I Second That Emotion



The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become jealous of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel. I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions. I am the ultimate recycler.

15 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion

  1. Michelle says:

    If a narcissist cracks dark jokes about having “no emotions,” what type of narcissist is he? What about someone who admits to having no feelings but faking their appearance?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would need more information as context would be necessary with regard to those remarks.

  2. nunya biz says:

    I have a question about this. I was just thinking. I have been sure my mother has been N, but this makes me wonder. I feel pretty sure I have seen her cry at the end of a tear-jerker a couple of times. My sister no, my sister seems to have less emotion.

    So HG my question is- does crying at the end of a movie a couple of times negate the possibility of being a narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      One needs to look at a range of behaviours to make a determination and similarly turning on the water works, in isolation, does not mean that this person is not a narcissist – Mid Rangers for example love a good cry.

      1. nunya biz says:

        Thank you for your answer, HG.

  3. M&M says:

    Mr HG Tudor,
    If I could only feel nothing as well! I’m curious Mr Tudor, as you were writing this, sad but yet very detailed information at the end, what thoughts posessed your mind? Do you long to feel more than darkness? And if you could choose one feeling, which would you choose?? My question naturally started with, what did you feel?? But then it brought me to this!!! The ultimate deception of him! That he will never feel or know what he has done or he will never feel any of the pain he has caused, he will never truly understand any of it because he will never feel it! I used to truly believe that we never leave this life without paying our debit to society or to whoever it maybe, and if he feels nothing regarding what he has put out! He will never pay!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not recall as I wrote it some time ago.

  4. Kathy says:

    This sucks HG. It is really the sad truth of it all. It’s as if you were born and developed with no limbs but you don’t really know any different—it just is what it is. As usual the explanation is excellent but I’m moved to sadness in a way.
    I have a question about a narcissistic person claiming to be suicidal. Certainly narcissists are full of shit for secondary gain all the time.. But what really happens emotionally for a narc to be truly suicidal?
    Also, some people plan and complete elaborate suicides. I worked with a man who took a blood thinner for a week prior to slicing several arteries. Can you imagine what that mental process is in regard to a narc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Fuel crisis/ massive wounding.
      2. Co-morbid condition.

      False suicide threats are part of the Mid Range Narcissist’s manipulative armoury.

      1. Kathy says:

        I’m learning, albeit slowly it’s happening. So, I’ve learned that I am a dirty empath. (I struck a few times on that front!) I married a mid-ranger who has a virtually invisible to detect mental orientation that only primary and occasional secondary sources will get glimpses of. So naturally I am easily coined “crazy” by way of the smear campaign to his flying monkeys. Why would a nice guy like that find solace in the arms of a panic pick who guzzles Tito’s vodka like water?? Just a phase thy family says! Poor boy was mistreated and abused!
        Now I look irrational and unbalanced in the legal venue due to mental fuckery for the past 15 years.. He smells like a rose. I’m worried my children are going to turn into vampires because of this unbelievable virtually invisible mental orientation.. Am I catching on HG? I think I’m getting the hint. Oh, and I can’t tell him of his mental issue because it will wound him and he will unleash fury so I have to spend the rest of my days catering to him in order to avoid more backlash. Hilarious.

      2. Kathy Mor says:

        My father…. he didn’t mean it. He wanted attention. My brothers say that he wanted my attention specifically as I simply ignored my father. I don’t know about that but if that’s the case, too bad too sad. He counted on my youngest brother to find him upon coming home from school but my youngest brother went to play soccer with his friends instead. When he was found semi-conscious the damage to his organs was already done. They took him to the ICU but he didn’t make….

  5. Caroline R says:

    So rich HG. Such brain food for your readers to savour.

    With your coaching, I’m mirroring the mid-ranger N in unit 2. It’s my new game. She gives me the silent treatment, so she gets nothing back.

    My fuel-station is by invitation only; I’ve always had an exclusive clientele.
    She is permanently blacklisted. No second-guessing ‘maybe we can be friends?’.
    “It’s too late”

    Currently my fuel station is closed for maintenance.

    1. Caroline R says:

      On second thoughts, it’s actually zero fuel, no emotional response that I’m giving her, and as-close-to-zero verbal response as is within the realm of plausable deniability. I’m the chairperson of the Owners’ Corporation for the property. No contact isn’t an option, obviously.

  6. Leslie says:

    Yes. So the best response when faced with this is NOT the one narcs have historically promoted or even permit in a patriarchal (narcissistic) society.

    Get out. Leave. Remove yourself immediately from the relationship.

    DO NOT be patient, understanding, or compromise yourself, your physical /mental safety, or your standards for how you should be treated.

    Silence is golden. Just be quiet and get out.

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