But Why Did The Narcissist Do That?


I have heard this said so many times, read about it from bewildered and perplexed people and know from experience the confusion that accompanies this question.

“But how could he do this to me after everything else? But why would he behave like this? But who would do such a thing as that? He said he loved me. I know he loved me. How does someone love someone else in such a perfect way and then act as if he does not even know them?”

I have written about how the empath likes to know everything. This is not because you are big-headed or wish to boast. You like to know everything in order to allow you to help. You need to understand a situation. It has to make sense to you. You must be able to comprehend what has happened and find some logical reason for the occurrence. This is why you spend so long trying to work us out. This is why when we are doling out the silent treatment you need to ascertain why we are doing it (I think now you understand we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid (according to your reality) reason for this behaviour). It is a natural empathic reaction. If you understand why something has happened you can then consider the ways in which it can be addressed, remedied and fixed. You want everything to be alright.

Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we held hands as we walked through the park together and kissed beneath the spreading oak. Today you have been subjected to a nasty period of name-calling and blaming. You are dumbfounded. Where on earth did that come from? In your reality it makes no sense at all. One minute every is okay,nothing changes but then suddenly we are being horrible to you. It just does not add up. It makes no sense. It gets worse.Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?

This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you. We gave you the huge seduction and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what you perceive love to be and we gave it to you in spade loads all manufactured by Narc Inc. Our production line went into over time creating these false acts and hollow declarations of love but you fell for it. You always do. Accordingly, you were duped into thinking that we loved you so that when we begin to devalue you it flies completely in the face of what you understand to be the situation.

You will sit for hours with your close friends and recite example after example of all the wonderful things that we have said and done and then ask,

“How can he hurt me when he loves me so much?”

It is utterly perplexing. Naturally there is method in this madness. If it made sense, if there was a logical reason for this volte face you are more likely to accept it and walk away. This twisted and nonsensical logic is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-

  • You must know what has happened and make sense of it
  • You want to make things right
  • You want the wonderful golden period again
All of this keeps you right besides us. Guess what? We dole out even more awful behaviour and it still does not make sense and you still do not go. We give you a glimpse of the golden period and your confusion increases. He does still love me I knew it. Then the door is slammed shut and you are left confused yet again but even worse this time, the brief return to the golden period has given you additional hope. You still do not go.
For once, rather than looking at it through your own eyes, consider it from our point of view. The devaluation does not come out of nowhere. It does to you but not to us. It happens because you are not giving us our fuel in the strength, quantity and frequency we demand. That is the logic behind our change in behaviour.
Why is it then that we are able to hurt you when we love you so much? Again, look at it through our eyes and the answer is straight forward. We never loved you. Accordingly, we are not affected by what appears (in your world) to be a hurtful and contradictory shift in our behaviour. Let me help you further. To us you are just an appliance. Initially because this appliance does what we want we look after it. We clean it, maintain it and take pride in it. Then it goes wrong. It is too much effort to try and repair it. We are horrible to you in order to make you work in a different way rather than trying to repair you to run as normal. Remember how people would slap the side of their television to make it work or give the washing machine a kick in the hope of causing it to run properly? You are just the same. You are an appliance and we give you a boot be it figurative or literal to make you provide us with fuel of a negative nature. We eventually get fed up that you are not working as we want you to so we chuck you on the scrap heap like so many discarded fridges, computers and washing machines. We have seen a new, shiny model which has attracted our attention instead.
So when you sit and wonder why this devaluation has happened, why our behaviour makes no sense and how can it be that someone who expresses such perfect love can be so hurtful, you know the answer. It makes no sense in your world but every sense in our world where you are just an appliance. Perhaps you had better start thinking about making some self-improvements and increasing your longevity yes?


9 thoughts on “But Why Did The Narcissist Do That?

  1. Empath says:

    This was the post I shared on a sociopath support group H.G., I messaged you earlier about it. I just wanted you to know which article it was, I don’t think I had initially replied on the exact one. Anywho, the administrators dinged me-and I had asked prior to sharing-but I think the whole “appliance thing” may have illicted fury, lol. That is a pretty harsh comparison to a fellow human being H.G….but it does help explain your kind’s intolerable behavior-your bizarre perspective. Several said on the site you were a fake because a Narcissist would not “help” anyone, court mandated or for whatever your reason is exactly. Then they said you were just trying to make money as a clever author. Because I do not like your kind I didnt defend you, and wasn’t trying to get anyone to support you! But I do believe your content is of value…a lot of people are wallowing in self pity and if they just get the blunt force trauma of your writing, the logical side begins to awaken! So I appreciate your writing and your oration even if you ARE just a clever author trying to make a buck, you definitely give out harsh but helpful information for recoverery from entanglements of “your kind”!

    Once you know, you go…and never look back. As much as I would like to kick you in the testicles and slap you across the face, I do appreciate you promoting getting the hell away from your kind and staying away, and telling us how to do so.

    It seems you have a lot of followers who do not need your advice though. That saddens me. There is no hope for a healthy relationship with a sociopath. Life is so short and it is a complete waste of time, reading your stuff H G. really was more compelling than any victim writing. In terms of what I was dealing with anyway. Another was reading about the predictable pattern of behaviors as well, it was so odd reading my same story over and over written by total strangers. By itself, my story seems impossible to believe by most people. So many unsuspecting people are not aware of how deviant a human can be, even though they appear to be a model citizen, a neurotypical.

  2. Julie says:

    Hell, i didnt even get the devalue.. i went from being the best thing since sliced bread for 8 months the. LITTERALLY in one day getting a silent treatment for a week then tossed lole yesterdays rubbish. Never saw that one comming for sure! I wonder why that would be??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The silent treatment was devaluation.

      1. Julie says:

        So i suppose he wasnt expecting me to tell him to f off and that he was a grade A narc? I figured it was a discard🤷‍♀️

  3. Jenny Toft says:

    Thank you. So much insight. So helpful. So many years. So much now understood not just about my ex but also about myself.. thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are most welcome.

  4. Agnes says:

    HG, can a narcissist pretend he has a new gierlfriend while this girl is just a friend, just to make some chaos and drama to provoke a reaction from former IPPS – check if she will be jealous and if she still is under his control?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, it is called triangulation.

  5. MommyPino says:

    I actually had a taste of a golden period with my half sister. And just like how you described, I got my first silent treatment without any warning. I didn’t even realize that I was getting a silent treatment when I first got it because I didn’t think that there was anything wrong.

    When she met me for the first time, she gave me a necklace with my birth stone and was really nice to me. Although I caught her rolling her eyes after looking at me when she didn’t think that I was going to look at her, I just dismissed it as being reasonable since our dad kept me hidden from them for years and asnpart of her reaction from that betrayal. I thought that I just need to be kind to her. She became close to me as she loved telling me stories about their life which was totally different from my poor upbringing. I was so interested in learning so much about them and I admired her genuinely. It made me feel proud to have a beautiful and sophosticated sister, sisters actually but I never met the other one as she disowned our dad when he told them about me. She was so exotic to me as she was totally like the California girl, gorgeous, confident, blonde, intelligent and outgoing. So I think I provided a lot of positive fuel for a while. Then I started to become a competition so the golden period ended and I got the devaluation.

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