Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages – Part Two
Having explained why the various schools of narcissist fails to respond to your text messages when you are the primary source, it also falls to be considered why this is done with three classes of secondary source namely The Intimate Partner Secondary Source, The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source and the Non-Intimate Partner Secondary Source.
The Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“IPSS”)
This person is either somebody who is being seduced by our kind for the purposes of being promoted to become the new primary source at the appropriate time or is someone who has not secured the promotion but is someone we regard as too valuable to discard. Accordingly, the IPSS might be someone who is “on the up” in terms of seduction as we look to ensure they will be a reliable and high-functioning primary source or it might be someone who did not make ‘the cut’ but since we have invested time and effort in them and their fuel (plus other benefits) they are still of use to us. So, what does it mean if we are not responding to your text messages when you are the IPSS?
During Initial Seduction
It is the IPSS who experiences the most intense of seductions. You will have begun as a tertiary source, a stranger who has been targeted for your potential. You are therefore very quickly promoted to a secondary source and since sex is such a weapon of mass seduction, you will have been further promoted to the position of IPSS. As we look to promote you to the primary source, you will experience the love-bombing and the manifestation of our infatuation through the near ceaseless text messaging.
When there is a hiatus in the text messaging this is not a devaluation but is rather done to test you to see how you respond. If you are relaxed about this change, for instance you have grown used to a text always at 8am and then we do not send one, but you do not respond to this failure in any way, we will be disappointed. If however you text us at 8-01 am asking us how we are (your attempt to find out why we have not texted without asking as such) then we will be pleased with your response and in such a circumstance likely to respond immediately again. Any kind of delay in responding or period of silence is done purely to test how quickly you will respond and what you will send in your response to us. This is not devaluation. The delay will only be for a short period of time, a few hours or so, as it is a test and we do not want to risk losing your interest. Accordingly, if you do not respond for a few hours (although this is highly unlikely) we will contact you (if it was a devaluation the silence would continue for far longer). Furthermore, when you do respond, we will reply to you after a handful of your messages in a short time period, again because we do not want to risk losing your interest and we are satisfied that you are responding in the way that we approve of.
During the Golden Period Seduction
If the targeting and the initial seduction proved successful then you will have been promoted from IPSS to primary source and therefore you ought to have regard to the circumstances of this article Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? – Part One
If however you have not been promoted to primary source but you have not been discarded, then we have opted to keep you connected to us as an IPSS. You will be aware that you have not been promoted because we will still see the wife or girlfriend (or if none was ever mentioned) you will not see us as often as you once did during the Initial Seduction. You may think that this is a devaluation. It is not. You are now in the Golden Period Seduction for an IPSS. This means we still regard you as ‘good’, we want your fuel, but unlike a IP Primary Source we will not avail ourselves of the fuel as often. This means that the fuel you provide as a IPSS does not go stale, but rather we intermittently return to you. We in effect keep you hanging on, future-faking as to what might happen but we have no intention of promoting you (just yet although circumstances may change further down the line) since we deemed you not to make the grade.
What will be happening now is that we will
a. Continue with the devaluation of the primary source;
b. Continue to engage with you as an IPSS; and
c. We will be engaging with another IPSS in the Initial Seduction Period
Accordingly, when your messages are not being returned in these circumstances again it is not because of a devaluation but it is because we have ‘put you back on the shelf’ and we are engaging with the primary source and/or new IPSS who we are looking to promote. You remain of use to us but this is an intermittent use.
Understand therefore that the silences (and they can be protracted) are not because we have turned against you, but because we are busy elsewhere. You may notice that you do receive some replies but they are short and perfunctory in nature
“Busy. Will call later.”
“Can’t talk. Meeting.”
“Busy but miss you.”
“Tied up but will message later.”
These crumbs of comfort are provided because we do not want to lose you, we enjoy the fuel that is received from you messaging us and because you remain in the Seduction Golden Period we have no need to devalue you, it just is not your turn to have time with us.
You can find yourself held in this position for a very long time. Not good enough to become the primary source but not bad enough to devalue and discard.
The Devaluation
The Devaluation of an IPSS is rare because we like to keep you around as a reliable and occasional fuel provider. We invested time in you and because you function whenever we turn to you (you are delighted to gain some time with us at last) your fuel always appears potent to us, thus we have no need to devalue.
Devaluation would only take place if you began to refuse to see us when we decided it was time to pay you a visit or you no longer provided us with fuel. Once this has happened we consider you to be a malfunctioning IPSS and we will devalue you. This means that we will ignore your text messages, you will not get crumbs of comfort and the period of ignoring you will be extensive until we do decide to respond. The response will be malign in nature. Thus if you are an IPSS you will know that:-
a. Extensive delays to reply to your repeated messages; and
b. When the response finally comes it is malign in nature
means that you are being devalued.
The Discard
In the rare event that you have been discarded as an IPSS then you are immediately painted black and it is as if you do not exist. We do not regard you as even worth bothering with for negative fuel (although of course we will still derive some from your messages but we will not prod you for more) and therefore if you do not get a reply to your text messages begging for a reply and an explanation, it is because we regard you as an irritation, beneath dealing with and in all likelihood you will end up blocked.
The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“DSIPSS”)
The DSIPSS is the person who is kept hidden away but is dipped into for excellent fuel with considerable regularity ( see more Dirty Little Secret )
The Initial Seduction Period
This will be intense in a similar way to that described above as concerning the IPSS. There is unlikely to be any delay in replying to text messages because there is no need to test you. Your role has been decided on as DSIPSS and you will never become the primary source. Your function is to be available at a set time or times each week for those secret trysts where the clandestine nature of the connection increases the potency of the fuel since you are likely to be The Other Woman. As we embed you (and do so quickly) into this role we will respond to your messages because we do not want to:-
a. Risk losing you; and
b. You trying to contact other people you may know mutually which then risks exposing our dirty secret
thus there will be no failure to reply.
The Seduction Golden Period
Just like the IPSS you are slotted into a longstanding golden period because you are used intermittently. Whilst kept secret, you will be seen more often than an IPSS who is in the Seduction Golden Period. That IPSS has failed to become the primary source but is kept and strung along for future use. You were never going to be the primary source and you are seen more often because the nature of your fuel is a two hour fuel injection before we disappear back to the primary source.
It is the nature of the DSIPSS that because they know of the primary source, they are less likely to badger us through messages. There will not be any intentional failure to respond to the messages of the DSIPSS and often the reply will explain why we cannot speak or message at length but the content of the message will be complimentary, encouraging and contain future faking, whilst slating the primary source,amounted to improved crumbs of comfort. Indeed there will often be an explanation given to explain when we are next available (the IPSS would not be afforded this)
“Can’t message for long, got to take the witch to her friends so will message you around 8pm, can’t wait to kiss you again.”
“Difficult to text, she is still here. Will message again as soon as I can. Really missing you and want to show you just how much asap.”
“Hi sex machine, stuck at present, will msg after 6pm xxxxxxxxxxx”
Thus if you find that your messages are always answered, your expectations managed and you know there is a primary source involved, you are a DSIPSS who is in the lengthy seduction golden period.
The Devaluation
It is very rare for a DSIPSS to be devalued because of their compliance, acceptance of their role and the delicious turbo boost of fuel which they provide every so often. We do not become bored of the DSIPSS’ fuel and devaluation would only take place if the DSIPSS eventually decides that he or she wants more or tires of their role, in effect working out that they are just a dirty little secret. If there are demands for more time, threats to expose the arrangement or the fuel is diminished then we may apply some more sugar to calm the situation, but if this is unlikely to work then we will turn to threats and devaluation. We will then cut the DSIPSS adrift and make them persona non grata. We will not respond to any of the messages for a long time and once we do the response will be savage, malign and threatening in order to ensure that the DSIPSS stays silent.
The Discard
Just like the IPSS, the discard is rare, but if it does happen, your messages will be ignored because not only are you painted black by us, we wish you would just disappear because as a DSIPSS you have the potential to cause us problems. By not answering we are denying your existence. We are unlikely to block you because we want to keep an eye on what you are doing in case it proves necessary to dole out a malign follow-up hoover in order to keep you in line, but we will monitor your texts but not reply. We are no longer as interested in your fuel, but it is rather the reaction of wishing you would just go away and let us get on with our machinations in peace.
The Non-Intimate Secondary Source (“NISS”)
This will include inner and outer circle friends along with colleagues.
The Initial Seduction
This happens quickly as it does not take too much effort to bind this person to us as friend or colleague as a NISS and the reality is that there is unlikely to ever be an occasion, or indeed time for a failure to respond to the text messages occurring.
The Seduction Golden Period
As explained elsewhere, the NISS enjoys a near permanent golden period because their fuel is only relied on intermittently and thus remains potent. The NISS is also often very loyal and receives bribing benefits from our kind, so the seduction golden period will continue for a long time.
If there is a failure to reply to text messages it is because we are busy about something else. The NISS whilst important to us, is expendable and therefore the messages of a NISS will not be treated with priority. The fuel obtained whilst good, is not the highest and generally, in tandem with our concept of superiority and control, consider that the NISS once bound is not going to become disloyal because we have been slow to respond to text messages. We take the view that they will conclude we are just busy and they will patiently wait for a reply. We have no need to rush and no need to devalue them during this stage. Accordingly, if you are a NISS and your messages are not being responded to, it is because we are busy doing something else and you are not a priority.
The Devaluation
The devaluation of a NISS is very rare, but if it does happen then the failure to respond will be elongated in time, with many messages piling up unanswered before we eventually respond with a scathing put down. There will be no words of comfort, no excuses offered but an unpleasant reply designed to draw fuel from you.
The Discard
The discard of a NISS is also rare but if it does happen, it is as if you are struck from the record, made persona non grata and in all likelihood you will be blocked. We freeze you out and no doubt have already replaced you with someone else. Your messages seeking explanations and reconciliation will be unheeded and indeed in many instances not even yet, such is your inferior status to us.
14 thoughts on “Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages – Part Two”
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Hi HG,
1. If the victim MMRN narc doesn’t respond at all that day, does that mean the shelf IPSS was demoted to NISS?
The shelf IPSS just sent the original texts and was waiting – no texts afterwards that ask for a response. Usually this narc responds in the same day so it’s odd that this time there was no response. But he has been saying that he has low energy and now he just started working plus school.
2. Does the shelf IPSS ever become demoted to NISS by the victim cadre? If so, what conditions cause it?
1. Not necessarily.
2. Possibly, bur more usually you remain Shelf IPSS throughout even though you may be treated as a Shelf NISS – once you have been intimate with a narcissist, that label invariably remains.
Ok. Thank you so much, HG. It’s just so cruel that the narcissist thinks that he can just treat somebody however he likes and act like it is not a big deal. And I just helped him that prior day and it was like nothing to him. I told him that it hurt that he just ignored me.
When he does this, it feels like he treats me as inferior – which he is.
Does he act this way because specifically he feel superior to me? Lacks empathy and a conscience? or all of the above? Which is it that drives this behavior?
All of the above.
HG, have you seen narcissists intentionally make NISS cohorts?
Yes
Ok, thank you. I think I’ve seen them in pairs and in groups. I would think this would make things a lot harder for non-narcissists involved and also can cause problems on a larger scale in the case of groups. Regardless, it seems a greater always has supply anyway, but a lesser can have a family dynamic setup. I have recently encountered a couple of people explaining terrible dynamics in the workplace where they got forced out after experiencing high stress levels due to what sounds like suddenly being gaslighted by a new manager after years of having no issues with anyone. When my one workaholic friend eventually confessed to me her new boss had been trying to thoroughly convince her she had a bad work ethic I realized he’d taken a toll on her and it was unfixable. I find the criticisms with narcissists are just qualitative enough and can be backed up with any example of “proof” they choose or they use a quantitative “fact” that has far less relevance than actually matters but they sound so convincing.
The recent, I think greater, I’ve dealt with I probably gave a decade of fuel to- I feel has altered some of his communication style toward mine, has altered some of his perceptions toward my views and then went on to parrot back to me some thought of mine I’d shared only to tell me I wouldn’t understand it (lack of understanding is not a frequent problem for me). Claimed not to have read my messages, which I don’t believe.
Strong NISS available, which is frustrating. It is extremely easy for him to find flaw with me since I was always transparent and expressed a lot of emotion, the majority of it after someone I cared for and respected died and I lost some filter and control. He can be very convincing though alternating seemingly sincerely telling me that I have helped and benefited him with telling me that he is superior and to be respected and everything I have issue with is my own fault. He alternates humility with grandiosity in a way that seems very strange to me, even when talking to others. One time seems a bit hapless, almost apologetic, humble (like a normal person) and another is paying himself over the top compliments that make him sound nearly mythical. Lately it’s the latter.
All I can say is, thank you 🌺
From this I cannot tell if I was IPSS or DSIPSS. In the beginning, I did not know about IPPS, so that would make me IPSS rather than DSIPSS. He might have wanted to promote me. I do not know because I dumped him, reingaged, and then left the country for five months. He then devalued me — I wasn’t a good supply anymore.
Late on, I did know about IPPS, and told him I did not want to be IPPS, so he couldn’t have promoted me even if he had wanted to. He always responded to my messages during this period, which would make me DSIPSS.
But he never tried to manage my expectations. And his replies when I did try to initiate contact, were always curt even if my message was innocuous. That suggests again I was IPSS.
I guess I will stick with Shelf IPSS, which is what I thought. All of this ‘dirty’ stuff is confusing me…
AaRg that just infuriates me, Mr. Narco, but that’s what you seek isn’t it? In my honest opinion, wtf gives someone the right to play games, as such. I AM NOT A labeled victim of some foolish big headed baby victim himself. My spouse just drug me on that wild ride, and what nerve! Truthfully, I restrain myself daily to keep out of jail, because,yea, I’m angry.
I have read that narcissism is on a spectrum. From those with healthy traits to the malevolent. A fellow victim of the narcissist was with him for four years as an intimate best friend. She was head over heels for him yet subjected to emotional and mental abuse. Her curly hair worn straight, her weight poked fun of, her style changed to what he preferred. She was isolated from friends/family. Their relationship was secret, and he showed profound jealousy if another male showed interest and the offending male was immediately painted black. She was introduced to his outer circle of friends but not inner. She left family functions to be with him, her birthday often missed but made up in one way or another. He brought gifts back from his travels yet when she packed his bags condoms were typically present though none were used with her. He talked with her about moving in frequently though they both agreed this wasn’t a good idea. Despite this she cooked, cleaned, and was there there almost constantly. Yet she loved this with him. Is this the golden period? I know there is more to the story and she was addicted to him but still.
wounded
That is not the GP. This article may be helpful.
https://narcsite.com/2018/08/01/dirty-little-secret-7/
HG, with the tactics of Narcissists coming into the light through internet sites, your books and blog, do you think some Mid-range and Greater Narcissists will evolve in their manipulative tactics to gain fuel as increasing numbers of people become wise to them?
They will shift to alternative manipulations or more likely seek alternative victims.