If You Leave The Narcissist

 

IF YOU LEAVE THE NARCISSIST YOUTUBE.jpg

 The narcissist senses that the grip on the victim is under threat in the dynamic between narcissist and Intimate Partner Primary Source. A Preventative Hoover follows – can you establish which school and cadre of narcissist (or narcissists?) is delivering these Preventative Hoovers?

If you leave me I shall surely die and you cannot want that on your conscience can you? If you leave me now, everything that we have built up together will come crashing down around us. Why would you want to do that? Why destroy what we have. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but it is not the time to focus on those few bad things but rather to remember what we had, what we have and to treasure that. We are meant to be together. We are bound together as one and I cannot allow you to leave and break what should be unbreakable. How could you countenance doing such a thing? We work so well together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. We have that perfect love, we have just lost our way a little, that is all. We can soon find it again, trust me. We found one another at the beginning didn’t we? Two lost souls who had both been hurt by others before, we saw enough in one another to trust one another with recounting those painful memories didn’t we? We were fated to meet. It was meant to be and if we were able to find ourselves amidst the fog of hurt and regret then surely we can find our way again now? I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

We have such plans for the future. We want to marry one another and raise a family. That desire cannot have evaporated overnight. No, I thought as much, I can see it in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will be nothing more than a wretched soul if he was to lose you. You are everything to me, you are my north star, my guiding light, my sense of calm and serenity when all is chaos around us. I need you and you need me. We fit together so well. Everybody says that about us. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see those icons of a perfect love torn asunder? Who will they look to for comfort and encouragement? We not only have an obligation towards one another but to them as well. There is too much darkness out there. Too much hurt, agony and cruelty and we can stand together and be that shining beacon of hope. Do it for me, do it for them, do it for us. Please, I am collapsing inside. The thought of never waking beside you ever again fills me with the most terrible dread. If you leave me, you will rip out the core of me and I will perish. There will be no purpose without you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from my world if you walk away now. Please do not do it. Please stay with me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy together. There is so much we have not yet done, so many worlds to experience together, to conquer and rule. You are the one who sits at my left hand, my queen. Whatever is needed, just say the words and I will execute what is required but please, please, I am begging you, do not leave me. I love you.

If you leave me I shall ensure you die and believe me, it will not trouble my conscience. If you leave me now, everything that you know and cherish will come crashing down around you. Why would I want to do that? Why destroy what you have? Because you deserve it for your selfishness and your disdain towards me, after everything that I have done for you. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but that is because you have not made the time to focus on me and you would rather forget what we had, what I gave you and to treasure me. We will always be together. You will not escape me. I will make it my sole mission in my life to ensure you never become free of me. We are bound together as one, you accepted that from the beginning and I cannot allow you to leave and break what I am entitled to. How could you countenance doing such a thing? How could you hurt the one who has done so much for you? I know how, because you are a fraud, a cruel temptress who swept me up and promised the earth and then delivered nothing. Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are. I worked so hard to bring us together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. Well understand this. I meant none of it. I have never loved you, you do not deserve my love, I will give it to someone who will appreciate it and give me what I want, but I will not let you rest. I will not let you walk away from me. You have a price to pay and you will keep on paying. I have created the perfect love and you have trodden all over it. If you try to leave I can soon find you again, trust me. My reach is far and wide. You have no idea of those who are waiting to help me and bring you down. I found you at the beginning didn’t I? That wasn’t me acting alone, I can promise you that. You a broken and lost soul who had been hurt by others before, I saw enough in you to endure you recounting those painful memories didn’t I? Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you. We were not fated to meet, I chose you. It was meant to be and I will find you again amidst the fog of hurt and regret that I will weave around you so you cannot see a way to escape. I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

I have such plans for the future. I want to marry another and raise a family and I will keep you updated as to that progress so you are tormented by what you could have had, but you chose to be selfish and leave. That malicious intent will not evaporate overnight, you do realise that don’t you? No, I thought as much, I can see the fear in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will turn you into nothing more than a wretched shadow of your former self. I am everything to you, I will be the clouds which obscure your waystar, I will snuff out your light, I will eradicate any sense of calm and serenity by sowing chaos all around you. You need me more than ever. My machinations fit together so well. Everybody will know how treacherous you are if you dare to leave me. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see this icon of perfection treated so unfairly? Who will they look to for leadership and brilliance? I not only have an obligation towards myself but to my supporters as well. There is much darkness out there for you, all created by me. Much hurt, agony and cruelty and my supporters will and can stand together and be that relentless machine that crushes you. Do it and see what happens. Please me or you will collapse inside. The thought of never sleeping properly again will fill you with dread because I will always be there, waiting and watching. If you leave me, I will rip your heart out and consume it. There will be no purpose left for you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from your world if you walk away now. Do not do it. Stay with me. I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.

 

34 thoughts on “If You Leave The Narcissist

  1. WriteItOut says:

    “Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you.”

    My husband’s narcissist affair partner did this when he ended their relationship and no contact. She texted me photos of the two of them, as well as posting them on social media where we have hundreds of mutual friends who saw them. She threatened to send me all of the texts he’d sent her when they were involved. So many ways she tried to destroy us because he ended it with her. If she couldn’t have him she was determined that I would get so enraged that I’d leave him. I have no doubt that she believes she has a claim on him despite him maintaining no contact for the last nearly three years.

    None of that manipulation worked with me. I gave it right back and bested her at her game.

  2. K says:

    Dr. HQ
    I am doing really well, thank you. Yeah, I know that feeling. I thought my IRL empath was similar to me but I think she may be BPD/CoD, either way I went NC. Because of narcsite I recognized what was going and applied GOSO straight away.

    It looks like narcissists are ubiquitous in academia.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      K,

      I’m telling you this disorder is so underdiagnosed and so undetected – look at the dsm criteria and like ull understand why so many psychologists don’t fully understand it or can accurately identify it…

      Those mid Rangers man…. pain in the ass

      1. K says:

        Dr. HQ
        I am unimpressed by the APA and the DSM. The medical profession is ill-equipped to recognize and handle the Cluster Bs, not to mention the brutalized victims and the aftermath. It is heartbreaking to contemplate.

        Because of narcsite, my eight-year old can recognize a narcissist a mile away and she is good at detecting Dirty Angels.

        Over the weekend I went through ever presence and got rid of love letters, cards, notes and photos. I will finish up next weekend.

        No more questionable people; I’m all done with that. Drama llamas suck the energy right out of you.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

      K,

      I’m glad you are doing well and cutting questionable people out left and right lol.

  3. wounded says:

    They all seem like mid-range/greater to me. The first two use the victim card far more but the high handed wording stinks of the Elite. I imagine Greater to UMR for the first, pesky mid range for number two.

    The last two play the victim card underneath malicious intent and bare faced threats, and also stink of the Elite.

    I imagine the wording of lesser who has a bronze period vs. a golden period would use more base wording and far more whining combined with aggressive lashing out.

    Paragraph three is closer to the Lesser (she writes to him not vice versa) and the use of slut. Upper lesser to lower mid range. Cadre undetermined.

    Number four is a Greater with malign intent.

    Interesting brain exercise.

  4. Presque Vu says:

    Do you know what HG?

    If you were a decent guy, you’d be devastatingly beautiful in mind.
    Imagine not torturing or manipulating but empowering and sharing.
    You have a lot of understanding.
    I’d love to see you date and not allow yourself to do evil as you do with us all here.
    Surely that must be possible to some degree (you’ve been in therapy for years). Have you tried anything like that before? Dating and not manipulating or love bombing or gas lighting.. trying to be normal to see if you can do it?

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Hey everyone,

    I’m back… – to those who remember me – I hope all is well and everyone is getting through their hard time….

    Considering today is the first day of no contact with my latest narcissist and literally disappeared from the relationship and blocked him I’m hoping I won’t hear anything…and this will all be completely over.

    I’m pretty sure that love will turn to hate right now reaaaaal fast and the smear campaign will begin….

    ::sigh::

    Here we go again – but hey on a happy note it only took a few months and I ran….

    1. Twilight says:

      Hello Dr HQ

      How are you?

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Hey twilight!

        I’m okay … how have you been?

        This time around… I became involved with another psychologist who happened to be a narcissist. Goes to show you … never let your own bias’ blind you (referring to me). I saw the signs but they could have been attributed to other disorders like adhd so I would note and file away certain things in my mind until his wires crossed and completely confirmed what I was dealing with and I ran and disappeared. It’s sad though because he left a huge mess along the way – none of which will impact me but will hurt innocent people … like his child.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Twilight,

        This time around I got a dose of what a golden period was like and understand now just how confusing it could all be. I had never had one prior to this narcissist.

        I was out real fast and probably grieved (not even very hard strangely enough) for a few days and woke up today feeling like….fine. It’s all a blur and doesn’t feel real because …. guess what lol…. it wasn’t.

        I bounced back reaaaaallly fast to the point I’m surprising myself.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Twilight,

        What I find comical is how some of the little things are starting to hit me lmao….

        For example…

        My diploma came from a medical school so it’s really large like the ones the MD’s and DO’s get and he was just in awe of it – commenting on it. A few days later he said he needed to get his diplomas framed for his office and he tried sooooooo hard to make his diploma as big as he could so it would match mine 🤣. Still not as big – oh well – maybe he can go cry about that too 🤪! Lmao

        I’m hoping he won’t come for me professionally – that would be a stupid move lmao.

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Twilight,

        I’m glad you avoiding that formal relationship – wish I didn’t give mine benefit of the doubt and just ran… smart girl 🙃

    2. Twilight says:

      Hello DR HQ

      I am great, thank you.

      I am glad to hear you are good.

      It is paying attention to the red flags, yet I believe playing with fire will always be a temptation for some. Fire has its own special allure for me.

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Twilight,

        What is your current status re narcissistic entanglement? I understand playing with fire because it can be exciting and I would say in the past that was more of my problem lol; however this time around this one seemed like such a “nice” guy and sure he had some of that rebellious nature about him – the tats… the… what appeared to be unconventional ways but it’s so beyond that – we are talking completely unethical and the more I was watching the more I was like wtf. I’m soooooo happy I didn’t join us practice and am annoyed that I ever educated him and taught him some things re therapy and assessment. He will probably steal or attempt to steal some of my ideas for programs but it doesn’t matter in the end because he won’t know how to execute anything properly. He is far too concerned with making connections and collecting the mothers of the children he treats and taking therapy calls late at night 🙄. I suspected for awhile but clearly it’s now been confirmed that he just wants people to need him and think he’s just oh so smart and amazing- it makes him feel likes he worth something. Frightening reality that I was with someone so unethical.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I’d like to think this time around i won’t play with fire since that is not at all what I’m looking for. I mean… I need some edge lol but safe edge lmao. Maybe I just need to go to conferences and try to find another psychologist that’s not totally unhinged -maybe that should be my new hunting ground.

        1. Twilight says:

          Hello Dr. HQ

          I am single still. I had a run in with a MR that wanted me to commit to a relationship, he was not successful.

    3. K says:

      Goddamn is that really you Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD.? Good to see you back!

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K!!

        Yes lmao ….I’m back. Not nearly as messed up as the first time but figured I would share this weird experience considering it was with another psychologist who is older than me.

        How have you been?

        Man, the last three months lmao… a blur. I actually thought I was in a healthy relationship until BAM the explosiveness came out and my suspicions were supported.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        It’s so sad because I actually thought this one was gonna work out – that this was probably the right guy. I’m just happy i was observing and noting the entire time. That is what I do… I observe and note and file it all away in my mental filing cabinet. A lot of his behavior could have been attributed to a few disorders but I had my suspicions. I would have thought he would have had enough sense to realize what he has but as usual…. they don’t and I’m just just another toaster … a delux toaster but still a toaster lol.

        I’m disappointed and bugged out that this guy is like treating people because I’m sure there is so much I don’t know.

        1. K says:

          Dr. HQ
          No kidding! You find someone you can talk to, you click, then time goes by and you start noticing subtle things that add up to personality disorder and you ‘re like: Fuck me! Not again!

          There are two teachers at my daughter’s school that are narcissists. Who knows what is going on behind closed doors.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I used to think that silence kills but it speaks volumes and has never felt better.

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        Is anyone not completely boring or batshit anymore? Holy hell… it’s like if they can carry on a conversation and are decent looking they end up being completely disordered lmao.

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        I just found his like love poems that might I add make no sense in my bedroom – time to rip those up lmao…

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        Maybe if we all got together and networked through eachother some of us would find a decent man lmao 😂..

        Did your child have a narcissist as a teacher?

        1. K says:

          Dr. HQ
          It would be awesome if we could create a network for narc free dating. We would have to watch out for the shape shifting T-1000s (Terminator 2). My 8-year old’s third grade teacher is an MMRN/female. School starts Thursday.

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        K,

        I’m sorry your kid has a narc teacher – ugh – I would switch teachers ASAP lmao …

        I go back to work tomorrow and reality is going to hit and I have some serious life decisions to make career wise – I’m like not in the mood to deal but I have to….

        Not to mention when everyone asks me about my relationship how I’m gonna handle that and the other reality of having to date again ….

        Ugh…. dating…throwing myself back out there …here we go again …

        1. K says:

          Dr. HQ
          Hopefully there won’t be any major issues and, if there is, I will address them asap. Good luck with work and the dating scene because you are going to need it.

      8. Pixie says:

        I spent four years with a forensic psychologist UMR (my diagnosis, but I was undereducated at the time), who wrote his disortation on serial killers. Red flag or what? He had it leatherbound, not unusual, but he asked me if I wanted to read it. I declined. I should have read it lmao x

  6. Min says:

    Hello H.G, one question: Being an IPSS, I leave a MRN, the final message hurts him and I start contact 0, Can he be doing a silent treatment of punishment? I know he’s still hanging around, he’s done things to get my attention, he wants to “force me” to contact him for example (hack my phone) but I’ve ignored him. Is his hoover necessarily evil? Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I need more information to provide you with an accurate response because there is a contradiction in what you have written and therefore I need more information to understand the correct situation. I recommend you organise an email consultation.

      1. MIn says:

        ok, tranks H.G. When I have the possibility to do it, I will do it. In synthesis, I think he wants to make me go to him, instead of him approaching me. Like a snake with the mouse

  7. Renarde says:

    This is such an absolutely brilliant piece of writing. Aww man.. it’s so difficult. This is a Time’s cryptic crossword par excellence. (Tips Top Hat). x

    But like in all brilliant writing, the answer, might be, in how it is perceived.

    I’m going to offer what outwardly might be considered to be a criticism but actually it affirms HG’s own brilliance. As a Greater; he naturally controls and others are controlled. It’s that simple. That means another thing. HG may well have tangled with the lower schools but he will not have been on the recipient end probably as much as I have. So…

    To answer a question with a question. All of what I will outline are real situations that have happened to me. Not, I hasten to say on permanently leaving but just needing ‘space’.

    Lesser

    ‘Aww nahh honey, you cannot leave me, even for 24 hours. I cannot cope without you’

    Middle

    (Visiting very old friends)

    Oh well, I kicked around the house. I missed you so much. Didn’t know what to do with myself. But you are here now (I cut short my visit just to get back to him).

    l’m OK. (he said) How are you?

    Greater

    (Reporting my rape).

    Urm – where ARE you? I’m really worried. Message me. Ring me. Are you OK? Jesus, woman. Ring me!

    Note the difference in language, tone and inflection?

    So, the lower schools are focused on how my absence hits them. It is only the Greater school that focuses on me. It’s so, SO clever.

    Now to answer HG’s post. The problem with this writing is that he is writing from a position of his own Greater School and cadre. But I’m up for it. Four paragraphs. So one of them will be the McGuffin which is a portmanteau of the other three schools. He makes it harder because his own words and inflections mean it’s harder to spot. Do I feel my knickers getting wet. Possibly…..

    PG #1 Greater

    PG#2 Middle

    PG#3 Lesser

    PG#4 The ‘mix’

    But, to be honest, they are all hard to read and i have possibly got it wrong. Heh. All of them are too good. Too brilliant.

    I’m awaiting my inevitable ‘dunces cap’.

    Utterly fascinating. Thanks HG for this intellectual, exercise!.

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