The Futility Of Your Feeling


Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back. You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you. All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened. Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.

I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore. I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel. I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward. All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion. My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.

I feel powerful.

I am powerful.


5 thoughts on “The Futility Of Your Feeling”

  1. While I understand that in certain circumstances, lacking these emotions such as remorse, sadness, and happiness makes a person efficient and more logical, these emotions are not necessarily useless. In fact, having capacity to empathize, feel guilt or remorse, gives us boundaries on how we should behave towards others. This lacking of boundaries is why a lot of narcissists and psychopaths end up committing white collar crimes or other crimes because they are focused in the possible rewards without any thought on how it might adversely affect other people. I saw you say in a comment before that if we are all narcs, there would be chaos. It’s so true because narcs not being able to feel guilt or remorse or empathy doesn’t give them a lot of reason to stick to a moral code like most people do. Also, in the greater scheme of life, it isn’t really efficient to have to keep looking for fuel. It is very cumbersome in my opinion.

  2. Very interesting information, H G. But sometimes I think the difference between narc and empath is not that huge. Isn`t beeing lucky very similar to beeing full of fuel? And beeing sad similar to beeing more or less out of fuel? And how about emotions like shame and secureness, do you really never feel them?

    I have come to understand what has happened to me my entire life, with my father and mother, my ex husband (less so) and, more recently, my ex partner.
    I think what you are doing here provides you with a new kind of POWER, according to the principle “the best lie is the truth”… Many of your readers won’t believe your character is real, which must be a reward in itself… “I trust I make myself obscure”.
    The intricacies of the human mind – the greatest deceiver of them all.

  4. I disagree hate gives you a very distorted view of life admittedly so does love indifference is more likely to give you an accurate view on life
    Also how are you truly powerful if you power depends on fuel from others so easily taken away???

    1. Ha. How do we easily take away fuel? Ever tried it? Isn’t so easy. I’d imagine it’s lretty easy for one of them. I don’t find it easy

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