Poll – What Are Your New Year’s Resolutions?




Some of you will already be in 2019, others getting close to it and with that comes the traditional desire to start things anew and make resolutions. Thus, with a nod to the topic that draws you here, what are your New Year’s resolutions and as ever, do expand on your thoughts in the comments.

Happy New Year to you all.

HG Tudor

What are your New Year resolutions?

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370 thoughts on “Poll – What Are Your New Year’s Resolutions?

  1. Robin says:

    Treat it like the life lesson it was and move forward to better things. Happy New Year!! I am thankful for the information you provide Mr. Tudor.

  2. Peaceful says:

    HG, do you ever cry in moments of pathological loneliness or abandonment?

    That’s where I am tonight. It overcame me so swiftly. I so want it to go away. What do you do in these moments?
    – Peaceful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I never cry. Most I managed in the past was squeezing a solitary tear out and that was caused by pepper.

      1. kel says:

        Narcissist are not good at mimicking crying! My mother never cries, but she attempted it once for a dramatic effect, and it just didn’t work because it looked as fake as it was. I’m not sure that narcissist are comfortable watching people cry long enough to capture it for mirroring. I don’t think my boss likes seeing it.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          You cry at work!?

      2. MB says:

        Onions are your friends HG.

      3. Sun says:



        I can’t stop laughing at the poor solitary tear. I wish if you stored it in a golden cup. So, I can buy it in an auction later on. I will buy your tear with 500,000 USD.

        Have you ever heard of the “Tears of Belle”? The tears of the beautiful woman that is stored and used for healing later on?. That solitary tear of yours is the best description for this.

        And crying has been proved to be good for health. Also, it help people to feel relieved when they are under stressful situation.

        I will write a poetry about your solitary tear. I liked the term.

        1. MB says:

          Sun, at 500,000 USD per tear, I’m betting HG could cry a slew of them!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No, I would just use someone else’s tears. Plenty of those around.

          2. MB says:

            Only yours are valuable, HG. Supply and demand you see.

          3. lisa says:

            HG, is it possible to have a narcissist that does cry very easily, that well’s up over movies or music or this type of thing. Could they be overly emotional regarding somethings but when it comes to real empathy for other people it’s obvious that is lacking. However cry and be tearful over sentimental things to them? i know that’s a contradiction, but hopefully you’ll know what i mean ?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Certain narcissists will cry more often either through frustration (thus crying for themselves), a sense of doom (thus crying for themselves) or in apparent empathy for other people/situations/a squashed animal etc (fake empathy and part of a manipulation). Total pussies.

          5. lisa says:

            Thanks for your reply , HG do you think if you’ve moved away and your no contact for 4 months and there’s no hoover over christmas and new year which are perfect excuses. Then it’s unlikely it will happen ever again ? thanks

          6. HG Tudor says:

            The incidence of a hoover accords with whether there is a Hoover Trigger and if so, whether the Hoover Execution Criteria have been met.

          7. K says:

            It is too dangerous to cry in my world; it is like asking to get your ass kicked. Never let them see you cry, you have to hide it.

          8. MB says:

            I think I’m too medicated to cry. It is a very rare occurrence.

          9. K says:

            It’s socially acceptable to cry at funerals, sad movies, news stories, etc., however, it is best to keep it in the closet if you can.

          10. MB says:

            K, sometimes I need a good cry and just can’t conjure it. I will cry at sad movies or when someone is upset and cries in my presence. Once it happens, the dam breaks though!

          11. K says:

            There is nothing wrong with a good cry and it is ok to cry or “speak” empathy on narcsite or with people you trust but you have to be very careful IRL.

      4. kel says:

        Nope, not usually NA. But there has been an occasion when I got tearing over something personal going on, and I noticed the lack of comfort. For me too – I always go somewhere private to cry. But my boss also mentioned when he had to fire someone, and didn’t want to talk about it as it was a bad scene with crying.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I was thinking if you were being pushed to that point at work you’d be better to make a change.

          1. kel says:

            Oh! Maybe I just figured out how to reply directly under your comment!!

      5. kel says:

        NA, do you cry?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          No. I learned to internalize it and can’t remember the last time I did. I will say though that as I am aging I find I’m softening and more reflective, and that you would on occasion be able to see that I am visibly uncomfortable.

      6. nunya biz says:

        It is interesting, I used to feel a sense of shame when I cried. Like real, deep shame. I couldn’t hide it sometimes, the crying or the shame, if it happened. I felt such unease and the need to flee, deep embarrassment. Now I consider it one of the real evidences, proof, that I was raised by narcissists, just another one of the weird side effects. I don’t care at all if I cry in front of people anymore. It has the side effect of making it easier for me to stop crying as well, whereas I used to have difficulty controlling it.
        The field of TRE is very interesting, if you are an empath I believe looking into or considering the physical expression of emotion and trauma in real time can be beneficial.

      7. Alexissmith2016 says:

        HG is there a particular type of N who is more likely to cry, either as you say for themselves or in fake empathy? What of those who just produce the crocodile tears if they need to win an argument or draw sympathy as part of a their manipulations.

        Is it only greaters who never cry?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          MMR. Yes.

      8. kel says:

        Wow Nunya Biz, that’s interesting. I do feel very embarrassed about crying, it feels very personal to me. It makes sense that I could’ve learned to cry in private to keep from being scoffed at, embarrassed and humiliated!

      9. nunya biz says:

        “I find I’m softening and more reflective, and that you would on occasion be able to see that I am visibly uncomfortable.”

        NA, you crack me up.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Nunya Biz

          Haha, What??!!
          You don’t believe me? I am kinder and gentler than I used to be.

      10. nunya biz says:

        Yeah, kel, I can still feel a need for privacy if I want to fully sob, it is intimate/personal, but I don’t feel the severe humiliation I used to and it could cause me to hyperventilate.

      11. Chihuahuamum says:

        I cry but in private. Crying is therapeutic. Theres studies to show people who internalize their grief and stress/anger are way higher risk of diseases like cancer and autoimmune. It wreaks havoc internally. Its healthy to release negative feelings. Im not a cry baby but if im really sad i will cry when im alone. I always feel better after.

      12. Chihuahuamum says:

        My mother in law cries fake tears to gain sympathy and attention and to prove how “emotional” and “caring” she is! So fake!! In a heartbeat she will lash out and say something incredibly mean. Dirty angel.

      13. kel says:

        Oh, ok good then, I’ll continue to cry in private as it’s natural and personal. You really put someone in a spot too if you cry in front of them, then they’re compelled to have to comfort you. Sometimes you need that, but not usually. And crying, thankfully, doesn’t happen often. Part of it is vanity too, I have to admit. Contorting your face into grief and red eyes, truly not something I want to share either, lol.

      14. kel says:

        NA, how do you manage to get your replies directly under the comments directed to you, and not have them end up out of sequence at the bottom of the chain?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I get the comments from WordPress in my email and respond with the reply button on that specific comment. For the most part it seems to work, but sometimes WordPress has gremlins and I miss comments. Its then that I reply under the article itself and it will fall out of line. That is why I started putting the name of the person I am responding to in my comment. I found at times when people didn’t do this, I wasn’t sure who the comment was directed at and it can cause misunderstanding. For example I once saw someones comment that said “way to go” and it was meant for something further up the thread and not the disparaging remark that it landed under randomly and without reference to whom it was intended for.

      15. nunya biz says:

        Yeah, kel, I agree about putting someone on the spot. I have no issue though with a few tears in appropriate circumstances, even if it’s because someone hurt my feelings, I used to be ashamed if someone hurt my feelings. It’s embarrassing still in some ways, but I used to try to hide my vulnerability to too much of an extreme and I would get hives and couldn’t breathe and feel threatened, etc… Lost that reaction years ago luckily.

        1. windstorm says:

          Nunya Biz
          I used to stay quiet when people hurt my feelings, but now if they’re family or friends, I speak up and tell them. I’ve found over the years that when non-narcs hurt me, they almost always are unaware that what they said or did hurt. If I explain it, then they’re less likely to do it again.
          If it’s a narc friend or relative, I tell them, too. More as a warning, because if they continue, I will leave.

          I rarely get my feelings hurt anymore and I feel much more empowered.

      16. nunya biz says:

        Haha, NA, I believed you just found your wording so funny.

      17. kel says:

        K, why in the world would you get your ass kicked for crying where you live? In a Yankee state?

        1. K says:

          When I was a child, I grew up on the streets so if you showed any signs of weakness you would be bullied or possibly assaulted and my family members (LLNS) would gang up on you, torment you, kick or punch you and laugh at you if you cried.

          I learned not to cry at around the age of 5 or to hide if I did. That instinct is still with me today. Crying is dangerous.

          1. kel says:

            K, I would never know that about you, you have certainly risen above a life like that!

        2. K says:

          To help you understand how dangerous it is, I will show this window into my world. It is for learning purposes and I don’t want you to think badly about me but it demonstrates the long term impact of NPD abuse on children.

          If I was with a friend, together on the streets and we were being bullied and she started to cry, I would turn to her and say very quietly: Don’t you dare fucking cry, if you don’t stop I will kick your fucking ass into next week.

          Her weakness is dangerous (to me) so my instinct is to bully her so she stops crying.

          That never goes away, ever.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I completely understand that. It is survival instinct trumping compassion.

          2. K says:

            Thank you NarcAngel. I knew you would understand.

          3. kel says:

            K, I understand, it’s like battlefield survival. You would actually be protecting her too by threatening her, helping her to get ahold of herself. Bravo to you, no matter what you’ve retained from that, for rising out of it, and becoming our amazingly helpful archivist we all love – including even the heart of our narc HG, no doubt!

          4. K says:

            Thank you for understanding kel
            Usually afterwards, I would tell the individual I was sorry and I would explain that I didn’t want our asses to get kicked and I would tell her not to cry in the future in those situations. It is self-defence/instinct.

          5. Twilight says:


            I understand.

            I have been in situations like that. Many would never understand your survival instinct kicks in, empathy can go out the window quickly.
            It does come back…..sometimes I wished it never did.

            Ah how I think your awesome.

          6. K says:

            Thank you Twilight
            You understand light and dark so I had a feeling you would get it. Empathy can disappear so fast that it will make your head spin but it always comes back and I understand why you wished it never did.

            You are pretty awesome yourself!

          7. Twilight says:

            Thank you K.

          8. K says:

            My pleasure Twilight.

      18. nunya biz says:

        WS, I’m working toward that. It is very smart bc I have been finding Ns get very bored with that very quickly, which is ideal. I used to not realize that seemingly small slip ups lead to large problems.

      19. Sun says:



        My offer was actually for the solitary tear, because it’s scarce.

      20. Sun says:


        Here is the poem,

        Share your opinion if you don’t mind. Please, don’t read it and hide!

        Solitary Tear

        Wee hour in La La land,

        My legs are covered with the holy sand,

        I shook off the sand as I stand,

        I felt the thirst in my throat,

        Without a lake of water, the hope will be lost,

        Water lake, lake of water, here is the resolution my lovely throat,

        I head toward the lake, unluckily it was a phantom of water

        No choice, no hope,

        I pursued the water phantom, for an a hour and a quarter,

        No choice, no hope,

        A loud laugh comes from behind,

        “Oh, that hope will never see the light!”

        “Your thirst will be quenched,”

        “If you drink the morning moist of the Land”

        I head for the exotic colorful leaf,

        To find the sacred moist, then finally leave,

        “Wrong place you head for, Eve”

        “Get that golden cup, if you are looking for a relief”

        The golden cup?

        “ Yes, the only cure and redemption,”

        “ Lies inside that sacred cup,”

        “ The lord of the land, blessed it with his only tear,”

        “ The scarce and solitary tear,”

        “Drink the tear and kick the fear,”

        Towards the cup I tread,

        “ Drink it, Eve, that tear is the holy tear,”

        “ The lord fills the cup with his solitary tear,”

        “ One time, every hundred year”

        – Sun

        1. MB says:

          HG, she wrote you a poem! What a special tribute Sun.

    2. Sun says:


      – Rely in God, the creator. Pray and tell God everything, you will feel better.

      – Never rely in people for anything. First, God. Then depend on yourself. After that, choose very carefully the people in your inner circle.

      – Never spend a long time alone while thinking that you are miserable. NEVER drown in your negative thinking. Try to replace it by a positive one.

      – Remember that there are people who are in your same situation or even worse. So, hold on and never give up.

      – If you have a hobby or something that you like to do. Do it and improve your skills.

      Trust me in this. There are a lot and a lot of things that we didn’t know in this life. We grew up following and doing what we were taught. Try to discover the world and if your current situation doesn’t help, use knowledge. Improve your knowledge. The more you read the more you find solutions to your problems and the more your way of thinking improve, so you will see the world from a better angle.

      It’s the new year, so try closing/ solving/deleting your past issues and start a new beginning.

      Hope your life will be peaceful as your name!

    3. nunya biz says:

      I send you a love prayer. It is real, I hope you feel it.

      Sun, that is beautiful.

  3. 69Revolver says:

    HG, Happy 2019 from across the pond. We still have 2.5 hrs to go.
    I’m thrilled to bid 2018 adieu. It was the last year I had contact with the narc & I’m ready for a new beginning. But I have to pause & be thankful for finding both my trauma recovery therapist and *you* in 2018. I still would be mentally bloody & battered without you both.

    I remember so well finding you on my first day escape. I was facing a 1700 mile drive home & somehow I found you in the midst of a near blizzard! I listened to your YouTube videos for three days straight (hungry for knowledge, no?). You bouyed me & gave me strength. I arrived home with a Stubbornness I’ve never known before. And yeah baby, I’ve been NC since 1/30/18!

    It’s odd not being able to thank someone in person whom I so appreciate. But you know I support you, I’ve referred many survivors to you, and for you I know that’s good enough.

    I look forward to more posts in the coming year but I especially look forward to anything you pen outside of Narcsite.com. I have a BA in English, I’m picky, and your writing grabs my attention.
    I recommend “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves,” by Truss. And wouldn’t you know, it’s, “A British best seller.” LOL! It’s one of my favorite primers of ALL times!

    Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.


  4. inspire2bu says:

    Happy New Year HG and to all your faithful followers!

    My NYR is sadly to divorce my narc. We have 3 children together and the trauma, chaos and anxiety that he has created in our home is nothing short of disgusting. I take responsibility for the fact that I’ve allowed it this long. I’m sad for they did not ask for a broken home/ family and are innocent in all of this. Thankful for HG’s insight amongst a few other sources that have enlightened me to exactly what I have been living with for 17 years. Now that I know I can never pretend! To growth through the challenges and new and healthy beginnings!

    1. Grace says:

      When the toxic smoke of a narc relationship finally clears, you can all breathe such better. Plus, everything looks and is so much more fresh and healthy. Hang in there! The best to you and yours on this journey.

  5. Abw Flying says:

    Mr Tudor and all lovely people here

    May you achieve each one of your resolutions.
    Have a wonderful New Year !

  6. Centauride says:

    Forget the Narc’s existence and do what makes me feel good. Happy 2019 HG xx

  7. Elise Marie says:

    2018 was the most bizarre, hardest year of my life, with the highpoint of a 12-month golden phase happening Jan.- March, folliowed by a brutal gaslighting and devalue period from April till a massive gaslighting atrack and smear threat after I confronted the lies. I did not know what sociopaths were before. H.G., your posts have given me the insight and information I need to understand this all and to start to make up for all the wasted time and lost goals and psychological spinning and emotional torment I experienced for the last 20 months and in relationships before this one. My goal for 2019 is to devest myself of all remnants of doormatting, personal and professional, to keep educating myself and reading this blog to stay on track and far away from past and future narcs, and to create an art work on this experience.

    1. Bubbles🍾 says:

      Dear Elise Marie,
      Welcome to the School of Narcissism …. Professor Tudor is your Principal…..he is strict as you have much to learn
      Stay focused, listen, interact, read all your curricular books and material, remain after class if need be, hands on and practical work are essential, private consultation and narc detector kits are available upon request
      If determination is your strong point you will become an grade A student
      Best wishes for class of 2019
      Old scholars are here for assistance and guidance
      We hope you enjoy your stay and Professor Tudor is very much an art enthusiast, collector, investor and critic
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  8. .💜. says:

    Happy New Year to you, HG and everyone reading the blog!!
    My resolution will be to read as many of your books as I can, as to learn more on how to best handle the situations that may arise in my future.
    Thank you HG, for all the wisdom you have bestowed upon us within your writings! Happiest of 2019📣🎊 and a FUEL⛽🔥 filled year to you!😊

  9. Persephone says:

    I don’t do resolutions, but I try to autopilot good habits, and it;s a good time to reassess. I voted spread the gospel, cause nobody does it better than HG!
    I will be rereading Purge, though, with an leaning to ‘why am I doing this action? Habit? Helpful? Hindrance?
    What is in my home that does not reflect me, or what triggers or reminds me of my dickweed, even in the least.
    Sometimes things have to go, even useful ones. Others, I feel real ownership of, so they do not disrupt my zone.
    I’ve even changed whatever utility companies I’ve been able to change.

    May y’all achieve your best, and give yourselves the best part of you, so that you may live your best and give your best, to those who deserve you!


    1. NarcAngel says:

      Nothing like a good purge and new paint over old memories. Enjoy.

  10. sinclairburke says:

    Take care of me

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Welcome. Is that a request or a resolution?

      1. Caroline R says:

        Ha ha!
        Either way, step one is give that woman some chocolate and a glass of wine.

        Good plan!
        We’ll all do that too.

  11. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor …….and ….lovelies,
    I wholeheartedly wish you all your discovery of self worth and knowledge empowerment
    Priority of self love is essential and mandatory ….. taking that first step is the beginning of your journey
    Time heals and anything worthwhile, takes time
    Value yourself before others and others will respect you
    Your beautiful hearts will never change but holding your heads higher and walking tall will
    Only you, allow how others treat you
    We are Queens here and we only bow to one King and ruler .. Mr Tudor
    He is your path to freedom

    “Happy New Year” and 2019 lovely ones …and may your self awareness venture be healthy, safe, empowering and rewarding
    Thank you Mr Tudor 🖤
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘 🍾 🎉

    1. DoForLuv says:


  12. 1jaded1 says:

    Reinforce my fortress. Happy 2019, HG.

  13. Laurel says:

    Happy New Year HG!!!
    Happy New Year to all the readers!!!

    I chose read more articles by HG about how narcissists work as my NY resolution.

    My achievement for 2018 was shutting down email accounts – even getting a new provider. deleting social media platforms and getting a new phone number. Actually I even bought a new phone! Lol because it was not full of texts and memories. No photos and no phone calls took place on it. It was a reward for being stronger.

    I love reading HG’s books and articles because I find the stripped down truth empowering. I realised I wasn’t insane and a worthless dog. Which was how I felt at my worst.

    Once, I couldn’t eat, taking a shower was like climbing MT Everest and sleep was broken. My tummy was always full of butterflies and I was checking my phone constantly. I stopped socialising and would lie on my bed for hours. Depression grew. The sense of feeling unlovable and worthless nearly swallowed me up.

    I broke no contact about 7 times. I didn’t know about narcissism at these points, but I dis know about no contact as there are countless articles online about this.

    I read about hot and cold behaviours, ghosting and thought he was just emotionally unavailable. Being a people pleaser (I do not like this about myself at all and I’ve worked hard on resetting my mindset on it) I wanted to please him and when no contact broke – the transactions were love highs followed by lower lows. It just got worse. When I discovered the cycle of narcissistic abuse, I cried. It felt like relief.

    When I came here, I felt safe. I read daily, and i find solace too in the reader comments. Full of kindness and support for each other.

    We need to be kind to ourselves always. Self love is so important. I realise that now. And learning about the stages we go through with a narc – that was when the penny dropped for me.

    I have had to put the most work into breaking the trauma bond that developed between me and the narc. When I understood that element, it frightened me, but also I knew over time I’d soften that obsessive part of me. That I would lessen my addiction.

    I still think about him daily. That’s really hard for me to admit because it makes me feel pathetic and weak.
    I didn’t choose ‘eat chocolate and watch box sets’ because one of the things I implemented when I thought of him was to do lunges, squats or crunches,
    Lol it does distract and it’s quite effective at refocusing oneself. A better booty powered by HG Tudor hehe

    If I keep reading, I’ll stay up. It gives me peace and I am learning to let go. Along with reading for 2019 I want to start horse riding again.its been years. And I think it would add to my happiness and mental well-being.

    So happiness and health you all. It’s already here in Australia- the new year! I wish love and peace for you. Thank you HG for your words. We are blessed to read them. xxx

  14. Star says:

    I voted spread the gospel of HG. But will continue to do the right things regarding my ex Narc or any Narc. Which seems to have become easier to do and dosent seem to effect me emotionally as much as it once did. I realize I’m not in a place where I want to date right now but I suppose life can surprise u, so I remain open to possibilities. My huge resolution this year is to sell my big house and buy something smaller, maybe a two bedroom condo. Also to not put in the crazy overtime hours, spend more time with family and friends, take my 13 year old on some really amazing little vacations. Life is short.The little things are precious and need to be enjoyed. Happy New Year everyone. I truly hope that this is everyone’s year to defeat the Narcs in their lives..except HG of course.

  15. Jaya says:

    Happy New Year all. This year my aim is to read the rest of HGs books and continue spreading the word. I now recognise the obvious narcs in my life, I need to educate myself further to identify others as they cross my path – before they can do any damage. Learn to identify and avoid them. If I must interact (work etc) how to deal with them.
    I’m reading the blog back from the beginning, there are some empaths here who fascinate me. I can learn so much from them, their stories are heartbreaking yet watching the growth and healing as their understanding grows, and the support from each other is extremely heartwarming and encouraging.
    Discovering HG and learning about narcissism saved my life. I thought I was losing my mind after many years with a narc. I have insight and understanding, and have been able to cut all ties with ex narc and MOVE ON which I was unable to do for so long. Astounding and life changing. Thank you HG! And also to your harem, some of the ladies here make my jaw drop. Nikita! You are so gentle and kind and encouraging always, and so playful. How does someone get to be like that? You’re incredible. Freedom, wow what a transformation. From wounded and hurting to joking and helping others – your banter with HG makes me chortle and snigger often. Kat, I have so many questions! You’re amazing and seem to be such a contradiction. A kind narc who helps others and loves her husband. How can this be? You’re always generous and encouraging. I hope you’re still happily married. I shall keep reading the old blogs and hope to see most from your early blog days are still here – Windstorm, Twilight. Alexis et al. There’s so much reading to do. An entire new world has opened up.
    I’m one of those who attacked HG when I discovered this site. A thousand apologies HG I’m ashamed of that. I hit out and ran away but had to come creeping back to find out more. I’ve been lurking in the background soaking it all in for almost about a year now: I’ve been able to break all ties with ex narc and continue with my life, something I have not been able to do for 13years. Understanding about narcissism (and how much more I need to learn) really took the stuffing out of me. So much of it around, so many hurting. I became really despondent and disillusioned with life. Why bother if it’s full of such pain and suffering everywhere I look? I could only see the ugly stuff. Reading the comments, following the healing journeys and the support and encouragement shown for each other here has renewed my faith in human kind. It is a journey worth continuing and I too can do it. I will continue to read and learn, assisting anyone I can on the way and the best way to do that is by directing them here.
    This year I want to read the rest of the “back blog”, the rest of HGs books and to spread the word.
    Peace and joy all 💜

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You gain far more by recognising your (understandable) reaction to my work as one which needs to be overcome and once you do so, you will find (as you have done) the best material you can ever find for helping you. As I have written before, the most effective medicine often taste foul but damn does it work.

    2. K says:

      The archives are wonderful.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Everyone should avail themselves of the information in the archives. The evolution of the blog is amazing to watch unfold.

      2. Renarde says:

        And K is wonderful too!

        K, you’re rapid posting of links saves a lot of people a lot of hassle.

        Best wishes to you for this coming year. X

        1. K says:

          Thank you Renarde!
          The Tudor Library is vast so I am more than happy to facilitate navigation for my fellow readers.

          And Best Wishes to you, Renarde. XO

    3. Twilight says:


      I was thrilled to read you continued to read and have found the wisdom in HGs work.
      When you can not resolve the anger you feel towards the one that hurt you, sadly others may feel the sting of it.
      Keep reading and please continue to comment and share what your comfortable sharing.
      I wish you a year of growth and wisdom to carry you in your journey.

    4. WhoCares says:


      I read for a long time before interacting on the blog – but you captured, in your description of how the commentators here affected you, similar dynamics to what drew me in to the discussion – interesting personalities, fascinating personal stories and intelligent, entertaining conversation.

      Happy reading!

  16. Nuit Étoilée says:

    Happy New Year to everyone!!

    Dearest Hg,

    I will re-read your works.. as apparently I can improve my understanding.. and continue to spread the word about you – many friends have become Narc-aware as a result.

    But I will also be eating lots of chocolate as I’ve recently been told it may boost one’s sex drive. What do you think?
    Will you be eating chocolate?

    In addition to publishing more (yay!) What are your other resolutions?

    Wishing you a very special new year.

    1. WhoCares says:

      Happy New Year Nuit Étoilée!

      1. Nuit Etoilee says:

        Happy New Year, WhoCares! Sending warm wishes for many new wonderful things!

  17. Anm says:

    Happy New Year Everyone!! Xoxo

  18. DoForLuv says:

    I like all of them HA ! .
    I’ll read more off your work in 2019 📚
    HNY to you all 🌟
    We will be alright 🙏🏼

  19. nunya biz says:

    Ah, my top 4 are the same as voted!

  20. DebbieWolf says:


    To get on with life: more narc aware…

    To live ‘in the now’ and practice mindfulness to achieve it more effectively… This is paramount.

    Always to spread HGs message wherever needed… That’s a given..

    Definitely eat chocolate and watch box sets… Absolutely.!!!
    “Getttt innn!”

    Yet also keep fit and healthy finding a good balance. Getting the balance right is always my aim.

    To keep growing and learning and then spreading that information in whatever field.

    Not to be hard on myself and recognise and accept what is achievable and what is not.

    Act accordingly and make the decision to be happy.. recognising that happiness is definitely a choice once a person has removed any overly negative influences as far as possible to do.

    Happy New Year HG. Xx

    And some lines from my favourite Christmas song for you all

    “….I wish you a brave New Year.
    All anguish pain and sadness
    Leave your heart and let your road be clear…” ❤️

    Happy Brave New Year! Xx
    We got this!!💪



  21. Anm says:

    New years resolution is to build a few side businesses, make more money than I did last year, vacation narc free with my children, and develop relationships

  22. tracy says:

    To Dump My NARC BF!!!! Did It Today!! Gotta Love Myself Enough Not To Let Him Abuse My Anymore!!! He Is A Mid-Ranger…UGH!!! BYE BYE ASSHOLE

  23. WhoCares says:

    I really *want* to check eat chocolate and watch box sets, lol.

    Actually, next year, I just want to get on with my life, despite my narcs, and continue to reduce stress.

    There are 3 kinds of stress:

    1. Necessary stress (normal life stressors)
    2. Stress that you bring on yourself.
    3. Narc stress.

    In 2019, I’m done with ‘narc stress.’

  24. Supernova DE says:

    Continue learning and maintain defenses. 9 weeks NC and I’m doing very well.

    1. Caroline R says:

      Supernova DE
      Well done!

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Supernova DE
      Good to hear. Keep that resolve and continue to use the resources here and you will succeed.

  25. HappyTimesAhead says:

    Hmmph!! Now I want chocolate too!
    Happy New Year everyone, be safe and happy.
    All the best, HG, you deserve it.

  26. wounded says:

    I’ve kicked two narcs out of my life so, keep my defences up, keep checking in on HG and spreading the knowledge and kicking my feet up with ice cream and Netflix marathons.


    Best of luck in 2019!

  27. NarcAngel says:


    I thought HG would never quit working and leave for the party. I’m going to replace his Clinique for Men with Cooking oil and his Creed with the oil from the tip of a skunk’s penis (don’t ask me how I got it). Then I’m going to mis-match all of his TM Lewin socks, replace his Listerine with cleaning vinegar, cut the cord off of all his appliances, and burn my naughty stool. Who’s in?

    I hope he has a wonderful night tripping the light fantastic. He’s going to need it.

    In all seriousness HG I wish you a prosperous New Year, but more than that, I wish for you some balance in your life to enjoy things such as your love of writing, rather than just the necessity of it. I trust you know what I mean.

    1. MB says:

      NA, a skunk’s penis?!? Yikes! I’m out sis. I do my best to stay on his good side!

      1. NarcAngel says:


        He’ll get the positive tonight so I’m volunteering for negative fuel tomorrow lol.

    2. MB says:

      My N said he’d love to take me dancing tonight. Easy to say when he’s 800 mi away! No tripping the light fantastic for me.

    3. Fool me 1 Time says:

      NA, You are absolutely the greatest!! Have a wonderful New Year!! 🥳😘

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Thank you, and you as well.

    4. Twilight says:

      Narc Angel

      Your last paragraph says it all!!! Your wish HG finds his balance.

    5. Anm says:

      LoL, NA. Happy New Year

    6. K says:

      Ha ha ha…I am in!

    7. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Ha ha ha, you are a naughty elf, NA!

  28. WW says:

    HG I have grown a sense of humour from the desensitization acquired through reading your books and incessantly checking for new blog entries. In most if not all of my interactions with my elite greater narc that triggered me I can see where just a little more humour (taking things with a grain of salt) would have made this entire thing far more enjoyable for me (maybe not for him). I wish he could control his fury and channel his boredom/contempt/envy, focus it where it will bring large-spread advancement and new insight in fields of biology (which he studied) and information technology (teaching a machine ethics and empathy for example). He has an edge given the lack of empathy to prod others to do their best work, to do what needs to be done. I am no exception. He has high standards when it comes to work and financial success. Relationships he knows will inevitably lead to disappointment. He carries deep shame and my error was to judge him (empaths try to “fix” people, how judgemental is that, really). My New Year’s Resolution is to experience the very things I sought to make him experience last year: reverence and gratitude. Thank you, fascinating things that you are, I know more about myself and humanity today than I ever did before and yes – I’m in awe, but I’m still going to RUN.

  29. Chihuahuamum says:

    I chose read more of HGs articles which ive gotten away from the narcissism reading/watching for awhile i guess i needed a break but its important to keep educating myself in this area. Another thing is to reread what ive read. Each time you read it really solidifies that knowledge in your mind.
    I was going to chose end the romantic relationship but in a lot of ways it has been unraveling slowly. I came down from the clouds a long time ago and the fogs lifted so its not what it once was but im still not ready to fully commit to that yet bc to do so would probably mean the end of the relationship which im not ready for.
    Aside from narcissism i have some i wont say new years resolutions but moreso goals. Ive found within the last few months my passion in life which consumes me! Im very excited about it! Ive created a side business doing something i absolutely love!! I wake up early bc i cant sleep thats how much i love it and im making money at it which seems too good to be true!! This has breathed new life into me and made me much happier. Its made me focus on me again and not so much negativity and the narcs in my life.
    Over the past year ive witnessed two dear friends i met die very young of cancer and ive learned so much from them! I want to live life. Life is precious and you decide what you get from it. You. Not anyone else. You decide if you are happy or you wallow in sadness and pain. You can dig your way out of the hurts of the past and having a shitty parent and be the person you wished they couldve been for you growing up. Ive also learned that you can zoom in on life or you can look at the bigger picture and see it for what it is and thats a learning journey. We werent put here to have perfect lives we were put here to learn lessons and to help others. Thats the purpose of life. Narcissists miss out on this bc they zoom in on themselves and never see that bigger life picture.
    My other goal is to take what ive learned about health and use that to help others in my life and that i come across to help break the lies out there that have kept people sick and trapped in disease. I want to pass on what ive learned to anyone that wants to change their health and feel better physically and emotionally.
    Next is i want to reinvest in my marriage and family. Over the last 9 yrs ive been focused in areas that have taken away from the people i need to place my time and committment on. I want to be a better mother and wife.
    Those are my goals for 2019 and im very excited to work on them and have already started!
    Id like to wish you HG all the best in 2019. I know you arent spiritual but i pray daily you are able to heal from narcissism like the rest of us and find true happiness not fuel. I will continue to bring up your works to others and be here on the blog and read your works! Ty for all youve done youve changed so many lives and made a huge impact in helping people escape from narc abuse.
    Happy new year to everyone here! I value what everyone shares and hope 2019 is the best year for each and everyone! Xoxo

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Your New Year goals sound wonderful and I am happy for you that you have found something you are passionate about. I wish you every success.

  30. mommypino says:

    Stay away from all narcissists and focus on my defences. Stop being such a doormat. Seize the power and recognize the queen inside of me. Spread goodness everywhere. Focus on improving myself and live a happy and fulfilled life. Happy New Year to all of us here!! 🎉

  31. K says:

    1. Read HG’s works AND write 5-star reviews.
    2. Maybe commence dating.
    3. Stay away from all narcs and focus on defences.
    4. Spread the gospel of HG Tudor.
    5. Eat mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch the Harry Potter movies.

    Happy New Year to everyone on narcsite!

    1. mommypino says:

      Happy New Year K! 🎉💕

    2. E. B. says:

      Thank you, K. Happy New Year to you too! 🙂

    3. MB says:

      K, mint chocolate chip! My favorite too. Breyers

      1. K says:

        Haagen-Dazs is my favorite ice cream and I love all the flavors.

        1. MB says:

          K, with the “Haagen-Dazs“. You can’t hide $ girl!

    4. WhoCares says:


      #5 sounds fabulous! Can I join you??

      Have a Happy New Year!

      1. K says:

        Yes, you most certainly can join me! Happy New Year to you too!

        1. WhoCares says:

          Aww, thanks K!

          I ended up eating homemade Hawaiian pizza and watching Back to the Future III – by the light of an ice candle…oh, and while also watching the blizzard outside the window bringing the new year in!

          1. windstorm says:

            What’s an ice candle?

          2. WhoCares says:

            Oh Windstorm, they are lovely things…if you like coloured lights and candles – you’d love them…well, maybe you’ve seen them before online? Just molded shapes of ice that you put a candle inside but you can buy shaped molds for them like stars etc…I have made them from plastic containers in the past. But this year my son and I used a star shaped mold and food colouring to make coloured ones, in addition to clear ones and some with pine boughs and frozen cranberries (they look super lovely with real holly leaves and berries – if you can find holly plants and want to sacrifice one for decoration). They make beautiful table accents at a dinner party or classy wine chillers if you make a tall one…

            This year it’s been cold enough, long enough, that ours have lasted outside for weeks. I brought one inside last night to burn and melt while waiting for midnight to arrive. ..almost timed it perfectly to melt down completely as the new year arrived!

          3. windstorm says:

            Thank you very much for explaining your ice lights. No, never heard of anything like it. It’s not cold enough for them here. Most days get well above freezing.

            Do you just set them outside on tables? No one would really be outside here when it’s below freezing. You’d have to make them in a freezer and have them quickly melt. They sound quite magical. I do really love candles and have 3 holly trees in my yard. May try to make one for my outside altar if it gets cold enough for it to last a few days.

          4. WhoCares says:


            I set them on the veranda…they were sitting on a half wall and had froze solid…I had to hip check one (and quickly catch it!) to dislodge it, lol, in order to bring it inside. You can certainly store them in the freezer – this is the first year I’ve stored them outside actually. They even survive a rain fall one day – but mostly because there was a flash freeze following the rain that same evening.

            You can bring a large one inside (or out of the freezer) with a flat or shallow glass bowl (periodically removing melted water) and it will last 3-4 hours with a tea light or votive inside. Longer if you use a battery operated LED light.

            Great project to do with kids – they love adding the food colouring and then the de-molding (un-molding?) later…also if you make a deep one it’s a safe way to have real candles around cats or little ones…my son kept putting his hands on the ice wall to feel the cold but it takes extra effort to get to the flame inside.

            I still have the last bit of our melted one in the freezer; it looks like a delicate, lacework ice crown!

            I SO envy that you have holly trees Windstorm…

          5. windstorm says:

            I’d have gladly given you these holly trees when I first moved here. They were ugly shrubs that pricked me whenever I was near them and never had berries! Now they’re 30 foot trees with berries every winter that block the view of the trailer across the street (I live in a vacation area and most people are weekenders). They are a haven for birds and many nest in them, great windbreaks, and keep my garden feeling alive all year long. You should plant a couple. Be sure you get a male and female if you want berries.

          6. WhoCares says:

            Windstorm – 30 foot holly trees!!! Holy…I didn’t even know they got that big…sounds so exotic…I thought that they only grew as bushes or low shrubs. My aunt used to have a small holly plant in her garden (she was the first one in our family to make ice candles but she is gone now so I like to carry on the tradition – it makes me feel close to her). But she was further south than where I live – I don’t think the climate or growing season would support it where I am – plus I would need a yard, lol.

            It makes me happy just picturing you looking out your window at your holly trees…

          7. windstorm says:

            I have a little male I keep pruned to about 4-5 feet. I had to fight the Pretzel big time when we first bought this place. He wanted to keep all 4 pruned round like shrubs, but I’d seen how pretty big ones could be. I had such a fit when he pruned one of the female trees, he washed his hands of the whole business (aside from grumbling for years about how they needed pruning).

            Now he’s proud of how beautiful they are and just looked at me like I was crazy when I mentioned how he used to want to keep them pruned back. I truly think he’s wiped all that from his memory! 😄

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Now should I allow this episode of Gardener’s Question Time or nip it the bud (did you see what I did there!)?

          9. MB says:

            You’re so clever HG!

          10. HG Tudor says:


          11. MB says:

            I need to start taking compliments like you do, HG. I get all embarrassed and humble.

            Just today, somebody told me how thoughtful I am. Instead of saying what I did, “Oh, it was nothing.” I should have said, “You better believe I am! I look after you guys better than I do myself!”

          12. Leanne says:

            (And humble…) *koff*

          13. HG Tudor says:

            No, I am not humble, humility does not sit well with me.

          14. Leanne says:

            I’m curious HG … if you possess no humility, then how would you categorize it?

          15. HG Tudor says:

            It is still humility, but I do not have it.

          16. MB says:

            Humility and narcissism are mutually exclusive, yes HG?

          17. HG Tudor says:

            There can be fake humility – the old humblebrag I believe it is known as.

          18. NarcAngel says:

            Haha. I sensed your trigger finger getting itchy on that gallon of herbicide.

          19. windstorm says:

            Ha, ha, HG! Yes “Nip it, nip it in the bud!” That’s a famous line from Barney Fife in a tv program called “Mayberry”. He was my mother’s favorite character on that show.

          20. MB says:

            Barney is a hoot Windstorm. He and his one bullet in his pocket! Mt. Airy which is the town that the fictional Mayberry was based on is only about an hour from me.

          21. NarcAngel says:

            Well that town better have a narcissist in it. I’m laughing at the fact that you just switched from candles to gardening and now to tv shows.

            Focus students!!!

          22. MB says:

            NA, 1. EVERY town has a narcissist in it! 2. I didn’t participate in the holly and gardening talk as I am grossly unqualified. 3. I haven’t forgotten about the lame unicorn and glitter allergy comments! (I’m still a bit salty.) God, I hope I’m not “that girl” at work!

          23. WhoCares says:


            I’m not sure I should ask, but now I’m actually curious about the “lame unicorn and glitter allergy comments”…was that recent?

          24. MB says:

            Haha WC! It was this morning. I’m getting ready to reply to NA now.

          25. K says:

            this might be the comment.

            NOVEMBER 20, 2018 AT 16:28
            WS, I was a unicorn of course. I had white wings and was corrected that Pegasus had wings, not unicorns. I don’t care. I love those wings. I will wear them as often as possible. And glitter is life! My unicorn tail accidentally dipped in the toilet and made its way to the trash fairly early Halloween morning. We all had the best time laughing about the demise of my tail!

            For more on the glitter and unicorns use Control/Command (mac) F Keyword: glitter


          26. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you K! I’m not sure it is the particular one in reference but that’s the unicorn one that I think of in association with MB – it is both sweet and humorous…

          27. MB says:

            Oh my goodness K! My crazy is now archived! Me and my glitter are in the card catalog at HGU.

          28. K says:

            Ha ha ha…all of our crazy is card catalogued forever in the HGU library.

          29. WhoCares says:

            Hi K,

            Even though I think that NA and MB have come to an understanding on the glitter’n’unicorns subject. I just wanted to let you know – I think this was the comment in question:


            Also, just my take on the ‘issue’…I see nothing wrong with a little glitter* – just like a smattering of emojis isn’t going to kill anyone – and I’ve been known to rock my fairy wings from time to time – but I also know, as MB definitely is not – that I’m not *that* girl either…

            Oh, and NarcAngel – I’m glad to hear that you’ll refrain from further (intentional) disparaging comments on glitter’n’unicorns.

            But seriously, NA, I think you just haven’t embraced your ‘glittery’ side…besides have you considered all the wonders of glitter?! It’s not only for crafts and unicorn bling – ya know; hmmm, like, for example; dumping a tub of the finest silver glitter in a narc’s washing machine post-discard?

            Now there’s some everpresence.
            THAT shit never goes away.

            *unless you ask the environmentalists

          30. K says:

            Thank you WhoCares
            Ha ha ha…no it does not go away. When my daughter uses glitter it gets everywhere and the vacuum never gets it all.

          31. WhoCares says:


          32. NarcAngel says:

            No glitter here. A little lace but mostly leather.

            Little tip though: If you’re a DLS or IPSS and want to get him in trouble, do wear glitter. A little around his ears or back of the neck should do it. Its hard to get off and explain. It really is the gift that keeps on giving lol.

          33. WhoCares says:


            I like how you think.

          34. MB says:

            NA, I work with a guy that won’t get near it! He says glitter makes a man look guilty.

            Which reminds me, I hope PS doesn’t see all the glitter in the Bat Mobile! She’ll claw my eyes out for sure!

          35. Supernova DE says:

            My husband has a shirt that says, “Sawdust is Man Glitter”
            Sort of true….and I NEVER let my girls craft with glitter!!!!!!! They can do that BS at school or somebody else’s house!
            You. Can’t. Clean. Glitter!

          36. NarcAngel says:

            HG will have the glitter story covered, but Lessers will be all “what fuckin glitter?! Yer seein things! Bring me a beer” A Mid will be all ” It’s an allergic reaction. We had birthday cake at work today for Cindy. I notice you didnt get the cake I like for my birthday. No, you got what you like……”

          37. MB says:

            NA, I am dying 😂 I love how you made it a narcissism teaching moment and still got the glitter allergy in there too. I don’t know what I’d do without you ladies here at narcsite!

          38. Jenna says:


            LOL!! Love it!

          39. NarcAngel says:

            Took me a minute to recognize what happened, so I’m glad you brought it up. I was not thinking of you at all when I used the unicorn and glitter but I see now how that looked to you. I was using it (and have previously to be honest) broadly to describe those who ACT all goodness and light, or appear out of step with reality based on their actions or intention. That is not you. You are playful in your fantasies but I know (because you have demonstrated) that you have a firm grasp on reality. I have no doubt you are genuinely positive and you appear to be a person who would work with others and not try to bulldoze them for personal gain under the guise of being positive (for the boss’s notice only). I apologize. Its funny, when you first mentioned on here about liking glitter I laughed and groaned, but quickly identified you were not the personality I associated with that.
            I’m very sorry for inadvertantly hurting your feelings. It was not my intention and it had nothing to do with you or how I see you.

          40. MB says:

            NA, I was only kidding with you about being salty! You didn’t hurt my feelings at all! I’m a very good sport when it comes to my glitter and fairy hair. My husband calls it my ditzy dust! I get a kick out of that. I knew what you were saying and I also knew it had nothing to do with me. You do you, girl. No worries! (Btw, I don’t wear glitter everyday, only on special occasions, but I do always have my rose colored spectacles on.)

          41. NarcAngel says:

            Good. I felt bad that I may have hurt you and you were holding it in. Bibi’s post about the person at work reminded me of someone specific in my former workplace that I used to call Glitter and Glue because she was so fake and barely held together, and I got swept up in a memory. We would refer to her ventures as Project Unicorn. She had grandiose ideas, did not work well with others and blamed any failures on not being supported. I don’t think she was a narcissist though – just a dreamer . I was not referring to you at all. I will try in future not to disparage Unicorns and glitter but I can’t promise lol.

          42. WhoCares says:

            Hahaha – I was wondering when you were going to step in, HG!
            Thank-you for indulging convos like that…

          43. HG Tudor says:

            No problem.

          44. WhoCares says:

            Windstorm – of course he “forgot” about wanting to prune them…now that your treatment of them has allowed them to stand in their 25’plus glory!

          45. windstorm says:

            Sort of an “involuntary gaslighting”. I could feel his shock when I reminded him of all the arguments about pruning. I truly believe he had actually wiped it out of his mind. I’m sure it helped that all those arguments had been when he was still drinking. He has no memories of a lot of things he did then. I do think it was the alcoholism. As a general rule, he’s aware of all his manipulations.

          46. WhoCares says:

            Windstorm – “involuntary gaslighting” …that made me chuckle.


            Given that Greaters have a more extensive fuel matrix, is it more rare for them to suffer from alcoholism?

            Also, if they are ‘aware’ – are they also aware that alcohol can act as a fuel replacement? (Even if they do not conceptualize it as ‘fuel’.)

          47. HG Tudor says:

            Correct on both counts.

          48. WhoCares says:


            And see how I brought that back around to narcissism? 😉

          49. lisa says:

            HG, am i correct in understanding that this means alcohol acts as some kind of fuel for certain types of narcissists ? i’ve read your post on this subject but i didn’t get the fact that it acts as fuel to them ?

          50. HG Tudor says:


          51. Lou says:

            That was a question I had been meaning to ask HG and always forgot.
            Thanks WhoCares and HG.

          52. MB says:

            WC, great question! Lotsa good questions today on the blog.

          53. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you MB.

            And, yes, there’s been a lot of good discussion on the blog lately.
            (I can’t keep up! I don’t know how HG does…)

          54. windstorm says:

            Your surprise made me actually go out to make a more accurate measurement. They are definitely more than 3 times taller than my 6 foot stockade fence, but not as much as 30’. Probably more like 25. Two of them have broadened out to where they touch. Very beautiful when it snows and I can watch it against their thick green backdrop.
            Now, I’ll think of you whenever I look at them!

          55. WhoCares says:


          56. WhoCares says:

            There you go Windstorm – put a pic of one that we made as my profile image – if you ever attempt to make one; good luck getting frozen cranberries to sink!

          57. MB says:

            Beautiful WhoCares! I wondered what an ice candle was too.

          58. WhoCares says:

            Thank-you MB – I put tons of glitter in one of our candles too; thought of you when I did so!

    5. 69Revolver says:

      #5 Baby!!!!!!!

  32. Eva says:

    To treat Narcissists like they have treated me. To give them a taste of their own medicine. They have it coming.

  33. Fuel on the Shelf says:

    May I add a choice that is not there? Become a Narc myself? So that I do not have to feel the pain of missing Piano Boy and continue to crave every bit of him. Does electric shock therapy still exist? I will even consider hypnosis to UNhypnotize myself.

    Happy New Year to all…

    1. NarcAngel says:


      I wish for you a better year in 2019.

    2. 69Revolver says:

      Yes, Fuel, ECT does still exist; however, it won’t unhypnotize you from the narc. The only thing that does that is a VIGOROUS No Contact.

    3. 2SF says:

      Happy New Year Fots. I feel your pain. Giving you a big hug xoxo

    4. MB says:

      FOTS, you’re gonna have the bite the bullet and do the NC work I’m afraid. Otherwise, you’ll remain in a state of limbo for as long as you allow it. Get out there and find some genuine love. You have a lot of it to give.

      1. Sun says:

        Dear MB,

        Thank you for your kind response above ( about my poem) I keep trying to search for the reply button but it doesn’t show as am not signed up for the blog. Also, in case you are the one who liked my poem as well, thank you.

        This is a special poem for you, lovely girl.


        Whenever I go to narcsite,

        I smell a beautiful scent all around,

        Is this the smell of Jasmine?

        Blossom, musk or Vanilla bean,

        As I flip the posts,

        I found the source of the scent,

        It comes from a soft, kind, and a caring girl,

        Her words are mesmerizing, hypnotizing, simply it reflects flair

        Her presence gives us reassurance,

        Her name is a combination of an M & B

        M stands for Marvelous and B stands for Beautiful


        M stands for Magnificent and B stands for Bright

        Am sure that,

        M stands for Magnetic and B stands for the Best !

        Her presence gives us reassurance,

        I love that girl with all my heart,

        And to her I send this piece of art,

        May God bless her and protect her


        Her presence gives us reassurance and delight.



        1. MB says:

          Awww Sun! That is so precious. Nobody ever wrote me a poem before! I do wear several scents and vanilla is one of my favorites.

          I thought it was so special that you wrote a poem for HG about his single tear. I didn’t see where he replied to you and my heart sank. He has a lot of comments to moderate and may have missed it being in a hurry. I wanted to acknowledge your thoughtfulness and call his attention to it.

          Thank you for the sweet poem . ❤️

    5. Caroline R says:


      I wish for you much peace, love and fulfilment in 2019.
      New inspiration
      New creative energy
      New interests
      New goals achieved
      New happiness,
      and a deeper sense of your preciousness and value in the process.

      I want those things too.
      I’m starting with some double cream brie and a great dance playlist.

    6. wissh says:

      Yes, ECT does still exist, but I don’t think you want that. I truly believe blocking and No Contact is your key to freedom from Piano Boy, because all the learning about narcs, all the support, won’t help if you continue to engage and remain under his spell.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Correct. You can only control yourself, you cannot control us.

      2. Caroline R says:

        That’s great life advice.
        My grandmother taught me that as “Men 101: you accept him as he is and you adapt, or you leave him for another. They are your only choices”

        N-flavoured men are the same as Director-flavoured men (normal with mostly N-traits) in this regard, from my experience.

  34. mollyb5 says:

    Box ..television ? Sets …..series ? I’m guessing what that means .

    I want to pant more …and use my camera more often.

    1. E&L says:

      Slow as I am, I thought it meant exactly that…See’s Chocolates and “Dirty John” on Bravo, or “Escape from Dannemora” on Showtime. Wishing everyone contentment in 2019!!!

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Pant more. Awesome!!

    3. Grace says:

      Mollyb5, you want to pant more? And use your camera more often? For filming video? maybe some of those racy boxed sets will help.
      Ha ha. Your post made me chuckle. I assume your autocorrect changed paint to pant. Happy New Year to you and all of The Sisterhood and Brotherhood on this site.

      1. mollyb5 says:

        Yes paint more ..teehee

      2. Grace says:

        Oh, and Happy New Year to our big brother H. G. who looks out for us and keeps us on the right path.

  35. Peaceful says:

    HG, since you helped me attain narc freedom 19 months ago, I continue my successful NC regime. I share your materials everywhere it’s fitting and appropriate. Congratulations on
    your new book releasing in March! I’m positive it’ll help countless victims!
    Happy New Year to you! And may you enjoy continued success!
    – Peaceful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done and you are welcome.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      May you continue your success also in 2019. You chose a name to aspire to and have. Happy New Year.

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you Narc Angel! That’s very sweet of you to say. Recovery has been a rocky road of cptsd recovery and curing my codependency. Other than that, it’s super awesome to be in control of myself and not abused by anyone. HGs work was paramount in my education. I ❤️ Him 😌

        NA, You always have intuitive and thoughtful observations on commenters and I want to wish you the most wonderful 2019 🥂
        – Peaceful

    3. lisk says:

      Congratulations on 19 months of NC! 🥂 🎉

    4. DoForLuv says:

      Wow ! So strong ! . Amazing !!!. Great example

  36. J.G says:

    If I can, I want revenge jajajajajajaj. jajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajajaj.
    After 15 years with zero contact and knowing what I know, everything is totally different. If I can, I will light the fuse so that it explodes again and again. (Wish 2019 unlikely) I have to be realistic…
    This is a malicious thought, although I think just seeing me, rages, rants, and looks at me with a desire to kill me.

    By the way I’ve read almost all of your books on Amazon unlimited, please H.G. you should really ask them to translate your books into Spanish as they are little 3-4. I appeal from here. Spanish speakers are also a market, don’t you think?

      1. SuperXena says:

        I believe there are two more books translated into spanish:


        1. K says:

          Noted, thank you SX!

          1. SuperXena says:

            My pleasure K.

  37. lisa says:

    I chose 4 I don’t know if your allowed to do that !! Eating chocolate and watching box sets is my normal all year round , so no change there. Remaining narc free building my defences and knowledge and trying to date non narc men is kind of the path forward one step at a time. Still hoping for HG’s global fame to expose this knowledge to everyone and it become the norm that people recognise this disorder. All the best to everyone for 2019.
    PS. New and FINAL series of GOT in 2019 😬

    1. DebbieWolf says:



      Cant wait.
      Love love love it.
      Ahhhh and yum..
      “…you know nothing Jon Snow”

      1. nunya biz says:

        The arrows…one of the best TV moments ever. LOL for me, yes I did.

  38. Liane says:

    I am going to practise grey-rocking. An article with practical tips on that subject would be very useful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why grey rock and not complete no contact?

      1. Liane says:

        Unfortunately Circumstances won’t allow No Contact.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          What are those circumstances?

      2. Liane says:

        I live with my children in a house jointly owned by him and me. He has not stayed here for approx 2 years, so there is not a lot of contact but he pops in every now and then. I only have an average salary and can’t afford private renting or buying a new place, even shared ownership will be difficult. Also my current job is not secure, I may be out of work in the next few months.

  39. MB says:

    Hear! Hear! Cheers to The Tude and all The Tudorites!

    1. mommypino says:

      Happy New Year MB! 🎉💕

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      I like “Tudorites”!

      1. MB says:

        Welcome to the horde SP!

      2. Laurel says:

        I love this!!! The Tude … and the Tudorites!!!

  40. lisa says:

    Happy New Year HG and to all the readers on this blog 😘

  41. Abw Flying says:

    My NY resolutions are all about me:

    1. To love myself like Kanye loves himself.
    2. To work on my self esteem, but I don’t think I can do it.
    3. To become more assertive.. if that’s ok with you guys.

    But being serious…. MAYBE commence dating…?

    I’m happy being single , i value my independence a lot and I don’t need a man in my house .I like my bed just for myself and I don’t like meeting new people ( even when I buy cinema tickets I’m making sure no stranger will seat next to me ) .. but there are things I started missing…
    I don’t want a serious relationship but on the other hand I don’t think I can be intimate with someone without getting emotionally involved ( well , it took me two years to recover from the last time i thought that I can ) ..plus there is only one type of man I am attracted to… unfortunately.
    And most importantly what if someone hurts me so badly that I will not survive or recover this time… ? I have to think about my children and so I am not willing to take a risk right now , I’m too scared .. but who knows.

    1. Peaceful says:

      As a narcissist, Kanye does not love himself. It’s a facade. You will foster genuine love for yourself 💕

    2. Mercy says:

      Abw, you made me laugh. “I’m happy being single , i value my independence a lot and I don’t need a man in my house .I like my bed just for myself and I don’t like meeting new people ( even when I buy cinema tickets I’m making sure no stranger will seat next to me ) .. but there are things I started missing…”

      I could have written this except I’d end it with I miss a man to take the trash out and shovel .I hate shoveling!

    3. 2SF says:


      “plus there is only one type of man I am attracted to… unfortunately.”

      same here. I would love to have a man to love and to hold and to touch, but I know for sure that I’d fall in love with a narc again and I couldn’t be intimate with someone either just for sex.
      Too scared, just like you and I can’t think of a way to solve this ‘problem’.

  42. Sweetest Perfection says:

    2018 has been a shitty year for me, crowned by the realization that vampires exist and I happened to get involved with one. So, welcome 2019, I’m ready!!! I wish everyone a great year ahead, with no narcs but our one and only “Personal Jesus” 😉

    1. 2SF says:

      Wishing you a very happy 2019 as well SP!

  43. J.G says:

    Hello H.G. Tudor…
    In his books you mention that you have a low range of feelings, mainly the negative ones, but that you don’t feel love, happiness, contain, joy etc.
    And I ask myself: for the love to the fathers and mothers? you feel that Love towards them.
    When a loved one dies, do you feel something? Pain
    Or on the contrary, you take this mournful fact to be the center again.
    As the saying goes, you want to be the child at the baptism, the bride at the wedding and the dead at the funeral.

    I say this because this was the excuse he gave me for my final discard.
    The mother of my narcissist sick with rampant cancer, and I asked her to visit her mother in life, but she prevented me, saying that she was sick and did not want to see anyone.
    After her death, she prevented me from going to the cemetery telling me that I was nobody, that I didn’t paint anything there, that it would be an intimate ceremony, that only her children and closest relatives would attend.

    After the event, he triangulated me saying that a friend attended the funeral, this drove me crazy and hurt me. now I see his triangulation… and I doubt that this friend attended.
    Three months after that, over a cup of coffee, he told me that the relationship was over because he didn’t go to the cemetery at his mother’s funeral. Here I see the gaslighting. This was the end… A crazy ending.
    After that 15 years of zero contact….

    Today I see on some occasions and looks at me with a face of malice, as if it could kill me. jajajajajaj.
    I think his reaction is because he felt criticized, despite being morning, afternoon and early morning looking after his mother’s death.

    What do you think, because you are so changeable. You say one thing first and then you change your mind so quickly… You are a bit of a weathercock or it’s just as I think, again manipulations, to drive us crazy…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We do and say whatever is necessary to maintain control and gain what we need and thus we change moment by moment.

  44. lisk says:

    I resolve to commence dating while being Narc-Aware.

    I think filtering out narcs will be easy, thanks to HG!

    But will there be anyone left to date?!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There are 7 billion people on the planet and so that includes a lot of normal people, empathic people and empaths. Fill your boots!

      1. lisk says:


      2. MB says:

        Is “Fill your boots” the same as “knock yourself out” ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is.

      3. DoForLuv says:

        Thats so true HG !

      4. DebbieWolf says:


        “There are 7 billion people on the planet and so that includes a lot of normal people, empathic people and empaths. Fill your boots!”

        Well well well…
        If that isn’t a message of hope I don’t know what is.

        I really like what you say here.
        Do you know how much that means to a lot of us?
        (Yes…You do)

        Epic post and it means the world or that you genuinly offer it up.
        Thank you for it.
        It means a lot to hear you say this.

        Thank you.

      5. nunya biz says:

        2nd, DW.

  45. Twilight says:

    I only vote of spreading your works.

    I will admit I read one option wrong….Instead of end a relationship with it was start a relationship….in reality thou HG you have made it impossible for another to be able to wiggle their way into my heart, I only have room for one and YOU occupy that spot. The start of a relationship between Empath and ONE narcissist (YOU) can happen here at Narcsite. Where we are invited to learn the whys and be shown the way out of the confusion and chaos, and never experience manipulation only accurate truth.

  46. Christopher Jackson says:

    Find a better career that pays more. What about you hg???…I wonder what it could be…. ahhh I know what it is I will take a wild guess… to find more FUEL….yes? Lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s a given CJ. One of mine is to publish more books.

      1. MB says:

        Yassssss! More books please!

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Then my resolution is to read the new books you publish this year. I didn’t think I had one but now I do.

        1. E. B. says:

          Same here. I did not have any until I saw reading his new books and spreading the word. Happy New Year!

      3. Sarah says:

        Great news for the empathic cavalry! We are saddled up and ready to read.
        I would love to read a book with a specific focus on the narcissistic psychopath HG. I will of course also be grateful to read anything and everything you write.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you, there is plenty of me to come, you will not be disappointed.

          1. DebbieWolf says:



            “Thank you, there is plenty of me to come, you will not be disappointed.”


            Lovin’ that fact.

  47. Jess says:

    Spread the gospel, read the works, date with awareness while maintaining defenses over the known narcs and naturally…box sets. 50 days No Contact and I’ve rewatched Game of Thrones and Grey’s Anatomy for the shameteenth time.

    There is great peace in No Contact but when away you realize the extent of your suffering and how you’ve neglected yourself. It’s painful emotional thinking. Take a lesson from the narcissists, let logic be heard and enjoy your life more. Good luck in maintaining your defenses this year empaths. I still shudder to think where I would be without this blog. Thank you.

    Happy New Year!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Great post and resolve. Best to you in 2019 and forward.

      1. Star says:

        Happy New year to you NarcAngel!

      2. Jess says:

        Thank you. <3

    2. lisk says:


      Looks like we started NC around the same time (Day 54 for me). I also shudder to think where I would be without this blog and without fellow commenters who “get it.”

      HG is a godsend! Wait…could HG have really sent himself?!

      Anyway, Happy Logical New Year!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Ha ha very good.

      2. Jess says:

        Hahaha!! Good one. Thank you.

  48. MB says:

    It looks like our fearless leader will be pleased with the results of this poll! I will continue my crusade of emailing editors, webmasters, reporters, et al to bring awareness to the work of HG.

  49. kel says:

    Growing up, no matter what school, teacher, or state I lived in, I was always told by all of them I had the potential to be a creative writer. My mom kind of blew that candle out with her version of life and reality. Posting on this blog has been personal therapy for me. It also reminds me how much I enjoy writing, how a thought will come to mind and I grab my phone to post a comment- I wrote the one months ago about how narc’s were like cats (even I don’t recall it so well) in the parking lot of a grocery store because it popped in my head on my drive there. I enjoy it. I’m going to write fiction and submit it to a publisher.

    I’m not worried anymore what other people think or about pleasing them. I’m healthier that way and thinking less emotionally. I’m also going to be more social, take up some causes too, and I want to fall in love with a nice, normal man.

    1. mommypino says:

      Happy New Year Kel! 🎉💕

      1. kel says:

        Happy New Year Mommypino!! 🥂❤️

    2. nunya biz says:

      Yes kel, I find writing therapeutic! A fictional piece is my mountain. I love typing on my phone in parking lots.
      Nice, normal man!
      Less ET!

      All great plans and you are skilled : D
      Happy 2019!

      1. kel says:

        Nunya Biz, you’re wonderful and I love your spirit!! Thanks for the vote of confidence too! Good to know I’m not the only one typing away in a parking lot! Lol.

        Very Happy 2019! 🥂

  50. windstorm says:

    At this point in my life narcissists are not a problem. I am at peace with the remaining ones in my life. Eating chocolate and watching box sets in the peace and tranquillity of my home sounds mighty good.

    1. windstorm says:

      Happy New Year to everyone! May 2019 be a great year for us all!

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Happy New Year!

      2. E. B. says:

        Happy New Year, WS!

        1. windstorm says:

          Happy New Year, E.B.! 🎉

      3. foolme1time says:

        Happy New Year Windstorm and everyone on the blog! 🥂🍾 Cheers!

        1. windstorm says:

          Happy New Year Foolmeonetime! 🎉

      4. WhoCares says:

        Happy New Year Windstorm!

        1. windstorm says:

          Happy New Year, WhoCares!

        2. windstorm says:

          Happy New Year, WhoCares! 🎉

      5. Star says:

        Happy New Year Windstorm!

        1. windstorm says:

          Happy New Year! 🎉

    2. NarcAngel says:

      I’ll eat chocolate to that. Happy New Year friend.

      1. windstorm says:

        Right back at you, my friend. Happy New Year!🎉

    3. mommypino says:

      Happy New Year Windstorm! 🎉💕

      1. windstorm says:

        Happy New Year to you, too! 🎉🎈❤️

    4. DoForLuv says:

      Sounds reallyy good too 😁

    5. Kathy says:

      I am dying for chocolate! I’m low carbing and the only damn thing I can munch on endlessly are pickles.

      1. kel says:

        No low carbing tonight Kathy, that starts tomorrow! It’s Champagne & Potato Chips tonight! Chocolate Champagne too!

    6. 2SF says:

      Happy New Year Windstorm. I’m happy for you that you are in peace with all your narcs. xx

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