A Stolen Love

a-stolen-love

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

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21 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”

  1. I felt I’d never be able to love romantically again for a time, though I still had immense love of other kinds. And I wasn’t ever able to love again romantically in that particular way — which is entirely to the good. The “love” I felt involved the sacrifice of my entire personhood, to the point where I was hearing his voice in my head rather than my own. I’m not sure any longer if it truly was love. Desire, adoration, obsession, worship, but love? There was hate eventually. Even that disappeared, to leave… nothing.

    I had to rebuild. Bigger, stronger, faster. I’ve been happily married for some time. This love — this true love — is something a narcissist can never have.

  2. Fool that I am for falling in love with you
    And fool that I am for thinking you loved me too

    You took my heart then played the part of little coquette
    And my dreams just disappeared
    like the smoke from a cigarette

    Fool that I am for hoping you’d understand
    And thinking you would listen to all of the thins
    The things I had planned

    But we couldn’t see eye to eye
    So darling
    Darling
    Darling this is goodbye

    Oh
    I still care
    Ooh
    I still care
    Fool that I am

    https://youtu.be/dr-mygCDaf0

    Etta James knew, she knew back then. That’s why it resonated. I want ‘ a Sunday kind of love’ a narc can’t ever give that. I wish you can battle your demons to feel that.

  3. I think narcs can only temporary steal love, just like they can temporarily fake the so called love. When you remove yourself from their influence, accept that it was all fake, do some deep soul searching you realise what true love is. The narc I was involved with could not rob me of my true feelings of love. Yes, he temporary fooled me with he’s big words and certainly confused me for a while, mostly about my own part in this whole dynamic. The narc told me over 1000 times that he loved me, but I never said it back, because I knew deep down that it was all just an illusion. I cared for him yes and I was high on the attention that he provided. No, my pure love is reserved for real people who are worth of my love, care and admiration. I feel unconditional love towards certain people in my life and when I say ”I love you” I truly mean it and feel it. Something narcs are not capable of and probably never will be.

      1. Hello NA,

        Yes, he questioned it many many times. It became the main tool that he used against me. He would say, “you do such and such because you don’t love me the same way as I love you” or “I cannot help it that I love you and you don’t share the same feelings as me”. It became really awkward as I would fall salient every time after he said it. I even told him often, you don’t love me, you just think that. I could not wrap my mind about it. At that time I did not know that he loved my fuel and I gave plenty believe me, as I was genuinely interested in the guy, but at the same time I always kept a distance and I think he knew that. I believe he miscalculated the situation, because I also had a few healthy long term relationships before and knew that the pace he was pushing on to me was not what I was used to and it made me very uncomfortable. As you can imagine it went soon downhill from that. I changed the tactics, started to test and push him hard on his proclamations and he could not deliver. He was not able to keep up the mask and showed his real face. I was satisfied of proving him wrong, but felt empty and confused afterwards as I could not recognise my own behaviour. That is when I started to research NPD and found HG’s blog. He is not giving up though, his hoovers change from malign to benign and the “I love you’s” still keep coming.

      2. Lily
        Thank you for responding and confirming. I couldnt see that as something he would let pass. Good for you for recognizing that he made you uncomfortable and for not letting him move or breach your boundaries. Oh no doubt he will hoover. He misses your fuel and I think you wounded him by not reciprocating the I love you’s so he wants a “win” to address that and prove to himself that you did, but you sound like youve decided that he is the only one playing that game. Good job.

      3. Thank you Bubbles. She popped up and we are all glad to have her back.

      4. NA, you are absolutely correct in your statement. He will never hear it from me though, that ship has sailed.

  4. Amor Magister est Optimus. Love is the Ultimate Teacher. Love (real or fake) will affect you anyway. Everyone of us (Empaths or Narcs) will graduate from the school of Love one way or another. This text is very poetic – HG, are you sure you are a Real narcissist?

    1. Of course. The appropriation of the words and feelings of others, honing them and applying them is what one does very well.

      1. Oh! Yeah! Oscar for Best Performance. The Narcissists are far more convincing and inventing in showing love and affection than a normal males (as gay men are far more feminine than the normal women)

  5. Wrong !!! Of course can we love again !! We are not stupid !! We are good hearted !!! Your kind are so stupid , that we look through you so soon and easily!! And if we do that…the nightmare ends !! YOU make it so easy to leave you Psychopaths … There are so many good men in this world !! With your treatment ,you only sharpen our senses, that makes it easy to realize your kind !! 👍🏻👹

  6. Fascinating. All of our greatest strengths are a weakness when it comes to your kind. It’s why we need to stay away. Empowering though. Thank you.

    1. I’ve been thinking about T too. I heard a song on my way home that made me think of her. Sending her healing thoughts.

    2. Dearest NarcAngel…..
      so lovely of you to mention T … I sincerely hope she ok too …. she’s dearly missed.

      You’re very considerate and thoughtful … thankyou lovely lady

      Luv n hugs
      Bubbles xx

    3. Thankyou lovely one …. I’ve caught up with her on “fakery” … I’m very concerned for her …. I feel she’s needs all our support
      Luv Bubbles xx

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