you fall in love with the best parts of yourself. If anything, they envy YOU… and will try to copy aspects of yourself to use for their benefit.

      Always remember: THEY WEAR A MASK AT ALL TIMES because they have no inner core personality. That’s not so sexy.

      1. You are absolutely right, Caroline. And thanks for taking time out to respond in depth like that. I find that I respond best to no nonsense advice, so this is exactly the wake up call I need.

        I identified early on that I have somewhat of an addictive personality and as such have had to consciously refrain from doing anything generally considered to have the potential to form undesirable habits. I am very fortunate in that once a ‘threat’ has been perceived, I am usually able to ‘go cold turkey’ and avoid it completely, (I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, gamble, etc. I just won’t allow myself to go there) almost as easily as throwing a switch. So, now that I am armed (pun totally intended… I’m still laughing at the comment HG made about “weaponising empaths”) with the knowledge and understanding required to spot ALL types of narcissists and evade ensnarement in the first place (prevention is always preferable to cure), I just need to add that to my “NOT to do list” in future… simples(ish) haha!

        Incidentally, the last time I was with my GEN I caught a fleeting glimpse behind his mask. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and he didn’t know that I was looking at him. I can’t find the words to fully express what I saw. Alien/reptile hybrid doesn’t even come close. I didn’t even recognise him as human, never mind the guy I had been in an intimate relationship with for 8 months. Needless to say, it absolutely chilled me to my core and it was the beginning of the end as far as I was concerned. A second or two later his face crinkled back into the gorgeous signature smile, complete with twinkling eyes and warmth that I had become accustomed to seeing. Well scary indeed.

      2. K~
        Yes, I do try to confine myself to being in just a teeny-tiny-weenie-beanie bit of trouble. 😉

    3. I believe it is the allure of someone exuding power whereas for someone like me, I do not try to have “power” over someone or seek it in my personal relationships. But power used for “good” could also equate subconsciously as someone providing strength and security which on a biological level we would seek in a mate for ourselves and offspring. It is the missing energy on our side, the power, just like our emotional reactions are what is missing for them and they crave.

      1. Hi Clarece. It’s the intellect and wit of the Greater that I find most alluring. Clever repartee and sophistication intrigues and excites me every time. I can’t get enough. I’m sure it’s been debated here a lot already, but I wonder what would remain if the narcissistic sociopath aspect of HG was removed? HG without the ‘bad’ bits so to speak… do men like that even exist? I DO hope so!

        I have never been given security and strength from an external source, not even as a young child or when I was married, so I’ve had to rely on myself to provide that. I am fiercely independent as a result. I don’t think I crave it on a biological or psychological level, but the problem with the subconscious is that I would be the last to know lol.

        I was always perplexed in the past about those women who become obsessed with, fall in love and even marry serial killer psychopaths who are on death row. Now I’ve come to realise that it’s a similar process at play.

      2. True! The charismatic exterior with intellect and wit is a huge draw to attract me in. I think with me, those traits signify alpha male which on some deeper level I tend to associate with safety and security as they appear to function and thrive successfully in the world.
        Interesting to think how would HG be if the narcissistic sociopath was removed. He’d maintain his sense of humor, his knowledge and life experiences, education, professional status, writing ability, etc., with narcissism scaled back somewhat on the scale (he’ll always be higher on narc traits), so I imagine he’ll always maintain an edge.
        Now run of the mill psychopath killers in jail…um no…no security or safety in that whatsoever. Lol

      3. It’s the psycho killers in jail who receive all of the security and safety… maximum security and solitary confinement. It’s a bit of an extreme way to go about getting it though haha

        Finding an HG without the ‘bad’ bits. I’m probably more likely to be abducted by aliens while riding the Loch Ness Monster lol

    4. That kinda Happened to me. I “dated” a mid-ranger when I was a teen. It had been so hard for years to get him out (hoovers, hoovers, hoovers). Then I met a greater and I forgot completely about the mid-ranger. It was crazy. I think the greater was good to eliminate the mid-ranger. They both have similar jobs (politicians) but one is way more succesful than the other. So the mid-ranger has kept away. My greater lives in another city. So it has been OK. I think it can be a good therapy to have a long distance fictional love. It helped me. But now I need to run from the greater.

      Reading this scared me: “This is another factor which sets him apart from his brethren ; the sheer evil that he is capable of and that will be readily applied in order to preserve his position….”

      What I really hate about the hater is all the minions he has. Its also true that they are more persistent. The midranger would usually let me escape and since I did not understand about narcs at the time I would be the one to return (he would also occasionally hoover but it was clear I wanted him when he did.) Right now I am trying to run from the greater. The midranger I know would have let me go. The greater is pulling a bunch of manipulations and contacting me. I need to not give fuel and run. Run in a neutral matter 🙂

      Great writing HG.
      Also very interesting comments from everyone 🙂

  4. Anyway, so the plans for the pool party are now well advanced. Think of it: all those lovely Empaths, lounging around in their itsy bikinis, being all Empathic like, sunning themselves by the water and talking about kittens and knitting. E’s, Co-De’s and SE’s (actually scratch that last one, I will be the only SE present. For reasons). I’ve invented a new cocktail in honour of this momentous occasion. It’s called the ‘NarcAngel’ after our most illustrious commentator.

    It’s a curious mix of a Bloody Mary, Koolaid, a dash of Angustra Bitters and gin. There will be nibbles, naturally. But it will be The Dark Lord Himself who will preseign over the real food. After all, it is the ‘Man who puts the Meat on the BBQ?’ What fully sentient and evolved GEN could possibly resist such a tempting honour? It would be like feeding time at the Serengeti!

    When we are fully sated from the mixture of food and drink, a ‘Benny Hill chase’ (Sorry Americans, this will be totally lost on you guys) would then happen in the nearby woods. A lucky ‘E’ would allow themselves to be ‘captured’ (Me. Obviously). What would follow would be a happy half hour of ‘hide the tree stump’. Then back to the pool then for a celebratory chicken wing and ‘NarcAngel’ with said E looking like she had been drawn through a hedge. Backwards. Everyone applauds HG for His outstanding coitus manoeuvres.

    Honestly, this has ‘winner’ written all over it!

    Who’s in? I will need deposits for the holiday home by close of business Thursday 😉

    1. Brits! Ye have sufficiently scareth me with the Benny Hill Chase. I shall RSVP my kind regards… but let me know the time/location (for the nighttime ninjas…that’s the American way, lol).

    2. Renarde

      Wildly entertaining. I have paid for everyone so please proceed with the current plan. I’m glad to have been let down off the cross to attend. You are a true empath.

      NA

  5. I’m so glad I found this site. Thank you. I have a specific question. I was recently involved with a master narcissist, who happens to be a client and an extremely wealthy and powerful man. He mentioned to me once that he can be very vindictive. I’m proud to say that I was able to realize what was going on with him and ended it after only six weeks. I did so in a note last week, and his reply was cold and cruel – he obviously took no responsibility. In light of what you wrote above, I’m now worried that he will take revenge. He could hurt me professionally, not just now but in the future. I’m wondering if it would be advisable to send a note saying that I am not angry and hope we can be friends, or something like that. Not that I mean it at all, but to appease him. Would this work? If not, what do you advise? Thank you.

    1. This is a matter which requires more information in order to provide you with a meaningful response and therefore a consultation should be organised.

    2. Hi JBS

      Consulting HG is a good option. Always, as he is the expert. But to my midn….I don’t think you will have an issue with this guy. Too short a time and he will have other ‘fuel pipelines’ on the go. Let him be.

      Contact him and you risk lowering ‘The Hoover Bar’. Creep away and you will probably be OK.

      I don’t really understand why anything you would do in your personal life would ever impact your professional one. Unless you have violated your own professions’ ethical code?

  6. HG, what do you mean when you write “not necessarily appreciating certain risks to the extent that he might”? Thank you, and hugs!!!

      1. Ahhh, I have noticed that too. Vacillating from overconfidence to wariness. But never really entirely naive.

        Your writing makes it much clearer to understand and be aware.

        Still it makes me sad that there cannot be 100% trust.

  7. “Those are his intimate partner secondary sources, his friends with benefits [….]
    “I have six guys I regularly knock around with, plus two good female friends.”

    When you write about the narcissist having ‘friends’ does this mean that he can have friends, or is everyone an appliance? Does friendship exist for the narcissist?

      1. Hello HG et al,
        Thank you for this blog.
        Q) HG do you find containing yourself in this blog difficult?

      2. Hello HG et al,
        Thank you for this blog.
        Q) HG do you find containing yourself in this blog difficult?
        That was the question, will attempt clarify.

        Q) Do you find your buttons pressed in this blog (negatively)?
        Q) What is your coping mechanism if this occurs?
        Q) Is it difficult to contain yourself ( erupting) in this blog?
        Q) Do you have a punch bag 🙂 (non human).
        You are appreciated and valued.
        Thank you

      3. 1. Rarely and if so only mildly.
        2. Correcting the inaccuracy.
        3. No.
        4. I do, for exercise.

      4. HG Thank you.
        Although not totaly answered ( Q. 2)
        Thank you for you time (H…..g)

  8. Hug, since Greaters are so rare, can you list off a few public or even fictional character Greaters , to help me get an idea?

    1. Unfortunately W, your opening word made me feel distinctly unwell and distracted me from your question.

      1. This made me laugh HG. Was it because of the word hug or because of the typo/misspelling of your name?

      2. Try not to panic. I don’t think W meant to virtual hug you. That was probably spellcheck auto-correct.

        (If it makes you feel any better, I have no urge to hug you).

      3. I know, I was making light of the error and demonstrating a little deflection!

      4. I know. I was being bratty… thought you’d be used to that by now.

      5. Really hoping “dungeon” is code for summertime pool party with my fellow empaths (complete with bar/live music).

      6. I think autocorrect got W on that one! But that was funny. Rephrase and try again, it was a good question. Just go easy on the snuggles this time.

      7. Haha!! I meant to type HG not the other
        Cmon, help me out here!
        Actually I could use a list of characters from all schools and sub schools! Any chance of getting one?

    2. Trump? It’s unsure whether or not this is about having greater rational and manipulative skills or a belief in the meritocracy.

    3. Caroline…Hug is fibbing. I’m organising an empath party at mine. Hug will be the only N allowed. He will be answering all our questions. (We’ll get him drunk first)

      1. ^ What could possibly go wrong? *_*

        P.S. LOL, Renarde~~Re: “Hug is fibbing”/”Hug will be the only N allowed.” I adore your wit. I’m rather tempted to keep calling him “Hug,” — but, alas, my toes would be crossing the line. (I’d rather not hear “Off with your toes, Caroline!”)

      2. When auto-correct/misspelling gives you a nick-name! How funny is that? Otherwise “Hg is the modern chemical symbol for mercury. It comes from hydrargyrum, a Latinized form of the Greek word ὑδράργυρος (hydrargyros), which is a compound word meaning “water-silver” Hg is a kind of presious metal anyway.
        Plus Mercury (HG) is one of the key alchemical elements leading to immortality.

      3. (well, we see everyone’s not using spell-check)
        Mercury was the messenger god

      1. MB
        Way to get them all lathered up again!
        I’m teasing you. I laughed.

      2. NA I thought it was funny, with all that talk of evidence and such. Now it’s right there in black and white! I’m glad you took it how I meant it. 🙂

      3. …just curious NarcAngel, when I saw this comment, I wondered who you meant by “them”?

      4. NarcAngel, Do You Think Hg. Is Tall ? Or Maybe When You Say HUGE Maybe You Mean Heavy , Like Heavyweight , Just Curious That’s All!❤❤🍓!

      5. Lol, that’s funny. It makes me think of other words that can be made from ‘hug’… like maybe “thug” ha ha …although that’s not as “flattering” as yours NarcAngel, and also factually inappropriate too, for a ‘Greater’ … sorry HG, I mean no offence, your Hugeness ;-))

      6. Too cute, Mary…

        But I’m thinking that’s why it’d grate on him — because we’d be assigning him cuteness. Then he’ll probably get crabby. And Fun HG is so much more, well… fun. 🙂

        Maybe let’s think of it like W brought us this magical, fun, giggly blog moment that we shall never forget~but our sacred bond is that we shall speak of it no more (insert loud crowd noise turning to whispers)…

        Or we may find ourselves unable to sign onto the blog, weeping in regret as we scream, “Curses, Red Baron!”

        😉

      7. Caroline- don’t be alarmed but I fear I may have a girl crush on you- lol…… You crack me up every time … thank you for making me smile on a really regular basis – you have a real gift and light, and I love your posts … x

  9. Hi, I’ve been studying your videos to understand the narcissist dynamic. Thank you for all your shared insites and explanations. I am learning a great deal although I may never fully understand the incredible need for total control as I believe myself to be an empathetic.
    That being said, my husband of 17 years has taken me on this highly controlled, exhausting constant cycle of rage/ fury followed by very short periods of rest. Although he tried physical abuse in the very early stages of marriage to which I fought back, he has not been physically abusive since then. I’m aware that just 2 weeks after we married and every since, there have been several other women that I found out about but those were only the ones i do know about. I’m sure there have plenty more. I see the coralation between devaluing the ipps ( which was me )and the suducing of the ipss, shelf ipss, the dirty little secret, ( which are/were several of MY extended family members ) etc. I have experienced total denial by him even with evidence brought forth multiple times over the years. Extreme selfishness of material objects, vehicles, money, personal belongings, all the way to the most minoot of items. I have exited ALL arguements so frustrated and exhausted that I stopped even asking him much bc I couldnt handle the stress any longer. I some how always knew he was more intelligent than he exhibited. And have told him on occasions. I could go on and on but I have a point to make and a few questions for you to wrap up with.
    About 2 months ago I found (again) messages sexual in nature, between him and one of my grandbabies mothers this time along with 5 other women he was talking to. I didnt say anything to him about it but I stopped talking to him altogether and ignored his exsistance in our home. I first blocked his number ( no phone calls or texts ) blocked fb, no conversation at home. I sent warning messages out to a couple of the women, plead with a couple of them to move him in. He found out as I did it through his message app. I wanted him to know that I know without having to say anything to him. Since then I have told him i want him to move out. And i want a divorce. On that day I was able to see his vulnerability, his panicked attempt to try to regain the control of the situation. I stood my ground and am still standing it tonight. I don’t acknowledge hes even here. He has given a 30 day notice to the rental office and is planning to move out. I hope he follows through with it. Oh hes tried to get close to me, kiss me, touch me, to which I say no. And he now sleeps in living room on the floor. His attention is elsewhere now and hes calm and only speaks on small general topics. I’m over this marriage, I’m over being controlled and manipulated and cheated on.
    I first began to learn about his disorder just 1 week after I found out about his affair with the babies mother and have bn soaking in everything I can about it so I can protect myself in the future. My questions to you are as follows, Do you believe that he will follow through with moving out? Will he or can he completely discard me and NOT ever hover me bc of the severity of the narcissistic injuries I have caused him? While he is calm and calculating his next move, is there any chance that he will physically hurt me without any warning sign for me to see it coming? Would you say that he is a mid level or great? He deffinately exhibits extreme self control, Your thoughts please? And Thank you

    1. Hello SLL, the nature of your questions, the need for more detail and the necessity of imparting a detailed response to you means that your queries should be addressed through a consultation.

    2. Oh my, Synthia. Arrange a consultation with HG ASAP. Best $100 you will ever spend. There are things you must know. Do it now. Hugs for strength!

      1. I read that it was 40.00 u.s. dollars. Is that not correct?

      2. It’s $100 For the one hour audio consult and that is what you are going to need my sweet.

      3. Ok. Perfect. I will get back intouch on payday. Thank you

  10. Is it possible that a Greater can be so smart that he/she responds like “a Normal” and not a Greater as described in the other article posted today regarding reaction to certain questions or situations?

    I assume the narcissist of my life is a Greater. Among other reasons, I know that it is possible for a Greater to know a person so well to know that certain “tools” used by narcissists wouldn’t work as well for fuel or control and thus never use them.

    All things just don’t add up still.

    1. To some extent,yes, because of our ability to fit in but over time you will be able to witness the aggregate of the behaviour to make a determination.

      1. Thank you!
        I have to admit that on one hand I am disheartened to see that; on the other impressed in a strange way.

      1. F – everything seems to fit: the charm, the charisma, most especially the eyes

  11. Isn’t The “greater” term you’re using simply the sociopathic component of your diagnosis,
    in addition to the NPD?
    That would account for the self awareness, the ability to control the fury and calculate deceptive behaviors at will, and have no care about it.

      1. Hg. Would You Say Theodore Roosevelt Was A Greater Narcissist ? Thank You For Your Answer. Sharon

    1. Except that ASPD people have *more* rage impulses. So they need to use more manipulation in order to vent that rage successfully. There are higher and lower functioning ‘antisocials’.

      Differential diagnosis is very hard to do.

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