The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 3
43 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 3”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Death.
The ultimate escape.
Totally hoover-proof.
Empath =1, Narc =0
Oh no, death won’t stop me. I’ll find a way to haunt you. If I’m going down, I’ll take you with me. True love is forever, remember?
This one troubles me, though probably not quite for the same reason it would for the majority of people. The idea that death is the only escape is disconcerting, sure, but this situation is not always this simple. If you’ve got a history of suicide attempts (as I do), they may use your suicidal ideation against you under the guise of seeming like a caring and attentive person. Really, they don’t want to lose their toy permanently. That’s a blow to my little heart and ego, but it should hurt. They’re so convincing when they say they’re afraid for you, not of losing you. Or of losing you of your own desperate choice as they’re still backing you into a corner. I’m sure the victim narcissist won’t realize the gravity of their actions, but they’re not all so oblivious to the depth of their depravity. Hiding behind the illusion of caring is easy to do when talking about suicide, even for your average person instead of a narc. Stripping the self-destructive person of their autonomy is generally accepted to be morally just, and at times we even ask to be under this sort of observational treatment. You have to be careful who you allow to truly see you while you’re on suicide watch, I suppose. And of who you’re really staying alive for, when you’ve already got issues with the existential.
WIW
I understand what you’re saying. I’ve fought against suicide since I was 11. I’ve never had an “attempt” or I wouldn’t be here, since my method is pistol to the head. I kept my desires to be dead from my parents and any powers that be because I could clearly see being locked away in a hospital somewhere, with my freedom and rights lost forever. There would have been no illusion of caring.
Over the years we have known several suicides, some family including my father. I have been shocked at the response of the narcs to actual suicide. They feel it is a totally selfish act by someone who only thinks about himself and doesn’t care about the pain and mess he causes others. They view suicide with disgust and disdain and zero sympathy. At least that’s been my experience.
So glad you could withstand that temptation Windstorm, glad you’re here.
Thank you, Caroline. I’ve withstood it so far, but I certainly know how it feels and can empathize with others that struggle with it.
Windstorm- did they notice? Mine knew I was spiraling down, they knew I didn’t have the coping skill to deal with the world ( because they never allowed me to find or develop them and sabotaged when I tried) and when things got bad, they just pushed harder. Dismissed me by saying, ” What do you have to be depressed about. You dont know how good you’ve got it.” Then just ignored me. For years. Overwhelm, push, dismiss, ignore. Know what noticed? Know what taught me to fight? Know what taught me to use anger? Know what saved me? A raging lesser. It was like going from the frying pan to the fire. But he taught me things. Things I still use today.
IdaNoe
My parents were much like yours sound. Sometimes they were worried that I was abnormal, sometimes I was berated about how good I had it. Mostly they tried to ignore it.
They didn’t understand why I didn’t have the coping skills to deal with the world. Like your parents they hadn’t provided them, but it never occurred to them that they had to be taught. For instance they kept me totally isolated alone on a farm, never interacting with any other people until I was six. Then put me on a school bus filled with strangers and sent me to a school with hundreds of people I didn’t know and expected me to be happy and flourish. Their reasoning was that since I’d never been with other children, I’d be overjoyed to finally be among them.
I have never learned how to be angry or fight back, nor did I want to. Those things just don’t fit with my self-perception. The last thing I wanted was to be like them. I wanted to stand up for my identity with intelligence and logic. For instance my mother was always saying, “I wish I had a tape recording of how you talk to me so you could hear how hateful you sound!” Finally I pointed out to her that my father had a tape recorder and we should start making recordings of our conversations so other people could hear how she talked to me. I was shocked at how effectively that silenced her.
My main strategy, though, has always been retreat. Once I escaped my family home, over time I carved my own little world of peace and tranquility out of my possibilities. I basically live here in it and venture out to the larger world when I feel the need. As they say, “Living well is the best revenge.”
Hes right though! Sickening. I still cannot believe it.who does that shit? I slept w the enemy 15 yeats to many. What a cop out.
.”..but at least you in the box will never have the last word. I win!”…
I thought twice before writing this comment. I tried not to express my real comment. And here we go. Actually, the above words in the post made my hand shake while writing, it also brought heaviness to my chest, and. . ., am crying right now. How can a person carry that much cruelty within? I don’t mean you HG, I mean narcissists in general.
Easily, because narcissists have a completely different mindset and to them cruelty is just a means to an end. At least to the intelligent ones like HG… his thinking is instrumental, not emotional.
Hello Morning sun,
Not sure if your above comment is a reply to my ORIGINAL comment. As am not signed in to the blog.
Anyway, if it was for “ME”, my question was a wondering question, I didn’t need an answer or clarification for it.
And replying to this point that you made: “his thinking is instrumental, not emotional”. I know that you mean generally, narcissists use logical thinking rather than emotional thinking. Just to make things clearer for you, my above comment doesn’t come from emotional thinking it came from a part of my humanity.
Best,
HG,
I think that humanity goes DOWN in narcissists as we go UP in schools, for example:
– The lesser lower narcissist got some humanity and empathy.
– The lesser middle narcissist got some humanity and empathy, but it is lower than the LLN above.
And as we go up in schools the humanity and empathy go down, is this correct?
No.
Hi I need a vent right now.Sorry but the urges to contact the narc are strong right now ,posting here instead it might help .Going into 3 weeks silent treatment ,messaged me but totally ignored my reply AGAIN.I am going to break this pattern ,I won’t contact him.I won’t.
I feel angry , how dare he , the arrogant bastard.It makes me feel so worthless , like I’m not worth a two line message , arrrghh ,my emotions are kicking up.I was doing great , damn .
I want to say something but I can’t ,I won’t give fuel .I feel like throwing my phone in the Atlantic ocean right now.
Kiki
Ignore him and let it all out here.
This song helps me sometimes: “[Lyrics] Taron Egerton – I’m Still Standing (SING Movie Soundtrack)”
https://youtu.be/nYCOA2jQ-XA
I sent one reply, Kiki, but it said it didn’t send. I’ll try again.
Do anything that will occupy your mind. Watch a movie, go shopping, go outside and watch children play, definitely write here to us, but also try journaling. Write down the things about him you can’t stand, write down the things he’s done that hurt you.
Something that always helps me is to write these things on loose paper, then go outside at dusk and set fire to them. Watch them burn away into ash and let the wind blow them away into the universe. And if they bother you again, write ‘em out and burn ‘em again! If you live where you can’t do this outside, use a candle by an open window with a bowl of water to drop the ashes in, then flush them away out of your life.
OR….she could write those things on toilet paper (that will take concentration to keep it from ripping and kill time), then wipe her ass with it and flush it down the toilet. He gets to be where he belongs and she wont start a forest fire.
Your way is great-I just like options lol.
NarcAngel
Options are great. There’s just something really therapeutic about burning things, though….🔥
this is really good advice. thank you
HG
I miss you! I know that’s not your real name but I miss you anyways haven’t been in your blog in awhile…..promise I’ll never ask you to erase my comments again….not sure if you ever did but I don’t mind if you didn’t. 😉
If they believe in an eternity (i.e. heaven), do narcissists think the connection continues there as well? If so, is that seen more with all narcissists who connect to that aspect of faith or a certain class of narcissist?
Hi HG – do narcissists truly feel that they are the victim? Or do they know deep down they are wrong? My abuser accused me of being the abusive one – even after his psychiatrist told me I had been in an abusive marriage with this man. My ex emphatically denied that he had abused me – I have experienced most of the backlash and smearing and everything else from my ex-husband and many people have believed his lies about me. Some after 3-4 years after our divorce are starting to see that he is in the wrong – one has apologized to me for believing his lies. I think I need to set up a Skype appointment with you – will be in contact shortly. I believe he is manipulating my 14 year old daughter and this has caused great strain on my relationship with her. She did tell a friend of hers the other day that she is not feeling too positive about her father, yet she appears to place him on a pedestal and has blamed me entirely for the divorce. Need your advice on how to deal with this. Just trying to be the best Mom and I no longer talk about her father – I feel she also needs to know so she can have the tools to deal with him. Everyone including professionals have told me she is too young to be told what he did to me in our 20 year relationship, but I believe the manipulation has already started on her and this worries me greatly. Will be in touch shortly. Thank you.
Of course we are the victims, you are the trouble makers. We are never wrong, it is always your fault.
HG why are you here? To teach us true evil exists. That if you have a big black hole in your make up, evil spirits can enter you. That WE hope to God learn from you, that your life is a waste of always having an angle a job a con. OH HG it is very sad, What is the purpose of your kind to be here and teach us what?
I’m so glad to hear you are doing a consult Bumbles! It will be of great help. I don’t think 14 is too young at all! In fact, she would benefit from no contact as well. It would keep the damage that’s already been done from continuing.
Hi MB, just wanted to say thank you for your kind words to me on 2nd Aug. I wasn’t able to reply to your comment there.
Thanks MB – she sees her father about two months a year as he lives on a different continent (thank goodness) but he phones her 5-7 times a week. My son is 7 and only sees him about 3 weeks a year – I left when my son was 3 1/2 so luckily he has escaped most of the damage. I believe my daughter has blocked out a lot of what happened – she was 10 when I left him. No contact with him will unfortunately create more chaos and inflict more damage at this point in time. But thank you for your advice – much appreciated 🙂
Bumbles
She is not too young to be told. My daughter was seven when I told her what her father was and that his behaviour was abusive. She needs to know so she can protect herself.
Thanks K – appreciate your advice.
Hi Bumbles,
It sounds like you’re doing a great job in a very difficult situation. I think your internal indicator is working well. Trust it. Tell your daughter the age-appropriate details. She is in the perfect place to learn some valuable perspective and life skills/interpersonal skills. She’s already thinking about it all the time anyway.
Families need to discuss these things.
This one summarizes well my mother’s attitude when my father died unexpectedly. I found her reaction so strange at that time. All she had ever done until that moment was devalue him, criticize him, smear him and punish him, yet, after his death, she was playing the dignified victim who still needed to forgive him for all the wrong he had done to her.
I remember thinking “wow, she is more twisted than I thought”.
But she seemed to be genuinely troubled, which she never seemed to be. That kind of shocked me.
Lou
Her reaction makes sense to me. She keeps the spotlight on her by playing the dignified victim, and they never take any blame, so she would believe she was the victim and it was all his fault. If she is troubled (more likely annoyed), it is probably that she has an appliance. Were you close to your dad?
NarcAngel, no, I was not close to my father. My parents divorced when I was 7 and my sisters and I moved to another city with my mother. Their divorce was long and very ugly (both were lawyers) and I did not get to see my dad at all for 5 years. After that period, I would see him once a year only. The first years he came to visit us, I was always very happy to see him. However, the power games and manipulations my mother deployed against him, using me and my sisters, always spoiled the joy and he would always leave earlier than planned. I ended up preferring he did not visit us at all.
I. got along well with him though , and no matter how bad my mother spoke about him, I always loved him and felt sorry for him. When I got older, it was me who went to visit him.
I adored my mother as a child and during some of my teenage years, so I did take her side and believed everything she said about him (although I was never able to hate him at all. As I said, I did love him). It was later that I realized she was a narc and was full of hatred for him. And that she smeared him and punish him until his death. And beyond because she continues to do it. But I do not believe her anymore.
So I never really had a close or normal relationship with him. Unfortunately.
I wonder how long my ex-husband will think that I deserve punishment? So far, he has a new relationship, plenty of money, the allegiance of both of our children and yet, he still resents having to pay me spousal support. It’s not only the amount but that I’ve asked for the payment on a predictable schedule. That will be over and done next summer. After that, I expect he will resent me for previously ruining his life and maybe for the affection of my dog, who despite all my flaws seems to still love me.
Your dog is a good judge of character Susannah. Give him a pat from us.
…and you in the box would be the centre of attention…
Desensitization?
At least one of us died, and thank god we’re NO LONGER attached. Ever again.
I like your dark humour Revolver69.
Omg how evil…!