Every Victim Is Lying

EVERY VICTIM IS LYING

I must adopt the standpoint that every one of my victims is lying. There is no hope for me to be any different. You level accusations at me and I know you are lying because the comments make no sense to me. I gave you a fabulous and perfect love and you accepted that. You willingly entered into a union with me and with that you received my largesse and favour. You did not demur or hesitate. Instead, you embraced everything wonderful about what I gave you. Be it the expensive gifts, eloquent expressions of my love or the seemingly never-ending array of glamorous occasions to attend, you took them all. Do you have any idea how much energy I channelled into doing this for you? The repeated text messages, the “sudden appearances” which were in fact carefully crafted and organised, the many telephone calls that I made to you at all different times? All of that took a considerable effort on my part. Yet now, when I am tired and I lose my temper you accuse me of not caring. How can I not care? I am with you am I not? Have you forgotten everything that I ever did for you? It seems to me that you have. What was that vow you said with such enthusiasm, for better and for worse? You have had the better (in fact you received the best) and now it is time for some of the worse, yet you will not tolerate that will you? No, it is clear that you lied. You lied when we got married because now you are reneging on that vow. How do you think that makes me feel? Is it any surprise that I am angry with you when you question me since you have no standing to do so?

You accuse me of not listening. That is another lie. What is there for me to hear? You trot out the same old allegations which are unfounded. At times I cannot discern what you are actually saying because you are so hysterical. How on earth can I listen to you when you behave like that? It is downright unreasonable. You go off and complain about me to your friends and family. That is charming. You are denigrating me in their eyes and that is uncalled for. Yes, I may do it about you, but that is with some justification I might add. You also said you would forsake all others, yet how many times have I caught you flirting with other men from your workplace? What about those pictures of you and your friends with those men you met in a bar which were posted on Facebook. You thought I would not see them didn’t you? Yes, I keep a careful eye on what your friends’ post as they are not to be trusted, leading you astray when you promised that you would do not. Is it any wonder I feel compelled to spend time with other people when you treat me like this?

You accepted everything wonderful that I gave you and now when it is time to give back and add some balance to the equation you seek to escape your responsibilities by accusing me of all manner of misdemeanours and malevolent behaviour. Your hypocrisy sticks in my craw. I know your game, I have you in my eye. You are seeking to deflect attention from your own wrongdoing by telling lies about me. Ha! I have you worked out missy, I always have and you are not as smart as me. You deliberately misunderstand what I say. You imply and insinuate when I have made myself clear. I will not be beaten by your mendacity, no I will not. I will stand strong and ensure that I reflect back on to you the lies you have told. I must do this to avoid your desire to crush and destroy my fragile self with your perfidious ways. I never knew you could be so evil.

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20 thoughts on “Every Victim Is Lying”

  1. This is so correct and so warped. I recently broke no contact, was told he was “In love with me” and was then treated to a host of complaints about his new gf, old gf, and then asked if I had contacted another, older gf. In every case his story was the same-they hurt him for no reason, no reason at all, so of course that is why he had to cheat, or hit them, or live off of them after they caused him to lose his job, or break up with them, or similarly abuse them with silent treatments or whatever. I guess he’s a lesser sort, cause I could tell he literally feels hurt by these women, and justified in his actions. Sigh/Eyeroll.
    I told him he wasn’t, nor had ever been, in love with me. I told him I didn’t remember multiple key events from the golden period, as he repeatedly described them again and again, telling me how wonderful his memories were. I also insulted his clothing and accessories in a dispassionate manner. His reaction was pure gold.
    Thanks, H.G.!

  2. When I dated my Narc Ex he had only had one previous romantic relationship, having had a rather strange primary source relationship with his mother prior to that. He told me that his ex was a diagnosed sociopath and that she was going to kill him, so he had to dump her and block her from everything. I didn’t want to disbelieve him because things like that do actually happen sometimes, but it seemed far-fetched. I could tell that things were very awry, however, when it depended on the day whether she was going to kill him or whether she dumped him outright. He couldn’t keep his defense mechanism story straight. My guess is that she wounded him, got painted black, and smeared with this tale. I looked for her later and everything I found about her suggested that she was quite normal. I’m sure that had I known her during the relationship, he would have used her “diagnosis” to disprove everything she said about him. He did almost the same thing to me when I wounded him later on.

    The real question that lingers is . . . was the diagnosis hers, or was it his?

    1. Ha ha ha…it was probably projection Michelle. They are always the victim and we are always the “crazy one”.

    2. Michelle
      Strange how each Narc always has a Mentally ill ex, sometimes more than one.
      There’s always a psychopath somewhere out there 🤔

    1. Leslie, are you one of HGs exes? It seems you have a personal ax to grind with him. I’m just curious if you’d like to share.

      1. I don’t see how one can be so angry with a person they don’t even know. You’re a stand in for her narc? Lucky you!

      2. MB
        Sometimes people are so hurt and angry, they just lash out at any and everybody. Often they are unaware of it. We all do this to some extent at times. Sometimes people seem to almost feel like they’re on a crusade like an avenging angel and fix a target for their anger. We don’t all process anger and hurt in the same way or in the same amount of time.

    2. Leslie, I have always read your comments as someone who is deeply hurt and angry and lashing at the one who appears willing to take it on behalf of the ones who have (may still be) inflicted it. If you’re lashing at HG because of not knowing where else to direct it, I definitely understand! I understand the deep anger and not having anywhere to release it. I recently spoke to someone about some behavior I was doing and his response was that I was acting out in the anger I have not released. I did the same thing during my marriage.
      If this is the case, is there an outlet for you to help release the anger? In that I mean an activity: gym with a punching bag; my therapist recommended the shooting range for me (not imagining anyone obviously but just the release); or some do yoga and mindfulness.
      I am sure posting on here is cathartic to an extent. I am a high believer in therapy where there is an objective third party who you can share everything and get to show your emotions that you keep inside.

      I am sorry if I have misunderstood your postings if there is something else to it!

  3. I need to as you a question. Almost a year now since we broke up I left him yet he keeps drawing me back in then we fight he says to me don’t ever contact me again!! So I don’t yet he then contacts me, wanting to catch up etc why does he say don’t ever contact me again!! Then he contacts me? If I say no or I’m busy etc he gets so mad and the cycle starts again. Don’t contact me!! Then he does. Repeat repeat repeat!!! I’m going crazy why is he doing this!!!! Is it because he won’t let me go? I’m going g crazy!!!
    Susan 😊

    1. It is called hoovering. You should organise a consultation with me so I can provide you with more detail and insight.

      1. What? No reply? Are you ignoring me? I hate being ignored! Ok just kidding I’m trying to put myself in narc shoes…

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