The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 18

soc med 18

46 thoughts on “The Narcissist’s Social Media Laws – No. 18

  1. Melody Ross says:

    I cannot read any sites anymore, since leaving your kind. It seems to bring me down and cause anxiety so I choose to ignore them now. I feel it’s helpful in a way to ignore them and your kind. I decided to reply to this however, as it’s my advice to anyone with or tangled with your kind .. going going gone .Babycakes.

    1. merrymagenta says:

      I totally get where you’re coming from, Melody Ross and if you feel that you’ve learned enough from HG and the community here to enable you to spot narcissists and protect yourself from becoming ensnared by one again, that’s great. If not, I strongly suggest that you do so before you leave for good. Unless you become a hermit and live in a cave (maybe not even then lol), you will come into contact with people who are higher up on the narcissistic spectrum and full blown narcissists – forewarned is forearmed. Good luck!

  2. BrokenRainbow says:

    I used to do this with my ex’s social platform. It drove me crazy with the intermittent reinforcement of his messages. I have him blocked now as my addiction is worse when I can see what he has posted. I am finding I am now making progress and IF I went back to his social media, I would start backsliding again.

  3. Chihuahuamum says:

    Omg been there done that crazy shit!! Altho im still with the narc i walked away from any social media where any of the narcs followers are concerned. I no longer want to know. Its slso reduced triangulation so much!! Its been about 3 yrs and what a sighhhhh of relief. I know im not out of the woods but its helped me regain myself and function better. Good riddance!!!

  4. G. says:


    1. merrymagenta says:


      I meant that Fuel on the Shelf should cut him loose as far as she is concerned – go no contact

  5. G. says:


  6. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    Gah, sorry for the duplicate comment. My laptop has a mind of it’s own today.

  7. merrymagenta says:

    Yeah, to my horror and disappointment, I ended up doing this constantly with my Greater. The first time it was accidental; we were supposed to spend the weekend together in my home, (I had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure everything was exactly as he liked it; I spent the best part of a months salary on lingerie and food and had practically had the house redecorated… I pretended I hadn’t and I wasn’t that bothered though) but he had to go on a very last minute overseas business trip (which he invariably did every other week, anything from a couple of days to a couple of weeks at a time… he told me he is a company director for a global organisation, so he must really have been all alone in a hotel room, working in another country all these times, right? I mean who would lie about something like that?!) and we had said our goodnights as he needed to go straight to sleep because he had a very early meeting next morning. Such was my longing for him that I stayed online to re-read some of the heart melting messages he had sent earlier… I missed him so much. About 20 minutes later he came online again. I sent him a message but he didn’t respond. I waited online for a while longer hoping that he would say something, he didn’t. I checked his online status the next morning and he had been active for a couple of hours after we said goodnight. That was the start of me checking and torturing myself. The lies, half truths and blatant gaslighting got so bad that I got into the extremely unhealthy habit of taking screenshots of our conversations whenever times, dates, places, plans or people were mentioned. I was always right, I even had the screenshots to prove it and initially challenged him about it, which resulted in various corrective actions, so I just kept quiet and let it eat me alive instead after that. It was a mess, none of my friends would even listen to me talking about him any more. I hated what I had been reduced to, but I found that I couldn’t stop doing it after that. I previously thought that checking up on someone was a gross invasion of privacy and it isn’t something I’ve ever even thought about doing before. I felt like one of those poor cows who end up on the Jeremy Kyle show… “Is my man a narcissist, or just a bog standard bastard?”

    1. wolvesinwalden says:

      “I previously thought that checking up on someone was a gross invasion of privacy and it isn’t something I’ve ever even thought about doing before.”

      Eep, I feel that, merrymagenta. I didn’t think I was the checking up type either, turns out my natal chart was right. Scorpionic little shits (Sun-Mars-Pluto all conjunct, here) are soooo easy to nudge into paranoia mode, a slight breeze at the right time can be enough. Bleh, that’s a depressing realization.

      The absence where security and trust should be makes you feel absolutely batshit.

  8. pascaleshealingjourney says:

    Unfortunately very true 😒

  9. Nina says:

    Until one day you get sick of all the games, and you no longer care. But of course, he tries to draw you back in.

  10. amanda SNapchat says:

    This image macro helped me a lot. I realized I was doing it and then I thought it: “fuck it. enough” I quit the messaging platform all together. It was a control space for him.

  11. foolme1time says:

    HG, do you know why the last face book post of yours is August 28th? I can’t get it to post anything after that date. 🌻

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Security setting issue I believe.

      1. foolme1time says:

        Thank you HG.🌺

      2. Twilight says:

        That happened to a friend of mine and it seems when you speak truth you take a chance of being thrown in FB jail. FB agréés HG speaks truth!

  12. SD says:

    Once upon a time, absolutely yes. But if I ever check again, which I won’t, I hope it shows that you haven’t been online in a whole 48 hours. Because that means you might be dead. Lord knows you couldn’t be away from your precious social media three ring circus for that long otherwise.

    1. merrymagenta says:

      I’ve heard that there is a way in which one can cut car brake lines and make it look like natural wear and tear… if that helps any?

  13. NarcMyProblem says:

    Truth..eventual life and soul killer. You know what they’re doing but you drive yourself crazy convincing yourself it’s true.

  14. MB says:

    HG, is the intermittent reinforcement manipulation done consciously by the narcissist to control and to create an addiction?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is instinctive.

      1. MB says:

        Thank you HG. It’s the push, pull that creates the addiction (binding). Unbelievable how it is done without any calculation. I think IR is one of the root causes of narcissism in the first place. Trying to get approval and love from the parent and randomly succeeding and failing despite applying the same effort. Maybe that’s how it becomes instinctive.

      2. Fuel on the Shelf says:

        Well my current situation which is that of going on an almost 2 week stint of “silence” for reasons unknown to me. I am being ghosted. Texts are ignored. Phone calls are ignored. However social media “likes” are doled out and sprinkled within the other forms of being ignored.

        I find it hard to believe that this is “instinctive” and not calculated on purpose.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is instinctive. You regard it as calculated because of your emotional thinking causing you to view it that way. Hence why you remain stuck. You remain fixated on whether it is instinctive or calculated rather than doing something about it, namely imposing a solid no contact.

          1. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            Next you’re going to tell me that the reappearance and the “pull” is also instinctive too? Like he’s not going to wake up one day and say “oh let me message her today”. His…”instinct” will just….do it? Or not do it?

            With you though it is all deliberate right? Greaters know what they are doing?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Greaters operate through some instinct and a significant amount of calculation.

          3. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            Something tells me that ignoring texts and then liking photos immediately after that is way beneath you. I hope I am accurate.

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            I had another thought too. If it is really instinctive then good grief it looks so fucking stupid! If I wanted to ignore someone I would not be liking their posts while ignoring all other channels of communication. It is a shame that someone with such a high level of intelligence would not realize how fucking stupid his behavior looks.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Again you are viewing it from your perspective, from the narcissist’s it is not stupid, it is effective – after all, it has you provoked, confused and talking about it – thus providing fuel and heightening your emotional thinking, thus preventing/delaying progress and increasing the risk of further engagement.

          7. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            Further engagement my ass! I debated messaging him on Instagram last night after my texts were ignored and the like button was later clicked. I was going to message him there since that is where he was sprinkling his little likes around. But I did not. I was also planning to call him again later after work but now I am also not. I mean that is what he is hoping for. Me to keep reaching out. But I am not going to. He can go fuck his piano.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            Just as you see him and his behaviours as childish and stupid, can you see how it looks to others to see someone of your intelligence continuing to condone and accept his behaviour? What does that say about you given that you call him these names and yet still accept whatever scraps he throws you? Why would he think he is anything other than brilliant when what he does works so effectively? He does what he does because he is a narcissist and thats what they do. That is the answer to any of your questions really. Why you ask but continue to ignore the advice and give into him is the real question. If you want to stay with him fine-why the questions?

          9. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            I am not going to argue with you so all I will say is that you have a fair point.

            And it is easier said than done and I will leave it at that.

          10. Pale Horse says:

            Damn NA. When you’re on, you’re on. I fucking love it!

        2. Pale Horse says:

          Hi FOTS,
          Sorry about your current situation. I was just thinking though…what do you think is different about the social media platform that he will give you “likes” rather than calls and texts at this time?

          1. Fuel on the Shelf says:

            I have no idea. He usually likes my pics while he’s NOT ignoring me which is why I find it odd. Did I just answer my own question? 🤔😫

      3. Fuel on the Shelf says:

        If it is REALLY instinctual then what makes the social media like happen while ignoring a text from an hour prior? That sounds pretty fucking deliberate to me!

  15. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    Yup!!! How did you know?

    The other question that’s wandering through my mind is how every single text message I have sent for the last week and a half is ignored. Ghosted like I don’t even exist!!! Like I’ve been blocked yet I don’t know I’ve been blocked for sure. Yet he will still like my pictures on Instagram!! Ugh. Why? 🤯

    1. merrymagenta says:

      Because he’s a narcissist

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        What an idiot. A simple text even if it’s “can’t talk now” takes just as much effort as “liking” a picture! Such childish mind fucking games.

      2. Fuel on the Shelf says:

        What an idiot. A simple text even if it’s “can’t talk now” takes just as much effort as “liking” a picture! Such childish mind fucking games.

        1. merrymagenta says:

          Cut him loose, he’s a fucking douche nozzle!

        2. merrymagenta says:

          Fuel on the Shelf

          Sorry, I didn’t mean to be glib. I know you’re confused and hurting and you need answers.

          When I was in your situation, I would analyse to death everything my boyfriend (I hadn’t identified him as a narcissist at that time) said and did to pretty much anyone who would still put up with me speaking about him. I was trying to make some sense of what was happening and I needed to validate my feelings. A good friend (who didn’t know he was a narcissist either, but recognised that I was in an abusive relationship) told me that it was more than likely that he was busy with his IPPS and probably a couple of other IPSS’s at the same time and just either didn’t have the time, energy, inclination or a combination of all three for me too. She also reminded me of the comfort crumbs and the future faking he had been doling out like candy and I started seeing things from a different perspective from then on. (Obviously she didn’t use that terminology). Then I became “A friend of HG” (euphemism for a weaponised empath, HG? Lol) and his writing confirmed that I was dealing with a narcissist and all those painful pieces instantly fell into place, thus enabling me to break free. I know it’s painful to hear and you don’t want to believe it’s true, but if your bf is a narcissist then it is.

    2. Little Miss Idealist says:

      Maybe to piss off his new supply and make her jealous? To confuse you? To keep one foot in the door with minimal effort? So you think of him? Could be a million reasons why and they’re all just one big mind fuck.

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