The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 14
18 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 14”
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I was really bad at this, unintentionally!
Towards the end he would take hours to reply, and I just stopped bothering also.
Can I be honest and say he used to bore me, same old stuff, I think I became Narc like in the end because I stopped caring about his responses, silent treatments, etc.
I just stopped caring.
I was running on empty for him. Next to no fuel.
I did enjoy a bit of bad behaviour at the end. He HATED it when I responded with just a ‘thumbs up’ to his comments. A lot of my replies became just that!
Hey it’s a response!
Haha. Good for you! Perhaps fuck off would have hit home faster and deeper lol.
I think playing it cool and not responding to messages immediately could be a quick and simple way to get narcs to show their hand very early on, thus enabling empaths to avoid becoming ensnared in the first place.
I inadvertently did that with the greater from whom I recently escaped. It meant that although I still gave delicious fuel, I was instantly dropped down to IPSS, (with pretty much no chance of a promotion) which allowed me to realise what was happening, I just wasn’t sure of the why yet. I was subjected to the extensive gamut of the greater narc’s toolkit far too soon, which rang alarm bells like crazy. Of course, being the damaged empath that I am, I just removed the clappers (lol) and secretly tied myself up in knots. I carried on pretending that I was cool with his behaviour, which caused him to ramp up his machinations and manipulations (he must have thought I was a thick bitch by this point and was rubbing his hands with glee at the fun he was going to have at my expense), making it even more obvious what was going on. I sucked it up like a trouper, while trying to muster cold, hard logic behind the scenes. I spent a further 6 months allowing myself to be literally and figuratively tortured and tormented by this guy. Because I was able to see the manipulations before I was fully ensnared, I guarded my heart and more importantly, my sense of self, so I’m still giving myself a pat on the back though haha. My behaviour led him to the mistaken conclusion that I was suitable as an IPSS, albeit now on the shelf and that I was fully embedded (I was totally crazy about the fictional guy he presented as). I wasn’t, I was suspicious as fuck and had discovered HG by this point. With his assistance and unique insight I was able to immediately get out and stay out. My profuse gratitude as always, HG. It’s not an exaggeration to say that you saved my life.
The narc underestimated how fucked up I am (courtesy of the many of his brethren who came before) and how much abuse I can take while still appearing to be okay and it cost him the mother lode of positive and potential negative fuel. He really missed out big time and I doubt that he will make that mistake with his subsequent victims. I also know that I was incredibly lucky this time because if he had gone in for the kill and been able to completely embed me, I’d be an absolute basket case now. They aren’t referred to as greater for nothing.
Merrymagenta
I agree with you. When I wanted to get rid of my Moron in Munich, I turned off alerts for texts and emails from him. When I would see that I’d received one, I’d wait at least 3 hours to several days to answer him. Then only give a barebones factual answer. Almost immediately after beginning this, messages from him dropped off to almost nothing.
Last December I thought to implement no contact, but apparently there is no way to block emails on my phone (short of completely deleting my email address he has). I tried everything suggested and had three other people try on their computers but the best I can get is to have him sent to spam.
If I get a message from someone, I will answer it. That’s just part of who I am, but I may not see one in my spam for several days. So far he has only sent two emails, one in December and a birthday hoover a few days ago. My responses were “Yes” to the first one (“I hope you are still alive.” Lol!) and “Thank you” to the second. I find it amusing, how easily he is manipulated.
Hi Windstorm, happy belated birthday! Thanks for your comment. I love your alliteration, btw “Moron in Munich” lol. Mine would be “Wanker in Wallsend”
I think as empaths we just need to steel ourselves against the feelings of guilt (and in my case also, the all consuming fear of abandonment) associated with deliberately ignoring or avoiding messages. It’s not usually in our nature. It’s essentially fighting manipulation with manipulation. It is however a very effective tool for exposing narcissists and for sending them quickly packing (as was your experience).
In this instance, I consciously and deliberately often didn’t answer messages from the narc for several hours, sometimes not until the following day and when I did my responses weren’t often what he was anticipating. It was excruciating for me, especially as every fibre of my being craved him (he made that the case very quickly, of course). I didn’t do it because I was trying to be clever, or manipulative, or gain the upper hand. It was a happy accident that turned out to be the correct thing to do in this instance. As a direct result of the narcissistic abuses I’ve been subjected to over the years I now have generalised anxiety disorder, which means that amongst other things, I can’t trust my own judgement any more (and that scares the hell out of me). This was my attempt at trying to hide it… you see, he wasn’t the only one pretending to be something he wasn’t and that’s one of the reasons why he was unable to pin me down. I was like will o’ the wisp; every time he thought he had me figured out I morphed into something else. I consciously thought “what would someone without GAD do in this situation?” and I decided that they wouldn’t be so heavily invested so early on and that they would be too busy living their obsession free, wonderfully fulfilling life to find the time, or even notice a message alert never mind respond that quickly.
I have the same problem with emails. After the initial multiple panicked hoover attempts I blocked him, but I was later blindsided by one unexpectedly landing in my spam folder. The feelings of longing and guilt almost made me break no contact, but instead I just channelled my inner HG (if only lol… perhaps having an inner HG would make an empath a neutral, minus the sociopathy, of course lol) until I could get myself under control again.
Congratulations on your escape! Do you feel absolutely nothing for him now? Has he completely lost the ability to ensnare you again?
Or Shithead in Segedunum.
Holy fuck! My narc works at Segedunum… you’re not my narc are you?
As if I would be working there. No, I am not your narcissist.
Well, of course you’re not going to admit it in public
Why ask then?!
It was a rhetorical question. I wasn’t expecting an answer, it was merely for comedy effect.
Merrymagenta
Not belated when I read it! Thanks for the birthday wishes!
I do still have my Moron pop into my head far too often, usually when reading articles/comments here. There is zero possibility of getting ensnared by him again, though, because I have lost all respect for him. I know that he is a midranger and how limited his intelligence is. That will never change and I have no attraction to stupid men.
If you don’t mind me asking, how did he hide his stupidity when you first met?
Merrymagenta
I never mind any questions.
I met my Moron only one time 41 years ago in the train station in Sevilla, Spain. I went up to him and introduced myself in order to get away from several Spanish men. Spanish men had been harassing me for the entire summer because I had long blonde hair and blue eyes. I thought he was an American (tall and blonde) and knew he would find me unattractive because I was dressed very ratty with no makeup. But if it looked like I was with him, it would discourage the Spanish guys (it worked).
We caught the same train north and our entire encounter was 2 1/2 hours standing at an open window in a crowded train. He seemed incredibly shy, spoke very softly and said little. He seemed very sweet and had graduated college, taking a break before working on an advanced degree (ended up with a doctorate in economics).
We traded letters for 2-3 years and I began to wonder about him. I had married as soon as I got home from Europe, so there was never anything romantic in our relationship back then, but I did always wonder if he’d been my one opportunity to have an actual loving relationship (I’d been engaged for 4 years and knew there’d never be any loving relationship there). My Moron would tell me about girls he was dating and he sounded totally clueless with zero empathy.
But you didn’t ask how I found out, but how he hid it. He seemed quiet, thoughtful, well-educated and shy. I did detect arrogance, but also fear coming from him, but at that point in my life (almost 20) all the men I knew were arrogant – some just had more reason to be. Lol!
But I thought the fear, hesitation and shyness about him meant he was not a narc. I thought all narcissists were uberconfident. I didn’t know about midrangers back then. I knew quite a few, but thought they were just jerks. His fear and apparent shyness also worked to hide his stupidity. Also his degree. You’d think someone with advanced college degrees would be intelligent, but that doesn’t necessarily follow.
They kinda force you to speak the language of manipulation, as they don’t speak the language of love, or even flowers.
Narcy tried to speak the language of flowers once, it was awkward.
🙂
Knew I shouldn’t have clicked! 😉