The Narcissistic Covenant
There is a covenant which exists between you and I, between our kind and your kind. It is not necessary for you to provide consent to this covenant in order for it to be binding. You do not know that this covenant exists but it does. Its terms govern the relationship between us and you, whether you are entangled with the Lesser of our kind, the Mid-Range of the Greater. It matters not. The covenant applied from the moment that we selected you to be our victim. There are ten parts to this covenant and they reflect the mind set and attitude of our kind towards you and how you and I interact. There is little doubt that in looking back at your entanglement with us you will recognise certain elements of this but whilst you were very much in our grip, you would have no idea that these were the terms which governed our treatment of you.
- You were chosen
Our ensnaring of you might have been portrayed as chance, a piece of serendipity but it was not. You were chosen to be our victim. The Lesser will have instinctively recognised your potential without knowing why. The Mid-Range will have applied some thought to the process, potentially dismissing less favourable candidates. The Greater identified you, monitored you and then moved in for the “kill”. In every instance you were chosen.
- You belong to us
You are an object to us. An appliance. Therefore, we are able to assert proprietary rights over you just as we would with some other kind of object or chattel. Since we own you, we choose what to do with you, without recourse to you or anybody else. This is our inalienable right.
- You exist solely for our purposes
We are the centre of your world, the heart of your universe and at all times everything that you do should be focused on us, for our benefit and advancement. You do not exist for your family. You do not exist for our children. You do not exist for your friends, colleagues, fellow members of a club or congregation. We are all that matters to you.
- This is forever
This covenant lasts for ever. In our minds it is one that exists in perpetuity for we do not wish to contemplate our own demise and care nothing for yours, other than it inconveniencing us by the interruption to our supply of fuel. This relationship transcends all others. You may have told us that you do not wish to be “with us” any longer. You may have broken off the engagement or divorced us. In our mind all that you have done is end the Formal Relationship which is something that people lesser than our kind engage in with one another and that which we accede to for the sake of fitting in. In our minds our relationship exists beyond this Formal Relationship. This is the Narcissistic Relationship and means we remain entitled to effect the terms of this covenant against you at all times until your last breath or our last breath.
- This is totalitarian
There is no limit to our power over you. We are entitled to and we will exercise our right to, govern every facet of your life, interfere in everything that you do, monitor you and control you in order to achieve our aims. You must accept that you are entirely subservient to us.
- You cannot end this covenant
You have no rights under this covenant. You cannot bring about its unilateral termination. Indeed, it cannot be ended at all. You are not able to state that its terms are inapplicable to you, that it has no jurisdiction or effect over you. Such protestations are invalid.
- We owe you nothing
We are entitled to do as we please without challenge, question or restraint. We have no obligation to do anything for you. We have no compulsion to act in your interests, have regard to your opinion, your feelings or your desires. If we do so, it will only be for the advancement of our position.
- Fuel provision is paramount
The provision of fuel is above all else. This is in terms of what you must provide to us and also in allows us to seek fuel from other sources, whenever we deem necessary and howsoever we choose. Concepts of fidelity and monogamy are null and void with regard to this part of the covenant. Issues of protocol and etiquette and meaningless.
- The Ends Justifies the Means
The covenant grants us carte blanche to do what is necessary for our purposes. This is supported by our concept of total entitlement and the fact that we have no accountability, culpability or blameworthiness for any of our actions. Whatever needs to be done will be done to ensure the furtherance of our agenda, aims and needs.
- We are the Victim
We are the victim in all of this. This is why the covenant exists by reason to compensate us for all of the outrageous injustices, misfortunes, unfairness and hardships that this cruel and feckless world has meted out to us.
22 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Covenant”
Oh ! Thats why after the break up they just won’t leave . And act like nothing has changed .
Silence was the true weapon. Not the narcissist’s silence — my own after being told not confide in my friends/family if we fought, or being met with dismissal/rage/contempt so often that it was best to say nothing. He trained me to do his work for him.
After he was gone, I was alone. But I reached out to everyone around me, offering them support and love instead of asking for it. I imitated his oblivious confidence and performed well. He’d trained me, after all.
And then I contacted his ex — the one right before me, who he said called me “trash” when she found out he’d started dating me. We now send each other screenshots of his pitiful monthly attempts to contact us. Neither of us responds to him. We mock him and marvel that we gave control to someone so pathetic.
We could both make more of an effort to block him and never see his communication — if we’re reading it, it’s for us, right? But I hope he finds out about my communication with his ex, realizes that I no longer keep his secrets, and goes mad wondering which of our mutual acquaintances I’ve revealed his true identity to.
But if he doesn’t, that’s fine. I don’t need to destroy him. Because I don’t need him.
And that’s why I’ll win.
HG, yes, that fits exactly referring to my other comments at the other topic about cold fury.
HG…. is there ever a time when this “covenant” is broken by the Narcissist due to the No Contact and the fact that she ( my narc) has to many to worry about me? Especially if I stay out of her spheres. Even though for 10 yrs she had come back repeatedly. Can there be so much fuel that one just simply slips away or do you remember all sources?
We do not necessarily remember all sources, but you come back into our sights owing to hoover triggers.
The appliance has figured out what’s going on and, like it or not, it no longer works. Through this knowledge, the repeated Hoovers appear ridiculously phoney and they fail to stir emotion so they cease. The degradations and criticism serve to immediately end the phone conversations. Statements of, “Several women here are very interested in me”, are met with, “l hope things work out better”. These phone calls lead to repeated woundings, so lengthy absence silent treatment is applied with absolutely no response as weeks turn into months. HG, you say that the relationship/ownership is till death do us part. I understand that the narcissist is busy with alternate fuel during the lengthy silent treatment/no contact. What I don’t understand is how thoughts of continued “ownership” are maintained during lengthy no contact periods. Does this entitlement continue even after years of no contact?
The entitlement is always there. There will be periods where there is no interaction (for various reasons) but this does not remove the mindset that you belong to us.
After my genuine lack of emotional reaction to the Hoover and triangulation attempts he began to exclaim with great anger, “I know you hate me”! In spite of this, he then immediately and calmly said, “When you find a new guy, let me meet him and I’ll tell you if he’s a nice guy”. Does he truly not understand that the trust has been irrevocably broken, or does the sense of entitlement mean he simply continues on in spite of the loss of my trust? Does this loss of trust have any meaningful significance to him?
The sense of entitlement, Donna which manifests from the Narcissistic Relationship which you belong to us until you or we die.
Regardless of how much time has passed?
Thank you for confirming, HG!
Thank you for putting it so clearly. Is this the same for all sources, primary, secondary, and tertiary, or are there differences?
It applies to all, of course its applicability is more pertinent to the more potent appliances.
HG, would an intimate secondary source (shelf) be deemed such a “more potent appliance”?
I think I was wrong about my guy being a narc when I read this article. he just cut it and it’s over so I think I was wrong. Maybe it was all my fault it didn’t work.
Obviously I don’t know your situation but just cutting it off, it’s over, sounds like a discard. If so, he’ll be back after playing around with new fuel. Was the cut off sudden, came out of no where, you didn’t see it coming? Did the cut off come immediately after a great time, or perhaps a period of time when you needed extra support? Are you now frantically trying to contact him but getting no response at all? Are mutual friends distancing themselves?
Hi Donna thanks for your interest. I had a golden period and fell in love, then we had a period of trying to continue with a long distance relationship as I was travelling and seeing him a werk every 6 weeks until my travels finished after a year. He put me through a year of hell changing his mindset on that and ending it then being sorry and making it up, going through that pattern over and over. During that time some people I spoke to advised me he was a narc, I studied it on u tube and believed this was true. when my travels over and could finally give him what he had said he wanted which was me with him full time, he then became cold and seemingly disinterested and I realised I was in devaluation. I flipped out and told him what I knew about his condition and likened his behaviours to the traits, called him out big time and he blocked me. complete cut off. I don’t feel he will Hoover or that he thinks I belong to him. I feel he has completely forgotten me so I wonder if I got it wrong.
HG can probably weigh in on this but you wounded him. He will be back if for nothing else than to punish you for that wounding.
Prepare yourself. Block him if you can. I know it’s very hard and most of us including myself fail at it many times as there is always this need to look for any sign he’s not a narc. If people told you he’s a narc and you have been the recepient of the behavior you described above, he’s a narc. Run don’t walk. Take it from me and many others here that this won’t turn out well. Please spare yourself the agony if you can. He will unblock you at some point. I know it seems like he won’t but he will and he will try to suck you back in
We are the victim –
So many times he was telling me how other IPSS were abusing him and also so many times how much I owe him . In any case – I still somehow abide to this – I broke NC/ have a foot into being profesionnnaly linked / I was very well in NC : have no clue why I sort of went back and want more.
I am annoyed at me / but I know I have imprint a path in my brain of not having him in my life – like When I stopped drinking a year ago – I had been previously NC with alcohol for 2 period of 1 week and eventually totally stopped.
Now I know I will do that eventually for good and break this contract .
Thank you Lori and Omj
Lori yes I guess yes I am totally sure he’s a narc but at times when I listen to all you other people’s experiences with the constant hoovering I can’t understand why mine is so different.
Have already talked with HG who yes said he was a narc and was really helpful ….but…then so many of his articles don’t fit with my experiences.
It’s just my narcs complete detachment plays tricks with my mind but then I rationalise and think how can a normal person one minute be begging and pleading for you to be with him and constantly exuding words of love and devotion and then suddenly cut you off.
yes I fell into the trap of becoming obsessed with analysing the whole course of events over and over and blaming myself and becoming subservient, working hard to repair and recover thing’s….but where I’m different I think is, even when I blame myself I cannot cope with unreasonable behaviour and as much as I might want to keep the relationship going ….when those behaviours appear it’s like a red rag to a bull, it’s like I get the narc fury and rage in myself and although he might of soaked that fuel up there was also me calling him out which I think I injured him and cancelled out the pleasure of the fuel maybe.
I also think some of the flying monkeys were on the fence between us too and he was feeling vulnerable as they had really liked me in the golden period.
If he did Hoover I would only agree to talk with him if the following were the stipulations 😁
I would love to have him in restraints with torture devices to force him to answer questions if he met them with silence ha ha 😂😂and I would play the word salad and circular conversations indefinitely until I got all the answers that gave me either belief it could work and was worth another try ( ok I know that’s a fantasy that’s never gonna be) or I finally have the closure to extinguish the anger and set me free from a tortured mind.
It’s the anger that won’t leave my head.
I feel unable to detach from the anger and think it’s because it ignites the memories from my childhood of neglect and rejection.
Please lovely people and HG keep sending your helpful comments my way it really helps.
Just as a narc needs his fuel I need the constant back up support and people to keep reinforcing the truths and just reading HG articles is not enough because they often sound so different from what I’ve experienced.
I know I should be happy I’m cut off and it’s saving me alot of grief and I know any contact would only open up my wounds again. it’s just hard never having the answers and I thank HG so much giving us the true answers’s bless him.