The Errors of the Ignorant – No. 6


At the outset, the sex was off the charts. You would not describe yourself as promiscuous but neither have you lived as a nun. You have had numerous, if not extensive sexual partners and you know what works for you and you know what does not and it certainly worked with us. Now, of course not all of our kind are sexual Olympians, dedicated sexperts who are well-versed in the art of orgasmic sexual congress. You can discount the Victim Narcissist from such attainment straight away. Cerebrals, well they will talk a good game and will perform reasonably well, but as soon as there is no need to maintain, then they will not, but it would not be described as earth-shattering. Not all Somatics and Elites are necessarily going to make the world move, but most do and if you have been ensnared by one of these cadres then sex was sensational.

Then it wasn’t.

There is no interest shown in having sex with you or if there is, it is perfunctory and all about our needs and yours are just ignored, which is most bewildering after the triple A performances you once received.

Sex just isn’t the same. Not at all. It has gone off the boil and then frozen. The bedroom is an icy wilderness but oddly we are now ensconced in our bolthole until late at night. Some snooping reveals an extensive porn browsing history taking in all manner of different sexual tastes. You hear us make comments about other women or men (dependent on orientation) and people who appear on television or films are given an appraisal in terms of sexual appeal and what we would like to do with them. The libido appears alive and well. Just not with you.

You raise this turn of events with a confidante and explain how once it was all nosebleed inducing orgasms, hijinks from the chandeliers and extensive couplings through the night. You then details how you are lucky if you get a kiss. You offer that there appears to be no loss of interest in sex per se from us, our browser history confirms this, but there is clearly a loss of interest in engaging in sexual congress with you. Whoever it is you have turned to nods in understanding and pronounces that the way to get things back on track is for you to broaden your sexual horizons and this will put the spark back in to the relationship.

No it will not.

When sex is removed from the equation it is not the consequence of familiarity with the same body and the same techniques deployed that might affect the sexual activity of a healthy couple. It is not the fact that one or both parties is tired, stressed, worried the children will walk in, not feeling as attractive because they have gained weight/not had chance to shower/needs to engage in some pubic topiary etc. The sex has not dwindled through this common reasons which are symptomatic of a long-lasting relationship. No, the sex has been removed because it is not a manifestation of affection or love from us, but it is a weapon.

Giving you great sex is a weapon.

Removing that great sex is a weapon.

It is done to gain fuel and to control you.

Accordingly, your devaluation has occurred because your fuel is stale/not frequent enough/not copious enough and thus sex is withdrawn to provoke a reaction from you so you give us negative fuel.

If you try harder to engage with us sexually, if you suggest different activities be it role-playing, watching porn together, using different techniques, dressing up, introducing some kinks and so forth as part of this attempt to broaden your sexual horizons and thus introduce the spark into the relationship again this is what will happen.

  1. You signal to us that our withdrawal of sexual interest has really begun to have an impact. All we will then do is decide to maintain it. So no matter how much new and desirable lingerie you wear, no matter if you have chosen to wear your ankles behind your ears rather than the Chanel, no matter how hard you try to be seductive and alluring it will be thrown in your face for the purposes of extending your devaluation and your provision of negative fuel.
  2. You will also open yourself up to the exploitation of your now more liberal attitude. We will not accept what you have suggested but instead push it further with a view to finding some kind of sexual activity which we know you do not want to engage in but your desperation to please and to try will mean that you will go along with it. Dependent on your threshold, this might mean a threesome, group sex, water sports, rough sex, humiliation games, sex in public places, sex on camera to be broadcast across the internet and much more besides. Your reluctant agreement to engage in this will be seized on and you will be subjected to a range of unpleasant sexual behaviours which we will revel in forcing you into for the purposes of drawing negative fuel from you all done with the comment “You said you wanted to try something new.”
  3. We will see this as a green light to open up further fuel lines by getting your approval to allow other people into our sexual activities, forcing you to sleep with other people as we watch, or allowing us to plough a furrow elsewhere and then tell you about it. This will all be done to enable us to gain fuel from these Intimate Partner Secondary Sources and/or Intimate Partner Tertiary Sources and to draw further negative fuel from you because of your reaction to this. You will go along with it but because of your empathic traits which cater to decency, honesty and fidelity, your reaction will vary from quiet dismay to out and out horror at what we have been doing and what we expect you to do.

Offering to broaden your sexual horizons with our kind is to open yourself up to further abuse through the maintenance of the sexual famine and/or the imposition of unpleasant and unsavoury sexual activities as a consequence of our need for fuel and also the maintenance of control over you. Sex, owing to its relationship to love and intimacy for many people of an empathic nature, means it is  weapon ripe for exploitation by us. Where you receive the erroneous advice of the ignorant it will only result in further abuse and hurt for you.

To understand in detail the attitude of the narcissist to sex, Sex and the Narcissist is a fascinating insight into the sexual dynamic between narcissist and victim.






45 thoughts on “The Errors of the Ignorant – No. 6

  1. Grace says:

    So what if there was no interest from the start and she rapes him?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Then a crime has been committed.

  2. Becoming Observant says:

    Targets with certain potent fuel (that you must have) who are prudish/naive between the sheets: How do you communicate to them what you want (during seduction, when you don’t want to insult them or hurt their feelings)?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Read Sex and the Narcissist

  3. Christopher Jackson says:

    I like the websites at the bottom.of the draft it reminds me of the the matrix which pill do you wanna take follow the rabbit Keanu follow the rabbit

  4. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Mr Bubbles n I are going to “broaden our sexual horizons” and watch the British series Sex Education on Netflix – apparently it’s the newest n latest “in” thing – with a following already – we’re starting tonight 🤣
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Jolly good, but keep the noise down – it affects the property prices.

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        You have such amusing wit
        Actually Mr Bubbles is a bit hard of hearing so I have to repeat myself twice twice – our neighbours are all oldies – so the prices have already dropped – at least we make it interesting 🏚🤣
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        Ps – we’ve watched 3 already …entertainingly educational 👩‍🎓👨🏻‍🎓

    2. Renarde says:


      Thanks for the tip! I have a lot of data to ‘spank’ at the moment. I will indulge.

      As for teaching sex ed. Well, I did a series of lessons to the 7s. Never again. Mostly there were ok but you get question time. Jesus Christ.

      One very lovely young girl puts her hand up and says, ‘Miss, is it true that sometimes a boy wants to put his willy in your mouth?. Aww bless!

      It’s on the tip of my tongue to say ‘Yes, it does happen, its called Oral Sex’

      I didnt quite make it.

      Because another nipper, an excitable boy, yells out, ‘MISS! MISS! I KNOW WHAT ITS CALLED AND ITS CALLED A BLOWIE!!! ITS WHEN…’

      ‘And that’s quite enough from you, young man’s. Next question.’

      I’m in the staff room before the lesson, explaing who nervous I was about the whole teaching sequence. Older and more experienced guy.

      All you need to do is this. He made an ‘O’ with his left hand between thumb and forefinger. And started rapidly inserting his right forefinger into it. That was it, I was gone. Thsts all you need to do, he says.

      For days if not weeks afterwards, he wouldn’t speak, hed just make the same gesture. Teachers can be out of control, funny fuckers.

      Mind you I’m just as bad. I wanted to convert what we called The Crypt into an S&M sex dungeon. It was under the Physics lecture theatre. Look guys, I say, we can make serious money from the alumni here. The old boys obsessed with old school tie. NOT school boys.

      This would be an even greater scam that Chemistry were pulling with the lab coats.

      Apparently my boss told me, it wasnt the ‘done thing’. Now, what I said WAS a joke but we had tremendous fun planning it. I was going to be in charge.

      For years afterwards I had scheme that the obviously sexually submissive Head would turn up at one of my kink venues. Oh the fun I would have had! And stranger things have happened. Still might.

  5. mommypino says:

    I know someone in my family, she’s already in her eighties now and she was my dad’s cousin’s first wife. There’s not a time that we visited with her where she didn’t blame herself for her husband leaving her because he wanted to do a sexual act that she refused to try. It seemed to be one of her biggest regrets. Now I’m thinking that he was probably a narcissist anyway and was going to discard her no matter what. He ended up getting married five more times after her. He was a top pediatrician at the Bay Area and every woman that he married after her ended up being really troubled. It’s also weird that even though he was wealthy he didn’t pay for college for his kids from his first wedding but he left all kinds of money to his one child from a succeeding marriage and left very little to his older kids from his first marriage. Also he never helped taking care of their kids although that was the norm in those times. She still carries his last name and never remarried.

    1. lisk says:

      I hope she finds a good man, if that’s what she wants.

      I knew a woman who found lover in her eighties!

    2. Leanne 🌼 says:

      Hmm. That made me think of my great grandpa. He was married about 5-8 times. He was active in the theatre and was the regional “Grand PooBa” of that club with the triangle (can’t think of the name. .) ANYHOO… a local bigwig playboy of the times. Probably a narc. UMR, I’d guess..

  6. freedgypsysoul says:

    I had one of the Victim Cadre so I can’t miss what was never great to start with! AND it’s one less thing to try and entice me back with because it sucked so badly at it. lol

  7. Yeah right says:

    Do you ever bother to proofread, H.G.? You’re somewhat illiterate for a self-proclaimed “Greater” narcissist.. typos are distracting and they erode your credibility.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Typographical errors are not illiteracy. Own goal scored there.
      I do not have the time to proofread so they will appear. I do not like them but if it’s choice between the occasional typo and plenty of material for people to read and their questions getting answered in comments, the former is a small issue for the latter.
      Thank you for your meaningful contribution.

    2. Mercy says:

      Ya write, Thers nottin more annoying then someone’s that pointes out type os

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Ah ha hu ha ho!

    3. NarcAngel says:

      Yeah…because that’s what is important here. It could be said that your inability to focus on the importance of the subject and the excellent resources and information made available appears to erode yours, but I prefer to think you are just having a bad day.

  8. lisk says:

    My “advisor” suggested this to me, too. I am SO GLAD I did not take his advisor. (My advisor is a former boyfriend. Now I think he was trying to live vicariously through my relationship, experiencing me through my narc)

    1. lisk says:

      *his advice*

  9. J.G says:

    Hello H.G Tudor …
    There is no facet of life left free in which the narcissist does not draw fuel. Not even the dream, it will always bother you to make you angry.
    Sex is one of his favorite weapons because it is always the root letter. Everyone does this sooner rather than later. All for the fuel. If it were up to me, I would set fire to the damn fuel that burns in hell. Too bad this fuel is not gasoline.

  10. Twisted Heart says:

    He even tried shaming me once by saying “I think you’re just here for the sex”. I thought to myself “Are you serious right now? Clearly that’s what we’re both here for…we just met online 2 weeks ago.” It was such a weird mind fuck. As if he was looking for a serious relationship…puhlease! Then as soon as I started catching feelings (all manufactured by his constant texting and pretending to be oh so supportive and sweet), he tells me he’s emotionless and dead inside🤮. He even told me “I’m not sure I can provide you what you need to conquer your demons.” He’s the demon and I think I conquered him for good thanks to the master himself HG Tudor.

  11. Twisted Heart says:

    I read SATN (notice how it almost spells Satan) and I masturbated 3 times during😔I’m very sex positive with a very active libido so who knows how far he would have had to take it to enforce control over me in that regard. That makes sense why he would deny me from having sex more often than not. It was the easiest way for him to have the upper hand because I was only looking for a FWB arrangement at that time. His favourite reply was “sorry not tonight”. Whoa! A huge light bulb just went off!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to know. I expect that to appear in a review in Amazon.

      1. Twisted Heart says:

        Haha! I’ll get right on that.

  12. Presque Vu says:

    It took me a long time to understand this!
    He told me he had next to no sex drive… it was my fault as I knew this entering the relationship. Wrong! I know now he was gaslighting me and I doubted myself so much!!

    He definitely pushed boundaries after this. It seemed normal sex just wasn’t cutting it. He also punished me sexually by doing certain things to me.

    Somehow I knew, I knew what he was doing, I started testing him by deliberately pretending to have overdone the partying. I wanted to see what he would do. I always had a feeling he was sadistic sexually. Predatory. There are things I have done to confirm to myself what I felt from him was founded. I could literally feel his desires.

    And I wasn’t scared. I was playing with fire and I knew it.
    Some how I could see how normal sex wouldn’t cut it for him, I understood. Power, domination, humiliation, fear, control. I knew I might never have this chance again, he opened my eyes and I saw him.

    When I had enough I suggested we indulge in cuckold sex. Boy did he not like that!! And I knew he wouldn’t. I found great satisfaction in thought fuel as he knew he would punish me and harbour rage at his inadequacy to satisfy me.

    In the end when I said enough, we both knew I knew who he was. That’s why he projected narcissism on me. That’s why I struggle at times still to shake his words because I have acted at times more malicious than he ever did.

    Depeche Mode ( I know HG goes on and on about them) but seriously, strangelove I’d listen to during my time with him, a punk lodger we had in 1989 introduced me at age 11! I honestly think I can’t listen to this song again because of him and ever presence.

    When the sex goes. That’s it unless there is an underlying medical problem. I won’t be held to ransom unless I want to be.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t go on and on about Depeche Mode, don’t be so cheeky!

      1. E&L says:

        “Kitty on my foot and I wanna touch it!”

  13. Mercy says:

    I have so much to say on this subject. This form of manipulation took place for about a year in our relationship. I went through every emotion from feeling sexual power to feeling degraded, abused and worthless. I have come to terms with what I’ve done and my current feelings on this situation is that I made the decision to do what I did. I own it! I did not hurt anyone in the process and I’m not worthless because of it. I am responsible for my actions and I have learned from them. Fuck his abuse. He didn’t break me.

    P.S. I’m a rock star in bed because of it.

    1. Mercy says:

      PSS his very last words to me were “you are good for nothing but dirty sex”

      Can you see why my emotional thinking would want to change those last words?

    2. HG Tudor says:

      You’ll find there’s only room for one Rockstar here, Mercy. Me.

      1. Mercy says:

        Oh HG, you have finally found a subject I must disagree with you on haha. To bad we’ll never get to test that theory.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can firmly state Mercy my referees will outnumber yours!

      2. Mercy says:

        And I firmly agree to that statement but I’m a truth seeker…no proof!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, I will email you a list!

          1. Mercy says:

            I will be waiting impatiently!

          2. MB says:

            Mercy, there is no way he remembers how many, much less their names! (Or can you, HG?)

          3. HG Tudor says:

            They are all known although some may have had names given to them as opposed to me recalling their real names!! Such as Electrolux, Smeg Toaster, Alessi Kettle and so on.

          4. Mercy says:

            Hahaha but no Ninja huh?

          5. Mercy says:

            I’m just saying until you’ve had the Ninja blender you’ll never know who the real rock start is.

          6. NarcAngel says:

            I bet I am now referred to as Sub Zero. For more reason than one haha.

          7. Mercy says:

            Of course he can. They are wax figures in his forbidden room

          8. MB says:

            Nah, not all of them Mercy. Only the important ones!

      3. mommypino says:

        HG’s list isn’t impressive unless there’s a Ninja Blender there. Just sayin. 🤓

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I can assure you the list is both extensive and impressive. Case dismissed and found in my favour.

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