20 Deflections of a Lesser Narcissist


The lesser of our kind is a creature of instinctive reactions and knee-jerk responses. In common with all our kind, he or she must always avoid blame and swerve accountability. Denial is often used by the Lesser Narcissist to achieve this with a blunt rejection of the comment that you have levelled against him or her and if you persist you will invariably find yourself on the receiving end of some heated fury in order to beat you down from asking your questions and apportioning blame. The Lesser Narcissist will offer denial with little or no supporting evidence. It is not a topic for discussion any longer. The lesser will also engage in the art of deflection. He or she does not think carefully being launching these phrases and comments in a bid to deflect the nature of your questions and accusations but rather they are an immediate response. Indeed, they will often appear to be raised out of context, appear to be non sequiturs and even almost nonsensical. They are not to the lesser. In his world these are instinctive responses which he or she has to come out with in order to deflect your questioning of them. Your questioning creates unease and discomfort and the lesser will issue these phrases from a stockpile he or she keeps. They lack the higher function to think of a high-calibre response which brings about deflection but instead utilise these phrases below in a “one size fits all” approach. They will be hurled back at you, often with venom attached, a standard response to what you are saying to the Lesser Narcissist. Expect to hear them many times in the course of your dance with the lesser. He is not capable enough of conjuring up new ones and relies on these “old faithfuls” to deflect the force of what you are trying to achieve. The deflection at this level works usually by causing disbelief and confusion on your part. You like everything to make sense. You like things to follow an order and be logical and therefore these stock responses will make you stop in your tracks as you try and figure out either what is actually meant by them or if you understand the thrust of the comment how on earth they are applicable to what the discussion is about. This is the beauty of these deflecting comments for the Lesser Narcissist. He cannot think up clever or articulate responses but he does not need to because there are just as effective in halting you in your tracks. They may not always result in your behaviour being questioned (as is more the hall mark of the deflecting comments of the Mid-Ranger of the Greater Narcissist) which then takes the conversation of discussion in a different direction. These comments however fulfil the aim of stopping the discussion going in the direction it was and indeed cause it to veer off at an improbable tangent into the realms of confusion and bewilderment. That does not matter to the lesser, as long as the attack, the criticism and/or the questioning stops goes elsewhere and his accountability remains unaffected. So long as your response provides him or her with a fuel, the comment need not be magnificent or well-constructed. Here are twenty stock deflecting comments used by Lesser Narcissists.

  1. You’re nothing special yourself you know.
  2. Why do you have to use dictionary words with me? 
  3. I’m not stupid you know. Why do you have to make me out to be stupid?
  4. I don’t care what other people do, they are idiots for thinking that way.
  5. You’ve been reading too many books.
  6. You think you are so clever don’t you?
  7. Why isn’t my dinner ready?
  8. Been listening to her again have we? I can always tell when you  two have been talking.
  9. Can a man not get some peace in his own home?
  10. You sound like your mother.
  11. I’m going out.
  12. Why aren’t you ready?
  13. You should know your place.
  14. You talk too much.
  15. You never listen to me properly.
  16. Never mind me, what have you been up to eh?
  17. I know what you’ve done.
  18. You can’t judge me.
  19. Fancy words don’t make you right you know?
  20. Since when did this house become a court room?

11 thoughts on “20 Deflections of a Lesser Narcissist

  1. E. B. says:

    I enjoyed your latest interview very much, HG. It was clear, insightful and there was something new for me to learn.

    It was especially interesting what you mentioned about the narcissist’s need to control the situation at all costs thinking in the Here and Now *and* without considering negative effects in the near future or long-term. You spoked about a divorce but it could be about anything else. I wish I had known about it years ago.

    I spent a lot of time and energy trying to make MRN understand about the negative outcome of their bad decisions and poor leadership. It was pointless. I was not able to understand how intelligent people could not see what they were doing. I used to believe it was me who could not communicate properly, who could not make myself understood. I even thought I must be totally wrong. I did not have any more energy and time to deal with them and went no contact. I also came across your book Your Fault, which gave me validation.
    Eventually, my predictions came true. But, as you said, ‘they do not do accountability’. They blamed the economy and other factors.

    Their narcissism may be a helpful self-defence mechanism but being hypersensitive to the loss of control can also be detrimental when it comes to medium-term and long-term effects of their bad decisions and thoughtless actions. They are not Greaters.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you EB, I am pleased you enjoyed it and found it helpful.

      1. Yes, it is ALL about control.
      2. Intelligence of a narcissist (when lacking awareness) will not facilitate the recognition of behaviour the victim so desperately wants to achieve. Emotional thinking jumps all over this, causing the truthseeking trait to go into overdrive – he must SURELY see and understand what he is doing? If I keep trying maybe I will get a breakthrough. No and no, but it is very powerful.
      3. It is about NOW for the majority of narcissists – not yesterday, not tomorrow, not in an hour but NOW. That is the link to control.

      1. Claire says:

        Omg “must surely see”—-my mantra I am leaving in the dust. H.G.—would it be very unlikely to hear a narcissist even while employing facade management to state, “I could have handled (it/something) better?”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          A Mid Ranger would say such a thing as part of false contrition.

          1. Claire says:

            Damn H.G. F*#% they are everywhere. I’m so sick of these people.

      2. E. B. says:

        You are welcome, HG. It was very helpful indeed. I listened to it twice and took notes.
        I finally understood what I had been dealing with. Putting data and facts in front of them, my previous experience and knowledge – it was useless. They did not want to read or listen. It was in their best interest only. I was assisting them from abroad and not getting anything in return. They ruined a factory. You are the only one who was able to explain this behaviour. Thank you very much for your summary.

        It would be great if Ms. Bonchay let you publish a link to your interviews (WNAAD Summit in 2018 and 2019) on your blog, YouTube or on any of your social media accounts.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am pleased it was of use to you EB.

    2. Jessj says:

      Where can i find this HG interview you speak of?
      Thank you!

      1. E. B. says:

        Hi Jessj,

        This interview I spoke about was part of the 2019 Survivor Empowerment Telesummit. June 1st is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD).

        Those who had registered received free access to the interviews for 24 hours only. After that period, they ask to purchase *all* the interviews. even if we are interested in one of them only. Their email address: infownaad@gmail.com

        HG has been invited every year since this event started back in 2017. This year his topic was Beating The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign. *All* his interviews were very insightful and helpful. Highly recommended.

        In order not to miss his future interviews, I suggest you subscribe: “www.wnaad.com”
        They will email you ahead of time about this event which takes place every year on 1st June. They will let you know when to register to get free access to the interviews.

  2. Christopher Jackson says:

    Pretty good hg thanks for sharing alot of them I have heard but just versions of them…

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Just been thru this
    I’m experiencing what I thought was a covert manipulator, but now I look at it, they’re a lesser …. whatever way … their true colours are manifesting and they are brainwashing our youngest against his whole family
    They have avoided blame and denied any allegations or taken accountability
    We have just experienced verbal abuse, stand up threat, thinks we’re superior and entitled and we’re all arseholes and ended with a pointed finger directed to each family member with a “f … you” …. called Mr Bubbles an old man who didn’t deserve respect
    You are spot on
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

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