This Time It Will Work

this-time-it-will-work

When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

20 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work

  1. Mona says:

    HG, are you sure, that you can be infatuated? Or is even that a copy of the feelings of the other one? I doubt that you even feel some kind of infatuation. I think now, that narcs invest a lot – much more than normal people would do – not to get some positive fuel but to eliminate/destroy/delete someone in the end. Yes, of course- this time it is the one- It is the one who can be eliminated forever.
    I do not find a fitting expression in your language- we have a better one, which describes it all. The ultimate demolition of an individual.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes. It is almost never the case that a narcissist begins seduction and ensnarement with the goal of destruction – that runs contary to what we need.

      1. Kellie Mccoey says:

        Your new subject is infatuation too. It will end badly as it always does. I find it interesting that even though you know this you can fool yourself in the beginning.

      2. Mona says:

        I am glad to read that, HG (Jan 25 AT 00:33). If you are able to feel infatuation, you are not completely empty. It was an individual answer deep down from your own core. No mirror. Own decision and feeling There is still a core. Only a tiny connection to this core, but there is a connection and that is very important – for you.. You still feel some hope.

        I am sorry that I provoked you. I had to find out.

        Seduction with the goal of destroying people is one feature? of a pure sadistic and pervert psychopath.

        You are not of this kind.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If I wanted to destroy someone I could do so and seduce them with that in mind – think Leslie. The point I was making is that the vast majority of seductions are not done for the purposes of destruction – it happens but it is rare. John Malkovich’s character in Dangerous Liaisons set out to cause a degree of seduction by seducing Michelle Pfeiffer’s character (he wanted to destroy her purity, her integrity and corrupt her) although of course it eventually took a different path. That has reminded me of Uma Thurman, must give her a hoover….

      3. mona says:

        I forgot something very important. There is still a connection to the original core- which is quite different to the creature. I think you will understand it.

  2. LSW says:

    Fabulous.

    I was married to a covert passive aggressive mid range narc for 17 years. I banged my head against a wall daily, and finally exclaimed “You have to change or leave” He chose to leave. You guessed it – he had a new source lined up. I asked him if he was stupid or evil for only one of those could explain his behaviour. He said he didn’t know how damaging his behaviour was. I don’t believe him. To avoid explaining to his family why we broke up he said our situation was “complicated.” I didn’t think it was. He ignored me and disrespected me all the time, and I didn’t like it. Simple really.

    Now I am free and I am stronger and better than I was before.

    I am a super empath and I caused narcissistic injury daily!!! He was thrown into OCD so bad he constructed a route though the grocery store that he could not change for any reason (or item).

    I got the house, and the children.

    What a shame. He had so much, and he lost it all. He could have been a decent person if he could actually be the person that he pretended to be for so many years.

    As it happens he will not change. I can though and I am grateful to him for my children, and the strength that I have had to find in myself to heal.

    And I thank you H.G. and “your kind” for the mirror (that you are) allows empaths to see what is missing from ourselves; where the chink in our armour lies. Our armour is love – self love.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well done LSW, welcome and you are welcome.

  3. kel says:

    Is Shieldmaiden Dr O? Did she volunteer to the experiment of you having a relationship with someone who knows you’re a narcissist? If so, clever way to reach your goal.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Interesting thinking and that got a Tudor nod of approval, but no, she is not Dr O, she is cleverer than Dr O.

      1. MB says:

        But does she smell as good?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The scent of salvation.

          1. MB says:

            Jolly good!

      2. MB says:

        And also HG…are you not exhausted?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Let me check. No, I am not.

          1. MB says:

            I’m glad to hear it!

  4. J.G says:

    In the end you’re just that, monsters of our imagination.
    Chimera
    1. Dream or illusion that is a product of the imagination and that is desired or pursued in spite of being very unlikely to be realized.
    2. Fabulous monster depicted with lion’s head, goat’s body and dragon’s tail.

  5. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.

    Yes, a few weeks ago, I came to that conclusion. But this is impossible for an empath. Even for me, I’m codependent. And this is because in the first place narcissists don’t communicate what they want and what they need. Well, with that they would lose the control that they exercise so much. On the other hand, familiarity engenders contempt and therefore the narcissist loses interest. On the other hand the relationship of the Empathic is cumulative, while the relationship of a narcissist is daily at counter 0.
    Very possibly if this was done only would lengthen the golden age some time more. It would only be serious, lengthening the execution time for the victim, it would be like being on death row, trying to prolong the execution time. For the simple fact that the narcissist has other secondary sources and infidelities, undermines the empathic in the worst way. And this will always occur at the least fault of the empath, because of the need to heal his wounds.
    I read the post, and frankly they are very nice but utopian words.
    u Only good intentions, a magical and golden world, a chimera in which we have lived all this time…
    I find the word chimera, I can from now on to my narcissist.

    1. J.G says:

      I love the word chimera, I can from now on to my narcissist.

      1. J.G says:

        I love the word chimera, I will put it from now on to my narcissist.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Sitting Target

Next article

The Futility of Your Feeling