Heart Hooks No. 1 – Narc Sayings of Seduction
(This is a meme. There is no accompanying text.)
Did the narcissist say this to you? How was it conveyed, when was it conveyed and what was your response?
Do you believe in the concept of soulmates? If this phrase (or similar) was said to you, how did it make you feel? What did you believe by it?
37 thoughts on “Heart Hooks No. 1 – Narc Sayings of Seduction”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
We were in the same year in school, same friends etc but strangely had never met. It was a real ‘sliding doors’ scenario. .We’d been moving in the same social circles for 30 odd years but I don’t remember him at all .. I prefer to think that we were never supposed to meet for good reason…as opposed to cosmic timing
Did he ever tell you that he noticed you all those years you didn’t notice him?
This actually reminds me of a friend my daughter made a couple yrs ago ive posted about before and am certain is a narcissist. She hops from one friend to another and even cycles thru them in typical narc fashion. What stood out to me as a huge red flag was the obvious i wont say love bombing but bff bombing. She poured on the friendship soulmate stuff on heavily in the beginning. It was very obvious. Lots of bff notes and pictures. Lots of were best friends and will be forever and this was from day 1. It wasnt long before the devaluing started and i quickly explained the narc cycle to my daughter to prevent uneeded confusion. This girls mother is a raging somatic narc. So i can see where shes learned her ways.
The girls are no longer friends. There has been many attempts to hoover the friendship as she cycles thru her appliances but my daughter will have nothing to do with her.
I have taught my kids a lot of what ive learned here thanks to HG. My son stood up to his uncle and told him he was triangulating 😱 lol im proud of him and had to laugh but also explained he has to keep this knowledge to himself.
CM – I’ve given my daughter a copy of the book Manipulated (she’s a teenager and going through friendship issues), because she has a few narc like friends. She’s starting to pick up on the behaviours, and make her own decisions or form her own views. I think the knowledge will stand her in good stead.
Hi blackunicorn..thats a great idea!! I wish i knew all of this when i was younger.
CM – me too!!!
Dear Black Unicorn. Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap and Clap. Standing Cyber Ovation! PSE Approves!! 🙂
Thanks PSE!!! 😊
CM. Brava!!! Triangulating! Hahahaha! They sure learn the best words quickly!
Dear Mr Tudor,
The weasel was always saying we were soulmates and having the same “parallels” …… then another parallel then another and on n on ….that was his “go to” word 🤢
I mentioned how surprising it was that we had some same similarities … but it never phased me !
What a drongo !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
ET says it would be nice if soulmates really existed.
Logic says there is no such thing as soulmates; it’s just a concept created to make life more bearable.
I do let ET take over sometimes, especially when my sister explains to me all her theories about love and soul contracts, but it is mostly logic that drives me.
However, wouldn’t it be nice to have a soulmate? Of course it is tempting to believe in such thing. I think.
And dangerous, I know.
I had my soulmate with my late husband. He was trying to mimic him . He was very good at this. I did not realize what he was doing. When I told him I never thought I could love anyone again, but he had so many of the qualities I found in my late husband, then he knew he had me hooked. Oh this guy was very calculated in what he was doing
Oddly my narc never did say this but i felt it. We share a lot of common interests and similarities but are also so very different when it comes to the npd.
He did and does lovebomb every so often but it usually is when A. He feels im slipping away in another direction or B. Hes done something narcish and i detach.
As far as saying this in the seduction phase i dont recall him doing so but i know many will. They paint such a fairytale picture.
He told me I was different. I thought we were soulmates. We both said it to each other. Our personality types meshed really well together. Yet, when it was bad it was the worst.
At some point I think I was confusing trauma bonded with soul mate. He truly was the yin to my yang.
“We’ve got the spark”
Haha, if by spark you mean detonator, then yes.
heheh well, i guess if one believes in that kind of bollocks-its gonna be like a red flag to a bull. My experience, says that they are much more subtle, behaving in ways that line up to what YOU want. rather than OTT words.
My narc. even talked about ‘his problem’ which actually is a slice of truth, as he was, like most narcs. acting on instinct but unable to figure out exactly what he is, just aware that his life is unmanagable and nothing ‘works out’.
HG, have you written a book exclusively FOR these lesser/mid narcs.? I know the market for that is prob. less but most of us who havent severed all the emotional binds (the majority here i would think) would probably buy one to send anonymously to our narcs.
Especially now Vaknins churning out his new ‘cold therapy’ (dont get mad i mentioned him! 🙂
Ive heard a small amount of. narcs are both self aware and wanting something different for themselves… bit paradoxical buti guess anything is possible.
There is no point writing a book for a Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist, they do not know what they are.
My Lmr pulled this one out toward the end when he knew I could leave him again (I’d left and gone total NC for 8 months before being caught back in. That’s when he wanted commitment etc: the soulmate bit was used regularly)). I did leave again,within a few months. Been 6 months , again total NC.
My MMR used the term “sexual soulmate” as I was a DLS.
He said it. At the beginning. Why did he cry when we said our vows? Why did he half wake in the night, pull me close and say the sweetest things to me in the middle of the night? He even did that during devaluation.
Meanwhile my emotional thinking has me looking for any reason to get in touch with him. Thought finally I was going to have to to get help with one of my rifles, but I don’t after all, and emotional thinking is pissed off because I don’t.
He was my soulmate. I was his. Trouble is, I knew it and he didn’t. Trouble is people like him torture and destroy their soul mates. I just want to tell him a joke or touch his chest or kiss him and hug him, make him smile. Even after everything my heart is tender towards him. But it’s no good. He will just hurt me some more. So I just suffer through it and hope there is an other side.
He used the soulmates line a few times before the romantic pursuit began. This was usually over social media, in response to a comment I’d make that he’d agree with. During his seduction he would repeatedly say we were meant to be, that some force kept us apart but it was fate that brought us together after so many years. We were so alike, like “soulmates.” 🙄 Logically it was ridiculous but emotionally it was delicious.
I don’t really believe in soul mates. I believe in *compatible souls.* I think if he were really the man he pretended to be during that seduction, then our souls would be compatible.
Haven’t heard them say the S-word IRL on dates but they All seem to push it in social media posts or their Myspace, Spotify, in a songlyric they wrote.
Many midrangers are singer-songwriters. They spot my ear-to-ear optimistic smile within nanoseconds.
Yes. I was trying to explain him
and I had only been out 3 times and that he was coming on a little strong. To which he suggested we didn’t need the time because he had never felt a connection like that before and that he didn’t necessarily believe in soulmates but that I was his.
I don’t believe in soulmates.
I actually told him I thought that was a manipulative thing to say.
But he would always make me feel crazy for speaking sensibly.
Until he got what he wanted and snapped me and all my sensibilities in the end.
Pffffffft!!!! Yes…….I don’t believe in soulmates. Use that rubbish on someone else
I never heard this from either. Now I feel cheated.
That was a joke. I don’t think that would have worked well for me although I like the idea of soul mates just wouldn’t trust a person who said it.
Anything that smarmy would not have gone over ok in my adult years—but would have in high school for sure.
I believe in soulmates and destiny and past lives. If someone told me I was their soulmate I would most likely believe them. Everything happens for a reason but I also strongly believe in free will.
Oh I hate this one most of all. First words I heard quite clearly when I knew I was in serious trouble many years ago were: True love is a blending of mind, body and spirit. Ugh!
He didn’t say this to me in these words. Maybe he hinted at some sort of connection, but I don’t recall. However, I probably would have fallen for it if he did.
Now? Now, if someone said this to me, I would just cast them off immediately, for either being potentially manipulative or too stupid to hang with me.
No one tells anyone who “we” are. If there are any definitions of “we,” it needs to involve a discussion and a mutual conclusion.
I used to rely on others to tell me who I am, to tell me what traits I had/have, both marvelous and malignant.
No, not anymore.
I define and conclude who I am.
If there is a “we” in my future, together “we” will define and conclude who “we” are.
Lisk
This was a major mistake on my part; allowing him to tell me what I was and defining what “we” were/would become long before we were anything.
Joanne,
I’m sorry that he hurt you that way. I really hate how they build us up and get our hopes up just to let us fall. Nothing hurts like that.
How are you feeling after NC?
Hi TH
NC is going pretty well. I will say I am tempted to stalk his social sites (since they are all public 🙄) but I haven’t cracked yet. Today I began to get a little soft, thinking about some of his “good qualities” but I was able to reset myself pretty quickly. Thank you for asking 😘
Hi joanne…first off i want to say congrats on your no contact!! No contact can be so difficult so dont for one minute forget it takes strength and to praise yourself every step of the way.
Ive not gone no contact but i wanted to say i can relate to what you said about the temptation to look on their social media. Ive made it a rule not to bc id either feel jealous, insecure or angry so i just dont. This also goes for a group we had been on together and i found caused a lot of problems. It was really hard to break free but i did about 3 yrs ago and never even take a peek bc im done with it. I can no longer allow that to poison me. Itll poison your life if you go look on their social media. One look and it can set you wayyyy back. Youre your own protector. You may feel strong and want to at some point but i would treat those sites like theyre dead and no longer exist. Over time they do become nonexistant to you and like a weights lifted off your shoulder. Best of luck!
Thank you, CM
Yes the peeking into their SM is just toxic poison and I know it will set me back if I look. He’s not a relationship bulletin type, but he is a boaster so that alone would be enough to aggravate me so I will stay away. I also spent a lot of time trying to appear so happy and content in the hope that THAT would annoy HIM, so it is also a relief to not have to keep that up as well (not that he actually cares 🙄). It will get easier with time, I’m sure…
Hi joanne…youre doing great one step at a time! I look at you and others here and am in awe of your strength and really admire that!
In regards to him seeing youre doing well you dont want him to care. He probably does but only in relation to how it affects him.
Well said lisk.
“Now, if someone said this to me, I would just cast them off immediately, for either being potentially manipulative or too stupid to hang with me.”
I feel the same way. Now, if someone says something like this to me, it is a red flag and I am instantly wary and vigilant.
It reminds me of an incident at the supermarket a few months ago. I was stopped by a well-dressed young man who was seeking donations for a well-known charity. He stopped me, said hello and I responded politely. He then said, “thanks for stopping, you’re an angel”. Although he may have meant it in an innocent way as just something to say, my narc-radar went up and I instantly thought, “no, I am a human being, not some heavenly creature with wings”. It just made me instantly slightly annoyed lol 😂 Anyway, I politely told him I had already donated and that was the end of that.
Great post lisk!! Totally agree 🙂
He didn’t use the word soul mates, but that we had a spooky connection… how he had never felt so close so fast to anyone ever before.
What a load of bullshit.