The Futility of Your Feeling

Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back. You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you. All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened. Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.

I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore. I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel. I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward. All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion. My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.

I feel powerful.

I am powerful.

19 thoughts on “The Futility of Your Feeling

  1. Lori says:

    Oh Here is a good question. Do you feel shield maidens feeling toward you are futile ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, they are fuel.

  2. blackunicorn123 says:

    My narc once told me “emotions make you weak”.
    I certainly agreed with him in the depths of my despair after disengagement, lol!! As his latest relationship fails (the one after me), and he skulks home to his mother yet again, he now has three children with three different women. So now I’m left wondering if emotions actually make you stronger, not weaker. His life is a train wreck, whereas mine is getting better and better! I can learn, adapt, heal, move on. He is stuck with himself for the rest of his life. Karma! 😂

  3. kel says:

    Want to make it CLEAR in my Comment Below that This Article says “I & you” in it. My comment was Not addressed to HG, but to the story.

    1. marinathemermaid3 says:

      What’s the difference?

  4. kel says:

    That power deceives you. You’re consumed with seeking fuel, sometimes at the sake of other responsibilities. You’re blinded to reality by your need for wanting to feel superior. You apply a bandaid to your inner turmoil, and your whole life is about pretending it’s not there. Everyone else suffers for it in lieu of you.

    How many of your victims came from narcissistic families? Carrying emotional baggage loaded on their backs by a narcissistic parent? How much of the damage your victims come with was caused by a narcissist? Then after a lifetime of abuse, they have to hear how stupid they are for having emotions.

    Your hatred deceives you.

    I see the weakness in a narcissist. I’m not impressed. Their noble character is cheating, lying, deceiving, humiliating, smearing. The only way they keep from feeling anything is by deceiving Themselves into believing their own lies and twisted reality, that allows them to pretend they’re better than everyone else.

    I agree empaths are damaged people for staying involved with a narcissist, and that they do need to lose some emotional baggage. But happiness is contentment. Is a narcissist ever content? No, he isn’t.

    1. K says:

      kel
      I found this comment very helpful.

      Enjoying the Show
      MAY 6, 2018 AT 00:48
      HG,

      What I take away from this is that you do not ever feel peaceful within yourself.

      HG Tudor
      MAY 6, 2018 AT 16:13
      Correct.

      https://narcsite.com/2018/05/05/i-second-that-emotion-6/#comments

      1. kel says:

        Hey K, nope, has nothing to do with my inner peace. Narcissists look for damaged empaths as they’re easier to ensnare, so I was agreeing that empaths need to repair their damage. I’m at peace inside and out like never before in my life. We learn a lot about ourselves here and about empathicism as well as about narcissism.

        I wrote another comment on the ‘Narc and Feelings’ that was posted again today that explains what I meant better. It’s still in moderation, hopefully it will be posted soon as I want to read my own thoughts again, lol.

        1. K says:

          Gotcha kel!
          Thanks for clarifying.

      2. kel says:

        K,

        I’m sorry, I misunderstood your comment on this one! Lol, I’m a goof sometimes!

        Thank you for the comment that HG didn’t feel peaceful inside most of the time- to which he answered No.

        I jumped the gun and didn’t click on your link to see it before replying wrongly to your comment. Please feel free to correct me when that happens!! I couldn’t get how you thought I wasn’t peaceful inside, and here you were talking about HG.

        Oh well, but I just wanted to let you know & thanks as ever for that reference!

        1. K says:

          You are welcome kel
          Ha ha ha….of course you are peaceful inside, you are an empath and you don’t have to apologize, I have misunderstood comments too. Look at what I found on Provocation. I just posted the bottom half of your comment.

          kel
          NOVEMBER 17, 2018 AT 13:24
          Happiness is bliss. Narcissism is sour. Whatever things you do that you do well, unfortunately are empty.
          HG, is a narcissist able to feel contentment?

          HG Tudor
          NOVEMBER 18, 2018 AT 10:47
          Something close to that if very well fuelled, but not quite.

          https://narcsite.com/2018/11/16/provocation-13/#comment-224286

          1. kel says:

            K

            Oh wow, I made it into the K archives! Lol!

          2. K says:

            kel
            Ha ha ha….yes, you are officially in the archives.

    2. mommypino says:

      Kel, I totally agree with you that narcissists target damaged empaths. It makes me angry to think that they revictimized someone like us who are still trying to heal from our past misfortunes. But they don’t care about that fact. They see the traits that we have (or weaknesses) as something that they can latch on to. Their seductions would not work as strongly on healthy people who are not seeking or needing validation from anybody.

      I love what you said in a different thread about your metamorphosis. It inspired me. I feel the same way of wanting to shed off the unhealthy traits that I have from my unhealthy upbringing and move towards becoming a normal person with healthy empathic and narcissistic traits.

  5. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    Possibly, for a narcissist these feelings can be more of a burden and are of no use to you.
    But for the empathic these are totally necessary to survive and have or maintain sanity. For that reason, the victims of the narcissist in many occasions lose the head or before this point the escape takes place. In Spain we have a historical person who lost his head for love. Juana la coca, wife of Fernando el hermoso, daughter of the Catholic Kings. Her biography is a pure narcissistic relationship.
    Although for you these feelings are a burden, for you it is fundamental that we be this way. If not of whom were you going to feed, transforming this into Power, Dominion, Control, Superiority, Charism, Shine, nourishing your ego.

    1. J.G says:

      Juana La Loca, not the coca jajajajajaj.
      By the way, my narcissist told me they gave me the nickname La Loca. (Now I see why)
      I gave him the nickname (The Upset), because of the narcissistic personality disorder. I’m a little more contemptuous than Chimera.

      1. J.G says:

        Juana La Loca, not the coca jajajajajaj.
        By the way, my narcissist told me they gave me the nickname La Loca. (Now I see why)
        I gave him the nickname (The Disturbed One) for the narcissistic personality disorder. I’m a little more contemptuous than Chimera.

  6. Alma Jazzmin says:

    You, Mr. Tudor, intellectualizes feelings a lot, so much that it becomes obvious that you don’t really know what you are talking about in this text. Feelings don’t make you weak, on the contrary…

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Alma Jazzmin
      He doesn’t know what he is talking about in this text?

      Perhaps you missed that he is giving the information in this text from his point of view and not yours. Your point of view is that feelings don’t make you weak but it is not his.

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