Twisted

 

TWISTED-2

How could you be so twisted? I gave you absolutely everything. I opened my heart to you and gave you a perfect love which is beyond compare. I let you in to my world and shared everything with you. Nothing was kept from you. I knew that you were the one, the one person who amidst all the treachery and deceit in this cruel, harsh world who would take care of me. I recognised that you would shield me and protect me from the perfidious foes that lurked seeking to destroy me. I gave you everything that I had. I poured my love into our relationship, investing in it because I knew that this time it was my soul mate who stood before me. You made me so happy because you knew what I needed. You gave me what I wanted and also what I needed and you lifted me heavenwards with that beautiful brand of love that only you can possess. Our relationship was built on the firmest of foundations and promised a glittering and marvellous future. We had so much in common. You liked what I liked and I liked what you liked. So many times I would remark to my friends that it was such serendipity that we had found one another. There is so much hurt in the world, so much darkness beyond the front door and we found one another, two shining lights that when combined we burned brightly and brilliantly.

Nobody made me feel the way you did. At times, eloquent and articulate as I am, I struggled to find the words to convey what you did for me. Your selflessness and devotion were breath-taking and naturally I reciprocated. I put you first. From the moment I rose until the moment I let slumber take me, I had you and only you in my thoughts. As our mighty empire grew around us, I planned for us both. I looked forward and constructed a happy, fulfilling and most of all loving future for us both. We had no need to look back at the past. We had both been hurt by those who acted to their own agendas. I suppose that is why we found such a need in one another and one that we could both address. It was as if we had been cut from the same cloth. Two pieces of a fabulous and stunning garment that just needed to be stitched together and once combined cloaked us in magnificence. Our brilliance was never ostentatious. Most definitely other people would look upon us and comment as to our satisfaction, but not smugness. People would remark about how happy we looked and they were genuinely delighted for us, there was no envy in their words or expressions. We had it all. We had found one another and I believed in you, I believed in us. I gave every ounce of my being to you in order to ensure that what we had did not crumble to dust. I strained every sinew, fired every synapse and poured my very essence into us. I could not have given more of myself to you. From the material to the ethereal I ensured it was all directed onto you in order to ensure you knew how deep and perfect my love for you was and is. I melded with you, combined, conjoined and became one because I knew. I knew with a certainty that I had never met before that this time, this time I had found my angel, my muse, my protector and my soul mate. Such was the treasured nature of this find that I knew I had to do everything in my power to maintain that you and I remained as one. There was no hope for anything else. I could never do anything to hurt or harm you and thus spoil this most precious union. Every waking moment was dedicated to preserving our special relationship. Each word, each act and each thought revolved around the concept of us and I wanted more than any desire that I have ever known to keep us together.

Yet you destroyed that. How could you? How could you render into the dirt and ashes what we had? How could you betray me so viciously? How could you twist what we had built together so that it was no longer recognisable? A warped and corrupted image of what had been so magnificent, so perfect and what I thought was so impregnable. You perverted our creation, the poison which flowed so readily and alarmed me with the speed by which you were able to summon it. The toxicity which clouded my vision, stinging my eyes, filling my nose and mouth as I choked on the malevolent fumes. Where did this come from? I had never seen this about you. In all the time we spent together, and we spent a lot of time together, not once did I see anything that would indicate that beneath your beauty and your tenderness lay this vast repository of hatred and malice. How could you be so twisted as to unleash all of this against me after everything that I had done for you, after everything I had done for us? It makes no sense. There is no logic in what you did, no rationale for taking what we had and then rending it apart, pouring acid upon it so it melted into awful shapes, searing it with flame so that it bubbled, cracked and split becoming something terrible and fearsome. So many times I have asked myself why did you do this? We had the world beneath us and then for some incomprehensible reason you wrapped your hands around it and began to dismantle and destroy it. No sane individual would do this would they? Only someone sick would act this way. Someone who has something very wrong with them would let me down in this way, after giving and promising so much, to then cast it all asunder. A twisted and hateful game is what you made the concept of us become and your warped actions have exacted a severe cost to my well-being. You have tried to break and destroy me. Why did you do this after all that I have given you, after everything I have done, after all the love, affection and dedication that I have shown to you? Only someone twisted could behave this way.

Do I speak these words or am I hearing them? Perhaps I speak them as they are spoken to me as I look into the mirror? Are these my words, your words or do they belong to both of us?

 

20 thoughts on “Twisted

  1. Starscape says:

    This is very interesting.. i had to scroll to the bottom to decided who the narrator was. Mirroring .. ha! yes indeed the soul less pantomime, the sad clown, the Cheshire cat smiles. Through the looking glass sweet Alice follow the white rabbit deeper..

  2. lisa says:

    Twisted is the Perfect word to describe a narcissist , but when we engage in the word salad and continue to try and be Right we become as twisted as them. Normal people would just say
    Yeah whatever bye

  3. Al says:

    She did all this to me. I never seen it coming. I was blindsided by her beauty. her words. everything about her. Devoted my time my life and my heart to her. And all she did was play a sick game with me. Now.. I know what to look for.. And what i dont want. She almost broke me. But.. I rose from the ashes stronger and more protective of my feelings now..

    1. Cindy says:

      Good for you Al.

    2. MB says:

      Hi Al, my heart goes out to you. There is something particularly tragic about a man that has been hurt in this way and is vulnerable enough to post about it.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Our behaviour affects men and woman, there is no distinction.

        1. MB says:

          Of course narcissistic abuse affects both men and women. There’s just something about a man in emotional pain that is particularly painful for me to see. In hindsight, the comment was actually about me and not narcissistic abuse. Thank you for your logic, Sir.

  4. flutterbymorpho says:

    I’ve said stuff along these lines..

  5. Survival Nika says:

    In my eyes, you are so incredibly twisted, M. Tudor. But, I suppose in your eyes, I am the twisted one. But really, it is You.

    1. Maintenance Mode says:

      No, I recant. It is surely ED who is the twisted one. Compared to her, you are not twisted whatsoever, M. Tudor.

      1. Abw Flying says:

        Haha !

        1. Nika says:

          😊

  6. Alma Jazzmin says:

    “Words”… so revealing.

  7. SMH says:

    Great post, HG. Once again I am not sure if it is his words or my words or both of us speaking the same language.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  8. Bekah B says:

    I always liked this one.. All of these statements and hopeless questions are my sentiments exactly..

  9. BlueFalcon says:

    I no longer ask “how could you”? I am aware your kind absorb even that emotion from me so I prefer leave your kind to starve.
    ✌🏽💅

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Then you are seizing the power.

      1. lisk says:

        Thank you for facilitating that.

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