We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.

We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.

In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.

I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.

Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.

Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.

I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?

15 thoughts on “Extreme

  1. mommypino says:

    I remember the fun stuff that I did with my Mid-ranger sister, everything had to be done so perfectly. We would have picnics and we would have those adorable picnic baskets, amazing wine, delicious food and even the quilt that we sat on was so beautiful. We looked like we could be printed on a stationary or coloring book with how pretty everything is. When we decorated our house for Halloween and Christmas, we were definitely one of the prettiest in our street. Those were the traits that I got or learned from her. It’s go big or go home. Living life to the fullest.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      There are things that we can still appreciate about them (such as your example with your sister), but I think that comes after much time and purge of the emotional thinking. I still see them (not all of course) as contributing human beings despite their disorder. I cannot deny that they have added to my life in some ways. Thats what I mean by saying we can learn and take what we can from them while rejecting the abuse and manipulation (usually with regard to business and familial situations). Again though, this is after much time, logical thinking, and the purge of addiction.

  2. kel says:

    I love this story. It explains a lot. Describes them to the T and the why. Makes sense of so much, while we’re enjoying their excess residuals, this is the reason why they’re treating us. Why they lash out. Why everything that is so superficial, is so important to them. Thanks for this one.

  3. J.G says:

    Certainly if you weren’t so extreme, no one would remember you. But that approach is a bit childish since after all, you will be forgotten when we all die.
    Who will remember you?
    In your case it will be different because of the written material you leave behind.
    That approach is the best and healthiest, because even if you do harm with your writings, they open the wounds to clean and heal them finally.

  4. Leslie says:


    What a baby. Pay attention to ME ME ME ME

    Sick demon baby from hell.

  5. WiserNow says:

    I recently saw a video for a song called “Cherry Wine” by Irish singer Hozier, which I thought I’d mention here on HG’s blog (see link below). I hope that’s ok with you HG.

    The video shows a couple in a romantic relationship that’s also violent. The video itself was made to shine a light on domestic violence and to make the public more aware and less inclined to ignore it.

    I think the video was made with thoughtfulness and sensitivity and fine acting by Saoirse Ronan. It shows the contrast of tender, happy romantic love with violence, although you don’t see the violence actually happening. The way Saoirse Ronan uses her face and eyes to depict the sad and agonised self-questioning and the feeling of being conflicted is very accurate, I believe. And it’s heart-wrenching. There’s also a child involved (shown in the video in a photo) which compounds her difficulties. I think the video (and song) shows narcissistic abuse clearly even though it doesn’t label it as such.

    Awareness is so important. If the victims stuck in these kinds of relationships knew the name, ‘scientific’ psychological reason for, and effects of, the agony they’re going through, it would help them avoid the physical pain and mental anguish.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      I love Hozier’s stuff and am familiar with this video. I think most may be familiar with Take Me to Church, but, From Eden, To Be Alone, Like Real People Do, and especially It Will Come Back, have lyrics that are chilling in relation to the effects of narcissism (at least to me since music is interpretational).

      1. WiserNow says:


        I love Hozier’s stuff too. I think his songs have very meaningful and thoughtful lyrics and he addresses some important issues. I know all of the songs you’ve mentioned, and I agree with you, I can see the narcissistic meanings, or psychological darkness, in them too.

        The one thing I don’t feel comfortable about with his songs (and it’s a small thing) is that his lyrics and melodies tend to be romantic and beautifully poetic even though the themes are sometimes painful or tragic. The imagery and wording is beautiful and the melodies are like lullabies. So, for those who are unaware, the songs can potentially lull them into a sense of the romance and emotional thinking that softens the ugliness and the danger of the realities he’s singing about.

        But that’s just a small thing, and it’s not really a criticism of his music, which is beautifully poetic, in my opinion.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          That’s interesting to me because that is exactly why I like his stuff. You have to actually be paying attention to the images and lyrics. You may listen or sing along a few times before you actually catch what is being said. Then when you go to the videos, you will often see a very different image than what your brain held. It makes you question and I like that, but I understand what you mean in that some people will just keep on singing and miss the message because they are not looking for one. Very apt yes?

          1. WiserNow says:


            That’s why I like his songs too. They make you think and question the meaning. The poetic way he describes things is unique. I like that a lot too. His videos are innovative and thought provoking as well. I like the artistry in what Hozier does very much.

            I don’t think I explained my earlier message very well and I think we are on different wavelengths regarding how some people may miss the message.

            What I meant was that Hozier makes the stories in his songs have a romantic and enticing kind of overtone. Although the themes can be dark and even tragic, he has a way of using language and imagery that is either sexy or sweet or desirable etc.

            For listeners who are not aware of narcissism and the harmful emotional damage it causes, I think the “enticing” overtones of his songs can cause a kind of emotional thinking in these people, even though they may understand the meaning and message of the songs. People who haven’t actually experienced the toxic nightmare of a narcissistic relationship, may fail to get a clear or real impression of the psychological danger when listening to his songs, because the songs are engaging and create a romantic view of sexual attraction and ‘love’. They describe the love-bombing stage of romance, but not the damaging aftermath so much.

            I hope that makes more sense.

            I know what you mean about needing to delve more deeply into the meaning of his songs to get the message. And his videos are the same too. I’m looking forward to his new album due for release this year. The song Shrike is beautifully poetic, and the song Movement is thought-provoking too with a great video.

  6. freedgypsysoul says:

    so, if we happen to be very happy and calm and operating from a sense of zen where all is right in our world and your extremes bounce off us, kind of like pinging off a golden bubble that surrounds and covers us, a shield if you will…..we are wounding you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If that means you are not reacting to our manipulations, then yes, we would be wounded.

    2. lisk says:


      I want to live in that bubble! Perhaps I’ll make that my goal for 2019. It seems so peaceful, with zero drama. Thank you for describing it.

      1. freedgypsysoul says:

        I don’t believe I ever did it with any conscious thought while I was with him, either to deflect, ignore or wound. I was simply at a point in my life where I was happy, content, mellow, or as I called it ‘zen’. There are a couple different scenes that go thru my head when I read this post; one was when he would seemingly blow up at nothing at all, for no apparent reason (like one of the days his laptop was giving him grief and he ended up throwing it and purposely breaking it); I just kind of looked over at him with an eyebrow raised in enquiry and said ‘technology issues?’ He used to tell his friends how I never responded to his outbursts and that it was cool. (myself, I was picturing a child throwing a tantrum thus really, how are we supposed to respond). Another occasion we were laying together on our bed, watching tv, and I had an arm draped over him, (one of the rare times he allowed me to touch him) and I probably sighed contentedly. He made some remark or asked a question to which I responded that I was happy, mellow, aka zen, life was good, I was at peace with the world. He replied that he had never felt that way, didn’t know what it was like. In truth empath fashion, I answered with….I can teach you!

        lol which segues in to what became my ‘line’ with him; “I can fix that”. His eventual parting words were actually “I’m perfect the way I am, I don’t need to be fixed”

        ah the shield, it protected me from a lot but like dear Sophia, he eventually got thru on some items

  7. Christopher Jackson says:

    Explains alot especially about the extreme cold or extremely hot …..my narc spazzed out because the coffee wasnt hot enough and I got explanations about about why it should be hot…they like it to burn when going down even if it burns their throat it can be taking skin off they dont care as long as it is hot

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