Shell Shocked Silence


I was in a consultation with Dr E. We had been discussing the various methods by which I obtained fuel and the conversation had largely been given over to the question of the methods of obtaining negative fuel from those that I had ensnared.

“Tell me,” continued Dr E, ” about one of your favoured states to place a victim in.”

“Tough call that Dr E, I have several.”

“Select one then and tell me about it.”


“I am interested to ascertain what one the states is and in particular what you get from that.”

“Haven’t you been listening? I told you that it is the fuel that I obtain from their emotional reactions, especially the negative ones. That is what I get from these situations.”

“I recognise that but I have seen, through our consultations, that everything you do serves a multiplicity of purposes. Everything of course leads to the harvesting of your fuel but I have seen you gain other things beside your fuel.”

“Such as?”

“I have made notes but I do not want to prime you, I want you to describe the situation and then explain to me what you get from it,” pressed Dr E. I sat and regarded him for a moment. I tried to ascertain if he was getting something else from asking me about this. You see, I have worked out that Dr E is a rascal for projecting. He cannot help himself. He will suggest a methodology applicable to me when in fact what he is talking about is a methodology he wishes to apply. In this instance he was trying to get me to talk about the multiple benefits of a given scenario whereas what I knew was that he was getting more from this discussion than just receiving an answer to that question. I know your game Dr E. You think you are smarter than me but you are not. Still, I decided to indulge him. There was no need to let him know that I was on to his method.

“Okay. One of the situations that I like to create is one of a shell shocked silence.” Dr E began to write. I waited for his reaction before proceeding.

“I see. Please explain more to me.”

“Well, we have discussed at length the various manipulative methods that I apply to get fuel which bring about control and the diminution in my target’s capability to resist me. I lower their critical thinking,  maximise their isolation and increase their reliance on me. The sustained and repeated application of these techniques often leads down the road to my target being left in a state of shell shock.”

I waited as Dr E continued to make his notes. He scratched his nose and then spoke.

“Do you do anything in particular that brings about this shell shocked state?” he asked.

“It is the culmination of a variety of manipulative techniques but there needs to be a final flourish, something that will tip this person over the edge into their numbed silence.”

“Such as?” he queried.

“Well, I find that a sudden escalation of a certain act or behaviour tends to tip the balance. It might be the violent destruction of something that they love right in front of them that causes them to stand shaking unable to speak. On another occasion I may reveal that I have been engaged in an affair with someone they trusted and felt close to, say a best friend or a family member. I do recall that once I was having sex with Alex and part way through I told her ‘By God Joanne you are so much better at this than Alex’. Truth be told it is really about the build up, the campaign has to be such that any resistance and ability to fight back must be totally eroded so that when this coup de grace is applied they are just plunged into a broken silence.”

“I see but how does silence provide you with fuel?”

“Easily. It is the tortured look on their face that provides me with the fuel, the strangled sob, the look of total and utter defeat in their eyes. Those tears which trickle down their face as they look at me in a mixture of horror and disbelief. I have told you before about how a wildebeest has that strange expression on its face, something between terror and confusion as a lion eats it alive. It is the same there. Bringing about such an expression combined with this silence produces premium fuel.”

I stretch as I savour the memories which flood my mind at the mention of this technique.

“What is it about that reducing this person to such a state that appeals to you beyond this level of fuel that you obtain?” asked Dr E.

“The fact that is demonstrates that I have total hegemonic control over them.”

“Leaving you able to do what?”

“Anything I like. After all, nobody prevents me from doing what I want.”

“By rendering them into this state you remove their capacity to object to whatever you do?” he queried.

I nod.

“But surely that makes them little more than an automaton and if that is the case how can they be of use to you in such a state? I should have though that they would now be devoid of providing you with the reaction that you require?”

“But this state is a reaction in itself Dr E, it is a pinnacle of the campaign and represents triumph on my part, it exemplifies my supremacy and my power and the desolate eyes, trembling mouth and forlorn expression all amount to a reaction and a satisfying one at that.”

“I see,” said Dr E and he continued to write. I waited for him to finish the sentence in his notebook before he looked at me.

“And of course ultimately there is something else that arises from this shell shocked silence.”

“What is that?” he asked.

“Silence gives consent.”




  1. Oh my gosh something just occurred to me. I was canipss for quite awhile. He told his wife once about an affair when she ask him point blank.i said why did you tell her ? He said cause she asked. I said what happened after . I was going to divorce her but We worked things out after awhile.

    I ask him are you talking to someone else ? He answerred yes. I was shell shocked. That was nearly 9 months ago He did this very thing to his wife. Was this him testing me to see if I’m replacement ipps material? He hadn’t spoken to me in 6 months but is he gonna show back up and try to patch things up and if I take the bait then I’m suitable ?

    The reason I ask this is bevause this is a pattern he has had with his wife and I think maybe others but not all I think maybe just some of us that he has seriously considered replacing his wife with and would a strategy like that go on this long ? Maybe I’m getting a little far fetched witb this?

  2. Hey Jenna,

    Thanks for your comments. I keep losing my place reading through these comments. I wish they loaded in chronical order. Anyway, yes after five years in it was hard. Great observation you made whether to even refer to it as a “relationship” or that they are an “ex”. I call him my psycho mainly, lol. And the relationship as an “alternative reality”.

    The false identity really made my perceptions of reality distorted because it was not just that his feelings were false…it was ALL false…beginning with his NAME! His career was false, the family members and friends were false, his HOME was false, his marital status was false, his sexual identity was false, his childhood history, his adoption, I mean everything. EVERYTHING!!! I was beginning to grasp onto his diagnosis the last year we were together so when it finally all came out I was almost relieved because I thought I was going crazy. I knew something was definitely off about him but he still was being loving and kind to me, just saw him less than he used to…so the abuse check box, borrowing money check box, those did not fit. He was generous, never asked for money, always had plenty. I shudder to think what he actually did to earn all that money he spent on me. Working as a maintenance man (his real job) was not his only source of income. I suspect he was a male escort, for men but I will never know for sure-and don’t want to know.

    What hurt me was the loss of his companionship. Because of course, he was my ideal companion. We had not made marital plans so my “future” wasn’t destroyed and I didn’t move for him or anything like that, so I was not uprooted. Just mind-f#$@ked. I got out lucky, I know. I wanted to collapse but I couldn’t, I’ve got two boys I am raising and had to keep functioning. You should have seen me trying to explain this situation to them, no one could believe it. This man had permeated my entire circle, family, friends, coworkers, etc…it was a monumental task to announce to them it was all a deliberate 5 yr long enormous hoax.

    I am on solid ground now but imagine it will be years before I recover.

    1. Hi empath,

      He really lied about everything didn’t he? I’m so very sorry you had to endure that. The mmrn I knew lied too, but at least I knew his real name, his real job, and family. I wonder if HG can do an article on degrees of fakery. It seems like you are a great mom and motivated towards health in order to raise your boys well. I think you will do a great job now that narc is gone. In order to speed up your recovery, may I suggest an audio consult? I am not trying to be HG’s promoter, but I honestly do not think I would have progressed so quickly following disengagement If it were not for the audio consults. Following narc experience, I have completely changed, for the better I believe. I am trying to rewire my brain towards less narcissistic tendencies (as we all have them) by choosing empathy each and every time. So far, I do notice a difference. I am more at peace, less anxiety, less sensitive, and generally more happy. Continued healing to you empath🌷

      1. Jenna, I agree 100%. The audio consults are invaluable. Less expensive and more efficient than therapy. HG, when are you going to start taking mental health insurance?

      2. Hi Jenna & MB,

        Thanks for your advice. I think I would freak out talking to a self aware Narcissist, even with someone so polite and articulate as H.G. appears to be. (Wink wink H.G.) I can barely handle reading this blog because I find the Narcissistic perspective so polar opposite of my own. I’m afraid I would be profane and undignified to Master Tudor. I am really here mostly out of curiosity because I love to over analyze anything that is psychologically challenging to me. Since I have police involved and children to protect I am not afraid of hoovers to draw me back in-my entire inner circle would discredit me and the police would dismiss me-and worst of all my children would disrespect me.. If I disappear one day-and I think the chances of that are low because he is nonviolent and an upper midranger IMO-all that know me will know who is responsible.

        I have realized by reading this blog that my son’s father is also a Narcissist and have basically cut off all direct contact with him. I am desperately trying to demonstrate to my children the proper way to respect and and treat women as they become men. They are the driving force behind me that keeps me moving forward. Without them I fear I would be subject to remaining in that situation forever…I think about why someone would remain and I think I do understand. If you have little value in yourself and you also are not fighting to set a strong example for your kids, your ability to pull out of the addiction and trauma bond would be nearly impossible. I absolutely give H.G. credit in that regard…he was/is a strong final affirmation for me, but must be an absolute revelation to those who have not done the research and just happen to come upon his blog or You Tube.

        I had studied hours of You Tube and never had come across his work because it is all under Narcissist and not Sociopath. In my research not all Narcissists are Sociopaths but all Sociopaths ARE Narcissists. Perhaps the term Narcissist will be the term most people search for but it wasn’t in my case. Other than being overly concerned with his looks, I did not dream that psycho I was involved with was a pathological liar or that anyone could behave in this manner. He did not behave self-centered, he was patient, kind, generous, year after year, not just the first 3 months…so the term “Narcissism” was not even on my radar. He also embraced everyone I know and loved-and wanted to be around my friends and family-not push them away. He also encouraged me about my career changes and interests and joined in. I know this was the golden period but it went on year after year…so freaking bizarre.

        I am in therapy and have asked my therapist to review Tudor’s work. I am working with a physician for pharmaceutical treatment as well. I am present for my kids and show up for work each day and do my best. I have educated myself extensively on Sociopathy from a psychological perspective, a victim perspective, and now from a Narcissist perspective. In summary, these people are disordered and are not interested in changing because they are satisfied with who they are. From the very beginning of any relationship with one they are predatory in nature and intentionally malicious. I am not sure what H.G. could explain to me other than that because I do accept it 100%. H.G. just provided the absolute proof. Which enrages me but as he says, is what the empaths need to hear-the cold hard logic. It is just so toxic to read some of your work H.G., because the behavior is so inhumane. Not just “mean”.

        I realized in time that my psycho targeted me because I had kids, he targets single moms, because we are so busy we do not have time to question and double check all of the lies that they tell. We are usually overwhelmed and that also makes us a delicious choice for fuel-to have someone be kind and supportive show up and provide just the kind of T.L.C. we need; we are even more appreciative than just a single person. Geez. That is the worst of the worst. It is hard enough to be a single parent, much less become entrapped in a Narcissist’s evil web. This guy had a beautiful voice and performed in nursing homes and embraced the residents with such compassion. It was mesmerizing to watch him give his music straight from his heart, especially for an empath and a medical professional. ALL A COMPLETE AND UTTER FARCE!!! It gives me the heebie jeebies knowing this guy is still working at yet another retirement home doing God knows what. I was able to get him fired when I found out where he worked. He truly has the ultimate cover of darkness.

        In my mind though, I only have myself to blame…although he was an excellent liar and actor, I stopped listening to my instincts when my emotions overtook my logical thinking. In hindsight and education it really is unbelievable the behaviors I readily excused because I made myself believe every word he said-there was always a “plausible explanation” provided to me for his questionable behavior. He even correlated this by having friends and family reaffirm them. He had at least 5 or 6 phone numbers of people that he worked with or he was acting as to support his persona, including a sister who I personally met.

        Some well meaning people think the psycho I was involved with may have actually slightly cared for me because he did not endear himself to my children (which would have been the killer blow if he had wanted my complete devotion) and the fact he did not steal or abuse me in a violent sort of way. From reading H.G. and from my own analysis based upon my research, it is clear he never even slightly cared, and I think the only reason he had not done those things to me is because he was going to just disappear. He likely didn’t target my kids because he was satisfied with my ensnarement without them.

        His wife caught him and he called me and confessed without revealing his identity and then disappeared. I hired a P.I. and learned his real identity otherwise I would have spent the rest of my life wondering who I had spent the last 5yrs with. It was truly surreal.

        I do intend on purchasing a few of H.G.’s books just to keep as a reference and will likely soon disengage from this blog. Writing about what happened keeps it churned up, H.G. even states this, and I do not want this poison pumping through my blood supply. I may write my story some day because of the sheer insanity of it seems to interest people; the relationship and the hoovers are equally bizarre. I sometimes think this might help me to get it out. I try to weigh in my mind if I should release it by writing, or does that willingly keep me embroiled in it? What do you think H.G.? Write or not write? Your writing is an ongoing part of your therapy to understand yourself. My writing would be an attempt to purge myself so this victim story is excised from my psyche. I enjoy writing as do you, but of course you are superior in your articulation and elequence.

        1. Many victims may well find writing cathartic in that it enables you to express yourself when you are not able to do so to the narcissist (nor should you bother trying to for reasons I have explained elsewhere). I would certainly advocate doing so for the purposes of your own recovery but not for the purposes of publication. There are many victim accounts already out there and whilst they have a degree of value, they do not explain everything and get many elements wrong about our kind.

      3. H.G.,

        Thanks for your answer regarding writing…as part of my ongoing therapy I did write a lengthy letter to the Sociopath I was involved with the last 5yrs…not to send, but to vent. I WOULDN’T DARE give him that negative fuel. I put it off for a long time, afraid I would weep and be full of despair trying to write about all of his transgressions…and saying goodbye to the fantasy he had created in my mind. It was very much like the voyage upon the Narcissist yacht you described! (Excellent writing there H.G., loved the analogy)..uh, oh wait, but of course. Eyes rolling.

        Much to my surprise, as I began writing my letter, I did not become overcome with sorrow, I became cataclysmically enraged instead! I created a profanity-laced manifesto. It was awesome and I read it to my therapist instead of my narc. It was embarrassing to read aloud with the language I used but the circumstances definitely called for it.

        Anyway, I just wanted to say, if I do write my story up some day, I assure you I would reference your work in addition to a few others that really helped me. My therapist purchased one of your books and is enjoying it, btw. I ordered the exorcism book myself, because I’ve got more cleansing to do, especially the remnants of his essence in my home. I still feel the need to scrub down every inch of it with straight bleach, myself included, even after 8 months of NO CONTACT, I am that disgusted that I ever let this man anywhere near me, much less into my house!

      4. Hi empath,
        I did not receive your comment in my inbox so I apologize for the delayed response.
        No need to freak out over a consult with HG. He will make you feel at ease, but of course it’s your choice.
        I am sorry your son’s father turned out to be a narc, but knowledge is power and now you know to keep him away! I am happy to read that you are trying to set a great role model for your kids. Hopefully with that kind of upbringing, they will turn out to be empaths! Your ex sounds horrible targeting single moms. I am glad you are away from him. When your therapist reads HG’s work, she will be able to understand your situation better. I asked one of my therapists to read HG’s work when I found him. I think she even commented here but not sure it was her. We need more mental health workers aware of HG’s work and every little bit counts! Your story is sad, as many stories here are, but I am glad you are here trying to heal. Continued healing to you empath🌷

  3. Silence is often one of the first lessons we are taught when we are abused (either by parents, many sectors of society, religions, or those who have power over us). It is not consent, it is a survival mechanism, like the rabbit in the bush. Frozen still, quiet, and hidden.

    And, yes, this is also a good reminder to those of us that are safe to not remain silent about the lessons we have learned about being abused. Speak up and speak out. Have boundaries and maintain them. Never be ashamed for doing what you had to do to SURVIVE. Victim blamers are a dime a dozen. Don’t be one, especially against yourself. I’ve moved thousands of miles and hid longer to escape. The first time I said “no” and went to walk out, I had a knife pointed at me and the door blocked. Silence kept me alive. I left in the dark. And I remained camouflaged to raise my child safely away from his father. And still, the lessons come even after we survive 1, 2, or 20 situations…mine continues on the nuances of abuse dynamics and specifically narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, and other isideous abuses. I’m in my tower and have been for 2.5 years. Life still happens. Just when I thought I was safe and bolted up, the wolves come to sniff at the doors and look for cracks…at least now I see them for what they are doing…more narcissistic supply (fuel). So, onto living life….without shame. Survival before all else. Once safe, then what? Make “a life worth living”. Towers do not make a life.

      1. Hi Twilight!
        I’m good, had a lovely holiday with the family. Had a recent hoover over the past few weeks from the ex narc from a different number after not hearing from him since his last hoover attemp in 2016. It rattled me. I’m settling back again tho.

        How are you doing?

        1. Hi Indy,

          Glad to read your settling back in after your hoover.

          I am doing great! Just perfecting mixing oils and natural herbs.

    1. Hi Indy,

      Nice to see you! You have come back at the time of this ‘shell shocked silence’ article just as I have! I read that you received a hoover. I hope you are safe.

      1. Hi Jenna,
        How funny we both popped on at the same time! I hope you are doing well! I’m safe, no worries. Just continuingly reminded how corrrct HG is, down to tiny details, about the past ex narcissist and the nature of narcissism in general. I really thought I wouldn’t hear from him again and yet…a cluster of calls from this number…after marrying someone so quickly after I ended the relationship (we were engaged when I left), that he’d use another number I would not know. Once I realized it was him, I looked back at my call logs and he had been calling several times over the past. It triggered an emotional response in me that was hard to shake. I didn’t respond to him and I blocked tho I’m starting to see that each successful hoover has its toll (like a ptsd response of fear and anger.). Even tho I don’t respond, I’m gettong this concept of thought fuel as it did have an effect on me, even if I didn’t respond…and they know it.

        I’m safe tho. How are you?

          1. Hi Windstorm!

            So nice to hear from you! Ah, you know the business with hoovers…always a risk for those of us after leaving. I can only make it harder for him to hoover, though not impossible. It had been a good bit of time, so I was surprised to get the hoover attempts. It took me a little bit to calm my nerves, though I have now realized that he has moved on to another person and this is perhaps the start of her devaluation period and thus why I am hearing from him. I am sad for her, though it appears she may have left….not sure though. My next step is to not look and see what is going on, which is hard. It is so much easier for me to ignore than to stop monitoring. My weakness. Thus, I am back at the narcissist “12-step” group for a tune up.

            How are you doing?

          2. Indy
            I’m doing fine. My big thing this year was I spent a month in Japan with my middle son (he was there for a year for his work). That was great, but very physically hard for me. Hope I can hold up next year to go to Alaska (last place on my bucket list!). If I’m unable to make that trip, at least I’ve flown over AK twice now! Lol!!

            My daughter’s having baby number 5 this February, so I keep the road hot from here to KS. Still volunteering at my old school and always loving being retired!!!

          3. Hi Windstorm!
            Japan!! Where did you go in Japan? I spent a couple of weeks there in the southern island of Kyushu. It was transformative for me as I was young and fell in love with Japan. Alaska, wow. I have always wanted to go and I hope you get to. Indeed, you flew over!! Congratulations on your upcoming grand baby too!! So much going on, sounds amazing. Glad to hear you are doing well and living life!

          4. Indy,
            His apartment was in Yokohama. I would have loved to see Kyushu, but he said it was too far and would be too expensive. He did take me to Mt Fuji and he had me come in February so we could go to the snow and ice festival in Sapporo on his week off work. It was a wonderful experience, but very cold! I had a checklist of things I wanted to experience in Japan and he made sure I accomplished them all. I loved being there the weeks he worked every day, too. I got a very good experience of Japanese life.

            He is my one empathic son and always takes care of me. He upgraded my flights to business so I’d have more room and comfort. In 2016 he took me to Hawaii (bucket list since I was a child) and hopefully next year we’ll take the cruise to Alaska. Since I was about 9 I’ve wanted to see an erupting volcano and a glacier calve into the ocean. Just have the glacier left now. 😊

          5. He’s a good man to help you realize your goals. I bet he loves to be able to see you happy.

          6. NarcAngel
            I’m sure he does like to see me happy, but he also hates to inconvenience himself. He’s sort of passive-aggressive that way. He works long hours with lots of overtime and let’s face it, spending precious time off taking your old, half-crippled mother places is not much fun. But that he still does it anyway is a testament to what a good son he is.

          7. Indy, sorry to butt in but what you said about returning here really made an impression on me. I hope this place will be here for a long time to help us all in the times we need extra strength and support. It’s special. I don’t want to take it for granted so I’m expressing gratitude.

          8. Hi MB,
            Yes, it is a special place here. Lots of lovely people with stories that show how strong they are for surviving and learning how to thrive afterwards or how to thrive while it is ongoing for those that cannot go no contact. HG helped me back in 2016 when I was in the process of leaving an abusive relationship. He guided me through the break up process (via several books) and guided me through the Initial Grand Hoover on the blog. (My grand hoover consisted of a blitz of calls and texts over a period of a week–about 300 messages total) HG helped me ignore them all. The folks here give tons of support. I am pretty strong though this process, I have found, requires a community of support, not just doing it alone. The people here are indeed special.

        1. Hi Indy!
          I’m glad you did not respond to the hoovers and I am glad you are safe. We need to control the emotional thinking when the hoover occurs. I am doing well Indy. Thanks for asking. I am free of mmrn! It’s nice to see you!

  4. Early in my acquaintance with Narc Friend, we were discussing our childhoods and specifically how we were disciplined. Narc Friend said, “When my mother would yell at me, I knew I’d get away with things. When she was disappointed, that hurt.” At the time I thought that was really strange. As an empath I hate being yelled at; it feels like being injected with poisonous venom. But this was an early red flag. Narc Friend was getting fuel from his mother yelling at him so it empowered him. Criticism without fuel is wounding. He spelled out the whole equation for me right there.

    1. Ooh that’s a good example. When she was disappointed she probably withdrew and didn’t know what to say. Makes sense…

    2. Oh my goodness Michelle, your comment is so helpful. I absolutely hate being shouted too.

      I was working on a contract with a woman this week. At first she seemed incredibly caring and warm but she has dead eyes, I’ve observed this ‘mismatch’ in others before. On the third day some red flags started to seep through, one of them that she didn’t mind too much if her husband got angry with her, in fact she seemed to like it, but she couldn’t handle it when he was ‘disappointed’ like you say, a distinct lack of fuel.

      HG, does dead eyes always mean someone is a narcissist? I’ve interacted with a few people who have dead eyes who seemed really nice. I’m not talking about that vacant look of someone who has recently suffered at the hands of a narcissist. But rather eyes which just look like buttons, like there is nothing behind them.

      I’d also love to know the difference between narcisssits who have dead eyes and those who do not. What causes their eyes to be lifeless?

      1. Thank you HG. So either way, they will be an N or a P but definitely not an empath.

        Helpful and interesting. It’s like playing a game of ‘Guess Who?’. Except instead of asking whether they’re wearing a hat or glasses, we can ask, Do they have dead eyes? Do they tell you you’re soulmates on first meet? Do they text or call you incessantly? Then you can flip them over and only the empaths are left standing.

        Well, except you of course HG, you invented the game after all so you know all the disguises and cheats.

  5. Wow, that was a great reading!

    HG, I think my ex used this. For example we were making love, sweet and tender and at the end he told me he likes to “” me. And then he looked at me to see my reaction. It was so inhuman, the difference between my loving warm kind feelings and his coldness. I was in shock but still I was able to tell him I don’t like when he uses this word. A month later (many manipulations in between, lowering my self worth) he did the same. Deep staring in my eyes. And I wasn’t able to react. I knew he planned it, I knew he did it to hurt me. The fact that he knew I don’t like it, the fact I knew he did it to provoke me left me speechless. I know dirty talk is not a big deal, people like it and probably I would like it too if I knew my partner loved me and didn’t do it to humiliate me but believe me – in this situatuon it felt like a rape. Pure evil.

    1. Mine used to say f*ck to me also, he knew I didn’t like it.

      I am not naive or a prude, I liked fun, shag even sounds fun to me.

      In the most intimate way 2 people could be together, he did it to either provoke me as it made me feel like a dog on the street or to consciously or subconsciously cover his lack of emotion / connection.

    2. JustEmpath
      I understood every word you said, and every one of your feelings. I’ve written similar things in my journal and in legal documents.

  6. This happened to me when he told me another ipss had entered the picture. I was floored. I couldn’t speak. I should have expected it because he recounted once how he told his wife he was having an affair yep another red flag I failed to see

      1. Yes she did. she’s still with him. I don’t hate her im not sm I jealous. This man was telling how much he wanted to be witb me with her sitting right there. He married her when she was very young. It is almost as if she is just the maid. They seem to have little relationship but who knows. I feel for her. This man admitted he has an affair early in his marriag then had another many years later. When I met him he had bedn having some online thing witb someone and he had to tell me bevause she was getting really hostile with me and I didn’t know why. He blocked said he never speak to her again that it had only been a couple of months. He said he’d do whatever not lose me. Now a few years later enter yet another woman and I’m the one getting blocked and all while this is happening he has a wife. These are just the women I know of l bet there are far more. I just believe some of us advance to canipss and some do not

  7. Hi everyone!

    I have some pending comments to reply to frm an article posted a couple of months ago, but I have to find it. I want to reply to each and every one of you that were so kind to comment on the passive hoover I received. Everything comes into my inbox without a filter so I must search for them.

    In the meantime, I MUST comment on this article. It’s the first time I am reading it. I guess I missed it when HG posted it previously. Holy smokes, THIS IS MEAN!!! I saw an interview with dahmer to get an idea of psychopaths (versus sociopaths) and I think the murderous ones like to see the victims gasping for air etc. This article reminded me of that. HG Tudor is an greater narcissistic psychopath, not sociopath. They are more evil. HG has great charm on the blog but he is being so fair with us to give us this reality. I was shivering when I read this article. He could have easily left this one out, but he did not. This is a HUGE benefit to us to not be fooled to exactly what he is. I am thankful to him for sharing this BRUTAL TRUTH! This article is the most disturbing on the blog for me! I wonder if HG would like to see his victims gasping for air while being choked? I hope not. My heart is racing as I even ask this question. I know he would not kill someone since a dead appliance is a useless appliance but I wonder if he would gain fuel from seeing that. Omg…

    Piano incident😞

      1. Hi NA!

        I think about you also and how our friendship here has blossomed😊
        Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts.

        I read the story of step narc asking the children to give away their favorite belongings, and it was sad to read. However, as always, you manage to inject humour into it by letting us know that obviously that couple did not turn up again. Lol! I wonder what was going through their minds – what a monster, these poor kids, why is she married to him etc. When other pple see narc behavior, I think they just have no clue… Thanks to HG, we have clues and more clues, and we can stay away.

        My life has been peaceful since narc discarded me (oops, disengaged sorry HG!). I don’t miss him at all. What’s there to miss? Nothing? Cos that’s what he is. Empty. He was pretty boring actually. His emptiness was evident. I wonder if only the midrangers are boring? Greaters are great talkers but it’s all borrowed I think.
        Great topic for an article HG? What would a narc talk about? The mmrn did not talk much, come to think of it. I used to talk more, and he would just add to whatever I was talking about. Or he would talk in memes borrowed frm the internet. Gross! But at the time I thought he was philosophical lol!

      1. Hi windstorm,
        Thank you for thinking about me. Even I think about you and that is why I love this place. We think about each other and care for each other. Who is pretzel, btw? Is it your ex or your moron in munich? Lol I love his name moron in munich.

          1. Hi Twilight,

            Thank you. I’ve missed interacting with you, but I am sure you may have sensed that, you being a contagion empath😀

          2. Hi Twilight!

            My thanksgiving was fun. I went to a party and had a nice time. The best part was that I wasn’t obsessing about a narc at the back of my mind, whereas earlier this yr, that was not be the case! How was your thanksgiving? Did you have turkey? 😋

            OK HG I will make this about narcissism somehow instead of a recipe exchange lol! I know that some narcs will never help in the kitchen due to their tendency to vanish whenever help is needed. But I noticed the mmrn liked to help in the kitchen because his superiority sometimes would not allow him to accept dinner made by someone else, when he is fully capable of cooking. So there are two opposite extremes here, but the underlying principle is the same – the narc chooses superiority.

          3. Hi Jenna,

            I am proud of you and how far you have come!

            My Thanksgiving was great, thank you. Spent it with family. I realize it was 9 years sense my husband died the day before. It was a strange feeling, I knew, he just wasn’t a thought anymore. This time of the year didn’t trigger me to actually think about him. I am finally free of him. Rarely do I think of the man who I dated after him (UMR), I did think about my ex, I came across some pictures I had stored in a box I was going through. Thought about the last Thanksgiving him and I spent together which led me to thinking about how HG found me, my contacting him and the consults I have had with him and his work.

          4. Hi Twilight,

            Thank you for your kind words. I am happy to read that you were not triggered at this time of year. Sounds like we are both truly free!!! Thanks to HG and the lovely readers here we have progressed well! Nice to read you had a lovely holiday as well😊

          5. Idk why my gravatar is randomly changing designs. I am forest green and medium green here everyone. I am the same person. I do not put on different masks for different pple, like someone here we know! Sorry, HG, I couldn’t resist taking a jab at you!

        1. Hey Jenna
          Someone complained about me always saying “my exhusband” and wanted me to give him a nickname. NarcAngel came up with Pretzel MnM. I liked it because he’s twisted, hard and salty instead of sweet in a deceptive package (I have bought pretzel MnM’s by mistake thinking they were regular MnM’s).

          1. Awww WS, I didn’t complain. He just needed a colorful name to go along with his colorful persona on the blog. Pretzel MnM is perfect!

          2. Haha! Leave it to NA to come up with the perfect name! I got confused because MnM can also be an acronym for ‘Moron in Munich’😝

      1. HG
        Ha ha ha….are you nuts! However, I am very grateful for you, so maybe a hug can be arranged for HIs Royal Tudeness in the context of me being a NITS in seduction.

        1. K, I don’t know if you can still be considered a tertiary source. It seems there’s been enough engagement to promote you to NISS. HG, what say you?

          1. Tertiary, irrespective of this K’s contribution as Official Archivist is recognised and appreciated. I am sure K is perfectly content to remain a tertiary source with respect to me.

          2. MB
            I am satisfied with NITS.

            I am content with the occasional short blast of seduction (no golden period for the tertiary source) and, hopefully, no malice from a malign hoover.

          3. MB and K,

            You guys are so cute – MB suggesting NISS haha! You know that HG requires fuel of great potency to be considered as secondary source right? Fuel is the rule. The rule is fuel. All for what? Fuel. A four letter word beginning with ‘F’ Fuel …

            Hg, certainly you can have degrees of tertiary sources, yes? Like your regular readers may provide a litte more potent low quality fuel than a passer by on the site?

          4. You are confusing quantity, fequency and quality. All tertiary sources have the same potency, but dependent on the form of interaction, the quantity of fuel and frequency will vary.

          5. jenna
            I think you should join the HGT cheerleading squad and write a cheer for fuel. The uniforms are black and white (split thinking) and, when you join, it is forever.

          6. K,
            I would love to be in the cheerleading squad! Love the black and white split thinking uniforms and especially love that it’s forever!😁

      2. K,

        You just saved me from so much searching! Thank you K!

        HG, a hug? How is it that you could even write that word without feeling nauseous lol?!

          1. Haha Jenna. Yes. I’m safe and have managed to somehow avoid the naughty step thru the holiday weekend!

  8. Yes… you said Everything HG. Of course it s awful. But the more I know the more I can recongnize now narc people. Fantastic. As super empath your work teaches me how to recognize them. It has help me to heal. To grow and to become stronger. At the moment as you know all these manipulative things dont hurt you so much. It doesnt have many effect on me. Thank you. I was missing of that knowledge.

  9. he cut me off…made his son (who adores me) return all my belongings. blocked my number…last week…after 24 years of his emotional abuse and neglect…after he terrified my injured cat by letting two large dogs enter the bedroom at his house where he was recovering from said injury…after my cat & I evacuated from the recent california fires…after i became so unhinged that i punched him in the neck 9 times. and yet i am so fucking stupid all i can do is cry for my loss of someone who never really loved me…someone who every time we fought & i left…would cry about how i was his only friend & his best friend & how he loved me…or did he. he gets to keep the dog. and i think that hurts the most. that and i don’t even think he is hurting. i hate you…all of you!

    1. i should clarify something…he let the dogs in for attention because he was all alone downstairs…his son was with me (not my son…his from an ex.) after cleaning up the blood pouring from my face from my cat scratching me…he laughed and said “your cat is a freak…i did nothing wrong…i just wanted us all to be together.” he knew…he absolutely fucking knew what he was doing and yet refused to apologize for it…yet demanded i sign a written letter of apology for hitting him after in my own rage. sorry…i just need to say this out loud to no one and yet everyone.

          1. J
            Stay here and you will get your soul back. I got mine back on
            All Souls’s Day, 2017.

            And, I forged a new heart out of various alloys, wrapped it in barbed wire and spritzed it with Narc-Be-Gone. If a narc comes anywhere near my heart, I will beat him with it.

    1. To keep me on the shelf after I’ve forgotten about him. Then be hoovered again? After all it’s till death do us part.

  10. Would it wound a mid Ranger if we said someone else’s name in the throes of passion? In the same manner you depict in your article? 🤔

        1. Because you said saying the name in the throes of passion – the throes of passion are emotion directed towards the narcissist. Saying a different name is the challenge.

      1. Rather….how is there any way that could be INTERPRETED as challenge fuel? It just doesn’t make sense that it’s not pure wounding.

      2. FOTS

        You are dealing with a dangerous person. I know you don’t think mr polite piano man is capable of evil biolence but he is I promise you and you don’t know what may throw him into a narcissistic rage

        They all have poor impulse control

  11. I have read this article when it has been posted over the years. After reading the other comments here, I went back and reread it wondering how I’d missed the “evil.”

    Maybe the reason it didn’t have that effect on me is that I lived many of my decades with someone acting that way to me. I think I’ve just accepted it as what narcissists do. There is no telling how many of my prized possessions have been shredded, broken, stomped on, chopped with an ax, given away or burned in front of me. By my mother, my father, my husband, or some other family member. The final straw was when my husband chopped up my prized, heirloom piano with an ax, right inside the house. Something broke inside me then that has never healed.

    That’s one reason why I live alone far away from family in a house full of loaded weapons. I am no longer able to put up with that particular narc form of dominance. A lifetime of living with that type of behavior has warped me to the point that if anyone of them did that to me again, I would just pull out a gun and shoot them. I might regret it afterwards, but at the time I’d be thinking, “By God, you’ll never hurt someone else like this!”

    I have told them all this as a warning. That something is broken inside me and if they push me this way I will snap and shoot them. They all assure me that I am crazy. I don’t disagree. But I do know that in the 14 years that I’ve lived up here, not one of them has come up here and tried to dominate me in this way.

    1. Windstorm
      I kid you not, I was thinking about that piano incident the other day while reading one of your posts. It has stuck with me.

      1. NarcAngel
        God knows the piano incident has stuck with me! If we’d been at home alone I know I would have killed him. I just couldn’t shoot him in front of the children.

        I’ll never forget standing in the bedroom, gun in one hand and cartridges in the other, the sound of the piano “screaming” – every wire going off each time he hit it with the ax. And then the silhouette of one of the little boys in the doorway looking at me holding the gun.

        It’s like PTSD. I can go right back there in my mind and experience it all again in detail even though it was nearly 30 years ago! It took 10 years before I could think about it without my blood pressure going so high I could hear my blood pumping in my ears.

        On a more positive side, I still have the cast iron harp that was inside the piano with all the wires attached, up here at my cabin and can strum my fingers across them and remember how it sounded (being cast iron he couldn’t destroy it).

        I know you and K understand what I was trying to say. Goodness knows how much of your stuff you’ve watched destroyed over the years. I never thought if it as evil, though. It’s hard to think of so many family members as “evil.” It was just a show of dominance that people (narcs) did to feel better about themselves. All narcs do this abusive dominance. At least all the narcs that I know. They used to ridicule me for getting so shook up about it. How I wasn’t “normal.” Ha, ha! They were right about that. I wasn’t normal for a narc!

        Thank you for being my friend – crazy, broken, yet perpetually hopeful recluse that I am! ❤️

        1. Windstorm
          I understand your memory and reaction completely. I can recall with clarity my parents having a couple over to play cards. StepNarc went to play a record (haha -thats how long ago) and the player wouldnt work. He went into a rage accusing us kids of breaking it (even though we were forbidden to touch it). He ordered us to go bring our (top 3 I think it was) most valued possessions to him to be destroyed so we would know how it felt. Told us he knew which ones were our favs and if we tried to deceive him by bringing anything else he would destroy ALL of our things. He was quite proud and thought he was demonstrating good parenting and his impressive control to the couple who sat horrified. I watched the woman motion for her husband to do something and she was on the verge of tears. The husband tried to calm him and distract him with jokes and a drink but he would not be deterred. The woman then stood up distressed and announced they had to go. It got worse after that but I’ll spare the details. Needless to say, that couple never came back. His demonic grin and and the sounds of the younger ones crying is what is etched.

          1. NarcAngel
            You had it much worse than me. Thank God I’ve never had to deal with lessers. Mama mainly burned my things when I was not there, then let me know later – either acting totally surprised that I minded or dismissing it as me being irrational. I about died when I came home one day and she had burned my entire stuffed animal collection. Sometimes she would throw things away or give them away to someone else, but always when I was not at home.

            My husband was different. He would rip up clothing, stomp on breakable things and destroy things as a punishment- always with me present and watching. A lot like how HG described. One time when he was having a tirade about how the kitchen was never clean enough, he insisted that every item – dish, pan, tool – that I didn’t use at least once a month had to be thrown away. I had to throw them out myself and if he thought I kept anything that wasn’t used every month, then he would come through and throw it all away.

            All of my special holiday pans and dishes had to go. All my different shaped cake pans and barbecue things, the ice cream maker – you can imagine.

            What really hurt the most was the big electric griddle his mother had given me that I used to make pancakes for all of us. He said I hadn’t used it that month, so I had to throw it away. That was a bitter loss for me when I was frying anything for all 5 of us. I cried over losing that griddle and mourned it for years.

            Whew! I don’t want to think about this anymore! I need to go outside and sit in the sunlight and listen to my wind chimes. I don’t care how cold it is. I’ll wrap up! I need to recharge my inner peace!! 🕉

          2. Unbelievable Windstorm! I know that was painful for you, but thank you for sharing it. It is helpful for our learning. Enjoy your quiet time.

        2. Windstorm,

          After having recently seen your sweet face I have a hard time envisioning you like this:

          “A lifetime of living with that type of behavior has warped me to the point that if anyone of them did that to me again, I would just pull out a gun and shoot them. I might regret it afterwards, but at the time I’d be thinking, “By God, you’ll never hurt someone else like this!”

          However, I *can* identify with how they can drive us so far to the point where such behaviour (from our perspective) seems fully justified. It also makes me sad that that is now a residual part of your past entanglements…because it seems unnatural…what it is that they manage to bring out in us…I feel it too, at times, that deep smoldering anger that wells up at thoughts of past abusive behaviours…I don’t give in to mine but sometimes I’m hard-pressed to find ways to constructively channel it.

          I’m sorry you had many cherished items destroyed in your presence.

      2. NarcAngel
        I want to zap your StepNarc back to life à la Dr. Frankenstein Style just so I can torture him slowly to death.

        if you ever shoot and kill anyone, I will help with the clean up and body dump.

        1. NA, WS, K

          Thanks for sharing. I know you guys have been here forever but I haven’t heard your whole stories. Just pieces through comments. I just want to say that I would also volunteer my services if you need help with torture or body clean up. I’m great with bleach (I rarely splatter). Twilight was talking about throat punching. I’m sure she would offer her services as well if they’re needed.

        2. K
          Here is a meme I like that you may also enjoy.

          I’m the kind of friend that will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.

        3. K
          Thanks K! So you’re my “shovel friend.” That’s what Pretzel calls the friend you can call in a panic at 2am and say, “I need you to get here as fast as you can. Don’t tell anyone! And bring a shovel!”

          1. My pleasure WS.
            I will be your “shovel friend”. In the book, Fried Green Tomatoes at The Whistle Stop Cafe, one of the characters (Frank the wife beater) was killed, barbecued and fed to the detectives who were investigating the murder. I really enjoyed the story.

        1. Thank you, Caroline R! You’re my good friend, too! We are all so fortunate that HG let’s us bond here on the blog!

          Thank you, HG!! I know you don’t celebrate it, but Happy Thanksgiving to you. May you continue to have more and more to be thankful for!

      3. NA
        You poor little lambs. Reading what you wrote, I have a tight feeling of rising fear in my gut. StepN was a f**king bully.
        I hate it that you were trapped in that situation.

        I’m reminded of my N-Mum telling me her lesser N-dad spitefully smashed a little porcelain egg cup with a chocolate egg in it that he was going to give her for Easter. She grew up poor, so it was a big deal to have a new pretty thing. He did it right in front of her. Then he pissed off down the pub to get wasted.

        He accused us kids of drinking his brandy one time, utterly ridiculous. It was him of course. He was the alcoholic, and we were the little kids. We were punished but not so offensively as you little ones were. Hardly at all, by comparison.

      4. WS and NA
        If I’d lived through and survived the crap that you have, people would drive past my house now and say (shaking their heads) ” that’s where Caroline lives. She can’t have anything sharp in the house since that time she finally snapped and stabbed some people repeatedly”…

        1. Caroline R
          That cracked me up!! 😝
          No telling what my neighbors say about me as they drive by! Sure it contains “that crazy old woman.”

        1. Caroline R
          Perfect, you can be part of the A-Team too.

          Word of advice: don’t ever betray NarcAngel she knows how to hide dead bodies.

      5. My mother wasn’t so dramatic, she was quiet, like a stealth bomber aircraft. I loved Barbie’s and had a huge collection. When I grew older, they were boxed up in the basement. Every once in a while I’d go down and look at them, maybe redress a doll, and put it back. If my mother caught me doing it she would ridicule me in front of other people. Her big thing was always shaming me. She gave away my whole Barbie collection one day without even asking me, while I was at school, and then told me about it afterwards. And we had a piano too that I loved and I was the only one who played it. I wanted it to move with me one day, but she sold it after I moved out without ever saying anything to me.

        Despite everything she’s done, which includes stealing away my first born, almost killing me when I was a kid, sending me to live in another state at my grandparents to go to first grade early, I still love her. I see the good in her, I know the bad in her, now I understand her and why she was that way. She’s the one who is blind to it. I’m grateful I’m not a narcissist.

        I haven’t explored if my ex-husband, who has passed, was a narcissist, but he did destroy things that were mine. He threw a handmade quilt I loved in the washing machine and tore it, let the first piece of furniture I ever bought fall off the truck and bust, and when I was very pregnant I had to stand between him with a hunting knife in his hand and our two new puppies to keep him from killing them because he got jealous over them.

        Do narcissists really believe they were put on Earth to weed out the bad from the good for God? If so, they need look no further than their own mirrors.

      6. HG, in my post above (that remains in moderation), I concede that you are a Michael archangel commanding the empath troups on the narc battlefield, weeding the bad from the good for God.

      7. Twilight,
        From the article, “The Emotional Battle Part Three”. I love that article and realized from it that HG has patiently guided each one of us through the discovery of narcissism to the recovery from it. He’s honestly the real safety raft that got us through rocky waters to dry land. Where would we be right now without him?

        He commented once that he believes he is here to weed the bad from the good for God. I have to give him credit,