“Glow worm”

From the obvious and well-used to the corruptions and bastardisation of your first name through to the downright bizarre, pet names are a standard feature of relationships. Parents may have a nickname or pet name for their child, we use nicknames for our friends but most often they are used in the context of an intimate relationship. Their use is to denote endearment and to highlight something special and unique (although using babe is not going to win awards in that category) between that person and their significant other. When used in the context of a non-narcissistic relationship they are relatively harmless, perhaps hinting at something which teases and might be mildly embarrassing (e.g. calling someone glow worm because they go red and become embarrassed easily) but generally they are used as a fond and kind epitaph. That situation becomes corrupted and entirely different in our hands. We regularly use pet names for our primary sources, but our motives for doing so are not about being genuinely endearing but for a host of more nefarious reasons.

  1. It is done to appear to endearing to you so that you think you are special to us. You merit being given a pet name and therefore you are led to think that we naturally care and love you since we have taken this step. This is done because it is a standard step in many intimate relationships and all we are doing is mimicking that for the purposes of making you think that the relationship between you and us is wonderful, special and marvellous.
  1. You are our possession. By giving you a label in this manner we are branding you and stamping on you that you belong to us. It enables us to exert control over you.
  1. We objectify all of our appliances and by giving you a pet name we are reinforcing that. We may call you “angel” but in our minds you are just an angel, one of hundreds no thousands out there. In the way that those who find themselves in a perilous situation might use their name with an aggressor of kidnapper in order to humanise themselves and the other person, we utilise pet names to dehumanise you. It is our stand point that you are an object to us and it is far easier to control and abuse an object.
  1. We use the same pet names for many of our appliances. There will be differences when for example the pet name plays on your name, so if you are called, Rebecca, we may call you Beccipops, but if it is a pet name which is nothing to do with your actual name or a distinct attribute of yours then you should be aware that several primary sources before you all got the same name and the ones that comes after you will as well.
  1. By using a pet name and keeping it the same for all our primary sources we minimise the risk of calling you, accidentally, by the wrong name and bringing about questioning and a challenge. Thus, if we call you “Sugarbumps” and we are having an affair, the other person will also be called “Sugarbumps”. If you were ever granted access to a narcissist’s phone, do not be surprised to see Sugarbumps1 and Sugarbumps2 in the directory.
  1. As with many things narc, what we grant we then take away in order to upset you and exert control over you. Thus if we always referred to you as “Hot stuff” you can expect that come devaluation you would be referred to by your actual name instead of there may even be a corruption of the pet name, for instance calling you “Cold stuff” instead. This is done to make you react and feel hurt by this change in the affectionate pet name.
  1. In some instances, the pet name may actually seem like a compliment to you but actually has a hidden meaning to our kind and whilst you smile when you hear this name being used, we are actually laughing at you on the inside because you do not realise that you are being insulted. One example might be by jokingly referring to you as the boss. Thus in front of you and our coterie we may say,

“Thanks for asking, I will have to run it by the boss.”

You smile at this affectionate deference to your authority oblivious to the fact that my coterie and I know is means Best Of Seven Sluts, being a reference to how we regard you sexually.

  1. In some cases, we forget who you actually are (because we regard you as an object) but if we call all objects “Munchkin” then we can fall back on that and refer to you by this name without appearing stupid for forgetting what you are called.
  1. We may invent new and different pet names which are insulting, disrespectful and unpleasant when we embark on our devaluation of you. We may call you The Rash because you keep appearing everywhere when we do not want to see you. We may call you The Pirate because you have small breasts, e.g. a sunken chest. We may label you as The Thorn because you are a pain in our side or we may just go for It as regular readers will know from my treatment of Lesley.
  1. We will also insist that you use a pet name for us but we will choose it. Nobody normal chooses their nickname and then tells people to use it. Nicknames and pet names evolve from characteristics witnessed by those around the recipient of the name. The fact that we appear and tell you to call us “Goldenballs” is evidence of our sense of entitlement and grandiosity.

The use of a pet name by our kind is never to be regarded as pleasant and complimentary. It is a device for demeaning you, upsetting you and exerting our control over you, in the same way that one keeps a pet animal, that is how you are regarded as we keep you in one of our gilded cages.

6 thoughts on “Pet

  1. MsDaisyDee 00 says:

    Oh yes, this. I was “Babe” very early on in the relationship. Too early, in fact, to be called by a pet name. I was babe every day, all the time. In social situations, he’d even refer to me as “babe” rather than my name, when he was talking about me.

    Fast forward many months, and he’s raging at me over some nonsense, then pauses and says “Daisy” with a smirk.

    When the next one came along, I told him “Babe” was off-limits because it reminded me of an ex. So I was “Hey…”

  2. sunnHekili says:

    My first phone convo with the last Narc, he greets me with a sexy, “Heyyy, Babe…”😧 I knew exactly what he was doing & it didnt feel very good at all. It felt very contrived and it made me feel cheap. So disappointing & a huge red flag. But what was at the forefront of my mind? Confusion; he was the nice boy from school…who was this shady guy on the phone? So i set about trying to reconcile the two very different pictures. Silly me. It hurt like hell to be right about him, but im slowly getting better. Emphasize the word slowly😔

  3. foolme1time says:

    I’ve had a few over the years, one of the strangest was Bruce, apparently my Father wanted a boy, he also would always say girls didn’t act the way I did, I was a tomboy. He made many nicknames for me, most I have forgotten or don’t even think about. My ex’s also had nicknames for me, dingy, sentimental, babe, a few of many, but there was one that although I have tried, I am not able to find anything that could be switched around to mean something negative, lighthouse.

  4. MommyPino says:

    My matrinarc has pet names for all of my cousins but she never had a nickname for me. Her pet names for them would highlight something that she thought were their deficiencies. Sometimes she even made up words that sounds terrible to call some of them. She tells me that the word that she made up means something (always a bad meaning) but I have never heard those words used by anybody else nor find them in any dictionaries. I wanted to have a nickname and have asked her to give me one but she said that she already gave me a name. My husband though (not a narc) gave me a weird nickname which he always calls me in a very endearing way ‘my little pino’. He’s a really tall guy compared to me so when he spoons me and hugs me he would just totally envelop me and tell me that I’m his little pino. So thankfully I had someone be the person to me in so many wonderful ways that my mom could not be.

  5. Blondie says:

    My narc refered to women by hair colour on his phone…the red one ,dsrk one or blonde one..would not believe it only had I seen this myself.

  6. olderandwisernow says:

    Very illuminating HG. He called me by several names… Pet being one. LOL. He also used my given name when I was being devalued.

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