Tell Tale

TELL TALE

We have cast you aside after subjecting you to a litany of abuse, mistreatment and the full horror of our manipulative and disorientating repertoire. You have your absolute all in the pursuit of what you believed to be our perfect love. You have endured humiliation, denigration and belittlement yet you still hung in there, desperate to cure and to heal. You wanted us so much that it hurt and it still does. Not only have we discarded you with a callous disregard for your welfare and sanity, we have added to the pain by parading our latest conquest for all the world to see. You are no longer the recipient of our burning desire. You have been removed from our grace and favour and a new beneficiary has been installed. The monument to our supposedly everlasting love has been razed to the ground and on that once sacred ground we have erected a new edifice, lauding our new, shinier and much improved interest. What was once promised as lasting forever has been smashed into pieces and erased from the history books.

Your hurt, anger and indignation are tangible. The traitorous behaviour we have subjected to you has torn you apart. It is awful enough that after everything you have done, everything you have given and everything that you have endured, you have been struck from the record. The insult has been magnified and multiplied by reason of our infatuation with your replacement. How dare we do this to you. It is utterly unfair.

Your desire for retribution is immense. You want to cause our come uppance and warn the world about the monster that you see us as. You feel that all must be told about the awful toll that you have taken from our treatment but greater than that, you have that irresistible sense of needing to protect and warn. The empathic nature that made you such an attractive target to us has survived notwithstanding the mauling we have given you. You need to save our conquest from what you have been put through. Not only must you rescue the poor innocent from our toxic touch this will enable you to exact a delicious revenge on us. By taking away the thing that we crave, you know that triumph awaits. Our fresh acquisition may work out what has happened, but that will take too long. No, you owe it to her and you owe it yourself to intervene, to educate and warn. It is time to expose us for what you say we are.

You call us for the perfidious behaviour that we have engaged in. You decry our stories of your hysterical and unreasonable behaviour and yet here you are, ready to spread such lies about us to our new love. You hold yourself out as being a person of good nature and compassion yet you are hell bent on ruining our new-found happiness. You were not good enough for us. You let us down and thus you had to be moved to one side replaced. Out with the old and in with the new. That is the natural order of events. The appliance does not work anymore, therefore a new, faster and more effective appliance must be brought to the fore and installed. Why complain about that? Had you been fit for purpose you would still be the object of our affection, but you failed. We gave you every chance and yet you still came up wanting. You are to blame. You only have yourself to blame. Yet, exhibiting the malice that you laughingly accuse us of you go running to our new interest and tell tales about us.

Your poison-laden tongue weaves its malevolent words as you whisper fabricated stories in order to discourage our new love from remaining with us. Do you not understand that this is the very reason why we had to let you go. We tried. We really did, but you would insist on railing against us and not submitting to our will. There was no hope for it other than yo remove you from our lives. As people of substance and rigour, we have not gone with our tales of lament to others, seeking to draw sympathy from them. No, that is not for us. We chalked off our time with you as a mistake and we learn from it. Now we have found someone better. So what that we moved with what you regard as unseemly haste, we are entitled to drive forward. You should take heed of our capability in that regard, instead of remaining mired in what might have been. Imprisoning yourself in a tomb of melancholy is not the way of progress. This only underlines our superiority to you. We have moved on. If you cannot, then that is your problem and not ours.

We act with honour and do not stoop to your level. We know that our character speaks for itself with this new person. We allow them to make their own mind up and the extensive groundwork which we put in place has ensured that this person is impervious to your unsavoury behaviour. We know that our impregnable façade of magnificence cannot be pierced by your savage and twisted lies. Run to our new love, run to them and seek to pour your poison in their ears and we shall watch smiling as they turn to you and shake their head. They are immune to your campaign of smears. They know that we are truly wonderful and that you had your chance but you destroyed what we had as a consequence of your quite frankly unhinged conduct. She tells you how magnificently I treat her and you try to explain how it was like that for you in the beginning but your words are lost in translation. You are told that your jealousy has skewed your outlook, that your paranoia has warped your view of the world. Your craziness has been well documented. We have done the protecting. We have done the warning and as always we got in first.

Tell your tales but all you do is reinforce our brilliance and the reason we were oh so right to be rid of you. Nobody likes a tell tale. Nobody likes you.

43 thoughts on “Tell Tale

  1. MB says:

    HG, K, anybody: I have gotten myself into quite a dither (or maybe it was a lather) from my shower musings this morning. I was contemplating emotional thinking and how we talk so much on the blog about replacing it with logical thinking. Does that only apply to dealings with narcissists to keep us from engaging or ALL emotional thinking? Is our goal as empaths to become more logical? When is emotional thinking appropriate?

    1. Sun says:

      Hello MB,

      In my case, I have been always logical. However, the credit goes to HG Tudor’s work which helped me to differentiate between logical and emotional thinking.

      So here is my answer;

      – First Question: I believe that it’s always better to use logical thinking over emotional thinking, whether we are dealing with narcissists or in any other situation. I will give you an example for why I said that;

      Imagine that two individuals are in a building ( Joey is logical and Matt is emotional) . Suddenly a fire alarm rang and there was no way for them to get out, they don’t have their cell phone with them, either.

      Matt had a panic attack, he started screaming and shouting while saying that he doesn’t want to leave his wife and children alone. Joey however, was calm and he used this few moments – before the fire eat up the place and reach them- . He was thinking about a solution, and there he found a landline telephone, he grabbed it immediately and started dialing the firefighter’s number, unfortunately the phone doesn’t work because the fire has burned the wire. Joey never panic or let his fear or emotions control him, he started thinking about a second solution while Matt was crying and taking his last breathe! Finally Joey found a window but it was very high, he called for Matt help and they both left the place safe and sound!

      Well, if there was no escape, it’s better to die while thinking rather than crying, haha : P

      – Second question, maybe someone who were more emotional and became more logical can give an accurate answer, for this question. But, yes, I think it’s a good goal to become more logical.

      – Third question: If you mean emotional thinking such as ( love, empathy and caring for others) this is ought to be shown for family, close friends. In workplace, or business, (Sorry for the word) I leave my heart and emotions behind, I use no emotions in business. The only thing that should be used in business is the emotional intelligence, which helps to make you get what you want, and of course showing respect for others.

      That was a thought provoking questions, MB. Great ideas always comes in the shower. . . Lol .

      Please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts about the post, if you have any.

    2. windstorm says:

      MB
      I’ll throw my coin in… if you want your life to run smoothly and not like a roller coaster, always begin with logical thinking. You’ll feel your emotions right off, but shunt them to the side and assess each situation logically first. Then, if emotional thinking seems appropriate and safe, you can indulge in it. But always go with logic first.

      1. foolme1time says:

        WS, That is my biggest problem! At times I can not set those emotions aside! I would be so much better off if I could, but I don’t know how to do that! My emotions my passion explode from me at certain times even if I tell myself use logic, think logic, something will happen and boom! That all goes out the window and I find my emotions taking over once again! How do you do it? How do you just push them aside WS?

        1. windstorm says:

          Foolmeonetime
          I know what you mean and sometimes that happens to me, too. Maybe it’s all those years of living with my Pretzel. He looks at everything logically and would ridicule me for doing otherwise. I’ve trained myself to initially sort of freeze – no facial expressions, no movement, no response – and to just think, “Why is this happening? What does this mean? Why is this person REALLY doing this?”

          That’s something that’s not at all intuitive to me. I tend to take everything at face value and assume it is honest. But Pretzel has taught me that people lie all the time, often to themselves as well as the world. Everyone has their own objectives and their own, maybe really skewed, version of reality. That’s what gets us so hurt and confused, when we just assume other people are thinking like we are.

          I had the advantage of Pretzel grilling me and giving me his analysis (which often was something I’d never have considered). Maybe if you try just practice freezing and asking yourself these questions in normal situations. It can be an entertaining exercise. Get in the habit of analyzing regular situations this way and maybe it will become automatic.

          And I’d advise following Pretzel’s cardinal rule: “when you see “crazy” – run away! Never try to talk to “crazy.” As empaths we instinctively want to help people we see who are totally messed up and hurting themselves, but we really can’t. We will just wear ourselves out and not really accomplish anything. The kind of help they need has to come from within.

          1. foolme1time says:

            WS, Thank you for your help. Even though I realize people lie all the time for their own personal agendas! I am the one who always tries to find the good in everyone and takes them at face value. Grilling is something I also am very use to however I either get very angry or totally shut down! I will try with ordinary situations the freezing technique you have suggested. Thank you so much for your help. 😘😘

      2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Windstorm, MB and foolme1time,
        Great responses ladies
        Freezing …. wonderful tactic Windstorm, such a great idea.
        I find myself being more stoic these days
        Ive tried “listening” more intently, staying in the present, rather than reacting emotionally and I take longer to reply
        Listen more learn more
        We were out with friends yesterday and our “greater” male friend was being obnoxious as usual ( always wanting attention ) by trying to bait myself and Mr Bubbles… we changed the subject without reacting, but he kept persisting. ( now we both know he’s a greater, we have more control )

        It was funny … he started to talk and music started playing. We all turned around to see where the music was coming from … then focused back on him, however he “spat the dummy” and didn’t want to continue what he started saying …. “no, don’t worry about”
        Then he tried to blame me for “going on” about something his wife said ….. I replied I was responding to his wife, not him …… that shut him up
        He became restless and I dare say somewhat annoyed and decided it was time to leave as he couldnt “ruffle our feathers”
        Classic childish behaviour …..seriously (he didn’t get the reactions he wanted, like in the old days … I’m just no fun anymore …. haha)
        Mr Bubbles n I were highly amused…. we were expressionless the whole time during the conversation
        Logic rules 🤣
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    3. K says:

      MB
      I use LT in all areas of my life not just with narcissists. You function better when you rely on LT but that doesn’t mean you have to suppress your ET. Emotions are good as long as they are not out of control and causing problems in your life. You may find these comments from Excuses Equals Endangered helpful.

      Survival Nika
      JANUARY 22, 2019 AT 03:44
      I wish I could learn to turn off my feelings, at times, and use only logic.

      HG Tudor
      JANUARY 22, 2019 AT 16:32
      You cannot turn them off but what you can do is train yourself to go to logic first before your emotional thinking has a chance to commandeer your entire thought process and behaviours. It is achievable, admittedly harder for some than others, but it is achievable.

      1. MB says:

        K, thank you for responding. I had hoped that you would. I remember that comment now that you shared it. I’m not a particularly emotional person but it is easier to think logically in some situations than others of course. I think it all boils down to be mindful and being present. That must be what HG means by “train yourself to go to logic first”

        I just had a funny mental image of HG (training) with a clicker and some m&m’s for treats.

        1. K says:

          You are welcome MB
          Of course I will RSVP, you matter. It is very important to be mindful and sometimes people need to take a step back, remove the emotion and look at a situation with logic and reflect.

          Also, I try not to take things personally. I know some overly emotional people and their ET is off the charts, they see criticism where there is none and they create drama and chaos and I find that frustrating sometimes. A dream come true for a narcissist.

          “Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.” – Futility of Your Feelings

          1. MB says:

            K, you’re such a badass. Do you think if I could shadow you for a week some of it would rub off on me? I don’t know how not to take things personally. I take EVERYTHING personally, even if it is not directed toward me! When I feel criticized, I know the issue is the view I have of myself which is what HG told me. I need a little Narc swagger with some badass sprinkled in. Can we hang out?

          2. K says:

            Thank you MB
            Badass sounds sexy as hell! Sure we can hang out. If you shadow me, I will teach you moral flexibility, how to lose the guilt in three easy steps and obscene gestures 101. You will learn narc swagger and criticisms won’t be able to penetrate your narc suit of armour and you can even sprinkle it with some badass glitter, if you want.

    4. mommypino says:

      Hi MB,

      For me personally, I follow logical thinking, especially since I am a risk averse person. My philisophy is that my parents have already screwed up my childhood with their mistakes so I have always been very careful with the things that I can control in my life. I also try not to screw up other people’s lives.

      I’m a very emotional person but I rarely have conflicts between my logic and my emotion except for the narc handyman who tried to seduce me. With that I did my best to override my ET with logic.

      Personally (and I know this is not for everybody) I use my religious beliefs also to anchor myself so that ET doesn’t overtake my ship. It does help me a lot.

    5. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest MB,
      I feel, just briefly, emotional and logical thinking both result in decision making
      Narcs cloud our thoughts
      “Natural” thinking applies in our daily lives such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear and such
      Matters of the heart are a different matter …. “logic” tends to fly out the window
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. MB says:

        Thank you Bubbles!

  2. Lucy says:

    Hello Mr. Tudor, how can you not write anything about borderline and narcissist dynamic? Or did i miss? I think i have borderline tendencies. I had a big war with my ex covert narcissist boyfriend (3 year close friends, 3 year relationship with 3 breakups) i call it a war, because i lost my sense of self and trusting abilities (and still love him) he is with someone but lost all of his passion and aliveness. We are both hurt, i wish there were a way to fix it. But our last break up was brutal, i believe fixing it possible only in another lifetime. We had the high of our life with each other. I miss him. There will be no one like him, and there will be no one like me. I was submissive yet stubborn, empathic but somehow cruel. He was clever and sexy.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Watch this space.

    2. Lou says:

      Hi Lucy. There has been some discussion here about borderlines and narcissists. HG wrote recently that he was writing about this issue. Keep reading his other articles until he publishes the one you are looking for. You will find a lot of useful information in many of his other posts.

    3. Maeve says:

      But Lucy, how can your ex narc be “hurt”, I mean, in the way that normal people are hurt? And do you really think he misses YOU, and not just the fuel you’ve provided? Have you learned anything from this site?

  3. MB says:

    This is a long distance song dedication Casey Kasem style is to HG & The Shieldmaiden I heard it when exploring DM in preparation for having drinks with Sweetest Perfection and thought it quite appropriate. HG, you have stated that Martin Gore is a narcissist, correct? (Please tell me that you had this same ‘do back in the day!)

    https://youtu.be/OkIvGWPUUwk

    1. Lou says:

      Is M Gore a narcissist?

    2. Lou says:

      I asked HG once if M Gore was a self aware (greater) narc and he said no. But I guess that he was saying no to the greater part then.
      I must say I don’t like his voice at all. It bothers me that he wants to sing some of his songs instead of letting Gahan, who makes a much better job, sing all the songs.
      I love Gahan”s voice.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It gives Gahan a rest when performing live, thus preserving that baritone when attending to demanding world tours.

        1. Lou says:

          Makes sense

      2. MB says:

        Lou, I know very little about DM is why I was brushing up. I’m not a fan of the electronic sounds as far as listening, but they I imagine they are fun to dance to is why they are popular.

        When I heard these lyrics, I thought of HG and The Shieldmaiden. I am one that listens to the words of songs. Then I saw the video and his hair reminded me of my dearly departed chicken and his teeth were adorable so I had to share it.

        1. Lou says:

          Hmmm, from HG and The Shieldmaiden to your dearly departed chicken and his adorable teeth…
          Martin Gore does have a talent and hair to awaken people’s feelings.
          Just kidding Your comment made laugh a lot.

          1. MB says:

            Lou, ha! It was that VIDEO that distracted me from HG and The Shieldmaiden. I can’t believe we ever thought that look was cool. Did he get his teeth fixed or are they still the same? (Question for the fans.)

          2. Lou says:

            I suppose Gore”s looks at that time were influenced by the Punk subculture, which was anti-establishment and iconoclastic. I suppose it was being cool being anti-cool for many. Personally, I like punks.

          3. MB says:

            Lou, see link. This is why the hair reminded me of my dearly departed Bubbles.

            https://goo.gl/images/dHjAvR

          4. Lou says:

            I read Bibi”s comment and spent half an hour laughing thinking of your dearly departed chicken. I was finally getting control of myself but I have lost it again. I hope your dearly departed Bubbles will forgive me.

  4. Starscape says:

    Painfully true

  5. Sarah says:

    Due to no contact I never knew who the new sources were until N had discarded them. I feel this was helpful to my recovery and enabled me to stay focused on rebuilding my life. It was then, after the new sources had been discarded or ghosted, they came to find me, seeking answers.

    My sister has been the recipient of several emails to her FB account over the years, given I didn’t have one. Most emails I ignored despite feeling pity as the stories of broken hearts poured in. Then one day, my sister got an email from Jane.

    N left Jane with absolutely nothing 5 days before their wedding. Her email was focused around truth seeking and recovery and she said she had one simple question for me….. “I just want to know the real reason N and you parted ways, he told me it was because he couldn’t see himself marrying you?” Oh Jane, if only it had been that simple!!

    I decided to give Jane the truth because my gut feeling was that she was done and she needed it. I took her email address from my sister and I gave her the whole story. Although devastated and feeling much of what we have all felt ourselves when facing the end of the relationship with an N, she was very grateful for the honesty.

    I am pleased I spoke with Jane, but even still, it is a difficult decision to make when sharing information with regard to time spent with a narcissistic psychopath. The risk of repercussions from my perspective are not worth the benefits. Jane has been the only exception to this rule.

    Unfortunately because I remain silent I have become a key source of triangulation for the N. He knows I am hard to find and also prefer silence. I guess he continues to use his knowledge of me to his advantage in any way he can, even when I choose not to participate.

    I am now a very reliable tool of silence.

  6. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    Why warn the new prospect?
    You look like a madwoman in front of people’s eyes, because this is difficult to understand.
    You have a great waste of energy because the warnings will not be heard.
    You provide fuel to your narcissist. Because of your frustration.
    This is a process and a cycle and it must end for its victim.
    The important thing, is to have this knowledge before starting or falling into any relationship with a narcissist.
    The new prospect must by his own means learn and overcome this hard lesson.
    I would only talk to the prospect in the event that she was discarded or escaped to explain or indicate that she had a toxic relationship with a narcissist and refer her here and to Tudor’s books. Only indicate that she reads and learns by herself.
    The experiences are personal, and the work is also personal.
    I am not anyone’s mother, although directing her towards the subject reduces the time of this purgatory.

  7. Nika says:

    No, they will not listen to us when we attempt to warn them. We probably would not have listened, either, had we been warned.

    However, though they will not heed our words, I do believe that when the devaluation is in its full productivity, the victim will then remember our words, and the memory of these warnings might help when the inevitable need for validation occurs.

  8. Bekah B says:

    This article was definitely for me tonight.. Thank you, H.G… I mean, it reeaallyy hit home.. I will just keep my mouth shut and continue to wallow in my emotional misery until logic can prevail..

  9. lisk says:

    “The empathic nature that made you such an attractive target to us has survived notwithstanding the mauling we have given you. You need to save our conquest from what you have been put through. Not only must you rescue the poor innocent from our toxic touch this will enable you to exact a delicious revenge on us.”

    Thanks to a good friend and this website, I did not try to save the new “conquest,,” I just kept my new logical cool and stayed No Contact for 11 weeks. Yesterday, narc hovered me. I replied with NO emotion and that was that.

    Meanwhile, I decided to check out “new conquest’s” social media. And there it was: the reason for yesterday’s hoover.

    In the past few days, she’s posted sad pictures and poems about her broken heart and how she deserves better than crappy love. Just a month or so ago she was posting how love is wonderful, etc.

    It’s really just like HG says. It’s really so predictable and formulaic.

    Anyway, the only thing that’s not in the formula:I am no empath. I love the idea that the narc’s discard of her is so devastating to her. Delicious.

    1. Alma Jazzmin says:

      But maybe your satisfaction has to do with defeating your narc because he failed and not to much about the broken heart of the lady?

  10. Laurie says:

    Another very good article Mr. Tudor, and something that I wholeheartedly agree with.
    When a person has been discarded by a Narcissist, there is absolutely no point in trying to warn the ‘New Supply’ of the horrors that lie ahead.
    The ‘new Supply’ is probably already deeply in love with the Narcissist and she will see the warnings from his ex as proof of what the Narcissist has already told her about the former girlfriend, which will be something along the lines of: ‘She is mentally unstable, she was so jealous and so possessive that I felt stifled, she drove me nuts’ and so on and so forth.

    The new supply is now convinced that she is ‘The One’ and that the ex is a bitter and twisted woman who is looking for revenge.
    Of course it is entirely possible that the ex HAS now become a bitter and twisted woman because of the hell that she has been through with the Narcissist……..but what she should do now is concentrate on healing herself and RUN, RUN, RUN.

    let’s face it…..the new supply is going to find out for herself eventually that she has entered a living nightmare…..especially when she herself becomes the one who is discarded………in order to make way for the ‘New Supply’ who is beautiful, academically brilliant, perfect in every way, an Angel that belongs on a pedestal, the perfect woman that the Narcissist has been looking for all his life……………

  11. Kellie Mccoey says:

    This made tears well up in my eyes. Pure truth.

    1. Bekah B says:

      Kellie,

      I know what you mean.. It was never more relevant to my current situation.. And I’ve been disengaged from my narc several times throughout the years.. But this… tonight… it really resonated with me..

  12. Christopher Jackson says:

    That’s funny this story here reminds me of a young lady on a t.v. show called the 90 day fiancee’ the lady danielle has been ensnared by one of your kind hg…the thing is I can tell which one he is I would guess he is a mid range. If you all would like to check it out it’s on hulu very interesting. Thanks as always hg for sharing

    1. name says:

      paris.paris.paris…u started it

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