Warning Letter


“Dear Victim.

Well here we are again. Or rather, here I am again. I referred to we because as I mentioned in my first letter to you, I do not really distinguish between you and all the others, so what is about to happen next seems to me as if it has happened with you, numerous times before. What is going to happen is something that I have done so many times before with so many other victims so one thing to keep at the forefront of your mind is that you are not alone in being subjected to what will come next.

It has been amazing so far hasn’t it? I told you I would love you like nobody else ever has and I delivered. Okay, I was actually loving your praise, love, admiration and adoration of me, but to you it felt like I loved you in a way which went beyond anything you had ever experienced before. That certainly kept you happy. You told me every day how happy you were. You told your friends, your family, your colleagues, the man at the hot dog stand, in fact anybody who would listen. I enjoyed watching you do that. It made me feel good. It made me feel powerful. Here I was able to make you tell the world about our perfect love and goodness me have you loved me perfectly. You told me every day just how much you loved me. You cared for me, looked after me and helped me in so many ways. From letting me use your car when I crashed mine to scratching my back as I lay in bed at night ready to sleep. Of course it was not all one way. I gave you everything I could. I only did it though, to get your fuel. I give to receive. I do not know any other way. You sometimes told me about your love for me being without condition. I didn’t understand what you meant. No, that is wrong. I understood what you meant but I struggled to imagine doing this. I love you with so many conditions, the chief one being that I only actually love you for the fuel that you give me. Not for who you are. It will take you a long time to understand this and even longer to accept that this is the case. This is why I am writing this letter so that you can keep reading and re-reading it in order to allow it to sink in. After all, nobody else is going to be able to tell you how it really is will they? Anyway, it has been brilliant so far. Ordinarily I would claim that that is all down to me, after all am I not brilliant? It is a fact however that you more than played your part. You gave me absolutely everything. Your heart, your soul and you poured every essence of your being in to the concept of us. I know you did this because I could see you doing it. I had to because I needed that in order to sustain me. The more you gave, the more brilliant I became, so you gave even more in return. It was an upwards spiral. Two people working in magnificent harmony. You because you believed in us. Me because I needed your fuel. Not that you ever realised this. Why would you? I became the perfect partner, complimenting you, praising you and loving you in that oh so spectacular way. It was intense, it was scintillating and I made sure I became everything that you would want from a relationship. It was a great deal for us both. I made you feel ultra-special. You gave me the ultra fuel that I need. Does it matter that what I provided to you was based on something else? I would say not, you still got what you wanted didn’t you? I should imagine you would argue that it did matter because you truly believed that I loved you for who you are and that should be the case. I can understand why you would think like that. You are big on this love thing aren’t you? That is why I picked you of course, that and many other reasons as well, but that played a big part. I wonder though; if nothing altered, if I kept treating you the same way forever as I have done so far, even though it is predicated on a completely different basis to the one you think it is, would that trouble you? You wouldn’t know of course. All you would know is that I continuing to give you the apparent love you crave, in the manner that you have come to expect and in a fashion that makes you feel so special. I don’t suppose you would be particularly upset if that remained the case would you? The thing is though, that isn’t going to happen. Yes, you read that correctly. What has happened so far, marvellous as it is, is effectively at an end. Oh, you will be allowed some glimpses of the person you thought I was, from time to time, in order to keep you with me, but to all intents and purposes this golden period of unparalleled love has come to an end. You won’t realise this because first of all you just cannot accept that something so wonderful could end in this manner. Second of all you will not realise because of what I am going to do. I am going to confuse you, bewilder you and befuddle you. I am going to make everything hazy, amorphous, nebulous, blurred and indistinct so you are not going to understand what is going on.

Why am I going to do this? Well something has changed. I would usually explain, if I ever felt that an explanation should be given (and I operate from the stance that I owe you no explanations because I am unaccountable) that as usual it is your fault. You have let me down. I do believe that to be the case. I wish it was not. I wish this wonderful period could have continued for the rest of our days together but it cannot. What once invigorated me and made me feel powerful just does not do so in the same way anymore. Don’t think you are alone in this happening. You are not. All the others let me down as well. It is as if you are not trying any longer. It is as if you have become bored with my brilliance and you see no reason to admire me and adore me in the way that you once did. That wounds me. Your actions or perhaps more accurately, your lack of actions makes me feel less than what I am. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel worthless and this infuriates me. I know that others have said to me in the past that nothing has changed in the way that they feel about me, that they love me just as much as they always have done. Yet even though they tell me this it does not feel like that anymore to me. The power I felt when you showed me that love and admiration is either no longer there or not as strong. I cannot help it. That is the way that I feel. Since I have not changed in the way that I regard you, I can only reach the conclusion that this alteration in how I feel has been brought about as a consequence of you. Something in the way you act towards me has altered. You perhaps are not giving enough of yourself to me, you are not manifesting the love, the admiration and the adoration in the way that powers me. It might be that sometimes it feels stale to me, that has happened, perhaps it is because you have become too familiar to me and therefore I do not derive the same reaction that I once did to the way you have behaved. I know that this has been suggested to me but I do not know if it is right. For so long you behaved the same way towards me, loving me in that wonderful way and it did not feel stale or jaded. I think, more likely, it is because you have begun to treat me differently. You are not performing at the level that I require and therefore to me this means you no longer regard me in the same light and this offends me. I feel criticised by this behaviour of yours and therefore I have to protect myself. You see, I do not like criticism. In fact, I hate it and therefore I need to act promptly to defend myself against this criticism. That is why I have to do what comes next. I had hoped this would not happen. I had hoped that you would be The One so this could be avoided. I had hoped you would not let me down, that I had made the right choices and decisions so that our golden reign could continue forever. I guess I got it wrong, although it is not something I would ever openly admit, I do not want to be seen as wrong because that suggests weakness and that is the last thing I want you to think I am. So, here I am again, about to protect myself from your implied criticism. Anybody else would say sorry for what is about to happen, but as you will soon find out, I do not do apologies. I am sorry for myself that it has come to this of course. I am full of self-pity when the need arises. So, that is the end of the golden period we had. I must do what I have done so many times before and bring the hurt. I will stop now as I have some planning to do, but I will write again. You might want to put your tin hat on and buckle up. This is where it turns nasty.


Yours in disappointed fury

N. Arc


18 thoughts on “Warning Letter

  1. Sanna paterson says:

    Well, my narcissist. You failed to make me love you enough. I was never going to live with you. I could always feel the void within you. You said ‘I love you’ but my reciprocation of that phrase was never really heartfelt so I stopped responding in kind. I don’t know if you noticed ?
    But then I know what loving someone and being loved in return feels like and you don’t.

  2. Kelly says:

    I met the Devil himself in person on May 10. 48 hours he was with me.. you are a rookie. Ooxx

    1. Linda says:

      Kelly, it’s Linda. I read this site every day. Tony trolls this site so change ur name. I have vanished for awhile . . .

  3. Heather says:

    Love this!!! Are you planning on writing a couple more letters that continue from this one? I think that would be so helpful. A complete cycle of a Narc. A Fury letter and then a Hoover letter. To really show everything? That would be AMAZING!!! Thank you for all your insight. It is beyond helpful!!!

  4. Feather says:

    Yes. A Warning. My life is about to be ripped apart for all to see and my heart will be bleeding on the floor. I made a grave error and now I get to reap the consequences. I loved him with all my heart. He told me he will always be with me and now I know the only thing that will separate us is death. Cryptic? Yes. Scared? Yes! I have no one – no one at all. You won! I lost and now will pay to the depths of my soul.

    1. K says:

      I am really sorry you are going through that, Feather. They break your heart, steal your soul and throw your love away, as if it all meant nothing.
      It is a betrayal beyond words.

    2. Val Ferguson says:

      Only if you give him or her the power to destroy you…..why would you let this person do that….lift your head and feel proud that you can feel love and all the feelings associated with it….you are a unique individual and we go through life learning and experiencing various emotions but most of all love yourself and enjoy YOUR special life as they are unable to do this as it’s like hitting the repeat button….sad but damaging to all that is kind and loving xx

    3. Dragonfly2 says:

      Feather, u have us. You’re not alone. Your blog concerns me.
      I felt the same way two weeks ago. I overdosed on enough pills to kill a horse and woke up the next day. I woke up feeling like I got run over by a truck. I couldn’t get out of bed for three days. On the 5th day a friend, I thought didn’t have any, took me out of state for 3 days. I saw beauty again. It’s hard for me to talk about it but I know desperation. I too had ‘made a grave error’ pertaining to my ex.
      He’s only a man, not worth me checking out. And he’s not really a man. Peter Pan, 5 year old mentally.
      Don’t let him win!! No one really wins or losses in the narc-empath relationship.
      Are you feeling better today?

  5. Somewhere over the rainbow says:

    First of all: beautifully written and insightful letter!

    Secondly, we (all) should try to gradually give more and more to the other, while building the relationship (in years). It is ok because in time we find out if we can trust the partner. A normal won’t give to his wife in his 20s what he’s giving in his 40s – usually (we talk about hard working men, not receiving their all from parents); the woman’s admiration for her partner is gradually increasing for various things and a woman won’t be as wise, understanding and sophisticated in her 20s as in her 40s (I don’t know for others but I admire more educated women in their 30-40-50s than while very young and impulsive). So, if both have patience and are willing to work for themselves and the relationship, the admiration it there to stay, albeit not for the same reasons as in the beginning.

    I find that you are a hard working and able to commit man (I know few able to dedicate themselves to an idea for so long as you did with this blog, still…here you are, not going into the reasons as to why), why don’t you try to give less than love bombing in the beginning and see how the admiration for you will gradually increase and you’ll know you are loved for yourself more than for what you have to offer? After every high comes a lower point, if you work on reducing the difference between them, I think you could in time reduce the fuel you need. My 50 cents…

  6. LYNN says:

    All relationships loose that initial lustre over time. So your kind know it’s you that have to solve this problem other wise it’s a downward spiral for you as you get older. Just for once do the brave thing and face the beast. Stay sweet to the victim that you feel is failing you. Talk to her tell her you need shed loads of love and adoration, more than is recognised as normal. Explain why this is. She loves you and doesn’t want to loose you, she will work with you in partnership to deal with the beast. You know thought you will have to meet it because nothing that can be given will be enough. You simply get bored and the beast starts to rise. But have this thought. The beast is not to be feared. The beast is just memories made out of old thoughts that were wrong thoughts. You were an innocent child victim you therefore do not house the beast . The beast belongs to the evil parents that formed him. Cast him to them and stand strong and innocent. Don’t cower to the beast and curse his evil to loving people that adore you. Meet him head on and kill the curse that does not belong with you. Banish the beast be strong so many people want to help you in this chapter that awaits you. He’s not real just a figment of your imagination. Remove the chains of fuel. You don’t need it you have your own golden nectar of an innocent child in your viens so see it feel it use it to nourish yourself and break the evil forces. phew wow did I really say all that ????? come on HG surely your not afraid of the beast.
    You become a mess for a while trying to cope without fuel you will be raised up and honoured for your integrity and courage. you have to try xx

  7. Roxanne Smith says:

    This letter is a précis of the last thirteen years of my life. Almost word for word, action for action. To see it written down in a way I can see so clearly has reached me in a way inside never been reached. Thank you.

    I only found out four weeks ago that my husband is not the man I believed he was In order to learn more would you be good enough to tell me the level of narcissism that the writer of this letter would sit at? I’m guessing not lesser but also feel it is more refined, more intelligent than mid range? Would someone be good enough to give me a definition? Thank you all.

    1. K says:

      Roxanne Smith
      My narcissists are not this articulate, so my guess is upper mid-range-greater.

  8. Carol M says:

    …and this is exactly the moment when the Holy Grail is switched for the Hurt God.

  9. I wish he had written this letter to me that might have saved me a lot of heartache. Thank you anyway. I will pretend it was him who wrote this for me and that will give me a sense of closure.

  10. janieleeds says:

    H.G., this made perfect sense to me for it was how it ended with my former husband.

  11. Mona says:

    “Dear hater, thank you very much for your letter. It shows what you are, what you feel and will be a good evidence for my lawyer. See you soon.” “Thanks a lot.” Your Mona.

    (No serious answer)

  12. tigerchelle78 says:

    Deal with it!

    Bring it on…..Narc!

    (That’s how that made me feel)

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