Hush. I don’t want you to make any sound. None at all. If you do you will spoil this moment. This is not a time for noise, of any kind. Yes, I admit I normally like you to be making some sound. Whether it is your words of admiration, your scream of terror, your murmurs of delight, your shouted anger or moans of passion. All the noises which you make for me are welcomed, so long as you coat them with your feelings. I do not care for bare comment, neutral and anodyne, that does nothing for me and may even harm me, but you won’t do that for me will you? You do not want to hurt me, ever, do you? You are not like that. Your kind are not like that, you care and you love and you give. No, no, stay silent. You have no need to speak. Just lie there. Be still. I want to allow my eyes to roam over your naked form as you lie there next to me, exposed, vulnerable. I know you are looking at my eyes, I can sense it. My gaze is not meeting yours at the moment though as I am allowing my eyes to slowly move across you. I regard your toes, pointing upwards, bare and free of varnish. You rarely apply such gloss to them but you do ensure they are clean, cut and presentable. I know you can see me looking at them. I know you are wondering whether I am going to lower my wonderful mouth to them and suck them or bite them. I am not going to do either of those things but you are uncertain. I can tell that you are because your apprehension is flowing from you and I am drinking that in. That tiny shudder you just gave was not from the cool air that permeates this twilight space. No, that was indicative of the apprehension which has taken hold of you. I know you are stood at a fork in your mind. I know what you will be thinking. I know because I make you think this way, why else would I do it? I do it for control. I control everything about you. You stand at that fork wondering whether I will lead you down the line to explosive pleasure or down the dark road towards hurt and pain. You have no idea which it will be because as you have come to learn these last few months, I am capable of both. Should you feel excited? Should you feel nervous? Which is to be? Hush now, do not speak. Oh I know that you want to speak, you cannot help yourself. You want to ask. Always the questioning isn’t it? Ask, question, query, challenge and so forth. Not now. You want the answer but you are not getting that answer. Not yet. I make a gentle shushing sound. Is it a noise of reassurance, that which the doting mother provides to the new born offspring or is the noise of patronising chastisement, treating you like a child? You do not know. How I revel in your confusion. I know you are looking at my face desperately looking for some kind of clue, some hint, some acknowledgement of what is going on in my delinquent mind. You are denied. My face is frozen, mouth set straight, brow neither raised or furrowed, eyebrows unyielding and then there are my eyes. You cannot see yourself anymore in them. I have stopped that for the time being. Usually you get to see exactly what you want to see in them. Whether it is joy, hope, love, passion, excitement, intrigue and so much more. You are only seeing what I know you want to see because I reflect from these eyes what is showing in your eyes. You do not look upon me. You look upon yourself. That has changed tonight. Now two impenetrable black orbs are all that you can see. The place where you usually lose yourself has become lost to you. You will find no succour for you there. You will find no reassurance or indication of what is about to happen. That is hidden from you now.

You make to issue a further sound and a shake of my head halts you. My fingers trace the red weal on your thigh, the pads of two of my fingers running either side of this mark. Another shudder and I can sense you are desperate to speak buy hush my dear, hush my love, this is not the time for speaking. I know you will wonder why my fingers trace this mark. Am I soothing you or reflecting on its origin? You have no idea have you? I allow my fingers to move upwards across the tender flesh of your thigh. Is it now that it will happen or will I wait? You lift your left thigh in anticipation and I continue to allow my fingers to drift northwards. I hear your intake of breath and know that again you are making so as to speak. My hand leaves your thigh and I place one finger against your lips. The gesture clear and unmistakable. The moment where you might have broken the silence passes and I wait and wait a while longer before I move my finger away. Your body beside me is ramrod straight as you are unable to relax, every nerve-ending alert and bracing itself for whatever comes next, whatever that might be. The outside of my hand brushes your soft cheek, your impressive complexion noticeable even in this half-light. A cheek that sometimes glows red from the consequences of my endeavours. Is it the glow of shame which will coat your cheek? Is it the surge of a passionate flush that will linger there? Or something else?

Now I look at your eyes and this is when I begin to derive the true benefit from this enforced silence. My eyes convey nothing. Yours tell me everything. They flit back and forth, scrutinising my face for some kind of signal, some kind of sign. I am not transmitting. I am only set to receive and receive I do as I drink in the earnest anxiety flooding from your eyes. I see the attempt to mollify me as you allow those beautiful, expressive eyes to reach out to me. I see the look of apprehension cut through the attempt as the nervousness returns. You are obedient now. Remaining silent, my repeated exhortations, soft and low, for you to remain silent have been heeded. Now you are trying to speak to me using your eyes and you are doing so magnificently. The lack of noise, the absence of speech, now makes the emotions in your eyes a hundred times more intense. I absorb those feelings which flood from your eyes. I drink them in, consuming them for my own benefit. This is why it works so well. Complete control of you as you lie there, still, unmoving on the bed, slight and occasional tremble from your limbs as you wait in conflicting anticipation for what may come. What will it be this time? How will I deal with you? There can be no spoken protestation, no elucidated request for confirmation, only this continuing silence, punctuated from time to time by my hushing you.

My eyes remain locked on yours as my left hand once again begins to glide about your body. The lightest of touches which glides from throat, to breast and to stomach. Back and forth moves my hand, like some wizard commencing the gesticulations for his spell-casting. My spell is already working as you remain frozen, barely daring to move, only allowing your chest to rise with your breathing and your eyes to dart left and right, still probing, still seeking those answers.

Hush my darling, hush my dear, hush my love.

My hand rises and then clamps over your mouth.

Your eyes widen. Fear and excitement fighting against one another and all the while giving me what I need.


Now it begins.


88 thoughts on “Hush

  1. Jasmine says:

    Some people do like the tease. (Consensual)

  2. Kiki says:

    HG is it normal for a woman’s sex drive to freeze after being with a narc .Almost like the narc owns and totally controls my sexual energy. .I’m ashamed of this but since he discarded me I have become like a sleeping beauty , if I fell for him again I know that sex drive would wake up in an instant.
    Why cant I feel sexual with anyone else anymore , am I doomed to only respond to this narc forever it scares me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A reduced or non-existent libido can indeed be a consequence of the traumatic of outcome of ensnarement with our kind. Furthermore, your inherent addiction to the narcissist and the sex he provides means everything else seems dull and uninteresting by comparison – a bit like life for those who come off crystal meth.

      1. MB says:

        HG, what’s your advice re: narc sex vs “normal” sex? You’ll get used to it? It’s not worth the price you pay with your emotions? It’s not real anyway? It is a common refrain on the blog and was even included on a recent poll as a reason for continuing to engage. What say you, Sir?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Read Sex and the Narcissist.

          1. MB says:

            Thank you HG. I will read S & The N again. I need remedial work.

  3. Kiki says:

    Omg HG I just listened to this and you sound exactly like my ex narc.

    Exactly like this , just shush and let me tell you what to do ,

    I thought it was nice at first , let me see your big beautiful eyes ,these were his words just like yours, I want complete control .let me in deep.

  4. WhoCares says:

    Hehehe; DebbieWolf – “incidentally I do find it amusing the way we talk as though he’s not reading this…”

    Yeah, I know. I only let myself go there when I need a serious distraction from my narc – and I seriously do atm.

    Besides, I don’t think he minds; all in good fun, right HG?

    By the way – thank-you for all the new good stuff on YouTube! (Awesome to alternate with when having to listen to my narc’s voice again…and again…and again..)

  5. Renarde says:

    Unsurprisingly, this is a topic of great interest to me because I am a BDSM educator! In fact, it WAS having suffered abuse in the past (but not at the hands of the last Dom) which led me here in the first place.

    NA has got it pretty bang on. Consent is key.

    So we have acronyms in BDSM, Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) and Safe, Sane and Consensual or SSC.

    What we are not aware of from HG’s writing (I think purposefully) is whether the breath play (asphyxiophillia) was part of a pre-negotiated scene or not. He is describing a kink known as ‘fearcitement’.I have also written erotica like this myself. That means submissives purposefully place themselves in a negotiated way at the hands of the Dom. That is NOT abuse, it is a transactional behaviour where the sub get’s their thing, the Dom likewise. As someone has pointed out, it’s written from the Ns perspective so we simply do not know what is going through the subs’ own mind.

    However, breath play also falls into a category called ‘edge play’. Defined as an activity likely to cause physical, psychological or emotional damage. Breath play is an extremely common fetish among subs.

    What we also do not know is whether the woman is a kink woman, we do not know what her hard and soft limits are. We also do not know if the traffic light system is being used.

    Whoever said upthread (apologies on name fail) that submissives are prostitutes is also kind of missing the point. Sex work is also transactional. BDSM is NOT I repeat NOT abuse in itself. Nor are the woman seeking out a Dominant damaged or flawed in any way. Often, in fact many are actually abused because at some point, a scene or scenes or just general treatment results in them having breakdowns because their consent has been violated and usually in a pretty fundamental way..

    The very first book I read of HG’s was ‘Sex and the Narcissist’. NOT because I had been sexually abused by my last Dom, No, he deployed the obverse of the sex manip. – he withdrew it. I could NOT for the life of me understand why. Obviously, fuel.

    In SATN, he goes onto say, that the sex manip doesn’t work on all women and rarely would it be deployed as a power play in it’s own right as very few woman would just accept being saught out precisely for kinky sex.

    However, there is one group that would; the submissives. Great sex and/or kink is addictive and is a very VERY good way of getting a massive fuel dump and very quickly too. So it’s efficient.

    Going back to the prostitute comment, it is this attitude that makes many of us ‘stay in the closest’. I am fully out of the closest. Just as gay/bi/trans folks are expressing sometimes their sexuality and/or possible gender, kink people are expressing theirs’ as well. It is a fundamental part of our makeup that just like being and E, we cannot NOT be it. Key difference is that as we cannot NOT be Es but we can stop practicing kink. But we will always be kinky. Possibly not very happy though…

    Fundamentally, HG’s writing can be perceived on many levels. I think, if I may be so bold, that the real truth of the matter is this. D/s relationships are very similar to N-E ones. VERY. I think he’s highlighting why there are so many predators on the scene itself.It is naturally, a magnet where one of the most effective power plays’ can be deployed.

    As he says; it’s NOT about sex.

  6. Valkyrie says:

    I am all for consenting adults enjoying sexual activities. Water sports, furries, sensual massage, tea-bagging, anal beads, spanking, dominance/submission, biting, cunnilingus, rape fantasies, vanilla, a little slap and tickle.

    If the only way your partner can get aroused is if you dance on the coffee table in a coconut bra while he wears a chicken suit, and you like that, let that freak flag fly, as long as…

    No one is taken advantage of or abused physically (by this I mean non-consensual pain) or mentally. There is no lying, cheating or misinformation. There is no malice. There is no harm.

    By all means, thank you Sir/Madam, may I have another.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      By all means, thank you Sir/Madam, may I have another.

      Such a great sentence.

    2. MB says:

      Valkyrie, theres something erotic about a man in a chicken suit. Let your freak flags fly sky high. (Consenally, of course.)

    3. nunya biz says:

      Current favorite comment, especially for the colorful list : D

    4. BrokenRainbow says:

      Such a wonderful comment . Love it

      1. Valkyrie says:

        😊 awww shucks, thanks guys

  7. BrokenRainbow says:


    I love your sense of humour. Your comments make me laugh!

  8. Chihuahuamum says:

    Lord help me 😁😄😆

  9. DebbieWolf says:

    HG silencing his lamb.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Is that akin to burping the worm?

      1. MB says:

        Jesus HG Christ! “burping the worm” I learn something new here every day!

        1. K says:

          Ha ha ha….

      2. DebbieWolf says:

        No.. lol.
        Nor even to bashing the bishop, flogging the log or syphon the python.

  10. DebbieWolf says:

    I definitely would rather listen than read.
    Sumptuous voice.
    Made me giggle nervously .. induced a few quivers haha..
    .. watch that hand, gettin’ real close to where teeth live…


    1. BrokenRainbow says:

      Yup. I wasn’t going to say it as I am shy. Listening to HG’s voice is exquisite.

      1. DebbieWolf says:


        Definitely agree about HGs voice.
        Disarming sometimes…

        Yes HG only sometimes.. but before you get the hose again… it is because sometimes it is rousing sometimes it is frightening and sometimes inspiring to action…and the rest.

        One of his devil’s tools.
        Re Teeth.
        I think in HGs case nibbles would be more in order, unless of course he wanted to be bitten!!

        Just saying lol.

        Urr.. I suppose I better had go and put the lotion on my skin now.

    2. DebbieWolf says:

      Oh not really, not in your case HG..

      If it was anyone else! well I’d, I…
      I…well. (lol)

  11. BrokenRainbow says:

    Well, this makes me want to contact my ex. I can still feel the excitement of the consensual BDSM play that we had so much fun with. Like Presque Vu said “Not knowing if they’d fuck you or kill you”. Extremely Intoxicating.

    I love the erotic writing HG.

    1. Jess says:

      Ya.. I miss this.

      1. merrymagenta says:

        Yeah, I miss BDSM and the Dom/sub dynamic too. Not enough to call my ex narc though, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about those times we shared after reading this… damn, I should have asked for copies of those photographs he took.

  12. Valkyrie says:

    I had a boyfriend in college who would do the shhhh noise to “calm me down”. He did it as a joke because he knew it would just irritate me more, so it was a joke between us. He was very big on women’s rights and equality, so we did it as kind of a morbid joke. We both have that type of sense of humor.

    Being told by someone when I can or can’t speak sets my feminism off. I don’t mind being dominated in the bedroom, but telling me to shhhh like a baby always hints of disrespect to me, even more so if it was done in an aggressive manner.

  13. Survival - Monika (Nika) says:

    I feel as light as a feather

  14. Ninaestralla says:

    I couldn’t read this. It gave me a panic attack. Weeks of relative peace and calm. I started to read this and it all came back.With them there are no “ safe words”.

    1. Chihuahuamum says:

      Hi nina…it i an eyeopener how different people percieve this and i think its bc of our individual experiences and triggers as a result. Im sorry this has triggered anxiety.
      When i read this i enjoy it as erotica but i can se how in others situations especially where physical abuse was or is involved this would be scary.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Hi Chimum
        I’ve missed your presence here and thought you may be enjoying a late summer vacation. Hope all is well.

      2. Chihuahuamum says:

        Hi narcangel…thats very sweet ty! Its been a busy summer and i have popped in to read comments off and on but i guess take a break from posting every so often. I hope your summer was a great one 🙂

    2. tigerchelle78 says:

      Ninaestrella…. Glad I’m not the only one. This sickens me to my core. The fact that society in general actually romanticize this too is even more sickening. The fact that its OK for your partner to dominate you and have complete control over you, and they get to choose whether you should have pain or pleasure, and that’s thought of as love?! That’s not love. That’s a twisted ideology of control and complete selfishness.
      If more women had respect for themselves, (and in no way am I saying that any do not here) but if they knew what their worth was and how to be cherished and loved by a partner, then more abusers as described above, (and that’s essentially what this is here -abuse) would not be able to get in. Women should be treated with dignity and respect. A woman needs to feel safe with a man to even let him touch her. And any patient man who loves her, will be patient, because just getting to be with her, is all he needs. Think about the type of man you would want for your daughters. Would it be one described above?

      We should not let them control us and think they can do what they like to our bodies at their choosing and will. There are prostitutes for that. And even they, many of them need drugs to do what they do. Its disgusting the way this world is.

      Maybe my view is perhaps different to others, but is just my view. Ladies you deserve more than to be a puppet for a selfish man’s ego and power trip. These kinds of abusers do not deserve love. They do not deserve your love.

      I am aware that many enjoy the erotic type of writing, but that’s exactly why they get to us, because we let them in. Learn to hate it. And they cannot get in. But it must start with the mind. Whatever you give power to, has power over you.
      I feel sorry for all the women HG has abused in this way!

      1. windstorm says:

        Basically I’m right there with you. It is abuse when your choice is taken from you in sexual activity and you don’t like that. I didn’t have any choice and I hated that.

        But that said, all women should be able to choose what they enjoy, no matter how it may seem to others. I know my perspective is skewed from most here because HGs voice does nothing for me but make me wary. I’d much rather read all the articles than hear them (no offense HG). And there’s no way I’d read “Hush” or Sex and the Narcissist again.

        I must have missed out on some developmental thing about what’s sexually attractive. Maybe I was standing behind the door when God was handing that out.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No offence taken.

        2. tigerchelle78 says:


          Yes it is up to each what they enjoy. Just because one does not or has not necessarily engaged in such, does not mean they are not attractive to opposite sex. A person that does what HG has described, is not bothered necessarily with anything sexual with you, its only us that turns it into something sexual or even love. But a person who does this does not love you. They are there to control and instill fear into you.

          For them it is the way you look scared, frightened, anxious, it is that vulnerability, and the power they have over you. That look of despair, torture on your face, confusion, i suppose the same kind of thing when a rapist rapes you.

          The person that does this to another is a very sick and twisted kind of person. And yet many women fantasize about such and then wonder why they get with a narc. Your answer is right there!

          This world is so drenched in sex, and selfishness, it doesn’t know whats decent any longer, nor what love really is. Its up to us to teach ourselves what love is and what its not, and reject anything that is not genuine love. Only then can we teach it to the next generation.

          This kind of thing doesn’t just happen in fantasy world with HG’s seductive voice, between a narc and his victim….oh no….this happens with parents and vulnerable children, and with other vulnerable people like the elderly, babies even, and pretty much whoever people want to do it with.

          On one hand, the world finds it exciting and sexual, but hear about the same thing being done by others and different victims and suddenly its a whole different story. They are all the same these abusers. At least HG let’s us know exactly what he is.

          There is a part of me that can see the attraction of this, the danger, excitement, thrill of it all, but I don’t feed that part of me. I guess a bigger part of me will always see it as abuse, because of my own experiences of abuse.

          I learnt that nobody is coming to help you when daddy comes in your room at night, and there is no mummy to protect you or stop him. Surely its not right that daddy is sexually attracted to his daughter is it?

          1. windstorm says:

            I think you hit on it in your last paragraph. If we know we’ve been abused sexually, then we look at it differently than other people. Even eating ice cream becomes horrible if you are forced to eat it when you don’t want to or never allowed to pick the flavor you want. Anything can become abuse if it is forced on us repeatedly.

            I’m very sorry about your father’s abuse to you. When you said “there’s no mummy to protect you or stop him,” made me think. Maybe that was one benefit of both my parents being narcs. My mother was obviously jealous of me with my father. She watched him like a hawk and raised all kinds of hell if he so much as touched me after I was about 5. I always attributed it to her evilness and dislike of me. Maybe she was actually protecting me from potential abuse.

        3. NarcAngel says:

          It doesnt do anything for me either. I just tease because I know there are many who enjoy it and I can understand why. I can certainly understand from the other side also. You covered it all when you said that all should be able to choose.

          1. windstorm says:

            Thank you so much for telling me that you’re the same about not being affected by voice tones! I see them just as a type of manipulation. Maybe it’s just part of the “no romance“ gene.

            I was feeling very defective that I was unaffected by such things as well as not feeling romance! I know it probably sounds stupid, but it’s a great comfort to think it’s all connected! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – that you feel and think so much like I do and speak up and tell me is such a blessing for me! Otherwise I’d really feel like an aberration and I’d probably have been unable to stay here on the blog.

            Thank you for being you, and being vocal about it!

            Your friend always,

          2. NarcAngel says:

            HG does have a magnificent voice. Beautiful, comforting, commanding, and almost hypnotic at times. I have described his writing and his voice previously as a little cloud to nestle my brain in. I very much enjoy listening to him, especially when narrating an article because it brings more to life what he means to convey with his inflection. It just does not affect me in the way that many experience in this article, and I’m glad for that because it allows me to focus on the message. Now I do respond somewhat to closeness of the neck and limited whispering directly into my ear, so if I were to experience his voice in that way it may be a different story-I’ll never know. But with Hush he could well be reciting his grocery list to me for all the effect it has lol. When they were handing out romance, I heard clowns pants and got in another line.

          3. windstorm says:

            “ When they were handing out romance, I heard clowns pants and got in another line.”

            Ha, ha, ha!! That cracked me up!
            His voice is very hypnotic. I think that’s what puts me on my guard when I hear it. I much prefer hearing him talking to someone in an interview or one of those times where he answers questions we are sending him on YouTube. When he’s spontaneous and interacting with someone. That’s when his intelligence and humor come through best. I find being witty on the fly way more attractive in a man.

            Also made me laugh your talk of close to the neck, whispering directly in your ear. I experience that all the time with self-conscious 11 year olds asking me questions! Had two of them just yesterday wanting to know where to turn in a late paper. 😝

          4. WhoCares says:

            “Now I do respond somewhat to closeness of the neck and limited whispering directly into my ear, so if I were to experience his voice in that way it may be a different story-I’ll never know.”

            Aw, c’mon NarcAngel, you know you want to hear him say, “cognitive vortex” – just once.

            I know I do.

          5. DebbieWolf says:


            cognitive Vortex…

            even if HG whispered “you’ve annoyed me buying that jam instead of marmalade”..
            in that voice in a whisper…wooohoooo!

            sorry I can’t help it …that is my weakness with him.. incidentally I do find it amusing the way we talk as though he’s not reading this…

            ok…me then.

            I’m sure I’m still blushing admitting stuff..

            oh wellllllll…. you’re only young once said somebody older.

            (🤔 …yes… who was that even?.. walks away silently… pensively)

          6. NarcAngel says:

            You got me there!
            That really made me laugh.

          7. WhoCares says:


      2. Presque Vu says:

        God you grate my tits!!

        Who mentioned anything about love?

        Correct me if I’m wrong… but a prostitute is a woman too?

        ‘Women should be treated with dignity and respect’

        That includes prostitutes in my eyes!

        ‘We should not let them control us and think they can do what they like to our bodies at their choosing and will. There are prostitutes for that’

        Empower us women here, but it’s ok in your eyes to control and abuse prostitutes.

        You are such a narc never mind borderline. Hide behind that label love. I see you.

        1. tigerchelle78 says:

          Presque Vu

          Um Wow!

          You’ve gone and taken everything I said either in wrong way, manner or not the way it was meant. Somehow somewhere you’ve misunderstood.

          1. A prostitute is a woman yes, or can be. (There are males too).

          2. You notice AFTER I said, that prostitutes have to take drugs a lot of them (because for many the job is so awful)….And how it disgusts me the way the world is……that includes women who are prostitutes being used and abused. All of it is bad. I thought that was pretty clear!

          3) I never said its OK in my eyes to abuse prostitutes did I? Where an earth did you get that from?

          4) I am a narc am I? Ah well thank you for telling me that, it will save me a consultation.
          Borderlines have narc traits, ….funnily enough just like you do and every other person in this blog!

          5) Not hiding behind any label, except perhaps totally confused!?!?!

          6) You see obviously what you wish to see. Have fun with that!

        2. MB says:

          PV, “you grate my tits!!” That’s a new one for me, but…ouch!

        3. NarcAngel says:

          I say frost my tits, but I like grate better. Thank you.

          Believe it or not – not all sexual congress is about “love” or at least your definition of it, and I dont see anything in this scenario that indicates that the woman did not consent to it, is in pain, or is not enjoying it. I can understand to a point that you may view it that way because it is not your idea of sex, you have had a traumatic experience, or you imagine any sex with a narcissist would be violent, but that is not always the case. In fact many here can attest to it being otherwise. I see the article as demonstrating the thinking from the narcissist’s point of view. Showing how he perceives his power and control over the recipient necessary to allow for eliciting the responses both bodily and verbally that allow him to extract his fuel. As demonstrating that he is not thinking about it in the same way that his partner may be. Showing what is going on in HIS head. Thats what I got from it anyway. It does not allow for what she is thinking. Does that mean she is privy to what is going on in his head?, that she feels degraded or controlled, or she is not enjoying it? No. Not if it is consensual. Of course we do not know if it was or wasnt and we do not know the ending, so your mind may take you in a different direction than others who enjoy it as erotica. Consent is key. Is it always the case that consent is given, that the experience is pleasurable, or that you can trust anyone in this situation much less a narcissist? No. Things can and do go wrong. I’m not angry, I just wanted to explain from another point of view that it does not mean that those who enjoy it do not have dignity and respect for themselves or others. That includes prostitutes and anyone who has been victimized.

      3. Presque Vu says:

        Tigershell, as you mentioned, you are reading this and approaching this blog post through your own experiences of abuse – and I totally get this HOWEVER you preach about what is right and what is wrong and how we need to be.

        A person who does as this blog describes may not be sick but kinky as fuck!

        “The person that does this to another is a very sick and twisted kind of person. And yet many women fantasize about such and then wonder why they get with a narc. Your answer is right there!

        This world is so drenched in sex, and selfishness, it doesn’t know whats decent any longer, nor what love really is. Its up to us to teach ourselves what love is and what its not, and reject anything that is not genuine love. Only then can we teach it to the next generation.”

        Also, sex and love are two different things. Some people like to be dominated/controlled feel fear, feel pain. There are many fetishes and many couples who love each other very much into power play etc. We don’t know if she consented in this blog post – it was up to us to interpret.

        There are also prostitutes who choose the lifestyle and are not being abused. For eg, Secret Diary of a Call Girl – Belle – Billy Piper played her and said ‘We’ve only been exposed to the drug-fueled, sex traffic side – but the fact is, there are middle-class, cultured, well-read women who take part in this job’

        Of course, feminists slammed it.

        But the point I’m trying to make – rather long windily…
        You are seeing this blog post through the eyes of an abused child (and I’m truly sorry this happened to you!).. then you project your views on what is right and how it’s abuse.

        NA sums it up nicely..
        “I just wanted to explain from another point of view that it does not mean that those who enjoy it do not have dignity and respect for themselves or others. That includes prostitutes and anyone who has been victimized.”

        I apologise for being direct with my feelings, I have read many of your posts over time, not just this one which resulted in my response. I didn’t have to be so rude about it, so for that I’m sorry.

        1. tigerchelle78 says:

          Presque Vu
          Thanks for the apology. Yes you were somewhat direct. We can all come across in different ways on here, me included. Many can be triggered by certain things too. We all come from different warps of life, all have different experiences and backgrounds that have shaped us, and have different ways of communication style. And just with the written word to go by, it is hard to decipher at times how to take someone’s opinion, or comment on something.

          Often I do not know how to take HG either, and he can come across (at least to me) as very stern, and like he hates me. But then another time he comes across very kindly. So I don’t know.

          Sometimes I just don’t put something very well, (it doesnt help, I’m not very consistent due to my moods). Its only over time you kinda get used to a person and the way they are and know how to take them.

          I am sorry for coming across preachy, and also…. grating your tits which sounded painful!? I assure you that was not my intention!

          1. MB says:

            Tigerchelle, I like that, “different warps of life”

      4. WhoCares says:

        Tigershelle – another perspective perhaps…

        I’m sorry for the abuses that you suffered. But I do believe that no matter what our sexual tastes, preferences or experiences are – narcissists find a way to use those against us. (And actually none of those things are ‘wrong’ if they’re done between two consenting adults; with the added element of trust.)

        Once I figured out that my ex was a narc (and what he was potentially capable of) I wondered why he never just hit me or overpowered me sexually (he never did any of that) because if he had, for me, it would have been a clear indication that he was an abusive individual. He could have easily overpowered me in bed because he is 6′ plus and very strong – and although I’m physically strong, I’m a full foot shorter than him. So, just with his sheer size and frame (and if you literally factor in energy expenditure the way a narcissist does) it would have been so easy for him…but the thing is; I would have enjoyed it (as long as it did not cross certain lines)…because – while not in my day to day life – in bed; I prefer the man being in control.

        I never said as much to him but I do see now that he figured that out because he would often ask me to be on top – which I actually enjoyed less but I would indulge him because I was a caring lover…

        To be honest, even in the years we were together, I never shared my full sexual self with him (I guess there was a tiny bit of me that didn’t trust him fully because I’ve had more sexually inventive relationships than I did with him) but it was passionate and satisfying and what he did well; he did *very* well…

        But now I can look back and see how else he used sex to gain negative fuel…I don’t fully attach ‘romance’ to sex either; as some have expressed here. While I do attach intimacy to it, I’ve never been a female who felt that foreplay (or candlelight dinners etc…) has to precede sex. I’ve always understood my body well, have a vivid imagination and am easily orgasmic (not to brag or anything, just stating a fact) and view sex as both an emotional and physical release…as a result, I’m big on simultaneous orgasms and can match my partner without much effort. So, it’s not like a guy has to expend much energy to achieve this with me…but my narc would subtly fail to give me clues that he was ‘close’ or he would just do something that was ever so slightly off and kind of ruin things…
        (Just to be clear I wasn’t being selfish in expecting to orgasm because I would always reciprocate the efforts of my partner – fair is fair)

        But I recall the last time I had intercourse with him…I was less emotionally invested but I was so under the influence of stress and tension that that potential sweet release was too hard to pass up…only he managed to thwart it in his way…I recall being furious at him and my body being wracked from sobbing so hard at a missed opportunity; because I needed a physical release from tension so badly and he denied it.

        So for me, sexually, at that particular moment – it was the cruelest thing he could have done to me and I let him know it. Also, I can imagine that at that point in the relationship, negative fuel from doing this would be much more potent than any positive fuel gained from actually meeting my sexual/physical needs. Just saying; they will always find a way to exploit sex no matter how we feel about it.

        (He also used to withhold intimacy by turning his back to me in bed and other things…but at that point in the relationship I didn’t care and so it had less affect then what I described above.)

        1. tigerchelle78 says:

          thanks for your perspective. Thanks for everyone who replied, and sorry if I was a bit kinda preachy. I didn’t mean it to come across like that. This article just made me really anxious, and yet I couldn’t not read it.
          The brilliant writer HG is… He writes in such a way, that you feel taken in. If that’s just his writing that makes you feel like that, then imagine how he is in real life ladies!

          I’m much rather like a child in some respects when it comes to sex. It scares me. I have deep intimacy issues, and have never become one with my hubby because of it. He is a good man and understands. (I’m thankful). Let’s face it he could get someone else or look at porn or whatever but does neither.
          I do like a man to be in control. I have had very little sexual experience and I think it probably tells. I have never had penetrative sex. But I’ve had a LOT of relationships, but managed to not go there. But then my fears are deep and have always held me back.
          My intimacy is emotional. That’s how I get close to someone. Any physical intimacy only comes from trust over a long period of time. And I mean years. Am I a sexual person? Or could I be? Well yes, I could. I believe its there. But I am also afraid to loose control. I’m afraid of giving myself completely. If that makes sense. Its like something deep in my core will not let me. I been married 14 years and I think many probably think it strange. But he is my best friend and I literally could never live with anyone else. But at times he has to play other roles because my child like side comes out, and other times very conflicted feelings or anger or hurt. I feel very complicated. I am borderline and PTSD etc. But sexually its like I just can’t go there. I’ve always thought, the only way I’ll ever have sex would be if someone raped me, or drugged me or something. That would be horrible!
          There are certain aspects that I think I may like/be interested in, or seem drawn to, with a man taking control, but I still won’t go there and don’t wanna talk about it with hubby. I need it to stay safe. And he gets this. Our relationship/marriage is very strong otherwise. I am glad to have someone who loves me enough to be OK with everything how it is as it feels safe to me. How many men would do that? I don’t expect anyone to get me here or for what I say to make sense. Not even a narc could get me to have sex, and I know it. I don’t even open my mouth if I kiss my hubby…. And I’m fearful of him touching me in certain areas. I mean that’s how bad it is. But then there are many relationships that have fantastic sex, but don’t last. For a physical release only sometimes if I feel sexually frustrated, I will just self pleasure, but I don’t use anything inside me, and I don’t view porn and I don’t even think about anyone. Its just to give that release, and I usually orgasm pretty quick lol!
          So that is where I’m coming from.
          To me, turning their back to me in bed, or not even sleeping with me, doesn’t matter. I have no problem with those things. I don’t mind a hugging and being close, but when I wanna sleep, I wanna sleep. So get over other side of bed lol! I always sleep on left. It just feels right. Maybe because I’m left handed.
          I’m sorry you have to read all this stuff about me HG….

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Did I read that right? Your husband hasnt had sex in 14 years and doesnt watch porn?

          2. tigerchelle78 says:

            You read that correctly NA. Please don’t judge us. It is not easy for me to put this all out there. But I’m only being open and honest. He has watched some porn in past when he was younger, and so have I when we were single, but we would steer clear from it now. Basically because it fills your mind with what we believe are unclean images. (However I realise my view is different to ones here whom again I’m not judging). These images stay in your mind and often get replayed.

            It was Ted Bundy who said that porn was what started everything off for him in one of his videos, where he said that it is an addiction, and you want more and more of it, and to get the same thrill or buzz/excitement from it, you have to go into more and more harder and extreme porn. Until he says, one day you get desensitized/acclimatized and the only thing left to feed that addiction, is to actually go out there and do it in real life. And he said all the guys he knew in jail, were addicted to porn. Studies have shown porn has a detrimental effect on the reward centre part of the brain, makes you more aggressive, and have less self-control. (I’m not judging anyone for watching it or enjoying what they wish to enjoy, and I take into consideration there are differing views …..before anyone attacks me).

            As I have mentioned before, we try to live by bible standards as best as we can. No I do not want to discuss religion, faith or anything here.

            We live by high moral standards. We do not smoke, drink to excess, or take recreational drugs, or would have extramarital affairs. There are certain sexual practices that we would not engage in either, like anal. We believe Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and believe in that what I’m sure most view as old fashioned no sex before marriage thing.

            Like I said…..I’m complicated. Lol! Add religious beliefs to the equation of already a difficult, traumatic past and also borderline and issues with sex and intimacy and you have me, a complex individual. But we are here to learn about narcs, and their ways, and so am I like anyone else.

            As I said before, I do not feel it has harmed me, if anything I feel I’ve been protected, from STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, etc, and I’ve tried hard with good old-fashioned love and commitment on a marriage which takes work on both sides.

            And as people were pointing out, yes this article is not about love. Its about control, excitement, sexual, kinky, I dunno….all that stuff! And each to their own.

            Anyways, this is probably why I really do not fit in this group very well at all.

            I hope I’ve not offended anyone with what I’ve said here.

          3. tigerchelle78 says:


            Oh just to be clear its not just 14 years he and I have not had sex while we are together, we have both never had sex, we are both virgins. And we’ve been together 14 years and still not had sex. Lol! We are affectionate, and do what one would refer to I guess as foreplay, from time to time, but no sex, because of my deep seated fears and intimacy issues. I guess you can’t miss what you’ve never had huh!
            Does he get turned on? Yes, a lot, when we are together doing stuff (of a close intimate nature) but he manages it fine! I guess he has got used to it.
            Sex is not everything. But I understand its importance to many. And as I said, each to their own.
            I won’t even have a smear test…..i had one once, as I wasnt sure of the procedure, but they said i had to have one even though i wasnt sexually active and she never received my notes through from doctor so she just shoved it up me like I was just anyone. It really hurt, and i was so shocked. I was in tears after. When it came to have another one, I couldn’t relax enough, I was way to anxious even with a diazepam. So never had another one since.
            But then I’m still not sexually active.

          4. NarcAngel says:

            My doctor asked me once if I was sexually active. I replied (with a straight face ): define active. I moved once and it scared the shit out of him. I never did that again. She laughed but then I didnt. Then she got serious again and asked me the frequency lol.

          5. WhoCares says:

            Tigerchelle (sorry for previously spelling your name incorrectly)

            You don’t need to apologize to anyone about coming off as preachy – you were reacting in a way that comes from your particular experiences and beliefs – a perspective that I’m sure you’re not alone in having here on the blog.

            And I think that it helps others to better understand the fallout of childhood abuse. I’m glad that you shared – and I’ll be honest when I say that I find it difficult to hear such stories because it makes me very sad to know that something ( specifically sexuality, in this case) that should be a healthy and natural expression of the human experience was severely distorted and messed with.

            I had a university housemate who shared with me a bit of her story of sexual abuse by her father (starting at the age of 3 or 4, and he allowed other men to abuse her as well). And I recall my reaction at the time; being one of shock that someone could do that to their child…and all the rest…and grief at the thought of what that would do to someone or what it meant to their future relationships. I also, had a hard time identifying with it because I have certain comfort level with my body and thought; how can I even relate to that experience? (And feeling like thanking my lucky stars that, as a female, I never suffered that kind of treatment at the hands of anyone.) Fast forward many years later, I get into a relationship with a narc, had no clue…did not in anyway think of myself as an abused person…didn’t believe I even came from the right demographic to fit the profile of what I saw as a ‘typical’ victim of abuse. But my friend was the one who, when I reached out, was able to help me identify that I was dealing with a situation of abuse and the danger that I could potentially be in. Never in a million years would I have thought I could identify with her on that level. And then, subsequently, I figured out that my ex must be a narcissist and HG confirmed that for me. But what I learned from my friend is that abuse is abuse and there is no ‘demographic’ for abuse.

            And I appreciate you sharing your experience because it may help someone and similarly… I shared my example, because it’s not ‘typical’ in most people’s experience and I know, personally, it is what contributed – in part – to me over-staying my time in a bad situation. We all fall victim, not only to narcissists, but to stereotypes that blind us to things that should be obvious – I’m as guilty of that as anyone. Big lesson learned.

  15. Presque Vu says:

    I’ve had another thought regarding this blog post.

    Purely because I’ve been with a psychopath/sociopath/sadist.

    This is a fantasy (or maybe your reality) of rape and control.
    You don’t even need to speak to shush her, she’s scared of the unknown confirmed by her darting/searching eyes to yours.

    My nex (I know I keep mentioning him but I feel it’s really relevant here!) persuaded me to re-enact stalking through the forest near my house. I couldn’t see him, but he could see me and he would track me as I wandered through the overgrown. I thought it was a weird request, but in my head it would turn into a romantic forest romp!
    It didn’t. His sadistic side came out as he approached me from behind and then ripped at my dress, hand over my mouth and did as this story describes. Except in the end he roughly restrained me then fucked me still partially dressed. Cold eyes and yes I was scared!

    He would also love for me to fight him in bed so he could restrain me. He was strong and won every time to pin me down and he always ended up between my legs. I can’t help but feel maybe he was practising these things on me.

    I know some people role play, I was curious, I’d be open to experimenting so I let him do things to me. Maybe that’s why I feel the way I do, it was so intense and not Vanilla at all! I have never experienced anything like this – with anybody else. EVER.

    Now I know exactly what he was feeling when he did this to me and can only imagine the heightened control and power he would feel if he did this for real to a stranger. If I read of any such crimes like this in his area I think I would freeze!

    I liken him to Ted Bundy. To try and understand more I’ve been reading and reading and Ted fascinates me. Infact HG, you also remind me of Ted Bundy – though you say you would never do anything illegal as you value your freedom can you relate to Bundy in any way?

  16. Jess says:

    Good grief Charlie Brown… There have been quite a few instances of this methodology. That was a jaunt down memory lane.

  17. Pale Horse says:

    Hush, hush. Keep it down now. Voices carry.

  18. Persephone In Sunlight says:

    Are we still waiting to get Spanked? Did I miss it?

    1. DebbieWolf says:


      Me too. ?!?!

      Aww, I guess we’ll just have to hush. . .

      1. Jess says:


    2. Chihuahuamum says:

      Im still waiting for the spanked story HG promised us but im very patient 😄

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Who said it was a story? I had my pants down for hours aimed at a blank screen on Skype lol.

      2. Chihuahuamum says:

        Lol narcangel 🤣

      3. DebbieWolf says:

        I signed up for spanked aswell, nothing happened.. I really don’t understand what any of that was about to be honest.

    3. Persephone In Sunlight says:



      I pictured you wielding a paddle, not bending over grabbing your ankles!

      HG is very effective!


      1. NarcAngel says:

        Haha. Maybe he was there. I heard muffled echoing noises and the screen could well have been black due to the eclipse caused by my ass.

        I was just making a joke and didnt even sign up for it. I’m sure it would have been worth it for those interested, but with him being 60 and all now, the idea may have petered out because he lacks the strength. More likely our Liege just cant keep up to demand he creates.

  19. Presque Vu says:

    I’m in the boardroom at work listening to you on loudspeaker via my phone 😎
    I sent you a picture to prove it 😆

    Consensual S&M play with a sadist.
    I have been this woman, in this situation, like you described!

    How you write, the descriptive language used to heighten the senses took me right back. Not knowing if they’d fuck you or kill you.

    Nothing like 50 shades, that was tame.

    1. MB says:

      It’s the welt on the thigh that turns me off. If you raise a hand to me in anger, you lose your right to fuck me. Ever. Again. Period.

      But the descriptive erotic writing…I want more of that. Good stuff HG.

      1. Twilight says:


        I don’t believe the welt was done out of anger.

        1. MB says:

          Twilight, that’s the way I read it. Besides, pain ain’t my thing. I know some people are into it. Each to his own.

          1. Twilight says:


            I agree we each read it according to our perspective. No not everyone enjoys pain, it is a definite agree activity.

          2. MB says:

            It’s just not my thing Twilight. I don’t judge. Consenting adults can pleasure one another the way they enjoy. I admit, the reading is erotic. The reality of it, would be terrifying to me, though!

      2. K says:

        Ha ha ha…those are fighting words. You are a feisty empath.

        1. MB says:

          K, I understand a child being unable to escape abuse. I also know that there is a whole dynamic behind women that allow it. But if anybody hurts me or my children on purpose, I will die protecting us. I realize I have a different perspective because I haven’t experienced it. My blood pressure is elevated just thinking about it! By the same token, I am not an abuser. I’ve never so much as slapped anybody in the face. Hell, I’ve never even hung up on a significant other. I give respect and expect it back.

          1. K says:

            Mothers should always protect their children; that is love and it is normal to defend the ones you love.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        If you think the writing is good-you should listen to it. Then I’ll call you butter…

        ‘Cause you’re about to spread!

        1. MB says:

          NA, believe me…I’ve listened! I listen to them all. Some, multiple times. They all, let’s say, “have an effect”. The one he uploaded yesterday where he said “cadre” so many times…um, um, um. There’s another where he says “accoutrements” and I used the rewind 15 seconds feature to hear it over and over. I was afraid I might break YouTube. I’m thankful for his superior microphone and my noise canceling headphones that bring him close. When he growls “ussss” or “fuuuel”, I can almost feel his breath on my neck. Here lately, there are lotsa cars going by his window and I think to myself, oh my, I hope they can’t see what we’re doing in the study! Ha ha.

  20. Strongerwendy says:


    1. NarcAngel says:


      Haha, I wondered where you were and thought this one might bring you out. Just wanted to say hello.

      1. Strongerwendy says:

        Hello! I’m doing well. Haven’t been ensnared by any big bad narcs 🙂 just living life logically and honing my weoponized empath skills. Yes, Hush is an old favorite…sigh. 😉

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