Me, You and Her



One is never enough for us. Two or more are required. When we commence our seduction of you and launch those missiles towards you bearing love, passion and desire, we repeatedly tell you that you are the one. You are the only one that we want. All of our life we have waited for this moment to be with the one, you. This singularity of number meets singularity of purpose. One is all that we want. We tell you this, we text you this and we do some repeatedly in order to put you on that pedestal. The world may as well just be populated by you and me. Nobody else matters. All that we want is you and you alone. The effect of such words makes you feel extremely special, revered and worshipped and it feels wonderful doesn’t it? Being the sole recipient of our attention, such wonderful, dedicated and loving attention is uplifting, joyful and magnificent.

Recently a commenter posted a quote from Robert A Heinlein which revolved around kissing. Essentially, this quote referred to the fact that when most people kiss they are not putting their all into it, they have other things on their mind, they might be worrying about work, they know they have to put the rubbish out, they are wondering what is for dinner and as a consequence that person’s kiss is nowhere near as it should be because that person has distractions. The person they are kissing does not have their total attention. There is considerable merit in such a proposition. What we manage to do however is make you think that nobody else matters, that you are the only person we are kissing, have ever kissed and will ever kiss. We make you the centre of our universe and you believe it. Yet the reality is that whilst we exhibit this singularity of attention on you, we have so many other people in mind. Understand that when you are with one of our kind there is never a time when it is just you and me. There is always you, me and her or him or them. Your dynamic with us is not exclusive. It never is. It is not your sole preserve. You are shared throughout the entirety of your relationship with us, from the beginning until, well forever. I do not necessarily mean that we are engaged in a sexual relationship with someone else when we are with you but the fact is that when you think it is just you and I, there is far more going on that you will realise.

At the outset when I am seducing you, I make you feel like the only girl in the world, however there will be at least two other dynamics ongoing. The first is that I will be embarking on a cruel campaign against your predecessor. I will be considering how next to provoke them and punish them so I am able to draw negative fuel from them. I will undoubtedly tell you about them as I explain how horrible and abusive that person was to me. What you are less likely to know is that I am sending them abusive messages, stalking them and organising various methods of manipulation to keep punishing them.

The second dynamic at the outset is the fact that I may also be working on another prospect as well as you. In the extremely unlikely event that you ever had access to my mobile  ‘phone and you looked in the messages you would see something like this.

“Message to You 19:48 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

“Message to Her 19:50 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

There may even be,

“Message to Her 2 19:52 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”

Notoriously greedy for fuel and wary of the effects of not having a supply of the same, we will ensure that we have other targeted prospects in hand. You may become the chosen one as my primary source of fuel but the others will not necessarily be discarded. They will be retained as “friends” who rank as high producing secondary appliances, continuing to supply me with fuel. You think you have me to yourself. Of course that is the impression that I will create but you are sharing me with the others who will be kept ready to replace you should you start to fail in your production of fuel.

During the golden period it may seem that there is just you and me but I will be keeping other prospects warm and extracting negative fuel from one or more predecessors in the meanwhile. Then, without warning you find yourself being devalued. You have your suspicions that we are playing away. Indeed, we are as we use these secondary sources that we have kept “warm”. There will be others as we find additional people to draw into our network as we play them off against you. You will find you will be compared to these people, to friends and family and always found to be wanting as we press the devaluation against you. After this horrendous time, we will cast you to one side with a callous discard and somebody else has replaced you. How did that happen so quickly? How were we able to move with unseemly haste and find someone else who we now declare our love for? Easily. They were waiting in the wings all along.

Now disengaged from you will find you are still involved in the dynamic as we play you against your replacement. We will keep trying to draw negative fuel from you and then suddenly hoover you back and make you the apple of our eye again, as your short-lived replacement is cast aside. A period of vacillation may follow as we lift you up and crash you down. You are sat on one end of a see saw, as you go up, she goes down and vice versa. We stand in the centre, straddling this see saw and gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from you both.

As our primary source you will always find that there is somebody else involved in the dynamic of our relationship. It does not end there though with the person who is our primary source of fuel. This addition of an extra player in the game happens throughout all our fuel gathering activities. We set family member against family member, our brothers against our sisters, or one parent against another. We treat one child as golden and the other as a pariah as we have them compete for our blessing and affection. We pit one colleague against another as they vie for that promotion which lies in our gift. We have friend fighting against friend in order to spend time with us at the expense of the other. We enter the online realm and have people backbiting, clashing and competing all through a few keystrokes on the keyboard. We can never be satisfied with it being just you and me, we always have to involve others and that involvement cannot be harmonious. There must be competition in order for the fuel to flow. Never think that we are dedicated to just you, our need for fuel does not allow it. There is always someone else despite what we may tell you. If you were ever able to ascertain the full extent of our machinations, schemes and plans you would see so many lines radiating away from us, connecting us to you, to her and to many others, with lines running between the unknowing and knowing until it looks like an extremely complex organogram on the wall of an incident room in a police station.

It can never just be you and me. There always has to be another.

11 thoughts on “Me, You and Her

  1. Blessednow7 says:

    My malignant narcissistic adult son (38 years old) is currently trying to triangulate me with his unsuspecting new wife who is eleven years his junior and very much a people pleaser. I am happy I found HG Tudor because I am finally seeing my son for what he really is. Thank you H G Tudor and commentators. It hurts to see the truth but it will set me free.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      That is a very hard revelation to have come to about your son, but thankfully you have been able to identify it so that you can best protect yourself. I hope that you continue to read and share to help lessen the pain you must be feeling.

  2. Leslie says:

    If you don’t bond, well one dog is as good as another, so to speak. Also, too many choices create dissatisfaction with all the options. A kid with too many toys hoards all of them and values none of them.

  3. Joanne says:

    Some days I have a sense of humor and the imagery of things like “gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from both” will actually make me laugh. Today is a sad day so this breaks my heart. More words and phrases I’ve heard myself, knowing they were all lies and NOW thinking they were simultaneously being delivered to someone else is a tough blow.

    1. Presque Vu says:

      You might not see it yet Joanne, but you will gather strength from knowing. You are allowed your feelings, feel what you need to. Each day you spend here with HG and the lovely blog contributors – makes you that little bit stronger. One day you will flutter off empowered.

      You are strong, I can sense it.

      1. Joanne says:

        Presque Vu,
        Thank you. I have been coming here for several weeks now and the brutal truths that HG exposes have really helped me regain my sanity and feel the validation I needed. I’ve come to acceptance on what he is, but certain things still come at me like sniper shots to my heart.

        Knowing definitely brings strength. And interacting with all of you contributors and HG himself is tremendously helpful <3 I'm absorbing it all and not sitting here wondering anymore – thank GOD.

  4. Jessica says:

    Ahhh that was a fun time… the hateful jealousy triad thing or whatever you want to call it. 2 plus yrs and counting since I left. I have my moments of rage and heartache but slowly releasing

  5. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    In my case, my narcissist, me, and a hundred and mother.
    When they start with triangulations and these lead to devaluations it feels so bad…
    I have been in both extremes… At first, I introduce myself to his former partner to devalue him, in this situation I also felt uncomfortable. During the relationship, endless infidelities. Evidently all in my presence, I always asked myself, how strange, if you are going to cheat on me because I always have to find out. Now it’s obvious… FUEL… In the end it began as it began but on this occasion I was his previous partner introducing me to his new partner. Total more of the same … That I am going to tell you, if you know everything.
    I suppose this is a classic in narcissism…
    Really this leaves you a pretty head touched, you do not know where you get the sticks.

  6. Luna Enigma says:

    Brilliant, and so true

  7. grovel says:

    my ex narc asked me for a girlfriend experience and insisted the girl and him were just friends. You see he is an anesthesiologist and she is a lowly paid housekeeper at the hospital 20 years his junior. he begged me with tears in his eyes that they were merely friends…..long story short were divorced. two years out and Ive moved on, moved to the beach, got wealthier and daughter who we had together hasnt seen his daughter in 6 months. Oh but he says ” Im so happy now” and he is making half the money he did before, lost his reputation, lost his family and his friends….and just yesterday as we rarely speak but have some real estate problems with property we are selling and have to fix up, he said ” Dont try to lure me back into the relationship ( after i asked him to take care of a rental problem which i do all of the work most of the time) then he said ” I hate you more than i love ( name of daughter) . ” I rarely talk to him…have had him on block for months and he is cruel so cruel as he sees Im dating a wealthy man and our daughter thriving. WTF HE CAN STILL MAKE ME CRY..WHAT does he mean

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