Poll – What Are Your New Year’s Resolutions?




Some of you will already be in 2019, others getting close to it and with that comes the traditional desire to start things anew and make resolutions. Thus, with a nod to the topic that draws you here, what are your New Year’s resolutions and as ever, do expand on your thoughts in the comments.

Happy New Year to you all.

HG Tudor

What are your New Year resolutions?

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370 thoughts on “Poll – What Are Your New Year’s Resolutions?

  1. I ❤️ HG Tudor says:

    My New Year’s resolution is Trying new things.

    I joined the gym and met with a personal trainer. I have gone several days now by myself. Doing things by myself is a big step for me.

    I have a hard time spending money on myself and justifying it. I do this all the time, I put things in my online shopping cart, but then I never place the order. There are a few things that I always wanted to do, but my spouse didn’t want too. So I plan on doing those things solo.

    There will be a lot of changes this year. I will be dealing with lawyers, divorce, moving, and the heartbreak. I am trying to stay positive. My emotions are all over the place. I feel mostly sad, angry, lonely and disappointed.

    1. Laurel says:

      I ♥️ You are doing an awesome job! I love that you are going to the gym. That’s a big thing right there. Wait til you get the feel good endorphins pumping – you’ll feel like a new person.

      You can handle this year. You have been coping with worse for longer. This is YOUR year. The year you get freedom on paper,

      Keep coming here and reading. It will buoy you up on tough days and fill you with a feeling of self empowerment.

      A personal trainer on hand is a great way to set goals and learn new skills. I exercise because it boosts my confidence and I feel so good inside. You truly have made an awesome choice. I’ve also eaten my way through pain and hidden in bed and although there’s nothing wrong with that sometimes, it’s not a lifestyle choice that inspires you long term.

      Everything you are feeling is normal. The loneliness- it can be hard but try to see it as time for you. You are spending time on yourself now. Healing. Grieving. Changing.

      Keep reading. Keep training. Keep focusing on your goals. Keep the faith.

      Phoenix rising!!


      1. NarcAngel says:

        Going to the gum is great. Just be on guard for Somatic Spartacus and his squad that are always a fixture.

  2. Kathy Mor says:

    A bit of all but commencing dating is on the line. I have been talking to someone who understands what happened to me… and the emotional exchange is something I have never experienced in my life. A non-narc guy is a whole different experience and it has helped me to get over most of the difficulties I had previously. Still have some emotional leftover but as time goes by, I feel better.
    He has bought HD’s books and is reading them. Knowledge is power….

  3. Mercy says:

    Oh my!!

  4. Twilight says:

    I was hoping to hear something in regards to you HG and I finally have.
    I speak of you and your work often. I was surprised in a manner I didn’t expect today. A person I direct here knows someone who is here on the blog. They support my referring her to you. I have been supported online in many places yet never in my real life.

    That was the best part of my day, hearing another supporting my recommendation to come and gain accurate knowledge from you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for doing so.

      1. Twilight says:

        My pleasure.

        I was hoping one day to hear someone that knew someone that knew you here.
        The more that know…..regardless of your reasons you are helping many.

  5. Kellie Mccoey says:

    I’m looking forward to this year truly free! I’ve had a long, painful road. I’ve been threw therapy, mediation, anything I could get my hands on that would help. In the end Mr Tudor is what I needed. I needed the cold hard truth to set me free.

    1. wissh says:

      I agree completely, nothing really helped me until finding and immersing myself in HG’s work. My therapist had recommended another therapist who specializes in narc abuse. My first appt coincided with approx when I first started reading HG, so when she first met me I was a mess. After the third (weekly) session she said, “I think you know more about this than I do” and we stopped therapy but I kept reading. Now I try to help others by referring them here and am amazed when the suggestion meets resistance. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Whatever. Happy New Year Kellie.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I am pleased to read that Wissh, I do expect that you told the therapist about my work?

      2. MB says:

        I think the importance of HG’s work lies in the answers to the questions we have. As truth seekers, lack of answers is what keeps us stuck. Giving us those answers gives us “closure”. We can stop going in circles and move on. Thank you for cracking the code HG. It’s been nearly a year since I found you. You have truly been a God send in my life. I would have been on my death bed still wondering. You have given me the gift of peace in that regard.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome MB.

  6. EmP says:

    Regular and repeated readings of the illustrious works of HG Tudor.

  7. jenna says:

    HG can we get any clues about the grand design? If your answer is “watch this space” for some reason I am all the more intrigued. Can we be part of your grand design? I want in on this!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not at present. No you cannot.

      1. jenna says:

        I will wait patiently. Thank you.

  8. jenna says:

    I want to stay away from narcs. I want to spread the gospel of HG Tudor. I want to be happy. I want to think positively. I want to behave the polar opposite of all narcissists. I don’t want to achieve any kind of revenge against narcissists. They have their own pitiful lives as their own karma. I would never want to improve the relationship because that is not my focus and it will not be effective. It all ends. It will end. It has to end. Disengagement is inevitable. I no longer am affected. But from my experience, I found HG and all the caring friends here! I’m so happy about that! Hg, how many ipss were you with on new year’s (if you were) in order to triangulate your ipps? Pls do tell…

    Happy new year everyone!

  9. Mercy says:

    I’m a little late on this but I picked commence dating and reading the works of HG. I’m dating this year even if I have to fake it untill I like it.

    1. StrongerWendy says:

      Me too.

      1. Mercy says:

        We’ve got this StrongerWendy

      2. NarcAngel says:

        StrongerWendy and Mercy
        God help those men now that you’re weaponized. Just kidding (sort of).

        Here’s what I want to say to women dating again.

        Start as you mean to continue.
        Wear what you want and know you look/feel good in -not what you think will turn him on.
        Don’t pretend you don’t eat. Order the steak and not a salad that will leave you starving. (I know a girl who wouldn’t eat on dates and she ended uo faining. I asked why she didn’t eat and she said she wanted to look classy. I said yeah – fainting goats get them revved up every time).
        Dont pretend you want to see Fast and Furious or whatever he wants while you sit bored out of your mind.
        If you get to the bedroom now’s the time to own what you want. They don’t know you so let loose. Push him down, climb on top, move his hand and guide/show him while gently whispering: this way….
        Dont say you finished to spare his feelings. Tell him you want more. Own it girl!
        Seems obvious but be yourself.
        Isn’t pretending to be other than what we’re trying to get away from? And yet thats what usually happens.

        Oh and if it’s obvious he’s self centered early on – stop him in the middle of his sentence, say (in a very bored tone) yes but let’s get back to you, throw down your half of the meal, and leave.


        1. 2SF says:

          NA, can we do a BJ first 🤣
          And dinner afterwards? Cause I have to catch up for all the calories I’ve lost. I mean the first guy since ages is going to be soooooo lucky! 😊

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Youre going to give and not get??!!!
            Did you not hear a thing I said?! Lol

          2. 2SF says:

            I’m an empath NA, I enjoy giving. But I don’t mind getting either 🙂
            And yes I heard you. I’m always on top (of everything).
            Thanks for the reminder anyways.

        2. Mercy says:

          Hahaha NarcAngel you crack me up. Thanks for the encouragement, God knows I need it. It’s been awhile since I’ve been on a date. Don’t worry about me going hungry. Thats my favorite part of the date. If he’s a looser at least I’ll get a good steak dinner, shoot I don’t work out for nothing. As far as bedroom hip boxing, well if he’s got potential I might consider skipping the meal.

        3. StrongerWendy says:

          I got this NA. And creme brulee is my favorite dessert 😉

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. I believe you do. Enjoy dessert.

      3. Mercy says:

        2SF, oh no no no, he’s got to earn the pleasure of those skills! It’s all about you first.

        1. 2SF says:

          Haha Mercy, I think about that a little different. If I make him feel like he has had glimps of paradise, he can’t do a bad job on me afterwards.

          (Sorry HG)

        2. NarcAngel says:

          Give him the pleasure of Creme Brulee first. Then you can have your Banana Split.
          No Creme Brulee?


        3. StrongerWendy says:

          Yep! 🙂

  10. Boomerang says:

    Great to read this thread, like so many other ones.
    Well… HG, I do want to thank you, I came across storms with you alongside and because of the patterns of Narcs I am able to foresee what is coming. You are an unbeatable partner in this journey of mine alongside with my intuition that I am learning to trust again ( not to be confused with ET).
    Although I have broke no contact 6 months ago and stayed in contact and now involved with my actual narc, I am detecting, deflecting and disengaging from any new ones that are coming and also helping friends who are stucked with Narcs.
    I don’t know when or if , I will ever go NC again, I don’t want to pretend or play the game but I know that all the learning and the NC experience have been valuable and will serve me in due time.
    I keep reading here and spread the good news, despite, I have not followed the perfect script yet.
    Who knows … Thank you all, but more particularly, thank you so much HG for your help and support in 2018. You have kept me out of insanity, was able to stay NC for 2 months and who knows.

  11. Jasmine says:

    I said: watch boxsets (netflix and chill) which is what I did, and spout bedazzlements (as a nod to our fair king tudor)

    But honestly? I don’t do resolutions. My kid assigned me a chore – clean out the jar cabinet – 3 months – I can do that 🙃

    1. Bubbles🍾 says:

      Dear Jasmine,
      Happy New Year to you precious,
      Have you or anyone lovelies here by chance happened to watch “You”
      (Netflix original) season 1 …. Mr Bubbles n I are half way thru 😱
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Jasmine says:

        Hi Bubbles💖 Happiest of New Year’s to you too.

        It must be serendipity! Haha I have my Netflix up right now (trying to decide what to watch) and “You” is highlighted. YOU it is!

        Thanks doll 😘

      2. Jasmine says:

        Oh! Haha. I see why you’re watching it!
        Good flick! Got me 😁


      3. Bubbles🍾 says:

        Dear Jasmine,
        I’d luv your thoughts on it …. Mr Bubbles n I have now just finished watching the whole 1st season 😱😱😱😱
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Jasmine says:

          Hi Bubbles!

          I think it’s an excellent case study. I’d guess: definitely psychopath. Likely narcissistic as well.
          Honestly? I would find much of it- difficult to believe.. *pre-narc. Now? Not so much. Yes Virginia, there IS a monster in your closet 😈
          Ya feeling me?

      4. sighofrelieff says:

        I saw it up on Netflix and I clicked on it…and within two days watched the whole first season lol….very addicting. I was off and it was cold and car in the shop…so lots of free time. I feel it’s a very good series and very right on with psychopathy…I do feel though that they made him too empathetic in some ways on some parts…also he seemed to really care for the child and have compassion and empathy for him….not sure that was realistic….he also apologized and seemingly with nothing to gain. So not sure how realistic it really was. But that’s Hollywood for ya. 🙂

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear Jasmine,
      Thank you beautiful
      I tend to agree with you ….I’m feelin ya …. haha
      His interesting mindset being “I’m the only one who truly loves you, none of the others love you like I do” …..and so wants exclusive rights and cant tolerate threatening outside influences
      I’m looking forward to season 2 … but hoping they keep it on track and not go too ridiculous, as is often the case
      Ps … I watched Bird Box (only cos of Sandra Bullock) …. shouldn’t have bothered …. 🤢….. 🤣
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Bird Box is a 5/10 at best. It’s The Happening with Sandra Bullock co-starring Her Plastic Surgery.

        1. MB says:

          Agreed HG! Re: Bird Box. I’ll never get that hour and half of my life back. I only watched it because of all the hype.

          Now, ‘Life Itself” on the other hand is worth watching. It’s on Prime Video and has some yummy Antonio Banderas. (And even a Samuel L. Jackson cameo). There were a few things that annoyed me about the movie, but all in all, it’s a solid 7.5

          1. Twilight says:


            Between your comment and HGs rating I will scratch that one off the list…..actually I wasn’t going to watch it. Just didn’t catch my attention. You on the other hand did. More so I caught what “Joe” was saying when I walked into a patients room that made me stop in my tracks,the hair on my arms stood on end……some tones in a persons voice will feel like nails (not fingernails) being used to scratch open my skin, yet it was what he said that made me decide I would watch and compare what HG writes about and my real like observations.

        2. Jasmine says:

          Y’all are killing me 😂 I liked birdbox! But HG nailed it … the plastic surgery was quite distracting.

          I think you’re right; Season 2 could make or break it. Do you think he’s MR? Celebral? Or just psychotic? Gah! How long do we have to wait? LOL
          I watched another series over break that had a similar theme. Five seasons long, so a little more to watch. Sort of a myopic view of a (supernatural) narcissist in a relationship. It’s romanticized but action too. “Lucifer”

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Haha, good observation
        Sandra Bullocks face definitely didnt look right
        The ending was a let down for me
        You scored it higher than I would Mr Tudor
        My rating…… is if I’d buy it …..it’s a no from me …. haha
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      3. Bubbles🍾 says:

        Dear sighofrelieff,
        Very good points. I expected him to be more cold heated and the empathy was a surprise, especially with little Paco (who’s now scared for life)
        He certainly did a lot of stalking
        Managing all the interaction on the phones and the internet intrigued me …. what about the passwords ?
        I didn’t expect to see Candace to appear
        Interesting to see what they do next
        Thank you so much for your feedback
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear MB,
        Life Itself … rated R..haven’t heard of this one … thankyou for the heads up precious
        I just like “saying his name” with a Spanish accent …..💃🏻…🤣
        Did you know he sings ?


        1. MB says:

          Bubbles, I heard him sing as the cat in Shrek, I think?

          Anyway, the movie does have some narc education. Banderas was describing his dead father and how he had come to inherit the olive growing operation. As he was describing, I was thinking, his father sounds like a narc. He said he was a “fuck of a man”. Then toward the end of his Spanish soliloquy, (the Spanish parts had subtitles) he said his father was a narcissist and didn’t make a will because he didn’t think he would ever die. I was relieved he used the word narcissist. These days, I feel like the empath that cried narcissist!

      5. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Jasmine,
        Hmmmm… yes, mid ranger first thoughts – he appeared intelligent at first, however, he’s getting dumbed down a bit
        He’s definitely a psycho …. he’s already killed three people and no one suspects (only those he’s killed )
        I don’t think he’s cerebral as he was stupid enough to wear Bendi’s watch and left his wee on the shelf
        Apparently libraries don’t have “humid rooms” for rare books but I guess they did that for the dungeon effect (of course – all loop d loop psychos have them) refer to page 666 of the The Narcissists Complete Survival Handbook” 📚

        I think they shouldve consulted Mr Tudor to make it accurately detailed and great 🤣

        “Lucifer” … I just watched that faulous trailer … looks hilarious … was that Mr Tudor as Lucifer -but with dark hair and the British accent (all that sarcastic wit and dark humour … sooooo him ) we are absolutely watching that!! Can hardly wait 😈
        Thank you Jasmine, brilliant suggestion
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  12. Rebecca Sager says:

    Woohoo! Chocolate! Though to be fair I will spread H.G.’s knowledge to where needed and study up more to keep my sword sharp so to speak. Now if my husband would stop finding Narc strays to try and save. Ugh!

  13. Lou says:

    HG, besides publishing more books, do you have other resolutions you can share with us?

  14. wissh says:

    ·Continue to spread the gospel, because I already post copies of HG’S works in narc support groups…
    ·Get up to date reading all HG’S books (how many are there?) I’ve read 10 so far…
    ·Restart NO CONTACT, because I’m a teensy bit disappointed with myself. After months of NC, and being sure I would never be hoovered because we were long distance, I unblocked narcex on (my phone only) yesterday. Why? Because I had a feeling (me and my feelings 🙄) he would text, because last New Year’s Eve was spent with him, obviously before it all went south. And oddly enough he did. But I don’t truly have regrets because I was able to immediately see him for exactly what he is, just as HG assessed, a cerebral UMRN.

    His texts:
    1-Happy New Year! ((I’ll give him this one))
    2-I know this might not be fair to say but I miss you ((lie, he was looking for fuel))
    3-Surgery is currently scheduled for the 8th ((LIE, ah the pity ploy, thanks HG!))
    He’s been lying about f’n OPEN HEART surgery for half a year! WhoTF does that??!? I’m a nurse, does he think I’m stupid enough not to know it doesn’t work that way?

    Anyway, back to no contact. It was perfect reinforcement that it was the right thing to do in the first place, and he didn’t get a single drop of fuel from me. It also reminded me that my self worth is not dependent on whether or not narcex hoovers me. Hoovering does not mean he’s thinking of me, missing me, loves me. It means ONLY that he must have been low on fuel and knows me well enough (up until I attended Tudor Uni) to think if he reached out on NYE I would respond. WTG me!

    Happy New Year everyone, you’ve all played a part in my healing and education this year! 🎉🥂🍾

    1. lisk says:

      Wait, wissh…did you respond/react/ reply to his texts? Or did he just see that they were delivered?

      1. wissh says:

        I responded to his Happy New Year, but I waited quite awhile because Professor Tudor had taught me that instant texts are fuel. So eventually I texted “Happy New Year to you also.” He immediately texted the next two texts, but I didn’t respond and he sent no more. Now he’s blocked. For whatever reason, insecurity, or insanity, I had unblocked him, I got my hoover, and while I understand he owns me until death, and that there will never be closure, in some warped way I feel this is as close as it gets: he reached out, I was polite, he wanted more, I didn’t give it.

      2. lisk says:

        wissh…sounds like you sort of tested him and he passed the pop narc quiz with flying colors! Glad you got control of it.

      3. Caroline R says:

        “The pop narc quiz”
        It so is!
        Ha ha!

  15. Joanne says:

    Happy New Year, HG!
    Happy New Year, Everyone!

    #1 spreading the word of HG Tudor because it has empowered me and educated me in ways that none of the “light and love” bloggers/coaches never could. I’d still be spinning in a vortex of confusion if I didn’t somehow land here. Not to mention, it’s all so fascinating. I appreciate the window into your world, HG

    #2 to end the relationship with the narc. I’m a married IPSS, on the shelf. Contact is minimal and sporadic (I guess he’s well fueled elsewhere). I’ve allowed the crumbs and responded to them while providing the sweetest fuel I can muster. But it’s draining me. Like an addict, those breadcrumb hits wear off quickly and I’m left in messy withdrawals, waiting for my next dose. I know I need to work on being a good wife again and applying all this energy and attention toward my marriage and amazing husband who I am not worthy of….

    #3 is where it gets tricky. I still want to improve the relationship with the narc. Yes, I know that’s contradictory to what I said above. But narc and I began as very old friends, and I do wish to preserve some of that. I realize this is a result of my emotional thinking, which brings me to…

    #4 get a better handle on my emotional thinking. I know what is going on here. It all makes sense. But, I’m in love with love, I’m in love with intensity and feeling. Sometimes I even think he’s worth it. I can sometimes justify that the lows are better than boredom. I’ve also not been subject to any real meanness or cruelty by my narc, so it’s “easy” for me to say this.

    It’s all a work in progress. So much to learn. I will get better and stronger.

    Wishing everyone a healthy, happy 2019 xoxo

  16. Sun says:

    I missed you Mr.Tudaa.

    My last comment was last year. Haha.

  17. Raindrop says:

    Happy New Year HG and everyone! May you all have a fabulous year. I have learned so much from HG”s books, reading his blog and the posts from all of you! They have given me great insight into what happened to me and the ability to GOSO.

    My new year is going to be Narc Free thanks to the information HG has provided to us all here. Once I realized what he was I was able to go NC and have easily kept it up for 7 months now. At first I wanted revenge on him so badly and was waiting for the perfect time. I thought when he does Hoover me that will be it I will tell him what he is and how he abused me for the better part of 8 yrs.

    Well he did hoover me on Christmas Eve as I had guessed he may (what better time to reach out than now) lol and much to my surprise I had no desire to engage with him even though I know I could have wounded him badly. Now thanks to HG I know ignoring him and making him feel he is not worth my time is the best revenge I can ever have. Providing no future fuel for him and making him feel worthless is the best gift I can give to myself!

    I wish you all a very narc free 2019!

    1. Joanne says:

      It is such a powerful feeling to know how to withhold fuel and starve them when they come to you, expecting to be supplied.

    2. K says:

      Happy New Year Raindrop
      I am so happy you found the blog and freedom from your narc. It really is the best gift you can give yourself.

      1. Raindrop says:

        Thank you K!

        It has been a journey and still is and will be for some time to come. It sinks in a little more each day that I was being mentally abused all this time. That it was all made up and there was no hope for a better outcome. Once I let go of that “magical” thinking it was much easier. I actually find this guy repulsive now.

        1. K says:

          My pleasure Raindrop
          Ha ha ha…once the “magical” thinking is gone, they really are quite repulsive. It does take time for it all to sink in and your journey is not over yet. No contact, narcsite and time are your friends now.

          1. wissh says:

            It’s really quite amazing. Repulsive is very accurate. I see him so clearly now and think, WTFever was I thinking?! There is NOTHING attractive about this person. NOTHING. And to think the tears I shed over him, it’s quite embarrassing actually.

          2. K says:

            Ha ha ha…I feel the same way about my ULN. Yuck! Although, My MMRN did have some good qualities.

          3. wissh says:

            According to HG, narcex was an UMRN. The quality that attracted me was his brain. Brilliant. Physically he was absolutely not my type. But some serious love bombing apparently changed that. The only other narc I’ve identified through all this is my mother.

          4. K says:

            Higher functioning narcissists have much more to offer either through looks or intelligence, or a little of both, and I find intelligence very attractive.

            Love bombing is dangerous! It is one of the most powerful weapons in their toolbox.

  18. Caroline R says:

    On the No Contact Playlist for NYE 2018:

    Ariana Grande’s “Breathin’ ”

    Jax Jones “Breathe”

    Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left To Cry”

  19. Caroline R says:

    I danced to this a lot last night.
    Dua Lipa’s “New Rules”


    It’s the No Contact anthem for the gorgeous and heartsore among us at narcsite.

    “…and if you’re under him,
    you ain’t gettin’ over him…”

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      I frequently quote that lyric!! It is SO true!

      1. Caroline R says:

        Ha ha!
        Glad you like it.
        I love it too.
        Must be written by an empath who’s been there many times.

  20. 2SF says:

    Besides spreading the gospel (only to people who are involved with narcs, because others look at you like you’re from Mars), I voted that I must go NC and this time make it work.
    I feel like a teenager, adding his (musician narc’s) IG account to my ‘favourites’ (I don’t follow him, it’s public) and then remove it again, etc. etc.
    He is now on holidays and I am in pain watching him party with all these young women. He’s been adding one to his friendslist and I check her out. She’s young, pretty, cute, everything I would like to be. The thought of him havind spend the night with her is like a knife in my chest. I must stop this, but I can’t. Tell me how to do it. Tell me how you did it.

    1. wissh says:

      Omg, the social media stalking I did after break up, feeling the stab in my heart when he’d add a friend, how it made me feel less than. I understand.
      How I did it? First I read 16 books by various “experts” all in 2 weeks. Complete immersion in the subject. And then I found this blog. I started inhaling articles and downloading HG’s books. Many of them. I read all day, absorbing, understanding. I never doubt a thing he writes because all the puzzle pieces that were narcex fell neatly into place. I did his narc consult with him. His response is an audio and I’ve listened to it several times, reinforcing. From the moment I started reading here, I ditched all the other so called experts because none of them helped me understand this disorder as HG has, and with that understanding came release and freedom. I can’t fix him. He didn’t love me. I was an appliance, my fuel got stale. They lie. They cheat. Omg, the lies! I have a year of false memories. Once I was completely disgusted, which came to me in the midst of one of HG’s books, I realized I was feeling nothing but disgust, I no longer even wanted him. But obviously he’s still in my head, or I wouldn’t be here.
      Anyway, before I ramble on even longer, the key for me was blocking. EVERYTHING. It sounds so simple but was actually quite difficult. First I unfriended, but that still allowed me to stalk. So I blocked him completely. I can no longer see those things that stabbed my heart, because, wtf, I’m not a martyr! My new year’s resolution, if I were to make one, is to exorcise him completely from my head, because that’s some valuable real estate I need for other things.
      I’m looking forward to HG’s book on the Creature because that’s still an area where I lack understanding. Wishing you luck and a happy, narc-free new year.

      1. Joanne says:

        Hi wissh, thank you for sharing all of this. It sounds so similar to where I have been over the past several weeks. I’ve also done the consult and HIGHLY RECOMMEND. All of the material here is helpful, but when you hear the feedback and insight on your own individual circumstances, it really makes a difference. I listen to HG’s personalized recording every day for reinforcement. Knowing that the situation is toxic is not enough. I needed to know the WHY. And although that WHY doesn’t align with my way of thinking, I can now see and accept that narc will always see things from a completely different perspective. Therefore, it makes sense. What keeps me from moving on is my choice to stay stuck in his world, as a member of his harem. I have the tools now, when I’m ready, I will go.

      2. 2SF says:

        Thank you Wissh, you are right and I know the theory, the fact he doesn’t care about me, the lying, etc.. It’s not about me anymore, I do not speak to him, but I find it hard to let go. It’s like I want to know that he will move on every time and not stick with a girl so he will not ruin her life. Even though it’s very painfull I would not mind so much that he has occasional sex with a woman, It’s the thought of him getting really involved with someone, seeing her change from a happy cheerful girl into a nervous wreck, like I saw his ex change, like I changed. I know his ex still follows him , she never puts any picture on her own Instagram, while she is very pretty. He fucked up her self-esteem I am sure of that. I just know she is confused and in pain and she has no clue about NPD. How can I watch him ruin a new innocent person? I feel that if I stop watching his IG, I put my head in the sand. If only I’d never seen the jerk,
        Thank you Wissh, you are a lot wiser than I am. Wishing you all the best too. xx

      3. 2SF says:


        “when I’m ready, I will go”

        Same for me here, I’m just never ready.

    2. SW says:

      Do it in small increments, otherwise it’s overwhelming and seems like an impossible task. Remove him from favorites and don’t look at his social media for just an hour. When the hour is up try for another hour and so on. You may slip and if you do that’s ok (and normal). Slipping is not a reason to give up or give in. Stop, think of your festering, horrible, painful thoughts as being inside a balloon, let the balloon float away to oblivion and begin again. Eventually, you can go for longer and longer periods of time and you grow stronger. Hard work, but effective.

      1. 2SF says:


        “Eventually, you can go for longer and longer periods of time and you grow stronger. Hard work, but effective”

        His IG posts are not the most exciting and I could have a look like once a month or so. It’s the IG ‘stories’ that reveal what he is up to and they only last 24 hours. So I have to look at least twice a day to be sure I don’t miss these. And besides this, his own IG stories just tell where he is. I check his friend’s stories to see what he tries to hide and that tells me a lot more about him.
        Yes, I know, it’s sick. I need to get a life.
        Thanks Wendy!

      2. Caroline R says:

        This is good practical advice.
        Hour-by-hour is sometimes all we can manage.
        There is just as much dignity for us in this approach.
        Whatever wins the Battle is good in my book.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Very doable. Good advice.

      4. Presque Vu says:

        2SF uugghhh I get this.
        You are addicted 2SF, addictions can be overcome and learned from.

        I look, I shouldn’t, I torture myself for the truth?
        Problem is it keeps ever presence going and you don’t move forward no matter how deep that desire is to.

        This has me thinking…

        Are we hoovering? By us looking are we infact the Narc? After all, they look at us and our social media and we say they are hoovering us. My head hurts from too many questions and zero sleep and a work pile I’m distracting myself from.

        1. 2SF says:

          Presque Vu,

          Addicted I was certainly, for at least 3 years. I don’t feel I am addicted to him anymore, the dope is gone. I have to decide whether or not I want/can save a next victim. I don’t think I can, because even though I occasionally find out who he was with, nothing seems to last so far. And it’s probably not these people he his harming, but one of his followers who he is gaslighting through direct messages.
          I have to quit this, I know and I will try. December wasn’t the best month, never is, I’m indoors to much and need to go out more. That will help get him off my mind hopefully.

          We are not narcishly hoovering PV, We were in love (well I was anyway) and it hurts to let go and it hurts to know other women will be devastated.
          Thank you PV. I hope your head is okay today. Take care xx

    3. Leanne says:


      “Cold turkey”

      Slam the door, leave social media COMPLETELY (that was hard – I keep having to remind people I’m not online. Still! I’ve been offline .. 9 months now?? … I think

      Point is; keep at it until you succeed. Block everything Block it all. No contract means just that and do the best you can, lotsa pep talks, and you’ll get there!

      1. 2SF says:

        Leanne, I know Cold Turkey will work best for me, that is I have to make a logic decision, the addiction (dope) is gone. It’s the situation like I described to others here that keeps me checking. I can’t block, I don’t even have an IG account myself anymore, his is publically to find on the internet, even the stories (on a certain page).
        Thank you Leanne, peptalk to myself I will do and I somehow know I’ll get there before the summer. Good luck to you as well staying NC. xx

        1. Leanne says:

          Thank you 2sf, best wishes to you as well.

          It wasn’t easy, but in the end it’s made all the difference. I feel so free.

          You’ll get there 😘

      2. Caroline R says:

        I’m sorry you’re struggling.
        I wish I could do something to ease your heartache.
        It’s hard when you don’t meet anyone else that you find attractive to get you excited about the future.
        I try to exercise as much as possible, it helps the brain waves become more beta, and so more chilled. I sleep better too. It’s hard when you don’t have time to exercise though.
        I wish you good sleep, lovely girl.

        1. 2SF says:

          Caroline you are sweet 😘. Don’t worry about me. Once the days will be longer and not so dark I will feel better. I had a nice long walk in the woods and that always makes me feel better. I sure agree with you that exercising makes you more chilled.
          Datingsites don’t do it for me, so I hope one day a kind and good looking gardener or post delivery guy shows up at my door. …or my handsome Tudorman 👀💋
          You never know, the world is full of surprises! 😁
          Sweet dreams Caroline.

  21. Lou says:

    I don’t have any resolutions for 2019, except for taking one day at a time trying to stay honest with myself and focused on my own emotional growth and well-being.
    In general, I am both excited and nervous about what the upcoming months will bring.

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