Here Comes The Rain Again

I love the rain. I have a lodge in the countryside and like to sit on its veranda and gaze across the lake as the rain lashes down. I hear it drumming on the roof, a steady, reliable rhythm. I can see the large droplets cascading down into the lake, striking the foliage that grows on the edge of the water, the splashes and rivulets visible from my vantage point. After a time I am always compelled to leave my seat and walk the short distance from my lodge to the lakeside. I have brought most of my girlfriends here. It is tranquil and beautiful. The lake is about a two miles long and half a mile wide and is rather deep. Excellent for fishing. One can walk all the way around the lake and I have done so with my girlfriends as we strolled through the woodland, isolated from the rest of the world.

I like to stand on the edge of the water and stretch my arms out wide and tilt my head upwards and feel the heavy drops of rain pelt against my face causing me to blink as they land on my eyes. The cold water trickles down my cheeks and over my chin as the steady patter continues, eventually soaking into my clothing. I often lose track of how long I stand there, feeling the water striking me and then running off me. I never feel cold and I don’t notice the wet, not really. I feel clean though, the cleanest I’ve been as the edifying pluvial downpour continues. Each drop that hits me seems to take with it the dirt and disease, casting it down onto the ground beneath me. The impurities are washed away, the droplets scouring the contamination from my skin. The water strikes me and the spray that rises dashes the filth away, the mire rinsed from me. It feels to me as if God has sent his purity to scrub away the muck, grime and pollution that clings me to me for far too long. I am soon soaked as the water dilutes the sin and flushes away the stains.

There is innocence in the rain. For however so long it is that I embrace the downpour, I am divested of my cynicism and just for a while everything I have ever done, everything I have ever said no longer matters. I have been stripped of it all. I would stand like this with Karen. She would adopt the same pose. I would hear her gentle laugh as she opened her mouth to let the rain get inside of her and she held my hand, both of us arms outstretched as if we were being crucified. Even now as I close my eyes against the deluge I hear that soft laugh but I know she is not besides me anymore. She knew what the rain did and does for me. She understood.

24 thoughts on “Here Comes The Rain Again

  1. 19.19 says:

    The purpose of this post confuses me. This as well as when you mention looking out upon the quiet of nature in a previous post, I can’t quite figure out their aim. You even acknowledge God. Could you explain?

  2. Kate W says:

    Nice HG!
    Speaking of song titles—I was listening to some gary numann (80s) and have always loved “Are Friends Electric “ -I feel really powerful when I listen to it loud. Seems like a narc’y song. Almost looking at both sides

    the one line that Always has stuck in my head is “I don’t think it meant anything to you”-
    The lyrics make me think that Gary-got involved with a narcissist… And had a sad realization-

    Love it-

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That’s why he went to his car and felt safest of all

      1. Kate W says:

        😂… It took me a half a day to ‘get’ that joke HG… I never liked that song ‘Cars’ –

  3. lisk says:

    Sounds like Karen got too close.

  4. Kris says:

    It is funny how rain purifies and yet in some places it melts away edifices. I found this sort of experience when I stand with my eyes closed in the waves of the surf. This was beautiful and every time we rest our souls in a moment like this, it lets in a second of peace. That second will glow like an ember and eventually fill you. We are all in need of this, no matter what sort of person we are or have been. xoxoxo

  5. sarita133 says:

    HG, I didn’t really understand the end of your post. Why did you mention Karen? And why did you mention she is not beside you anymore? For the simple fact that you discard them / your victims escape you, or because you killed her at rhat moment? It wasn’t clear the effect of the rain on your behavior towards your victims when you took them for that walk by the lake, a good isolated environment from the rest of the world. When you felt clean from all the dirt and disease, did you feel so powerful / unbeatable and that had an effect on your behavior towards your girlfriends in that moment?

  6. Sarah Jane says:

    I love this. And the rain. Seeing it start at one side of the lake and ripple the water as it heads towards you feels good, too.

    How can a Narcissist write of such beauty as if through the feelings of an Empath, or maybe even better? You do feel things similarly then, like that. This is one of the reasons I refuse to call narcs alien or evil.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is called intelligence, not feeling.

      1. Kiki says:

        No HG , it’s not intelligence please don’t give out to me now.
        What you describe are emotions ,a state of being , an emotional experience for you.
        Personally I dislike rain , I live in Ireland and well we get a lot of it.
        Therefore I would not FEEL the same way as you do about it.
        Writing well as you do is a skill but your feeling about rain is an emotional state not a purely intelligent observation.

        A fan Kiki.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, it is based on intelligence and understanding.

          1. kel says:

            HG,

            Your first line is “I Love the rain” -Lol, but I know you mean you like it very much.

            It sounds like you get baptized in the rain- cleansed by God, everything you’ve done before is wiped away, and you’re at peace.

            (Maybe you should live in Ireland if it rains all the time? Keep you clean!)

          2. foolme1time says:

            Kel, I spent almost two weeks in England, I believe it rained at some point every single day! HG has enough rain. Lol

          3. kel says:

            Foolme1time

            Two weeks in England! That would be fun even with too much rain! Did you see any 6’ tall blonde men, hair sheared short and a ShieldMaiden on his arm?

  7. kel says:

    I love the rain too! I have played in it, kicked through a puddle and laughed in it. I love seeing birds in it, happily enjoying the puddles. I could stand in a hot shower stream too for an hour, it feels so wonderful. Love the sound of thunder rolling too with the rain shower outside, so comforting.

  8. J.G THE ONE says:

    Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    Just more magical thinking. No matter how much the rain falls on you, it does not cleanse your sin. Maybe you think it magically does. But if you need it, it shows that deep down you feel dirty and sinful, useless, barren, weak, because of your many faults. And you know it.

  9. Susan Boudin says:

    Maybe for you the rain is akin to object constancy, a concept that maybe narcissists don’t understand as a child. Isn’t that something a narcissist would be comforted by?

    Susan in USA

  10. princesssuperempath says:

    Dearest HG: I love the rain. In NYC, the city leaders and businesses do not pay to wash the sidewalks etc., as they once did. It feels like the city is being bathed when it rains, and it is actually the case. People usually frown in this town, when it rains. I smile, but people glower at me for smiling when it is raining. A good umbrella, proper attire, and it is quite enjoyable. There also is a love hate relationship with the weather reports here, because it is the type of location, where it often rains in one borough, but not the others, or in one part of town, and not the other. So many people dash about with newspapers over their heads, or the wrong shoes, or can not obtain a quick taxi, with many women bemoaning a bad hair day. All preventable. Also, one can get things done around the home, without the pressure of running outside, at times. I love rain songs, like: I wish it would rain, Singing in the rain, Have you ever seen the rain, It’s raining men, Raindrops keep falling on my head. etc, and of course, Here comes the rain again. It is raining today in NYC. I am glad. Regarding the rain: Crying is not for me.

  11. TY says:

    Thank you for this beautiful post. I’m so glad the rain gives you this feeling, HG. Have you had the opportunity to share this experience with Shieldmaiden yet?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, I have not, TY.

      1. TY says:

        I hope you do share the rain at your lodge and the lake with Shieldmaiden. What a wonderful experience to share.

  12. WhoCares says:

    Agreed Wissh; I love reading this one, whenever HG posts it.

    1. Wissh says:

      WhoCares
      I’ve been here less than a year so while I’ve seen a lot of them reposted, I’m still finding new ones too. Others are great refreshers.

  13. Wissh says:

    As a fan of rain myself I loved this one HG.

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