The Narcissist Manipulates : Insidious Seduction

 

THE NARCISSIST MANIPULATES_ INSIDIOUS SEDUCTION

 

You caught the same train at 8-05 am every day from Monday to Friday. You always sat at a window seat nearest to the door with a seat beside you and a double seat opposite you. You never sat and read the paper. You did not hold a book. You kept your mobile ‘phone in your bag rather than prod and jab at it. You preferred to look at the passing scenery. You preferred to look at your fellow travellers. You told me that the opposite seat was free. You returned my smile.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello on the following day. You smiled again. You engaged in small talk with me and answered my seemingly innocuous questions. You accepted my compliment about your fragrance with modesty and thanks. You told me your name and I told you mine.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello again the day after and the one after that. You smiled at me first this time. You engaged in small talk again but it grew from small to medium as the train left the station. You told me where you worked and what you did. You told me where you used to work. You explained all about your hoped for transfer to another department. You told me about your colleagues and laughed at my remarks about them.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You turned in your seat looking for me as I entered the train. You smiled and the smile was wider. You waved me over and we engaged in conversation. The small talk had been left on the platform. You told me this, you told me that and you told me about the other. I absorbed it all. I told you how your outfit suited you and you told me where you got it from. You told me where you lived. You told me you lived alone.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You looked for me again as you did every day. You always kept a seat for me. Sometimes opposite you. Sometimes beside you. You always had plenty to talk to me about. You showed me your new ‘phone and I saw the Facebook logo. I also memorised your four-digit passcode as you tentatively typed it. You told me that you were going for drinks after work and you told me the bar.

You shouldn’t have done that.

I went to the bar but did not look for you. You came and found me instead. You invited me over. You invited me and my two lieutenants to join you and your colleagues. You introduced me to them and them to me. I made you laugh. I made them laugh. I bought you more drinks. You touched my arm and your touch lingered.

You shouldn’t have done that.

Your privacy settings are not as good as they should be. You placed so much of your life online. You accepted my friend request. You messaged me first that Thursday evening and I messaged back. You messaged again and again so I did so too. You told me about your plans. You told me about your family. You told me about your friends.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for coffee. You answered my questions. You gave me more and more information as our friendship grew. You gave me your telephone number. You told me about your ex. You told me about the one before him. You showed tears in your eyes.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for dinner. You laughed at my jokes. You told me your hopes. You told me your fears. You told me what you liked and I liked it too. You told me where you wanted to travel to and I wanted to travel there too. You looked in my eyes and you allowed me in.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You invited me to the party at your house. You greeted me with delight. You let me into your house. You showed me your books. You showed me your tastes. You showed me your friends and let me entertain them. You showed me my recruits. You poured me a drink and I poured one for you, then another and another. You kept coming to see me as I kept the group in the palm of my hand. You smiled and you laughed and you looked at me with something else, something more in your eyes. You kissed me.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm. You accepted the flowers. You rang and thanked me. You accepted the jewellery. You rang squealing with pleasure. You accepted the invitations. You invited me over. You made me dinner. You insisted I stay. You took me to bed.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You thrilled at my notes. You soared at my voicemails. You revelled in my messages. You thanked me for my generosity. You clapped your hands in excitement when I showed you the tickets. You kept asking me to stay. You held on to me all night. You whispered in my ear and told me what you wanted, although I already knew.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You told me to leave a toothbrush. You insured me on your car. You gave me a key. You booked our first holiday together. You introduced me to your family. You introduced me to your boss. You introduced me to him, to her, to everyone. You believed everything I told you.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You gave me your heart and said keep it safe. You told me your plans for us. You told me you loved me though I said it first. You told me nothing like this had happened before.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. You let my tendrils slide around you. You told me how I had captured your heart and made you a queen. I whispered softly in your ear as you slept in my arms,

“I always do that.”

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26 Comments

  1. Btw , I’am so happy that we all have the freedom to be ourselves on this blog and the support we get when one actually dates to open up . It won’t hurt us afterwards . This is the only place where I feel safe enough to tell my troubles with the narcissists and at same time learn more and more everyday .

  2. I’am a very paranoid person in my teenage years it showed terribly the doctors thought I was schizophrenic(but i’am not) , I did go outside for school and try to open up and tell people things about myself The “you shouldn’t have done that “ was the only music i’d hear in my mind on my way back home for years ! . I’ve let people come in my life who I felt save around after a while I’m sure they are Normals and Empaths . But when it comes to romantic relationships its only narcissists so my paranoia is back on You Shouldn’t have done that on repeat !

    Such a great article as always gave me some therapeutic help .

  3. I’ve met so many men since narcy has been gone who all turned out to be narcs but not a single one managed to seduce or charm me like narco number one I’m not sure if it’s because he was extra charming than normal or because I recognize narcish ways faster and they turn me off or both

  4. I woke up this morning to a religious programme. My husband left the TV on and as I was deciding whether or not to get up I hear the preacher say:

    The devil will get you by your actions.

    I kept my guard up at the subtle flirtation. I kept my guard up during small talk, the insistence of my presence at meetings, the grand shows of promise in my work. I let my guard down when I found out he was leaving, giving him a hug and wishing him luck. I let my guard down when I accepted his friend request, sent a message, got dragged into the triangle from hell.

    The devil really does get you by your actions. Yet another reason to not seek revenge.

  5. Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    So, this wakes me up with a question.
    What should I have done?

    1 Take a stick from under the train seat and hit him in the head with it.

    2 Call the police for harassment.

    Phone call to police:
    Sir, there is a very attractive and polite man, who seems to be interested in me and is talking to me, politely, nicely and courteously. He is such a seductive man. But despite all that, he gives me the nose that he is a stalker. What can I do?

    Reply of the agent:
    First of all, to leave the telephone line free, we have really important emergencies.
    The second thing is to go to the nearest mental health center.
    Thank you for your call, have a nice day.

    I shouldn’t have done that… jjajajja.

    What I think should be done is first listen to the person who seduces and remain silent as a whore. And to ask the person interested in you everything, and when he asks, to answer with evasions and to ask again for the …. Analyze it and analyze it until you see that what you say and do makes sense. If not this is a crazy, from the hill.

    1. Yes. That’s exactly what I did for over a year. My narc knows far less about me than I know about him. It wasn’t a deliberate strategy, it’s my defense strategy. I felt physically safe with my narcissist, but emotionallly not so much.

  6. Correction: She had a problem with the amount of “platonic” girl friends …

    But that wasn’t what I heard.

  7. I kinda feel short changed that I didn’t get swept off my feet by my narc!
    On second thought…

  8. I am the champion of small talk. That’s the “advantage” of having a fearful-avoidant attachtment style.
    Within a week he told me his soon to be ex-wife accused him of infidelity.

    He shouldn’t have done that.

  9. Good morning, You write this because you are a man, but if you were a woman, this would have a totally different approach.

    1. Let me see, maybe that’s because it is in moderation alongwith many other comments. Patience and it will appear, unless it offends the rules.

  10. Oh HG you serial charmer…
    12 months later she sits on the 8.05am train again. This time her phone is in her hand and she is googling narcsite; here she begins to understand the real meaning of a dead end relationship.
    Win-win for you HG – we don’t call you a Greater Elite for nothing! You really do have all bases covered don’t you?!!

  11. To create the illusion of significance, primariness, inclusion, affection, etc only to use all of the to intensify the utter horror of devaluing.

    Narcs go for core human needs and then apply core human traumas.

    The crush applies it in reverse and burning the bridge applies guilt and shame.

    The seduction aka victim grooming is applied in numerous types of narc crimes. People just haven’t connected the dots yet to realise it and how pervasive narckdom really is.

    1. No they havn’t and I think the reason for this is two fold. One, pretty much all information apart from HG’s work is flawed, sometimes seriously.

      And two, a substantial minority are unaware of their own narcissism. Unfortunately, I percieve that most of society is actually propped up by this group.

      Those E’s and N’s that are aware can look from the outside in and obtain clarity.

      Aware Ns may be functioning as eminence grises and be actively controlling the Ns under them.

      There is perhaps a third reason which falls largely under the remit of the normals; cognitive dissonance. The refusal to believe the simple fact that society itself is a facade.

      1. Agreed, Renarde.
        Your remark that society is merely a façade reminded me of my favorite line from the movie “Zorro:”

        “A gentleman is merely a man who says one thing but thinks another.”

        1. Thats a good one. We have one that you see a lot on kink sites.

          ‘A gentleman is just a wolf in sheep’s clothing’.

  12. You shouldn’t have done that. Man sounds like a script to a thriller /horror movie..and its called…”You shouldn’t have done that!”

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