Infatuation
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh? Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding. Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that. I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises. This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done. You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another. We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you. I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.
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“Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me.”
This makes me think of some of the reading I’ve done recently about ‘self-esteem’.
On the surface, the words ‘self-esteem’ appear to be simple enough… it relates to how each of us evaluates our own self and whether we see ourselves positively or negatively. Back in the 1980s, it was considered that ‘high self-esteem’ would result in more happiness and a better quality of mental health and satisfaction with life in general.
More recent studies have shown that ‘self-esteem’ is much more complex than that. It is not just about the ‘level’ of self-esteem. It is also about the consistency and stability of self-esteem and how these elements combine with ‘self-concept clarity’.
These studies of self-esteem relate to all people, wherever they sit on the ’empathic-narcissistic’ spectrum. The way we see ourselves and how we evaluate our self-view either privately or in comparison with others affects everyone, including narcissists.
For instance, ‘normal’ people can have a high level of ‘healthy’ narcissism and *not* be narcissists. The difference between the two is thought to be based on the stability and consistency of their ‘self-concept’, that is, how secure they are about their own self-evaluation.
Studies have found that people (in general) who were high in narcissism but low in self-concept clarity were more prone to anger and aggression directed outwards to perceived ‘ego-threats’. Conversely, people low in narcissism (ie. negative self-evaluation) and low in self-concept clarity were more prone to depression. Depression is considered to be a result of prolonged anger directed inwards at the self after perceived ‘failure’.
A person high in narcissism but low in self-concept clarity is more likely to have:
“defensive self-esteem” – positive self-view on average together with lurking self-doubts and unconscious insecurities; and/or
“fragile self-esteem” – positive self view on average but prone to fluctuate, dropping sharply when difficulties are encountered because self-worth lacks a firm anchor.
The article that explains this in greater detail can be found here:
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11281079_When_a_Grandiose_Self-Image_Is_Threatened_Narcissism_and_Self-Concept_Clarity_as_Predictors_of_Negative_Emotions_and_Aggression_Following_Ego-Threat
This academic article is very interesting. It made me think that ‘self-concept clarity’ is the deciding factor in whether or not our ‘self-esteem’ is secure or not. In turn, it is the stability and consistency of our self-esteem that is the key to our emotional stability, rather than the level of self-esteem.
The narcissist has a highly positive self-view, but it’s based on a fragile and unconsciously insecure foundation. When this grandiose but insecure self-view is ‘threatened’, it causes the narcissist to lash out at the perceived ‘external’ threat in an aggressive way. The anger (fury) arises unconsciously due to the narcissist not being able to tolerate any threat to their shaky self-view. They need to quickly re-establish their grandiose self-view. To do this, they need to ‘devalue’ the external ’cause’ of the threat instead. Their highly positive self-view does not allow them to consider that they themselves may have some input in their own feelings of ego-threat, or that there may be no real ego-threat there at all.
We are all ‘human’ and nobody is grandiose enough to be “gloriously brilliant” all of the time (except maybe HG 😉 … just kidding HG 😄). This is something the narcissist can’t seem to accept without feeling threatened.