The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist

 

the-portentous

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.
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26 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”

  1. Dear HG,

    You know, it isn’t the monster that is inside the construct. It’s you.

    It’s not you that gets the fuel. It’s the monster. The uncomfortable feeling is when the monster has to be fed in order to keep you trapped in its insanity. 2000 monster fuel points, not HG’s.

    All the traumatic stuff you say and do to people is the monster puppeting you, getting you to cooperate with its agenda to maintain control of you. It has isolated you from yourself, from family, from friends, from wives, lovers, strangers, literally everyone and everything on the planet. You are completely and totally alone. It has drugged your conscience so you don’t question anything and don’t notice the self destruction it has run you through. Sound familiar?

    The discomfort, anxiety, agitation, and especially the fury are all tools the monster uses to harness you and your abilities for its own distorted ends and prevent you from gaining awareness of and freedom from its horrific lies lies lies lies that it feeds you every minute of every day.

    The authentic HG, the one entombed in the construct, was not, is not, running the show. But you know how to escape the monster. You have detailed it perfectly in your books. You have written exactly how the monster works and how to neutralise it.

    The biggest card the monster holds against you is toxic shame. It has designed a system in which you are highly unlikely to realise that you are able to survive the shame of facing the enormity of the damage caused by the monster using you. It’s called “burning the bridge” when the abuser engages the victim in tormenting and torturing others. The goal is to create a path of no return to keep the victim silent and compliant. You know that. However, you already know how to counter that lie by deflecting it back onto the monster.

    You can’t undo a single act of horror and abuse. But if you ever decide to face down the monster, you can create a different future. It’s not easy, but neither is living a life caged inside yourself while you continue to allow fear and shame to trap you into doing the monster’s bidding. Personal accountability is very refreshing once you no longer have the monster lying to you saying it’s a threat.

    The Original Lie told by The ONE hit your most vulnerable points, just like the monster uses you to do to others now. Your true self was internally incarcerated and kept in isolation on a diet of misery from the devil’s tool kit it doles out to yourself through you.

    You have interestingly discovered how to speak to yourself through your writing. When or if you are ready to stop buying into the lies, you have the way out. The monster has you believing change is impossible, life threatening, undesirable….all lies.

    Write and write until you finally fully hear yourself. The wall of fire is the final fraudulent piece to deal with. Every ounce of strength the monster possesses will be thrown at you to prevent your escape, but you know how this works, too, so you can do an end run.

    And of course beware of the monster’s hoovers. It was never golden. It was always a lie. Remember, the power was never yours. It has always belonged to the monster.

    Freedom is awesome. Let’s see if you write the end to your story or if the monster does.

    Regards,
    Leslie
    Former resident of Hell

    1. Leslie
      Very interesting analysis. My own personal viewpoint is that both that little boy trapped in the construct and the monster are the real HG. Rather than continue developing the little HG, he created the monster as a defense mechanism. Now that he’s grown, he’s becoming more aware of this, as you stated is apparent in his writings.

      However, this does not translate that he will see any reason to change his behavior, as he believes it is both efficient and productive. For him to change his behavior, he will need to believe that there is a significant benefit to himself that makes the effort of change worthwhile to him.

      1. Windstorm
        Thats true. People keep seeing it from the empath point of view, and while I understand why they feel that way and their good intention behind wanting him to have what they do, it’s also frustrating to see it from his point of view and not have the empath see that not only can he not miss what he never had, but that the way he operates allows him to be his version of successful, which is very different from an empaths version or definition of success. I can only hypothesize here, but part of the npd defence allows that they understand that they did/do not have the experience of others, but that they can surpass those ‘inadequacies’ by creating a superior version of themselves that does not require those things so that they can overcome those feelings of lacking. Right now HG only knows what he missed out on by observing others and recognizing how the lack of that has affected him. If he is bitter with his mother now, I can only imagine if he were suddenly now able to feel the love and attachment that he should have had, how crushing and profound that loss would be. Then there would be the romantic entanglements and inevitable disappointments which is a whole other story. Not that I want to be as ruthless as would be required to be his version of successful, but if I’m to be 100 percent honest, I do wonder how my quality of life would change and how free I might feel without having to consider everything I say and do as to how it will affect others. Its exhausting having to try to cover all angles lest someone be offended and the message be lost because of a perceived slight in delivery. Believe me, there are things I havent dared to say here because of it. Despite the fact that I do not feel as though I have ever felt or experienced what empaths know as love, I have tried to be a good person and not hurt others. What I know as love I think would equate to others as protection. That is all I have ever been able to offer and very seldom am afforded. I did not have a childhood by normal standards and what could be salvaged of it I feel I gave to protecting my mother and siblings, but to what end? My youngest brother is a clone of our abuser and my sister is an empath who allows people to abuse her. I do not believe in an afterlife so there is no motivation for me to subscribe to needing to behave lest I be denied admittance to that party-just a feeling that I do not wish to be harmful to others. So whats the pay off for me in this life? Here I am-comfortable but not enjoying life as those without conscience are, I do not feel the love of family and so did not have children to end that cycle, I’m certainly not held in any greater esteem than anyone else (not that thats a goal or that I think I should be), and I have never even experienced this all consuming romantic love that people speak of. Sometimes I want to scream: well at least you fucking had it at least once or for a time! Many never do, so why should you be crying except that you want more of something that others have been denied their whole lives.
        But then I wake up and its another day. I do not condone what narcissists do nor do I want that for myself. But I will say that I certainly understand if they look at us and think: Why the fuck would I want all that stress and pain, with the HOPE I will feel as they say I will, when I can continue on as I am, oblivious to what I never had but enjoying my version of success in every other avenue.
        Sorry for the lengthy rant. I guess I was holding onto some stuff.
        Unlike a narc.

      2. NarcAngel
        There are so very many things I want to say to your “rant.” What I wouldn’t give to be able to actually meet you somewhere for coffee! While I never suffered the levels and types of abuse that you did growing up, I certainly saw it in friends and family. Our childhoods were different in many ways, but we understand one another on a very deep level, I think.

        I know what you mean about so many of us wanting HG to have what we think we have – despite the fact that we’re all here because we were so miserable with our own situation! Lots of irony, there. It’s like when someone gushes about how wonderful having a loving husband is, but they’re having an affair with someone else.

        And goodness knows it is very human to not understand people who are different from ourselves. I mean, crap! Very, very few of us even really understand our own selves! (I can hear my exhusband laughing in my mind at the thought that ANY of us understand ourselves! Ha, ha!). It’s like that line from the Bible, “Now we see through a glass, darkly.” I always imagine that trying to see reality is like looking thru a window that hasn’t been cleaned in 30 years. Our mirrors are just as dirty.

        I think it would be very freeing to be a narc – at least a really smart one – and be able to do whatever you wanted without caring about the damage in your wake. My parents certainly wanted me to be that way, but it was a no go.
        My type of empathy is so all-encompassing. I feel a connection to all the animals and all the trees and plants. I could never give up that connection. It’d be like going from being able to see all the colors to only seeing black and white.

        And part of the cost of that connection is caring about what happens to them. Yes I agree that thinking like a narc would be very freeing, but it’d be like that song, “Me and Bobby McGee” – “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”

        I’m sure you choke back a lot of what you’d like to say here. That’s a constant worry for me, too. It’s so easy for people to misunderstand or see insults, especially when they are already hurting. I’ve always been very sensitive to what people say myself. I tell all my friends and family, “let me know if what I’m doing bothers you, but do it in a way that won’t hurt me!” Lol!

        I’m glad you shared you definition of love. I’d never really thought about it being protection, but that’s certainly an important part. I sure don’t think it is love, if you don’t feel a need to protect the object of your love. That’s when I usually realized when a family member is a narc, when I’d see them just standing there doing nothing when someone they were supposed to love was hurting or in danger. Sometimes I swear they’d have an interested look on their face like they were watching something entertaining on tv!

        I’d have probably defined love more like acceptance as is – without wanting to change the object of love. I can actually get that level of love from my narcs. But your right. It’s not really love if they don’t feel that protectiveness.

        You’re feelings about never having had the much touted “romance” is how I feel about the “great sex.” There a sadness and feeling of unfairness I feel that not only did I never experience good sex – there’s no way I ever could. It’s an experience denied to me. I haven’t even had any sex period since 2002.

        After my experience with my exhusband and sex being used to dominate and abuse, there was no way to get that out of my mind. I have so many mental triggers that if another man said or did to me I’d just want to pull out a gun and shoot him and remove the risk of him being abusive from the earth. I couldn’t even do phone sex with my Moron. It may be like some sort of PTSD experience. But whatever, both romantic love (which I’ve always laughed at) and great sex (which I’ve always wondered about with envy) have been denied me.

        “Why the fuck would I want all that stress and pain, with the HOPE I will feel as they say I will, when I can continue on as I am, oblivious to what I never had but enjoying my version of success in every other avenue.”

        I understand that thinking, too. But what about all the lessers and midrangers? They’re still screwing their lives up with their short-sighted stupidity. True they may feel all powerful at times, but then reality intrudes to crush and destroy what they thought they had. Far better to be an intelligent empath, able to feel connected to everyone around us, enjoy the beauty of nature and the complete love of animals, feel joy and hope and happiness!

        Dr. Windstorm’s prescription for you is to get out in nature more. Watch the wind blow the tree leaves, the cloud formations, sunsets and sunrises. Listen to the animals at night in the dark (even the human ones) and fill yourself with the connectedness you have to all the life around you. You are loved. You’re just not always aware of it. I love you and I’ve never even met you! Open yourself up to the world around you and you’ll begin feeling it more.

        Drinking coffee with you in spirit.
        Your crazy friend,
        Windstorm

      3. Dr Windstorm
        Haha, I think we do understand each other very well, so stop calling yourself crazy! Yes, I was referring in this instance to HG in particular having the awareness, but not the incentive or motivation to change that people think he should. Hell, I havent even heard a compelling argument for it when I approach it from his point of view as opposed to my own. Then you had to go and bring up Lessers and Mids and I threw up a little bit in my mouth lol, but youre right. Dont worry that you will lose me completely to the dark side. Those narcky bits have served me well over the years and continue to do so, but I have not lost my connection to plants, animals, reading, and laughter. Those are the tonics and salves to my soul so your prescription is apt. Others can have the romance and sex bonding (they both make me gag a little anyway lol). I think we all deserved love as a child, but maybe its just another myth or platitude that we all deserve or should pursue romantic love as adults. Maybe some of us were just destined to be bouncers at the club. To observe it objectively and administer Methadone when others are losing their minds over this addictive and highly sought after drug. To choose (others may view it as settle) for companionship, dependability, trust, and respect over this Fentanyl dressed up as romantic love. Going for coffee is just a euphemism for meeting up and doing the nasty, so I suggest you break out the hard stuff and the guns and I’ll drop by. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to climb back up on my building to sit like a gargoyle and watch the door to the club.

        Thank you for taking time out of your birthday weekend to chat. It could have waited, but thats the kind of person you are and why we adore you. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and know that if I could send you a gift and money was not an issue, it would be a personalized journal and a year long tour of the world’s best libraries. (Money is an issue so it will just be the journal, but the setiment was there haha).

        Happy birthday to anyone else reading and celebrating a birthday as well. I originally wanted to address each individually but feared an avalanche of moderating for the resident narcissist, and we all know how much they love the birthday spotlight being on others (although he has been most gracious about it). He does spoil us so, considering that collectively our fuel would not even amount to a whiff of gas, but rather the smell of a fart lol.

      4. NarcAngel
        Going this weekend to Barnes and Noble to pick out a new journal and writing “Happy Birthday, Windstorm – NarcAngel” in the front!

      5. Windstorm
        Barnes and Noble to pick out a journal. I love that idea! I really wish I could be there to properly gift that to you.

        P.S Then we can go to that new store Not so Noble and look at all the sex toys that you can always depend on and that never give you the silent treatment.

      6. NarcAngel

        There may be stores like that in cities in Kentucky, but I have never seen one. Who knows, maybe we could google “sex toy stores near you.” 😝😝

      7. NA, I love your rant! I agree that if HG changed, he wouldn’t be HG. That’s all he knows and yes, it makes him successful. I would, however, like to switch places with him for just one day. It would be like letting me out of my cage. I think that’s why Narcs appeal to me so much. It’s very freeing to spend time with them. He would go running in terror back to the safety of the construct after being in my head for a day, I promise you that!

      8. I can see everyone’s perspective…

        I just think that he may change his behaviors (again not who he is as a person) if it benefited him but more importantly he would need alternative behaviors that were just as or more effective than his current ones in order to achieve similar aims. Furthermore, I believe everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and ultimately don’t actually want to be alone.

        In general he can’t help what he can’t feel. He can have his own version of what we call love and companionship if he chooses but in order to do that he would have to change some of his behaviors.

        I think he can connect mentally with certain people and that could emotionally mean something to him. It won’t be the type of love or attachment we experience…

        I think of like…. psychopathic couples that kill and a Bonnie and Clyde mentality….

      9. Dr Q
        I was totally with you up until that last line! Lol!
        “psychopathic couples that kill and a Bonnie and Clyde mentality….”

        No, no, no, no, noooo!

      10. Generally speaking (not directed at anyone or any particular comment)…

        HG will be HG and do what he wants whenever he wants and everytime someone tells him how he should feel what he can’t feel or how to be behave or be … it will probably most of the time I’m gonna say lol….breed defiance and fuck you type of attitude

      11. WS and NA
        Both of these statements are an example of love:

        What I know as love I think would equate to others as protection.

        I’d have probably defined love more like acceptance as is – without wanting to change the object of love.

      12. Windstorm,

        You’re too funny lol. I mean those psychopathic couples are really something interesting because they work in their own way. I’m sure there isn’t a lot of fidelity lol. I read some study recently about when two psychopaths collide in a relationship – I have to find it…this is gonna drive me nuts but it is so interesting.

      13. Dr Q
        Yeah, but do you think in those famous psychopathic couples that one was a greater? I always thought of them more as lessers. Maybe it’s my prejudice, but I’d think a greater wouldn’t end up shot to death in an ambush…

      14. WIndstorm,

        I can’t totally see why you would think that but I think that may be the case in some instances while others might be far More sophisticated. There are plenty of very intelligent psychopaths especially narcissistic ones that get caught. The mistake they always make is that they get more bold and ballsy anddddd they underestimate others.

        Once you kill once, twice, three times and you get away with it ….plenty tend to get sloppy because they already got away with it so many times already.

      15. Dr Q
        Well, thankfully my knowledge of psychopaths is very, very limited! And I sincerely hope it stays that way!!

      16. OK , I see coffee, journals, bookstores and toy stores. Sounds like a wonderful weekend!
        A belated Happy Birthday to you Windstorm! If you are anywhere near Lexington, Larry Flynt has a toy store there. (of course named after his magazine) If it’s anything like the one in our area, it’ll be huge. It’s an eye opener, and worth a few giggles.
        So happy to see Dr HQ again. I sure did miss reading you, Doc!
        Perse

      17. Thank you for the bday wishes, Persephone. Lexington’s too big for me! My exhusband went to law school there, but I doubt he’d know where that type of toy store is! That’s the type of place he stays far, far away from! 😄

      18. Persephone,

        I missed you too! That’s very nice of you to say – makes me feel loved lol! How has everything been by you? Update me on life and your situation.

        I’m fresh out of my breakup so I’m still processing a lot – but the no contact thing hasn’t been difficult for me thankfully. I suspect that after years of dealing with these types of people in addition to my bullshit tolerance being fairly low … it’s much easier for me to cut and run and not look back. Old me would have dragged the whole thing out and kept trying. This time around I tried to give benefit of the doubt and actually let someone be really nice to me until unfortunately all my suspicions were confirmed and he actually ended up being far worse than I imagined. I have a feeling I’m about to “write a new letter to the narcissist” (of course not one I would send only one I would send HG to post lol). I figure maybe it will help me process everything and vent.

  2. Spread eagled on the bed on arrival at a holiday apartment “ This is great. I can lie here and control everything “.

  3. I wish there was a place you could post these wonderful intellectual essays where we could anonymously send them to the new(intelligent) supply. they would arrive from a source that is anonymous kinda like an advertisement- like Web M.D. randomly sending you an article about sime topic… Have you thought about that like broadcast emails ? Your minions here would love it -including myself.
    in some ways I know this shows I am still thinking emotionally about the narcissist and the new supply but I have to imagine the new supply is (now nearly a year ) has to be thinking there’s something wrong/experiencing some crazy behaviors-and maybe she doesn’t get it.
    I would love for her to see a random email that started to light a lightbulb. my ex narcissist has done a fabulous job of walling off her new victim from anyone from her past. It’s as if he has an entirely new life. I’m sure she’s finding an explanation for creating this new life. But one has to wonder -you would think- that someone who Has like no history beyond their family members or a very limited history with anyone is a bit suspect. And the fact that her two recent exes who live in the same town want absolutely nothing to do with her. Can you set up a hub HG? Love you cheers!

  4. Another would be “Be careful what you wish for.” (That comment came my way.)

    Thanks for the list.

  5. “Sometimes Just black out for a few days” “these girls won’t stop calling me even though I am not interested” “I have had such crazy exes. This last year I have taken out two restraining orders”

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