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50 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 12”
Dear Fuel on the Shelf, mommypino and Celia G,
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Aww thank you Bubbles! It was so cute! I watched it with my little daughter and she was cracking up. 😊
I remember seeing three b-day cards In his office drawer.
Wondering which one was for me & the others ….for whom?
Post my birthday , they were all gone with me only receiving one card.
I’m so thankful THIS birthday is pure, NC, without that sick Narc.
I celebrate my FIRST freedom birthday.
My birthday on the 18th this month and his was on the 10th. During the devaluation one year He bought me birthday gifts. Came to my place because he had a key to get in. Left the presents on the table and left. When I got home there were gifts and he is no where in sight.I texted him wasn’t he coming over for my birthday. He said he wasn’t sure if I still wanted him to come. It was almost like he wanted me begging.
Kelly, happy birthday
Happy birthday kelly and mommypino!
May you have a wonderful day!
Happy birthday Kelly B! We have the same birthday! Only good vibes for you this year. Have a wonderful narc free birthday! 💕🎂
I could not help but notice that my malignant narcissistic adult son “celebrated” his new wife’s birthday on the day before her actual birth date by arriving home with flowers and chocolates. The next day (her actual birthday) she just did the usual cleaning and cooking for the narc. She had just gotten Stareside from her home country three weeks before her birthday so I think the devaluation started pretty soon after she got off the plane. This was late October. When they came from Christmas it was clear to me that she us bending over backwards to please the narc. She is the sweetest woman ever and I pray every day that she sees the light.
Oh shit….it’s that time of year again! I have no idea why but every year I go into such a depression over this.
2016 – the year our relationship began. We had been casual friends for about 6 months and then we really began getting to know one another. That was when it all happened very quick. My birthday was about 3 weeks into it. Of course he was so loving and attentive and over the top, made me feel like a million freaking bucks.
2017 – we had dinner out and an evening together on my pre-birthday weekend. While it was not horrible, it was not spectacular. The evening was rushed. He ghosted me for a few days after and then on my actual birthday (which was almost a week later) he sent me the most annoying GENERIC text of “Happy Birthday Kiddo and many happy returns”. Did not even say that he loved me. WTF?
A few months later, I found HG and this blog.
2018 – He completely ignored my birthday and did not reach out at all. But about a week prior to my birthday he sent a brief text asking me how I was doing. We briefly went back and forth and he said “let’s have a phone call next week…” I said “sure, call me”. The whole week went by and no call. At the end of the week (on my actual birthday) I got a text “Sorry no call today, my kid is at urgent care, she has the flu”. Did not even wish me a happy birthday at all. He reached out a week later with the continued idle chit chat and at that point I let loose and said “It is shitty of you that you did not wish me a happy birthday”. He apologized and said to not take it personally, that he is terrible with birthdays and forgets everyones! I did not accept that answer and I continued to express my displeasure by telling him “well that is still shitty”. He got defensive and said “I am sorry okay? What more can I say that has not already been said? Nothing, that’s what! Now if you just calm down we can have a phone call later, how does that sound?” Needless to say, I accepted the phone call as he poured on the sugar.
2019 – my birthday is one month from tomorrow. It is a milestone birthday (I am going to be 40, yes I know I look like I am 32 but whatever….). I have a party planned. He was invited months ago and was given the save the date info. He has continued to string me along with “maybe” for his answer. Whatever. I doubt he will show up. I could care less about that part of it. I am just waiting….WAITING on him to reach out at a minimal with his canned “Happy Birthday” text so I can reply back and say “I thought you always forget everyones birthday!” because it is always narc opposite day.
Or in this case Narc opposite birthday year. From over the top, to blah and minimal to NOTHING at all, I can only wonder how this year will fare out.
Dear dear Fuel on the Shelf,
Happy pre Birthday wishes for your most wonderful 40th lovely one
I’m glad you have preparations are under way for your special day
I’m not sure why you’re depressed – it’s time to celebrate sweetheart
If you have no expections from this narc – there’s no reason for disappointment
Don’t wonder about him precious – just enjoy
I had a “big 0” when I knew the weasel- he totally dismissed it, deliberately ….. (even though Mr Bubbles and I went over to see him for his birthday, baked a cake and gave him pressies). He mentioned a couple of months later he had bought me a gift – I think at the time I was painted a light shade of grey, but I reckon I was getting a very darker grey/black by then
Anyhoo, I called his bluff, dropped by and asked for my gift. He actually had it (a bottle of wine and a card) Mr Bubbles n I drank the wine and I threw his card in the bin
The friendship ceased after that
Mr Bubbles n I, moved on happily ever after
Make room for others in your life, to wish you a genuine Happy Birthday …at least they mean it
Life’s too short Birthday girl …don’t waste it
Best wishes n hugs to you precious one 🎈🎉🎂💝
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
“If you have no expections from this narc – there’s no reason for disappointment
Don’t wonder about him precious – just enjoy.”
Wise words Bubbles!
There is no need to uninvite him. There is no way in hell he will show up anyway. He knows my best friend will be there and he is paranoid that she will destroy his life. There is nothing to be concerned of. I was more concerned with the annual birthday “acknowledgement” or lack thereof with the attached excuse to go along with it.
Then if he is not going to show up, it is easy enough to uninvite him and achieve certainty. What you are actually doing is hoping that he will turn up – no matter how small the chance is.
Will the “uninviting” wound? Won’t that start more trouble and challenge him into showing up? Can’t I just let him forget about me like he’s been doing for the last month? (Haven’t seen or talked to him since before Christmas)
It will wound. The response depends on your no contact regime.
I am not going to lie to you HG. I do not have a no contact regime at the moment. My regime as been “I am around if you want to engage with me but I am not reaching out first” anymore. I have been on the shelf since the week before Christmas. He has been engaging with me pleasantly on an intermittent basis. So my response has not been to uninvite him. He told one (once, a few months ago) that he would “try to make it”. Whenever he uses the word “try” it always means no. I do not think he will show up to the party. If he does it won’t bother me but I am not counting on it.
I appreciate your honesty. Now, be honest to you and your children and put that no contact regime in place.
Good work FOTS! Keep it up! If he shows up, just introduce him as just somebody you know from bible study. Enjoy!
Hey he always used to say to give that excuse if anyone asked how we knew each other.
Now….give me your best Christian side hug! (Heard that one many times too….when only a mere hour earlier what was happening was anything BUT pure….LOL).
Dear Who Cares,
Thank you sweet one
I should’ve also added –
Narcs are nothing BUT – disappointment
They’re 5 minute wonders with long term disasters
Luv Bubbles 😘
FOS, you have time. Uninvite him to your party. I did this with my daughter’s wedding. We sent him an invitation and for months I stressed that he wouldn’t show. I’d be the mother of the bride that got stood up! I finally decided to eliminate the worry and told him not to come. Once I took him out of the equation I was able to enjoy the preparations of the wedding. On the day of the wedding I didn’t even think of him because I took control of the situation.
Thank you HG
Not to mention that if you tell them not to do something it increases the odds that they might lol.
NarcAngel, true that is definitely the logic you have to use with the narc but if I’m at a point that I uninvite him, I sincerely don’t want him to show.
I had forgotten about the generic b-day cards! One of mine said, Birthday Wishes to a Friendly Neighbor…LOL!
I agree you should un-invite him. He probably wouldn’t have shown up anyway…they get uncomfortable around our loved ones. He’d just drag it down.
Happy Birthday FOS! And yes, you look younger than 40.
Hi Fuel on the Shelf!
I congratulated my narcissist on two of his birthdays and he ignored two of mine. His birthday is coming up next, but he will not hear from me. I would not be surprised if he congratulates me on my next birthday (starting a hoover attempt), but if he does, I will not respond.
In your situation I would take control by celebrating somewhere else. It also depends on where the party will be held. I would not tell him or bother to uninvite him. I’d make sure he finds out some time after the fact that I went somewhere else by having some pictures of the party laying around (or posting them on social media a couple of days later -not the next day!- and I’d mention location of the party). I would let him draw the conclusion that he wasn’t informed of the change of plans and I’d let him bring up the subject if he really feels he has to.
That way I’d know for sure he would not be able to ruin anything and I’d have some peace of mind till then and on my birthday).
He would learn after the fact he wasn’t important enough to inform. If he does show up (which is highly unlikely), I’d be elsewhere and out of his reach. Yes, he’ll probably be wounded or his fury will be ignited when he finds out. So he will have to look for fuel elsewhere or he will self-combust.
He would not ruin anything if he shows up. He prides himself on being Mr. Nice Guy.
I hate my birthday : )
I think I mentioned it comes one week after my MRE sister’s. There was a period in adulthood where I always felt pressured to graciously accept anything given to me despite the fact there was some argument the prior week or perhaps before hers that made everything awkward. All I remember is pressure on my chest.
I do remember my birthday. At that time I was not in devaluation, but also it was no love-bombing time anymore. He was forced to come to my birthday party by his parents. He could not avoid it although he wanted it so badly. What did he do? He was so in need that he even produced a little accident with his loved !!! car. At that time I was surprised, because he is/was an excellent driver. Of course I gave him all my attention. I knew instinctively that he had tried to avoid my birthday but I misunderstood why. It was very strange.
My birthday was during love bombing, but he took a break from bombing me that day to pretty much ignore me and then recommenced the bombing again via texts in the late evening.
Mine did the same. In 2016 it was my 40th birthday. He disappeared from all media sites and wished me two days later with excuses. It was first time, when he did not answered me for whole weekend. I did not understand his behaviour at all. It is after reading HG that I realised that he was doing it for fuel. As he had cancelled dates many times before, thus I decided not to plan anything with him that day. I had a feeling that he had many others IPSS like me. But whenever I asked if he is seeing others, he would say no.. that I am the only one he is chating with.
I’m sorry you experienced that 🙁 so awful. Looking back, I had anxiety leading up to my birthday and all morning. Almost like deep down I expected he would do ruin it somehow. I believe I was one of many IPSSs as well and of course he’d also deny talking to anyone else. He’d admit to having admirers (whom he’d use to triangulate, much to my oblivion at the time), but he’d tell me I was so far above them in every way, it was a non issue. 🙄
So true with my Mid-rangers. My birthday is coming in a few days. So glad they’re not around to bring negatives vibes.
Happy, Happy Birthday, mommypino!! 🎂💕
Happy birthday mommypino!
Happy birthday : )
Sending good vibes………………
Happy early birthday! <3
Happy early Birthday!!!
Thank you HappyTimesAhead and Renarde! 💕
Thank you everyone! So sweet of you all! 💕
Why is that?
It is about you and not about us. See Danger : 50 Things You Should Not Do With A Narcissist to understand more about this.
This is very interesting. Today is my birthday and your timely “Igniters of Fury No.12” showed up in my email. A so-called friend that I threw a birthday party for is not speaking to me today.She hung up on me when I called to see how she was doing a few days ago. I couldn’t figure out what was going on until I saw this “Fury No.12.” Thank you HG for a great gift! You made my day!
Many happy returns!
Haha I see what you did there!
Happy birthday Celia G! 🎂