Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker

SINS OF THE EMPATH

Truth seeker. The pursuit of the truth. A noble ideal indeed is it not? It sounds as if you ought to be armed with your sword of justice and your shield of purity as you make your way through the badlands in order to find the truth. In fact, this is what you, as an empathic individual is unwittingly doing when you become engaged with our kind.

You are all truth seekers. The empath, the co-dependent and especially the super empath. You want the truth and you will apply your indefatigable spirit to acquiring it without understanding the toll that this misguided folly will have on you as whole. The need to be told the truth, to find it and to know it is a core empathic trait and as you would expect, it leads you into the trap of being ensnared by our kind and is heavily exploited.

Being a truth seeker is a further sin of the empath. Those who are empathic tell the truth, but that is because of that other empathic sin, honesty. The empath must always establish the truth of a situation, the truth at the heart of an individual and in so doing the allows them to reconcile their own truths.

The empath must know the truth. He or she must not only need to understand why somebody is as they are, but they have to be satisfied that this is the truth of the matter. This desire for the truth makes an empath extremely vulnerable to us since we trade in lies, deal in deceit and all our currency is counterfeit.

Take, for instance, at the outset of the narcissistic dynamic, when we begin our seduction of the empath. He or she wishes to know that this wonderful person is true in their intentions and whilst the empath might be pleased that others talk about how enamoured the narcissist is about them, or how the narcissist seems utterly smitten, the empath must establish the truth form the narcissist him or herself. This of course opens the empath up to the charm, magnetism and allure of the scintillating narcissist as we are only too happy to tell you what you want to hear, to show you what you want to see and to do what you would have us do.

Oblivious to who you are dealing with (until otherwise educated) the empath will, through his or trusting nature and propensity to deal honestly with others, accept what the narcissist says and does. That amounts to the truth. The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not ours, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards us is mirrored and reflect back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth. In seeking the truth but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion and is genuine adoration.

You might liken it to a person who carries with him or her one half of a precious gem and seeks the other half. This person encounters a mirror, but does not know that it is a mirror and thinks that they see the other half stood before them since it looks so convincing, yet try to touch or grasp or find any depth or substance to this supposed other half and it will not be there. This is what eventually happens when devaluation occurs as you see the reflection and it dawns on you that all you are looking at is what you already had, being made to appear like something more.

Thus in wanting to find the truth and being shown your truth and not ours, you are utterly convinced as to the legitimacy of our love, passion and desire for you. Your truth seeking has made you vulnerable to our deceitful manipulations from the very beginning.

Yet, the matter worsens. Your pursuit of the truth leaves you vulnerable to perhaps one of the most confusing and bewildering aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, the need to establish the truth during devaluation. Once the array of machinations are wheeled out against you, the gas lighting commences, the lies, the insults, the intimidation and so much more is used against you, your quest for the truth has you stuck in the quagmire of our manipulations for a considerable time.

Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you. This is not the truth that stands before you. The truth must surely have been the person who first seduced you. You know that to be the case because you sought the truth then during the seduction, you saw it and you established it. It is that magical, wonderful, adoring person who seems to have vanished and in its stead you now see some grotesque version of the person you love. That is not the truth that shouts at you and belittles you, that is not the truth that turns each time you want to go out with your friends into a battle and that is not the truth that turns its back on you every night in bed. You want to find the true us, the one you saw and established during seduction and that need, that desire and that pursuit of this truth means you remain in situ, not escaping and allowing our abuses to rain down on you again and again.

Secondly, you experience the downside of our pathological lies during the devaluation. You were lied to, naturally, during the seduction, but that does not matter. You thought it to be the truth and you established it as so and besides, those lies felt good didn’t they? Yet know, the lies wound and hurt, they scar and mark, as we tell you lies about what we have been doing, where we have been and who with. You are no fool, or so you think, for you have followed us, had others report to you and you know the truth of what has been happening. Now you must establish that truth with us. You must seek the truth from our lips without you realising that we will never do such a thing since to do so would be to cede control to you. You have not yet grasped who you are dealing with and thus you remain unaware that we use lies to achieve so much of our aims. Those lies are used to make you dizzy, make you cry, make you exhausted and we keep on going and will not concede to the truth.

How many times have you heard yourself say:-

“Just tell me the truth, that is all I want you to do.”

“Please, stop lying, just tell the truth.”

“If you would only tell the truth.”

“I want the truth.”

“Give me the truth. Please I am begging you.”

Are those phrases and those of a similar kind echoing about your mind now?

Your desire to get to the truth, to hold the truth in front of us and get us to acknowledge it means you become drawn into the circular arguments, the endless arguments, the denial, the switching and the deflections which leave you shattered, mystified and spent. Why can he not see the truth when I do? The Toxic Logic of course, but you are not privy to such information at that time and so you gird your loins, climb back on your steed and ride out once again in the pursuit of the truth. It is no surprise that you then gallop into the swamp and become bogged down by lies, untruths and mendacity.

Thirdly, during devaluation it is often the case that you will turn to others to seek confirmation that the truth you once witnessed is indeed the truth and you can find it once again. You seek the truth from our coterie, our minions and our lieutenants. You go to them and need to ascertain that we are surely a decent person, who is loving and caring are we not? You walk straight into the facade and its false truth. You hear the answers which you want to hear, we are lauded for our generosity, we are praised for our kindness, we are complimented on our good humour, easy charm and reliability. There it is, you have sought the truth once again and you have found it, yet you fail to recognise it as the false truth and the false hope which it engenders. Instead of trying to escape from this devaluation, you remain in place, taking comfort from that the facade has told you and redoubling your efforts to find the truth with us. Thus, you remain and exhaust yourself tilting against the windmill that is us when you think you are slaying the dragon.

Accordingly, your empathic trait of being a truth seeker makes you vulnerable to our seduction and extremely vulnerable to the effects of our mind games, manipulations and habitual lying. Were this where it ends, but your quest for the truth has a further blow to administer to you.

The empathic sin of being a truth seeker heightens your susceptibility to the post escape and post discard hoovers. When we open those shutters and allow the bright, shining light of the golden period to fall upon your face you instantly see that the truth has returned, that false truth which you were shown what feels like such a long time ago. Yet, all is not lost, the truth has returned, it is in your grasp and all you need to do seek it out and embrace it is to return to our fold. By seeking our the truth once again you fall prey to our hoovers and our control over you is increased again.

The desire to seek the truth is noble indeed but seeking it from one who scorns the truth and takes refuge amongst deceit, lies and fraudulent intent can only result in this character trait of yours gaining the epitaph of being a sin of the empath.

25 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker

  1. kel says:

    Narcissists lack empathy and victims lack narcissism.

    Neither has a healthy self-esteem. Recovery, really for both, is learning to love themselves. Then they can truly love others. Using others whether one is a narcissist or a victim, to feel good about themselves, is not love.

    1. santaann1964 says:

      So true!

    2. WiserNow says:

      Well said Kel. I agree with this.

    3. kathy0720 says:

      Nicely said!

  2. Kiki Romano says:

    Thank you for your insight and honesty, HG.

    I have a question..

    When I was first re acquainted with my ex narcissist after 38 years, he was slightly arrogant looked very nerdy, and was not what he has become today.

    He is married, lied and told me he was getting a divorce, etc. All lies of course.

    My question to you, is this. When we first reconnected, he was as I mentioned above. By the time we had been together for a year, he had changed remarkably, by letting his hair grow long and dressing very fashionably. Became outgoing and very friendly and outwardly his confidence soared compared to the man at the beginning of the relationship. He has said that I somehow unleashed this narcissism in him. He admits that he is one and he took an online test where he scored off the charts. He accepts that he is a Narcissist and he is seeing a therapist. Anyway back to what he has said, he has said that through the attention and praise that I have him, he became even more of a Narcissist. And he appears to be right. He is now being checked out by other women, where before he was a wall flower etc. Is it possible that through our interactions, he became more of a Narcissist?

    His personality has changed so drastically that I am wondering if I really did unleash this in him. He says that I did give him too much praise and he says that he went crazy with it.

    I’m sure he is blaming me but he has also said this humorously.

    Have you seen narcissists evolve from lesser narcs to more extreme narcissists by engaging in an affair like this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. If he is a narcissist he is likely to be a Mid Range Narcissist who thinks he is the equivalent of a Greater and therefore does not actually know what he is – i.e. a Mid Range Narcissist.
      2. You have not unleashed his narcissism – it was always there and all he is doing is blaming you – which is what a narcissist does.
      3. He was not a Lesser Narcissist to begin with, nor does a narcissist evolve school.

      1. Kiki Romano says:

        Thank you. How can you explain the increased interest in his appearance, that he is looking so hip and young since we re connected, and the new increase in skiing, increase in all things external? He was more of a boring business man when we first connected and it honestly does seem like his appearance has changed drastically.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Adaptation in order to fulfil his needs. We are chameleons.

  3. /iroll says:

    Fractured vs coherent self. The empathy want to mirror, but it can’t. Understanding this though is really mind opening, it helps you to make your emotional empathy more abstract and use it more analytically. You can’t see ‘truth’ and be attached to a desired outcome. This is a useful skill in life, in general.

    1. shesaw says:

      /iroll, good to see you! I’ve always kept wondering what happened with the vindictive lesser. No need to answer, just glad to see you here.
      “The empathy want to mirror, but it can’t.” Great comment, very insightful and very helpful, thanks!

  4. Aurora says:

    Hey gang and HG, question for you guys. Got entangled with another man who seems like a narc (fun times) and most likely a mid ranger? But his cycle is different from most Narcs I’ve known. He doesn’t love bomb and commit quickly, instead he dates women for about 3-4 months and then dumps them over the most ridiculous reasons that make little sense to me based on what he’s described, most likely because of swift devaluation. But he doesn’t enter a relationship, he keeps things casual. Highly entitled, very critical, hypersensitive to disrespect (the seething anger that is so common to narcs is hard to miss), and quick to call everyone else stupid and losers. But very, very good looking and successful in his field (which is why I think he’s a mid ranger). My question is…how come certain narcs don’t actually blatantly love bomb? Is this because his best is a bronze period not a golden period?? Or is someone actually getting a golden period but they’re unbeknownst to me?

    1. windstorm says:

      Aurora
      Some narcs just don’t love-bomb. Lovebombing is a way for them to get you emotionally attached to them. If they don’t need to do it to achieve their fuel needs and they are smart, they won’t waste the time and energy. My own personal belief is that love-bombing is more of a somatic thing.

      My Pretzel (exhusband) never lovebombed me. It was unnecessary and not his style. He is a cerebral and abhors anything emotional. He gets his fuel by tricking and outsmarting people and making them feel stupid and inadequate. It would totally gross him out to have a love-struck woman crying and clinging to him and wanting intimacy. He would consider her an unnecessary encumbrance and source of unwanted complications and drama.

      1. kathy0720 says:

        Good points. My ex behaves more cerebral, although he is surprisingly attractive. He just chooses the cerebral mindset over the somatic stuff. Not to say it isn’t there—but he is intelligent, educated, and strikingly attractive. Now it grosses me out to say nice things—but it is true.

      2. ava101 says:

        🙁

      3. Aurora says:

        Thanks Windstorm and Kathy.
        I think I have this grand vision of what love bombing is when really it can have many different definitions. The most recent narcissist I described was somatic as well, highly sexual, which is a form of love bombing I feel like. Just because he didn’t say he wants to be with me forever and wants to marry me doesn’t mean he didn’t lovebomb…he lovebombed me in his own way.

        By the way does the whole somatic and cerebral terminology still hold? Because I feel like most narcs feel superior about both anyway

        1. windstorm says:

          Aurora
          My experience is most narcs feel superior about everything – whether they have any right to or not. Somatic, cerebral and mixed are more about how others would classify them based on observation.

          1. Twilight says:

            Windstorm

            I was thinking about this entire “love-bombing” my ex came close to “understanding” what would open that door…..not by me telling him he was figuring it out. Another reason why I would call him a Mac when he angered me. Like a damn computer he was.

            I dreamt of my “death” long ago. Not my physical death yet my spirts death. I have always known if one could figure what would open this door they could slowly consume that which I am. I have always guarded this as if I was dead already…..

          2. windstorm says:

            Twilight
            I’ve never felt that spirits can die. Maybe we’re considering different things “spirit.” Who I think I am will die and can be crushed, but I feel that the spirit in me is indestructible. It will return to the universe. It’s the only “real” thing about me. The rest is just ever-changing illusion.

            But I think you must be meaning something else.

          3. Twilight says:

            Windstorm

            A spirit to me is ones life force or energy and yes I believe when my physical form dies it will become part of everything that holds this energy.

            In this physical form thou I believe if one knows how to enter this place they can consume my energy and in essence cause me to lose my individuality.

            Now I have experienced death and remember the “feeling” of what I call home which actually feels like total freedom.

            My dream is nothing more then my emotional fear of losing my individuality and no way I am just going to hand it over to just anyone.

      4. WiserNow says:

        Windstorm,

        What you say is interesting, and I can relate to it. Love-bombing can come in many forms and it’s not always obvious. The word “love-bombing” gets the point across well, but also sounds like it’s going to be explosive or earth-shattering or ‘in-your-face’ and most of the time, it’s not. In order to manipulate effectively, it needs to be undetectable or questionable.

        I’ve noticed that narcs will adopt various forms of love-bombing and it’s not the typical form of love-bombing that you expect or that HG describes. However, it generally seems to be a way for them to get you to drop your guard and to like them or give them the benefit of the doubt.

        For example, they may agree with you when you’re having a conversation, appear generous and interested, mirror you (especially to show they’re kind, or generous, or sympathetic), be chivalrous and helpful, give you a card or small gift when you’re down, or reciprocate when you do something nice for them.

        It can be subtle, confusing and hard to detect. The thing is to look for consistent behaviours to others as well as yourself over a longer period of time. Being empathic helps, because if it ‘feels’ unreal or uncharacteristic or superficial, your own sense of unease or intuitive doubt will help you.

    2. K says:

      Aurora
      He could be a(n) LMRN cerebral (seething anger, very critical, arrogant). Lower energy levels combined with the cerebral cadre probably means very little in the way of love-bombing.

      Good point. You have no idea what is going on in his fuel matrix so it is possible someone else my be getting a GP and you wouldn’t know it.
      You may find this article very helpful.

      https://narcsite.com/2018/09/18/the-golden-period-6/

  5. santaann1964 says:

    Dam right us “empaths” want the truth if we have been wronged as I’m sure your “kind” would want it as well! But I’m so good at truth seeking, I found out things that would destroy his self image . He would have to go to Alaska to escape his turmoil. I also have the back up as well. It does feel good to know what the heck is going on behind your back. I say seek what ever you can so when it comes to the smear of you, take it out! Sloppy narc I got! Lol

  6. J.G says:

    Hello, H.G. Tudor.
    Your post is really the truth, in every word you write.
    and I ask myself, what need do we have to seek the truth when there really isn’t even if we need to seek it? It is not hidden. This is in the light of anyone, even
    in front of ourselves. It is to the naked eye
    in each of their acts and actions or omissions.
    Look at each of our relationships, and you will see the truth.

    And the truth is that the love of our narcissist was, is and will be, more false than a heavenly dollar. Because they don’t love, they can’t feel this kind of feeling.
    The truth is in front of us and we really see it, but we don’t understand. This is also another great sin of the empathic-
    Not wanting to see and not wanting to understand in many cases, because it is in front of us with the naked eye.
    But we do not realize it, because we are under a great accumulation of hormones and chemicals that we segregate ourselves, because of the chaotic relationship we have with them. And the psychological sequels that leave us do the rest.
    But leaving aside the emotional thought, this great anemic of ours, things are as clear as water…

  7. TY says:

    At last, this is the truth!

  8. kathy0720 says:

    This truth seeking trait is strong for me.. It is fairly useless I see..

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.