I Cannot Love You More


I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long. It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration. You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences. This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you. I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure. Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality. This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved? I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come. There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case? I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall. I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

9 thoughts on “I Cannot Love You More

  1. Andi Meyer says:

    Notice how the narc never, ever once offers love? He simply adores her, gushing it over and over with saccharin poetry. So many women think they can read between the lines…and they often translate into whatever language they are craving… attention, feeling needed, wanting to be heard…
    I was one of those women. Now I can smell BS before I see it. Sadly, though, there is so much of it out there. Not worth the risk of even trying to find a partner who is authentic, ethical and accountable.
    I refuse to ‘kiss plenty of toads’… haven’t I already done that enough?

  2. Joanne says:

    Can’t believe I fell for so many of these nearly identical sets of lines πŸ™

  3. Mona says:

    And I said that to all of your kind, who crossed my way.

  4. Mona says:

    I cannot love your kind.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Go on Mona, just try harder!

      1. Mona says:

        I do not try harder. And it is of no interest for you, if I cannot love your kind. It is only fuel that you need. But for me it is important to know.

  5. Laurie says:

    This reminds me of the time my mum made me read a ‘Mills and Boon’ romance book because she said that it was ‘Not Healthy’ for a girl of 12 to be reading stuff like Jane Austen and Charles Dickens.
    Anyway I gave it a go. When it got to this line I have got to admit that I laughed so much I almost peed my knickers.
    “His hand touched her secret place……that special place where he and only he belonged……that jewel that she had been saving just for him………”

    I told my old lady that if she EVER tried to force me to read such a load of old cobblers again I would cut my throat.
    I don’t know why, but this episode came back to me when I read this article.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’ve got me all-a-flustered with that steamy paragraph. I may have to go to my secret place to er find my secret place.

      1. Laurie says:


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