The Last Word


I often reinforce how the key to understanding who you have been entangled with and therefore maximising your own prospects of moving on is to comprehend that we operate from a different perspective from you. That is why so much of what we say and do appears odd, irrational and downright perverse to you, yet completely normal and understandable to us. One of those ways in which the perspective affects the dynamic between my kind and your kind is the fact that we always want the final word. Now, of course, it may have occurred to you that since we regard the Narcissistic Relationship as one which lasts forever, how can there really be a last word? Once again, this does not matter to us and this highlights the contradictory nature of the way by which we behave. We are the ones in control and we must always exert that state of affairs. Therefore, within the Formal Relationship we want the last word in any discussion or argument. We want the last word when issuing our opinion about something. We want the last word when the Formal Relationship has been brought to conclusion. Indeed, even if you end the Formal Relationship and escape us we will still maintain that we had the last word and we ended it. We will skew the situation to maintain our control and sense of power, irrespective of what might actually have happened. This causes confusion, frustration and astonishment for you, which of course is all good fuel to us.

The need for the last word is also a device which is designed to set us on a collision course with your kind. You also want to have the last word. You want to be able to say your piece. You feel that it is only right that you are heard. You believe it to be a fundamental part of any relationship that you are heard and because you find yourself so annoyed, upset and frustrated with the way that we operate, this desire to have the last word, set us straight and assert your position becomes all the more important to you. If the Formal Relationship has ended, you also want to have the last say. You want to let us know what you really think of us. You want to make some last plea to the normalcy you believe still lurks somewhere inside of us. You want to make us hear you, listen and somehow accept that we are wrong and you are right. This desire of yours to say the last word is considerable and flies in the face of our own desire which of course leads to conflict, drama and opposition, all of which creates fuel which is what we want. You are left infuriated if you cannot have your say. You are furious if you have been denied the chance to articulate how you feel. You are upset that your desire to say what you want to say has been ignored, disregarded and treated in a roughshod manner. You want finality. You want some kind of closure and having the last say as we both stare at one another across the smoking ruins of our Formal Relationship is something which matters to you tremendously. We know this. This is why we make it so damn difficult for you to achieve, either talking over you, shouting you down, walking away or just disappearing. You feel cut-off, denied, unfulfilled and this gives us both Thought Fuel and Proximate Fuel if we stay to witness the reaction.

The need to have the last word also leads to you being susceptible to being hoovered because you feel that there are loose ends which need tying up. We know this and rely on it to keep you hooked and providing fuel to us without ever allowing you to tie up those loose ends correctly. It is all part of the way we continue to manipulate you. No doubt you have found yourself in such a situation. You may now have moved on and know that the last thing you ought to do is engage with us in this way, no matter how tempting it might be. You have learned it will only result in fuel, if handled incorrectly and at worse you might even succumb to our charm once again and be sucked into the Formal Relationship again. Yet the desire to say those things you wish you had been able to say all that time ago or even more recently remains strong and powerful. Of course what you might say now would perhaps differ from what you might have said back then, when you did not know better than what you know now. You did not know what you had been entangled with, nor how you had been manipulated and thus your words would take on a different form compared to if you said them now, armed with knowledge and understanding.

Think back, when the need to say those last words arose, if you could have said them, at the time, what would they have been?


13 thoughts on “The Last Word”

  1. Pingback: L’ULTIMA PAROLA
  2. ex-N’s last text message to me:

    I will call you.’

    So, two things:
    1, didn’t realise I lived in a fascist dictatorship without freedom of speech
    2, of course he didn’t call me.

    Gosh, what a catch!
    How did I ever live without him?

  3. I was with one for a yr and a half his over the top disrespect rt in front of me wud infuriate me I wud tell him off leave he wud beg me back I believe his ex wife is in on i ended it with him just to get a call from his ex wife to tell me 3 weeks after we met he loves me and is crushed by my decision that makes me think I really hurt him them I’m trying to save the relationship just to see more disrespect and drunken behavior when I finally said this is it I told him I know he is a narcissist and blocked him and everyone associated with him idk what he thought about me saying your dead to me because I blocked his stupid ass so I never hear from him or his ex wife again it’s a game for both of them they did it for years

  4. I believe mine knew what he was. My recollection of various things said to me over time makes me think this. The last time I saw him I was frustrated and said why can’t we just have a normal relationship? He said he will never have a normal relationship. I didn’t put it altogether at the time because I just walked out and went home but if I could have said something…

    Calmly.. I know about narcissism I’ve been reading to understand the relationship between us. You are an intelligent man, a knowledgeable man and I know you are one. You have mentioned the beast inside you numerous times as has HG Tudor the author. He is self aware and writes about the relationship between narcissists and empaths. I recognised us in his writing. You can read his work and make your own mind up.

    I would appeal to his intellect, no point accusing and getting upset about his past deeds. I also know the why’s because of you HG.

    That’s it. Nothing left to say.

  5. When I was trying to bring closure prior to completely shutting down I used the line “I hate to think I’m another woman laid to waste by you” in a calm text. Wounded him then and knowing what I know now, despite wanting to rage at him, I think it was pretty effective. Followed by a calm goodbye and shut down pretty happy with that ending.

  6. I did say some last words back then. Knowing what I know now. I wish I had just pointed and laughed then walked away and ignored it for ever.

  7. Hello H.G
    One question. it is possible that someone started as an IPSS candidate, then it has become a shelf IPSS, then a candidate again, and even IPPS for a couple of days, then return to IPSS candidate, or my NARC is too CUCU. I am not sure why it happened, I think that since IPSS was not very reliable to be promoted to IPPS, it did not pass some tests, it failed. When you talk about an IPSS being very “valuable” what do you want to mean? Can it be related to secondary benefits and character traits? Thanks a lot

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