A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 18


I’ve decided to make it work with him. I’ve got a good life. I know you don’t agree. You don’t see the value in our relationship or in being a stay-at-home mom? You say I’m not capable of getting and keeping a job. Interesting, tell me again what your record length of time holding a position is? Do you remember mine?

I’ve shared my goals, and my hobbies, as well as my values. I’m no longer interested in trying to control how you see me. I’ve listened to you mention various women and how you didn’t think she’d amount to anything and now, “she’s selling expensive paintings…she’s a therapist…she’s a pharmacist…she’s a nurse married to a Dr….” I’ll be one of those girls you have talked about. I don’t need you to believe in me anymore, just like they didn’t. I noted that you didn’t seem happy for any of them, in fact, you seemed almost annoyed. 

You told me once that you’re a chameleon. I believe you now. Deep down, you’re empty. You know I’m not and that makes you angry. You can’t stand the thought that I gave up everything for you then you destroyed us and he took me back. He gives me a life that you can’t even aside from money and that drives you mad. It pisses you off that I could really love him and try to make him happy, even though you pushed me away. You chose your choices. With me, with everyone. You destroy your relationships and never apologize for one single thing. You know I’m right too so you’re going to give me the silent treatment. 

I know your tactics. I know what you are. Nobody means anything to you. People are like chess pieces. You manipulate to gather information. No direct questions. You don’t give direct answers. No ability to build or maintain a relationship. Only judgements and criticism. You can’t face anything that you’ve done and you want me to be responsible for all of it. 

I can be honest. I can and do admit to my fuck-ups. I own my part, he knows this, and we’ll work through it. He was right about you. You knew it too, that is why you couldn’t stand for us to be amicable. You are jealous of him. You say he’s a fool. Maybe you’re just a mean fuck-boy that had a normal life and likes to cry.  You love attention. Go log on to eharmony, any hoe will do. Did you ever think if I’m so awful, why does he try so hard to keep me? Didn’t you stop to think, maybe I give him what I offered you? You know the life you relentlessly pursued then threw away like garbage as soon as I was pregnant with the baby you said you wanted. 

Go find someone else to conquer. To numb your pain. You know you want to go slap a band-aid on it. Find someone to tell you everything you want to hear, find someone to listen to you embellish how horrible I am. I hope someone is free quick. I wish you luck finding someone else that will put as much effort and love into you as I have. I knew you were disordered and I still tried everything to support you. You don’t believe me? Narcsite.com. You fit the description of a Lower/Middle Mid-Range Narcissist with a mix of somatic/victim traits. All those times I empathized and tried to relate to you? Well, I am a dirty empath, you’ll find me. I can face that and I can fix it. 

It’ll take a long time for him to trust me. I have lost quite a bit of freedom. Yes, he knows everywhere I go. No, that doesn’t bother me. I still see my friends. Does that drive you crazy that he has that much control over me and you don’t? Have you ever wondered he knows where you are? That one day when your guard is down, maybe you’ll get the ass beating you’re so paranoid about? Probably because it happened to you before, and you won’t know where it came from because you fuck everyone over. 

You’re a prisoner of your dysfunction. I am not the prisoner you say I am. I’m happier than you’ll ever be. The thing is, you’re too scared to be happy. You shouldn’t be mad at me. You got what you wanted. I gave it all I had and you didn’t want it. So move on. Fuck as many women as you want and call it dating. Make them think you love them. It’ll be a good life for you. Hopefully, when you get that third nose job one of them will help you out again. 

6 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 18

  1. Asp Emp says:

    This is a good letter. The last sentence had me laughing……a powerful empath grenade indeed.

  2. nikij44 says:

    I see letters like this and I have to believe I just got bent over by a narcissist, yet I still take so much blame in my mind. I still feel so much pain in my heart. He was stunned that I told my husband about him, after he threatened to black mail me with private pictures I had sent him. He didn’t want me texting him anymore. Said if I did he would send everything to everyone in my family, so they would know what a psychopath, nut job I really am!

  3. Victoire says:

    Hopefully, when you get that third nose job one of them will help you out again.” This is bloody brilliant. I just guffawed out loud. I related to so many parts of it.

  4. Oh, I so could have written this. I actually wondered if it had been written by his current wife as the realisation dawns on her of who she hitched her wagon to!

  5. Joanne says:

    Great letter. Surely hits home with me. Thankfully, I never left and thankfully my husband never found out.

    I dug a bit to find the writer saying, “What was missing between my fiancé and I? Mostly chaos, I suppose.” Very interesting. I can also relate to this statement and I think HG has written in the past about “the beige,” and why DEs like me can’t just be satisfied with that – why we seem to be targets to these types who specialize at spinning up colorful, whirlwind romance. My husband and I have always been a wonderful shade of warm beige. Comfortable, pleasant, never going out of style, SAFE. Maybe it’s the chaos that is missing.

    In any case, I hope things are still going well for you and your fiance (husband?) now. You made the right choice, regardless of the price you had to pay/loss of your freedom in the end. I’m glad it worked out that way. Happy ending.

    Also, 3rd nose job – that’s pretty hilarious!

  6. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    Congratulations on moving forward, TB. Perfect picture for the letter, HG.

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