20 Deflections of a Lesser Narcissist

twenty-deflections

The lesser of our kind is a creature of instinctive reactions and knee-jerk responses. In common with all our kind, he or she must always avoid blame and swerve accountability. Denial is often used by the Lesser Narcissist to achieve this with a blunt rejection of the comment that you have levelled against him or her and if you persist you will invariably find yourself on the receiving end of some heated fury in order to beat you down from asking your questions and apportioning blame. The Lesser Narcissist will offer denial with little or no supporting evidence. It is not a topic for discussion any longer. The lesser will also engage in the art of deflection. He or she does not think carefully being launching these phrases and comments in a bid to deflect the nature of your questions and accusations but rather they are an immediate response. Indeed, they will often appear to be raised out of context, appear to be non sequiturs and even almost nonsensical. They are not to the lesser. In his world these are instinctive responses which he or she has to come out with on order to deflect your questioning of them. Your questioning creates unease and discomfort and the lesser will issue these phrases from a stockpile he or she keeps. They lack the higher function to think of a high-calibre response which brings about deflection but instead utilise these phrases below in a “one size fits all” approach. They will be hurled back at you, often with venom attached, a standard response to what you are saying to the Lesser Narcissist. Expect to hear them may times in the course of your dance with the lesser. He is not capable enough of conjuring up new ones and relies on these “old faithfuls” to deflect the force of what you are trying to achieve. The deflection at this level works usually by causing disbelief and confusion on your part. You like everything to make sense. You like things to follow an order and be logical and therefore these stock responses will make you stop in your tracks as you try and figure out either what is actually meant by them or if you understand the thrust of the comment how on earth they are applicable to what the discussion is about. This is the beauty of these deflecting comments for the Lesser Narcissist. He cannot think up clever or articulate responses but he does not need to because there are just as effective in halting you in your tracks. They may not always result in your behaviour being questioned (as is more the hall mark of the deflecting comments of the Mid-Ranger of the Greater Narcissist) which then takes the conversation of discussion in a different direction. These comments however fulfil the aim of stopping the discussion going in the direction it was and indeed cause it to veer off at an improbable tangent into the reams of confusion and bewilderment. That does not matter to the lesser, as long as the attack, the criticism and/or the questioning stops goes elsewhere and his accountability remains unaffected. So long as your response provides him or her with a fuel, the comment need not be magnificent or well-constructed. Here are twenty stock deflecting comments used by Lesser Narcissists.

  1. You’re nothing special yourself you know.
  2. Why do you have to use dictionary words with me? 
  3. I’m not stupid you know. Why do you have to make me out to be stupid?
  4. I don’t care what other people do, they are idiots for thinking that way.
  5. You’ve been reading too many books.
  6. You think you are so clever don’t you?
  7. Why isn’t my dinner ready?
  8. Been listening to her again have we? I can always tell when you to two have been talking.
  9. Can a man not get some peace in his own home?
  10. You sound like your mother.
  11. I’m going out.
  12. Why aren’t you ready?
  13. You should know your place.
  14. You talk too much.
  15. You never listen to me properly.
  16. Never mind me, what have you been up to eh?
  17. I know what you’ve done.
  18. You can’t judge me.
  19. Fancy words don’t make you right you know?
  20. Since when did this house become a court room?
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4 thoughts on “20 Deflections of a Lesser Narcissist”

  1. HG,

    What about:

    “You’re too sensitive.”
    “Get over it.”
    “Stop over-reacting.”

    Usually, I have been calm and made sure I wasn’t being too sensitive or expecting too much, so these seemed to be ridiculous responses.

    Also, a baffling accusation of, “You think your that character in that movie/that person in that song, don’t you?!” Never crossed my mind and just didn’t make any sense at all!

    To me, this seems like things a Lesser says to try to look like he’s smart… but really he comes across as a bumbling idiot.

  2. I know the whole routine by heart.
    Deny: it never happened
    Minimise: if it did happen, it doesn’t matter
    Distract: what about (you, him, her, this, that, whatever irrelevant point)
    Derail: (some completely irrelevant disconnected point)
    Blame: it’s your fault because you did/didn’t should/shouldn’t (whatever irrelevant point)

  3. “I don’t need this!!!”
    (the one-size-fits-all conversation-ender)
    &
    “Don’t give me that psycho-crap!”
    could be added to the list,
    (yelled through bared and clenched teeth for added intimidating effect).

  4. Accurate list. StepNarc used most of those listed with variations such as:

    You think youre sooo smart (with a sneer)
    I dont care what they do in other peoples houses. I run this ranch and you will do what I say.
    How does getting good grades bring any money in this house or put food on the table?
    Reading puts stupid ideas in your head.
    No one asked you. Speak when youre spoken to-not before.
    Youre to be seen and not heard until I need you.

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