Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me


I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.

Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.

“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”

“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”

“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”

“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”

Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.

When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.

Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.

I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.

Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?


21 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me”

  2. HG, why sometimes narcissists discard the victim “lightly” by ghosting and sometimes their discard is so cruel? Is there something really wrong with the victim that makes the narcissist lash out and be so harsh?

      1. Does it mean, the more hopes the narcissist had in the beginning of relationship, the bigger his perceived disappointment and more cruel behaviour in the end?

      2. HG,

        “It is related to the behaviour of the victim in and around the point of disengagement.”

        If the narc viewed the victim’s behaviour as particularly treacherous around the point of disengagement (the victim escapes beforehand and exposes him as abuser) – could that result in the narc developing a malice obsession towards that appliance?

  3. After reading this, I am now starting to realize that any fuel is better than no fuel. I am just starting my journey of healing and HG you are helping me so much. I do have a huge fear of eventually running into him. If that does happen I am more prepared now. I will not say a word to him and I will turn and walk away. I will be shaking inside but I don’t want him to have any part of me anymore. That includes my fuel.

      1. HG, what about when you put us on the shelf? I presume you want us to stay away as well?

          1. When you put us on the shelf, you want us to stay away until you come back for us? But if we message you, it could be a hoover trigger to come off the shelf? (In which case you might contact us and NOT want us to stay away at that point?) I’m confused HG.

          2. You are put on the shelf. That means we do not need to engage with you, we are busy elsewhere, so be good and remain on the shelf.
            If you contact us, that is a hoover trigger. There may however not be a hoover and you will be ignored. If there is a hoover, you are taken off the shelf – it might be for a half hour conversation or a weekend away.
            There maybe a hoover trigger caused not by you contacting us, but you entering the sixth sphere. If the HEC are met, we hoover, you come off the shelf.

          3. Thank you for taking your time to answer HG. That makes sense. I try to be good, but I get impatient waiting for my turn to play.

      2. How about when the narc wants to “take a break because all this arguing isn’t healthy”? This wasn’t covered in the discards article.

        1. It depends on what action that statement is coupled with, in itself it may just be said to provoke.

    1. H.G. thanks! It would be coupled with the action of grooming a replacement and installing a new primary source but selling it as a “break” to avoid accountability and effect damage control as well as preventing unmasking and exposure because “I will always love you” spiel. Would I be correct in assuming that a hoover will be very much likely in the future?

      1. If it is being done because the narcissist has a Candidate IPSS, if that person then becomes the IPPS, then the other individual will be left alone (save if a malice campaign arises).
        It may be done to enable the narcissist to concentrate on the Candidate IPSS without interference from the Shelf IPSS. If the candidate IPSS becomes a shelf IPSS, then the other shelf IPSS may well be hoovered, subject to hoover trigger and hoover execution criteria.

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