We See You As An Object

we-see-you

You want to be someone to my kind and me.

That will not happen.

You are a something to us, not a someone.

I do not relate to you. Why should I? I regard myself as superior, elevated and special. The petty concerns which govern your life do not apply to me. I do not do accountability. Certainly I have some understanding of what it means to be you, after all I have listened to you tell me so many times about how you feel and I have watched you and others like you so often. I do not feel it however. I cannot put myself in your shoes. I do not want to and even if I did, I am unable to do so because I neither have that emotional empathy or the even stronger emotional contagion that you experience.

Yes, I can see the differences between you and her, him and them. I can see the contrasts in height, body shape, she has green eyes and you have blue eyes, he has no hair and he has dreadlocks. I recognise physical attractiveness, I see the different clothes that you wear, the variances in shoes worn, jewellery displayed and such like. I notice all of that but that does not make you more of a person to me. It is merely the distinction between a washing machine that is white and one which is silver.

Take my television which is placed at the far end of the main sitting room. It is a Samsung Curved SUHD HDR Dot Smart TV 78″ television that I primarily watch sport on. It provides me with a picture which is in pinsharp crikey vision with a scintillating array of colours. The sound is impressive and it looks sleek and attractive. It delivers an outstanding display and therefore delivers what I require of it.

Take you as my primary source. I can see that you stand 5ft 9″ in height, you are slender, with pale skin and long brown hair to the small of your back, which becomes slightly wavy towards the end. Your face is oval. Your eyes are green. You look sleek and attractive. You are an outstanding display of physical attractiveness. I know all this but your primary purpose is to provide me with positive fuel and you do so impressively. You therefore deliver that which  I require of you.

You are no different to my television. You are there to provide a function. You are to deliver in accordance with the Prime Aims, which are the provision of fuel, character traits and residual benefits. If you do and you do so in a fulsome manner, you are a high functioning appliance. If you do not, you are a malfunctioning one.

You and the television are there to do things for me, because I am entitled to that.

I press your buttons by seducing you or later provoking you and you must churn out fuel for me. You at the time of the golden period are my favourite appliance. I have many appliances, other objects which spew out fuel in varying quantities and differing potencies. I have connected all of these appliances to me because again my objectification of you is also linked to the need to exert control. If I want to eat some toast, I place two slices of bread in my Alessi toaster and press the lever down, adjust the relevant control to govern the degree of toasting required and a minute or two later I have two perfectly toasted slices. It works each and every time. I control it. It does what i want. It does not refuse to toast my bread, it does not only toast one side, it does not fire the bread back at me or instead produce a different outcome altogether by presenting me with a leg of lamb. I expect you to be equally compliant and effective. I do not understand why you should not be. You are there to do what I want, I am entitled to receive the Prime Aims and since I installed you as my primary source, you should be delivering them repeatedly, consistently and without interruption. I am not interested in the vagaries of your life which impacts upon your ability to function because of my sense of entitlement, my notion of superiority and of course my incessant needs and demands.

Objects are far easier to control. They are installed, powered and they function. If they stop functioning then they are thrown away and they are replaced. Accordingly, when you stop delivering in accordance with the Prime Aims you suffer the same fate. I do not have time to repair you, you are put to one side and a better, shinier, more effective model takes your place. How did I ever manage without it? Why did I put up with you as a faltering appliance for so long?

You may look at your replacement and wonder why on earth that appliance has been chosen over you. It might be because you gave everything you could to us. It might be because you can see that you are more capable, more interesting, more intelligent and better looking than your replacement. Perhaps you are, perhaps those distinguishing features are there, but you were not delivering in accordance with the Prime Aims and your replacement is doing so which means that they are infinitely superior to you. You are dispensable. Ally the fact that we see you and others as objects with our necessity for performance, our lack of remorse and conscience and you can understand (or maybe begin to understand) why we find it so easy to dis-engage with you and place you on the scrap heap and choose another appliance with such ease.

If you end a relationship, you may be concerned to ensure that the other person is not too devastated, that they are doing okay because even though you may not want to be in a Formal Relationship longer you largely still care about the well-being of another human being. To us that is pointless. Why use your energy dealing with something that is ineffective? That is a waste of time.

Your objectification makes it far easier for us to function. By regarding you as just another object which is there to perform for us, that is to be controlled by us and can be readily replaced when we deem it necessary, we achieve our aims far more readily. Performance and control are key and this is what objects do. Whether it is an ornament which looks beautiful and we can place where we want, to a motor vehicle which delivers us from A to B or a dishwasher which provides us with clean and streak free shining glasses, we control them all and they perform.

This objectification extends into how we regard different objects. For example, when you are seduced and embedded as the intimate partner primary source, you are our most prized possession. You are the one which will give us the necessary positive fuel each and every day in large amounts and with considerable potency. This means you will be looked after, you will be treated well, you will be paraded and shown off, like some prize piece of art or an expensive necklace. You will be placed carefully on that pedestal, polished, cleaned and maintained.

The tertiary source which works in the garage where we fill up with petrol every week is like an old teddy bear. We always say hello and receive a pleasant dollop of positive fuel as we feign interest in this person’s humdrum life. We have known this person for years and like that teddy bear, we see no need to throw them away, not yet, but nor do we regard there as being any necessity for maintenance. Accordingly, the corresponding teddy bear has a eye missing, some stuffing is spilling from inside and the fur has faded.

In the same way that one is careful with a delicate and expensive mirror, we will treat our appliances in the same way. Some can be kicked to one side, scuffed and stained, like a pair of old trainers, others are handled with care until we decide otherwise. Our appliances in our fuel network are regarded and handled in differing ways.

The trophy appliances, the primary source in the golden period or the longstanding inner circle successful friends who are non-intimate secondary sources, are displayed and shown off regularly. The much maligned familial non-intimate secondary source, a scapegoated sibling or child, is the hideous jumper that is only ever worn when it really has to be done and is otherwise derided and ridiculed. Our Lieutenants are our tools, the devices which we depend on to do our bidding as they are deployed to achieve our aims.

Our objectification of you is necessary for the purposes of maintaining control and achieving the Prime Aims. This objectification is achieved because of our lack of empathy. I no sooner can relate to how an iMac feels as to how you feel. I have no concern about whether my Mont Blanc pen feels. It is there to perform. I have a vested interest in you feeling for the purposes of providing fuel, but I am not concerned as to how you feel because I cannot empathise with you.

This objectification manifests not just in how we parade you as a trophy, devalue you without any concern for the impact on you and then how we dis-engage and replace you, but also in the way we interact with you. The use of pet names Pet is a way of dehumanising you. We refer to you as her, she, he and him, rather than your actual name, stripping you of identity (see It for an extreme method of doing so). We reject the legitimacy of your needs and desires by placing ours first. A fridge freezer has no aspirations, no life plan or goals and we reject their applicability to you also. This objectification appears in how we interact with you, especially during devaluation

“Just do it.”

“Do what I want.”

“Get on with it.”

“Stop disobeying me.”

“You will do it or else.”

There is no asking, no politeness, no consideration given. We do not ask the washing machine if it wouldn’t mind washing our clothes so why would we ask you if you wouldn’t mind doing something for us?

You and everybody else, from our parents to our friends, to our colleagues to our children are all objects which are expected to do our bidding. Perform and we will keep you. Fail and you are replaced.

Now, why is there a flashing light on your forehead?

 

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97 thoughts on “We See You As An Object”

  1. This is a joke currently making the rounds of my family narcs:

    “How can you tell who loves you the most, your wife or your dog?
    You lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour, then see which one is happiest to see you when you open the trunk.”

    Cracks them up. 😐

      1. K

        I should have seen it coming.

        We were discussing if a body could fit in the trunk of his car, he said one wouldn’t, I said one would. He knew I had been locked in a trunk of a vehicle before, I assumed he wouldn’t let this happen. So when he said prove it, I climb in.
        We happen to be at his mothers home, she was upset I was locked in, and when he finally let me out I was as mad as a bell hornet. I was at him, he was trying to convince me it wasn’t intentional I called him a lier. I left. I was so angry, I didn’t speak to him for like three days.

        I was like unlimited fuel on tap that had sprung one hell of a leak.
        I was not amused then and the thought still doesn’t amuse me.

      2. Hi ava101
        How are you? I’ve been thinking about your situation with your sister, and wondering if she’s a N. When did you find out? What was the final straw for you to go no contact, if you don’t mind me asking?

  2. This is partly why he stopped using my name in emails and texts then reduced email comms to subject headers only. The other part was he was sending to other people too.

    1. Em
      I was irritated by the generic emails too (long-distance N #1, N #.3 or #4, I’ve lost count) And the generic text messages (recent ex-N). I can’t remember ex-N ever calling me by my name. The generic communication made it as unsatisfying as playing a video game. The devaluation goes both ways.

      1. “Babe”. Babe my ass. Call me babe and I go “dude” on you.

        Then I start sending weird messages back. Out of the blue shit:

        – tonight like last night? Really? Maybe later?
        – do you miss me?
        – Thank you, Paul (his middle name)
        – I miss John too
        – no I didn’t do it… yet. I wanna try!!!
        – he said 10 inches. What do you think?
        – it was that way…. soo good!!!!!! Omg!
        – of course we just met! But we still can do it! Do you wanna do it with me???
        – let’s do it then!!!

        Stuff that gets them to wonder wtf you are talking about. I often wondered if PC was on the early stages of dementia with his generalized dumb messages that I usually never answered. Or I would say: wrong person, dude. Wrong person. Scroll down the list

        It would infuriate him!!!! He would call back immediately. I never answered it right away. I would let it ring at least 5 times before picking up.

        Are you ok? What is wrong? Talk to me! He would ask me…

        Oh yes! I am super great!!! Awesome!!! How about you!? Oh crap! Wait! I gotta go! I am late!!! We talk later. Kiss. Bye my love.

        If you are in devaluation, why not get a kick out of it? He is going to dump you anyways so just deliver capital BS, sit back and laugh.

        It may not work if he is a greater though. But lessers and MRs, oh yes!!!! Go for it!!! They will implode, explode, and come back for more as they are not going to be left by anyone.

      2. Kathy Mor, I imagine there is never a dull moment with you around! Love your one liners. I may use a few of them.

      3. “Babe my ass”
        Ha ha!
        That’s the next thing going on a tight tank top to wear at the gym.
        To give the somatic Ns something to read.

      4. While we’re on the subject…
        I came across this entry in a journal from 2006. I’d forgotten about him, and it made me laugh.
        I was trying to comprehend why I always attracted Ns (except I didn’t know that they were Ns), so it became an ongoing subject in my journal.
        It records my exasperated and indignant final text to yet one more N boyfriend. He was English, so different flavour for a change, but same outcome:

        “I find your attitude towards me is disrespectful, inconsiderate & insulting. I find that utterly repulsive. Don’t contact me again”

        And he texted back:
        “When you’ve come to your senses…”

        Ugh!!!

  3. One day while scrolling through my facebook newsfeed, I stumbled on Gisele Bundchen’s “new confessions of past relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio” article. In my opinion, all signs point towards Leo being a Lower Lesser. I do not usually read celebrity gossip articles, and I hardly know anything about Tom Brady or Gisele, but what Gisele said about her relationship with Leo was profound. The article mentioned how their relationship was the longest in terms for Leo, but it was on and off (very common for Narcs). She mentions that towards the end of their relationship, she was drinking multiple Startbucks Frapaccinos, a pack of cigarettes, and a bottle of wine a day, when she was with him, and suffered anxiety attacks. She then said, she wanted to end the relationship because she was, “bored”. People commenting on the articles were like, “bored with Leonardo DiCaprio? Impossible”. I however, totally got it. A Narcissist will pick an IPPS who is gorgeous, and encourage bad habits, she’ll suffer severe anxiety and she’ll own it as her flaw. Even when there is a respite period, and IPPS is suppose to be engaging in an eventful time with the Narcissist, there is a deep sense of boredom due to being objectified. While traveling the world together, the IPPS is no more facsinating or dear to the Narcissist, as the luggage is to him.

      1. I don’t know much about his personality as I don’t care about celebrities but he looks like an aging child. I like man that looks like a man, masculine features, tall, and not someone with a teen face forever. Besides he has bad breathe. Omg girls, he stinks! I was in LA in a restaurant and my friend saw him and approached his table. He was very polite and nice but I was like.. omg. What on earth? Wow! Argh! Ewww!

        Another who stinks like death is Brad Pitt with dirty white tee and grease hair. Seriously? I am just saying. Go to LA is the narc capital of the world. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars…. Nothing beats a fresh smelling, clean cut man with clean nails and a bright smile. The rest is torture.

    1. I remember reading somewhere years ago the rumor that he is bisexual. Which if true, even supports your theory that he is possibly a narcissist. Although of course not all bisexuals are narcissists. And not all narcissists are bisexuals.

      1. Kathy Mor,
        I do not follow celebrities either. As far as L.A. goes, I couldn’t live there, but I spend a lot of time in Southern California. Money tends to magnify who people are. One of my Narcissist Ex, used to have a second home outside of L.A., at Newport Beach. When I would stay there, I would run daily. It fascinated me, how there were some beach houses in the two to 10 million dollar range, that someone furnished and decorated with themes. There was a mansion that was decked out with teddy bears, there was one with porcelain dolls, one mansion that had all glass or mirror walls and was creepy. Very eccentric to say the least.

      2. Yep some stuff is just ridiculous. But hey if I had that type of money… I know I would be weird too 😉

  4. Ok. So I read this posting, and then I read “It”.
    For this posting, I must say that about 4 years ago my ex got mad at me (I have no idea why) and one beautiful morning, he began the “It” dialogue. I found it quite funny and began to refer to him as PC = Perfect cock
    There comes PC with his it dialogue.
    Good morning, PC.
    Yes, PC, it will get your groceries, after it has a small dialogue with PC before leaving this bed.

    It went for half a day until he said between growls and sulking: I am more than a penis!!!!

    Are you? Prove it, porn head.
    So, maybe I should refer to my ex narc from now on as PC!!! PC it is.

    Now, I have to read the book to figure out what that bitch Leslie it or Ashley it or Karen it or whatever the hell her name was, did to your brother, since I arrived here in August 2017 and those postings are from January.

    I am already mad just by reading the postings in the blog about what she did.

    1. Kathy Mor
      Ha ha ha…I am more than a penis!!!! And I really liked: porn head.

      He sounds like a real dick!

      Damn, I missed this book.

      Victoria
      APRIL 18, 2017 AT 16:31
      Hi HG,
      Did Leslie know that you both seduced her and called her “IT” to avenge what she did to your brother? You never mentioned the end of the saga in your book Elated and Eroded. It’s like reading a really good mystery and not finding out the end 🙂
      Thank you wise Sir 🙂

      HG Tudor
      APRIL 19, 2017 AT 17:39
      It is not over yet Victoria.

      https://narcsite.com/2017/04/09/it-4/

      1. PC? Yes he is a real dick when he is in one of his moods, which it was just nothing to me because of my temperament he really didn’t bother me. You really need to know my weak points to say something to get me mad, sad… and if I noticed that you want to hurt me, that becomes mute already. I developed that surviving skill of not letting pejorative comments bother me in school. So calling me “it” was not “it.” But he is a good dick too… just a dangerous dick because he will sleep with anything that looks good, has a heart beating and gives him a chance. Not worth the STDs of the world. He would be a millionaire if he used his sexual prowess to make money. Not only he can stomach some types (which I came to find out after the end for me) but he can really deliver in bed to impress. He is such a whore that he will do anything to get approval. Yes, I already have tested twice and my STD panel came negative.

    2. Kathy Mor
      I went on Amazon and read the “Look Inside!” and Lesley is up Shit Creek without a paddle. I don’t know if she was an empath but I would never have made fun of Lennox; it was really crappy. No wonder HG is pissed.

      1. MB
        It was revealed in Elated and Eroded but the saga isn’t over yet. I would NOT want to be in Lesley’s shoes.

      2. K & NA, thank you. I could’ve sworn I had read E & E. I don’t remember anything about Lesley and Lennox. I’ll download it now.

      3. I would like to watch it!!!!!! Sit quietly, flow along, and watch HG slices “it”. Bit by bit. Watching “it” feel the agony, the pain, the despair. I would savor her humiliation and discard as a nectar as that useless animal deserves it for being a c…t… as American man call the women they hate. “It” is disgusting. It may not be a narc but it is not one of us…. I would never hurt someone just because. I have had men like Lennox approaching me in the past and I was courteous, respectful and actually protective. I kept it low key. I kept it quiet. Now I have wondered about myself because I can turn off my empathy when I see people like “it”. I can really let my dark narc side, adding a touch of sadism to come to life. Trust me. I tell no lies….

      4. Ok. As soon as I am done here I am going to read it. By NA’s reaction I could tell it was something nasty. I will post after I read it…

      5. I read it. It made me nauseated to think someone could do what she did to Lennox… and not care. I wish I had a brother like HG. We would rule the world!!!
        Joking… but I think there is something to say when you can share strengths like that and apply action to appropriate situations. I think “it” learned a lesson. That’s is if “it” has neurons enough to connect the dots… because she strikes me as the dumb type: useless. A waste of flesh.

      6. K
        HG has a very wide class of empaths. I’ve always felt he included quite a few that I’d probably call normals – can be very caring, but are often jerks.

      7. WS
        Well, then there must be a fucking-asshole-empath category because her behavior was horrible.

        When I behave like an asshole, it is usually because I am being defensive or there is a history/backstory of animosity with an individual.

        I was appalled when I read what she had done.

      8. K, Lesley was a bitch for sure and sounds like a normal with the compulsion to “show off” in front of her friends. I wonder if the outcome would have been different t had she been alone.

        HG, how did you hear about the Lesley incident? You weren’t there. I’m surprised your brother shared such a humiliating experience with anybody. Especially you, due to your intolerance to weakness.

      9. I’m glad you did not make fun of him. There is a part of you that relishes the fact that you were able to seduce her when he could not do so, right?

      10. MB
        Remember, reality is complicated. He could have made fun of/ ridiculed Lennox, wanted to show he could seduce Leslie and been after vengeance. No one excludes the other.

      11. I agree WS. HG wouldn’t be worth his Narc salt if he didn’t enjoy being the superior brother. He’s getting more from his engagement with Lesley than revenge. (And we wouldn’t be worth our salt as HGU students if we believed otherwise.)

      12. MB
        Lennox looks up to HG as the older-alpha-male brother and that reinforces his sense of superiority.

        Narcs are practical by nature. HG’s plan was to milk Lesley for everything he could: fuel, traits and benefits, however, he was motivated by revenge and I don’t think Lennox is very sweet on Lesley anymore so he was probably not bothered by the seduction.

        If Lesley was my friend and “showed off” like that, she would not be my friend after that incident and I wouldn’t have laughed at Lennox either. I would have helped him.

      13. K, she would not be my friend either. She sounds like one of those mean girls whose shit don’t stink. I’m not impressed by that type. Lennox must have seen something in her he liked to be sweet on her. Good thing she showed her true colors and saved him some time. I would have helped him too.

      14. MB
        She was a mean bitch and I am not impressed by her at all and Lennox is an empath, when The Asylum of the Grotesque comes out, we can read more about the dynamic between Lesley, Lennox and HG.

      15. K
        I would fuck her boyfriend/husband and send her photos with the caption:
        IT…IT…IT’s lover enjoying the wet spot!

      16. NarcAngel
        Ha ha ha…I do love your provocative humor! You should’ve had a role in The Office.

      17. WS and MB
        I think he was too furious to even bother making fun of Lennox. The focus of his fury and hatred was on getting back at Lesley.

        Man, she was fucked!!!

      18. K
        I don’t know. A greater rarely misses an opportunity for fuel.

        Even my Pretzel would ridicule first before helping in any way. Of course Pretzel wouldn’t have been willing to seduce Leslie, therefore he would not have sought vengeance since it would mean extra work on his part. He would have kept it in his mind, though, if a way to hurt her easily in the future presented itself.

      19. WS
        You may be right. However, I think, in this instance, fury would sideline the instinct to immediately draw fuel from Lennox. Absolute fury makes you focus on a very specific thing to the exclusion of everything else. It is very direct. Of course, the incident would be filed away and possibly be used to draw fuel from Lennox in the future.

      20. All I wanted to do is give Lennox a hug. He may like HGs solution better. Although neither one will erase what happened.

      21. HG

        Did you see a way of devaluating Leslie when she did what she did to Lennox? Making fun of your brother would have gain a bit of negative fuel yet not what you could harvest from Leslie.

      22. I just read it too, K. Thanks for the tip.

        Question HG: Lesley cannot be an empath if she did that to Lennox (I was horrified when I read it so I guess that makes me an empath).

        How did you manage to seduce her? I would think she would not have fallen for you being either normal or a narc herself. If I am recalling correctly from ‘It’ – which I cannot find at the minute – you even lived with her? How did you keep her under your control?

      23. I am HG Tudor – controlling is what I do. The ins and outs of that relationship with Lesley (and others) is expanded in The Asylum of the Grotesque.

      24. That book will be like a train wreck for me. I don’t want to see it, but I won’t be able to stop myself from looking. Kind of like ‘Spanked’!

      25. Looking forward to it, HG.

        K, thanks for the link. I ask myself what I would do in that situation. Probably go ballistic…

    3. KM, I’ve been here a while and ready many of HGs books and I still don’t know what Leslie did. I don’t even know where to look to find out. Where is K, the librarian?

      1. Bought it. (Elated and Eroded) Read it. (Skipped through the articles I’ve read before — for now) I agree that what she did to Lennox was very cruel. I don’t think two wrongs make a right and nothing HG could do to Lesley would erase what happened to Lennox. Having typed that, (that was for you HG) I do think that since he is going to find victims to seduce-devalue-disengage-hoover anyway, he might as well get a two-fer out of the deal.

        Lennox is married and has children now, yes?

      2. MB
        Honestly, I don’t blame HG one bit. If someone fucked with my kids like that, I would be pissed.

        I am not sure. I have a vague recollection of reading that Lennox was married with children, if I find it, I will pull it up.

      3. I don’t care if it fixes what she did. I enjoy the punishment it is getting!!!!
        😈

      4. I just read what she did. It was horrible what she did to Lennox. I can’t believe anyone would find that laughable. 😢

    4. They really are fuel whores Kathy Mor. I tested negative too. Thank God!
      My MMRN wrote the C-word on the bathroom mirror once so, after the bathroom fogged up, I could read it. I laughed my fucking ass off!

      Although, laughter is still fuel.

      1. You see, I can see PC doing that crap like a 9 year old ADHD kid. Freaking moron. PC was passive aggressive like all MRs but he would do certain things that was more like a lesser when he was mad… which disgusted me further. Fuck. I wish I had had a greater at least the trouble was worth than having that stupid, mediocre half man with that nasty penis hanging there. Gross. HG said he seemed to be a lesser and HG may be right. I think the poor creature was like a upper lesser or lower MR, at his best try in his best narc days. Come on! Disappointing! I didn’t even have a decent narc! That sucks! If you are going to get dirty, get a worth pile and not some little chicken poop because that is what MRs are: chicken poop!
        So, it was very easy for me to use my caustic tongue and make certain specific and precise comments to wound him. Actually laughing at his comments would infuriate him and would earn me silent treatments. He quite didn’t know how to deal with certain aspects of my personality, my dark sense of humor that alluded indirectly to him…. so PC had lots of those blank stares as I let him have my anger. Now you’d think that he would enjoy to be seeing as a “penis” but he wanted people to think of him as an intelligent and functional machine. So PC was the nickname that “objectified” and summarized his existence and he hated it. Oh boy. He wanted to break my neck. And not even a magnificent penis but yet a useful one while I was blind and stupid. A passive aggressive little scared bitch. Shameful. Now let me just slap him around for a change. I need a real man with a clean penis. And not a dirty penis with a handicapped brain. Give him that message, sit back, and watch the explosion. (Laughing to tears).
        Of course he cannot realize that I am handicapped too but who gives a fuck when the aim is the destruction of that little crying bitch?

    5. Kathy Mor
      All my MMRNs have good control over their fury. The LMRNs and lessers have much less control and they just can’t take a joke. Lot of sulking, passive aggressive behaviour and hiding in their man/woman caves (bolt hole).

      Give that crying bitch the ass-kicking he deserves.

      1. Hi K.
        Kathy Mor’s quote “I need a real man with a clean penis” is another piece of life wisdom we can put in our updated/useful sex ed program for girls to help them live in the World of Narcs.
        What do you think?

        This pretty much sums it up for any straight single girl

      2. Caroline R
        That would be a rare find indeed. For now, there is safety in celibacy because I am surrounded by Dirty Dicks. Empaths are an endangered species.

  5. The scary thing, the most scary, is how this applies to children of narcs. Their children are also objects, nothing more. Being 4.5 months removed from a 26 year Narc relationship where we have a 15 year old son together…..looking back…..the way she interacted with our son is really starting to make sense now. And, it is scary.

    1. Hello Mike, I agree with you. My ex husband lesser narc manipulated our children dreadfully. He used them as pawns in his schemes to get me to stay. He fought for them to live with him when I divorced him using emotional blackmail, his poor health, the family home which he kept. He told them I wanted his pension. And he cried – for effect.
      Poor him.
      One daughter stayed for a couple of weeks but soon came to me. They are both now adults and rarely see him. They know he’s lazy and will do nothing for them and money obsessed. They were possessions in his eyes. We fought over them. I stopped fighting and let them choose.
      They do learn.
      However my eldest daughter has just left a relationship with a narc so I worry she is attracting the wrong relationships because of him. I’ve sent her lots of information from this site which has helped.

  6. Lol, when there’s a flashing light, you kick it to make it start working again, of course.

    A kid with a new toy is the same exact way as a narcissist is with his appliances. The old toy is forgotten about until he notices it later, gets it out, plays a little, but it’s not the same as it used to be and throws it back to the toy box again.

    Yet narcissists Live to impress their lowly appliances though. You are all so talented, because you just do it, you don’t think or doubt or worry, there’s no stressing over it. There is discipline, sacrifice and work, but no doubt that you will succeed. I think that’s something we can learn from you. You didn’t know you might be creating a new race, Empanarc’s, who have real empathy (not narc faking) and have the drive to excel at everything. You stay behind and play with your appliances, let the empanarc’s put some meaning into it and shine brighter. Yesss, I like it.

  7. The only thing I want to be to a narc is simply a mirror shining back all their own vulnerabilities of which they try so hard to hide, and to send a message to the very damaged, empty, unloved, and broken child deep inside them who thinks they cannot trust anyone that it was not me who hurt/abused them and made them the way they are, and I am not the enemy nor do I wish to hurt them further.

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