You know what I miss? I miss hanging out with you watching SNL, Colbert, and hilarious movies, drinking fabulous California Cabs or intriguing French wines. Smoking some weed now and then. I miss stimulating conversation. I miss our conversations full of wit and feeling like we really connected. I miss hearing how gorgeous and sexy I am. I miss making fires with you in the chiminea. I miss you taking care of me. I miss R****’s joyful greeting of you. I miss your car in my driveway. I miss your presence. I miss the good ways you made me feel. I miss your sweet texts. I don’t miss the others.
I miss the way you looked at me and how that look made me feel so, oh so secure. I miss seeing you at my concerts. I miss you in my house, on my couch, in my kitchen, bathroom, and I miss you in my bed. I miss the Paseo house! You TOLD me that was mine! I miss you all over. I knew all along you were dishonest.
Being a super Empath, I sooooo wanted to believe in you and “our love”. I tried harder with you than my past narcs. You truly showed me the love I’m capable of. You showed me MY LOVE. You showed me yourself early on. I think the first test was when you called to me to say you broke my Mom’s cake dish. I know now that you were testing me. You didn’t really break it. You wanted my reaction. When *odi called me to warn me while you stayed with me 17 days during storm sandy, (who I now know is a tranny…) then you took me to NYC to a fabulous Jazz concert staying at the W. only to phone me after you drop me home to call and scream at me for being on POF. Weren’t you? I mean, how’d you know? And…??? Anyway, I emailed you next day… hey you’re gf called me… Hoover Hoover Hoover… back up and running… for 5 years.
In one way I thank you for showing what was missing. It’s not you. It was me. I was missing. I can’t believe I still cry over you. Truth is, I’m still crying over me. No worries.
As painful as this has been, my destination will be sublime. The day I don’t ache for you will come. When I genuinely heal my innermost wounds I will not desire you nor will you enter my thoughts. For you are my wounds.
PS: thanks for all the diamonds. enjoying selling them off