Over a year ago, Prince Harry married Meghan Markle who is now known as the Duchess of Sussex. Just prior to their wedding I wrote A Very Royal Narcissist which identified from the evidence available many determinative factors demonstrating that a narcissist was about to marry in to the Royal Family.
A year has passed since then and with such a prominent individual it is very worthwhile placing the Duchess under the TudorScope once more to ascertain whether the initial determination was incorrect or whether her behaviours underline and affirm the first determination. There is a plethora of information that can be utilised and in the interests of brevity and accessibility I have not used everything that available and therefore if certain examples and instances are not included, that is why.
Before we embark on the analysis let me make something clear for the Hard of Understanding. This is nothing to do with race. It is about narcissism. Not because the Duchess identifies as biracial through having black and white relatives. It is irrelevant whether she is white, black, yellow or a mixture. Narcissists are white, black, brown, yellow, male, female, transgender, straight, gay, bisexual, religious, not religious – we come in many different packages. This is focussed on narcissism and not race, so if you try and make it about race not only have you missed the point, you are also making yourself look stupid.
Furthermore I know there are other narcissists in the royal family (they will get their turn under the Tudorscope worry not) so you do not have to keep piping up about that. Miss Markle is prominent and therefore a very worthwhile subject to enable people to understand more about narcissism.
With those points established, let’s get down to some analysis. I would also recommend that you read The Empathy Cake because this will help you place the behaviours in a context viz a viz empaths, empathic people and normal people. Where narcissistic indicators are identified, they are listed after each example of behaviour.
Something Smells Off
The marriage ceremony (like may others before, along with funerals) took place at St George’s Chapel. Miss Markle requested that atomisers be used throughout the chapel for the purpose of removing the apparent musty (but not unpleasant) smell. It is an old building and therefore has such a smell. Her request was deemed inappropriate. Even when this was pointed out to her, she maintained that she wanted the atomisers placed there. One might overlook not realising it was inappropriate, but then the following insistence is an indicator of narcissistic behaviours.
Sense of Entitlement
Poor Boundary Recognition
The Queen apparently had to have stern words with her grandson, Prince Harry in the lead-up to his wedding, after both he and Meghan were upset that she could not wear the tiara she initially picked out from the royal treasury. According to reports, Meghan wanted to wear a tiara studded with emeralds, but because the provenance was not known, the royal family refused. Such refusal is done with good purpose as if the provenance is not known this could cause potential future embarrassment to have jewels of dubious provenance paraded by a member of the Royal Family.
There was a very heated exchange that prompted the Queen to speak to Harry, as a consequence of this failure to follow Royal Protocol. Remember, Miss Markle was well aware that she was marrying into an established institution which has protocols, standards and responsibilities. It is the Queen who selects the tiara but both Miss Markle and Prince Harry tried to alter that. It is evident, from the first article, that Prince Harry’s demand arose from wanting to please Miss Markle given her evident influence over him.
The Queen stated ‘Meghan cannot have whatever she wants. She gets what tiara she’s given by me.’
The message from the Queen was very much Meghan needed to think about how she speaks to staff members and be careful to follow family protocols.
Sense of Entitlement
Poor Boundary Recognition
Staff Turnover and Operation
Problems have arisen with regard to the relationships with staff and the turnover of staff. Now there are always going to be changes in personnel and doubtless certain pressures associated with a demanding and high profile situation will also result in such changes, however, what is noteworthy are the number of resignations, the short period of time held by these people in their positions and the comment which has surround them. This evidences a pattern. Consider this, how often will a narcissist have a haphazard employment history and/or a string of failed relationships yet when this is pointed out, the narcissist will always declare that it was the fault of the others and not the narcissist. Such numbers however speak for themselves and even more so, with the comments allied to them.
Meghan’s personal assistant resigned “suddenly” after just six months on the job. Other resignations within the Kensington Palace team include Samantha Cohen, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s private secretary, Edward Lane Fox, Prince Harry’s private secretary and Kensington Palace senior communications secretary Katrina McKeever, who left the team in September.
The Duchess has been known as the Duchess Difficult by the palace staff since she got married. It is well-known how her staff kept leaving due to her difficult behaviour (which is very unlikely for the members of the royal family). Four resignations in less than one year were no small thing.
Following such losses of staff, it is clear that Prince Harry and the Duchess were mindful of risking further losses in staffing (and the impression this creates) and therefore opted to manage matters more directly and did not hire a nanny right after the birth of their son.. Meghan Markle wanted to do everything by herself for her new born son. She would not even allow her mother Doria to hold the baby in her absence. Hence, appointing a nanny seemed out of question.
Following this period, Harry and the Duchess have now hired a nanny whose name has not been disclosed yet. Unlike Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis’ live-in nanny Maria Borrallo who is a graduate of the famous Norland College, Archie’s nanny does not have any such background. Maria Borrallo also travels with the royal family whenever they take children along. Also, this nanny will have a day job and leave in the evening. Weekends will also be days off for her.
As much as the press is eager to see Archie’s pictures, they are also curious to know about his nanny. Maria Borrallo is almost as famous as Prince George as she was always seen by his side. However, this time it will be different. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are very private when it comes to their new born Archie. His birth announcement was also not made in the traditional way. The nanny is not allowed to speak publicly about her role. According to the royal commentator and author Katie Nicholl, the nanny is also supposed to sign an extensive nondisclosure agreement.
It is interesting to see how the damaging impression that has arisen as a consequence of these losses in staff has then resulted in the exertion of greater control and the management of appearances through the differing approach with regards to the nanny to the Duke and Duchess’ son.
Lack of Empathy
Sense of Entitlement
Exertion of Control
Use and Dispose
The broadcaster Piers Morgan has criticised the Duchess of Sussex describing her as “a piece of work” and comparing her behaviour to that “of a Kardashian” as opposed to a member of the royal family. It is always entertaining to have one narcissist comment on another. We should not pay so much attention to the language used by Mr Morgan but rather the behaviour he described.
Morgan said he felt “conned by the Duchess, claiming that he was with her before she met the Prince Harry for the first time and never heard from her again because “she’d met someone more important”.
“I had a bad experience with Meghan Markle, I’ve talked about it a lot,” Morgan said.
“I’m afraid, she’s a bit of a piece of work,” he added, arguing that Markle “drops people as soon she gets someone more important in her life”.
Morgan went on to explain how he disapproves of the way the Duchess “treats her family”, pointing out that none of them, bar her mother, Doria Ragland, were present at her wedding.
“I was of use to her when it suited her,” he explained. “I was conned by her, I thought she was nice, I thought she was a nice person.
“I put her in the cab to meet Harry, never heard from her again, she met somebody more important and that was it, gone, bang, ghosted.”
Morgan, a narcissist himself, responds to this shelfing behaviour with a suitable provocative complaint and accompanying Pity Play. Nevertheless, just because he complains of the behaviour the fact of it occurring underlines that typical narcissistic behaviour of not showing accountability in a social relationship and using it as a means to an end, having no empathy for the feelings of the other person in that relationship.
Morgan is not the only person to complain of such treatment.
Following her split from former husband Trevor Engelson, Miss Markle became friendly with a television personality, Lizzie Cundy. Miss Markle wanted a new man and said that she had two firm conditions, firstly he had to be English and secondly he had to be famous, according to Cundy. Cundy explained that she assisted Markle with regard to potential involvement with football Ashley Cole and X-Factor Matt Cardle but once Miss Markle began dating Prince Harry, Cundy found she was dropped by Miss Markle and offered just comfort crumbs with regard to their supposed friendship.
Sense of Entitlement
Lack of Accountability
Lack of Empathy
Recently, the Duchess attended the tennis competition at Wimbledon and more evidence arose with regard to her behaviour and what it signifies.
In the photo below, a man who appears to be a royal bodyguard can been seen approaching a man holding his phone. The man holding the phone was 58-year-old Hasan Hasanov, who was accused of invading the Duchess of Sussex’s privacy when he took a selfie in front of the royal during the match.
Hasan insisted that he didn’t know Meghan was there when he stopped to take the selfie. “I honestly couldn’t really care less about taking a picture of Meghan, Harry or any of the royals—and, if I did, I’d ask first,” he said. “I was much more interested in getting a video of Roger Federer in action.” The fact that it was assumed that Mr Hasanov wanted to take a picture of the Duchess might be regarded as grandiosity, however being a public figure it is not unreasonable to expect this to happen and therefore it was an understandable mistake. The manner in which the bodyguard was dispatched and the Duchess’ failure to intervene (one can see how close she is to Mr Hasanov) demonstrates a degree of haughtiness and also the contradictory behaviour often evident with such figures ‘You must take pictures of me except when I decide you cannot.’
The Wimbledon woe did not end there. The Duchess created problems with regard to attending wearing jeans and failing to watch a Brit play tennis. There appears to be other unspecified behaviour which resulted in a Wimbledon official stating “It was a nightmare, she was a nightmare,” the Wimbledon official. While that official didn’t elaborate as to what was meant by that statement, another source reportedly claimed, “She wanted to come incognito but there were problems. They couldn’t invite her into the royal box because she was wearing jeans but that didn’t really matter because all she wanted to do was come and watch Serena Williams. Andy Murray was on Court 1 afterwards and it was a massive faux pas not to watch a Brit when she is signed up to the Royal Family.”
Sense of Entitlement
Poor Boundary Recognition
The Bananas of Empowerment
Miss Markle visited One25, a Bristol, UK charity which supports female sex workers who are trapped in cycles of poverty, violence and addiction. Miss Markle assisted making packed lunches for the sex workers. Wearing an expensive Oscar De La Renta dress, Miss Markle wrote with a Sharpie on the bananas phrases such as “you are strong”, “you are brave”, “you are loved.”
A sex worker stated, “people out here struggle to eat and sleep and she gifts us some words on a piece of fruit”.
There is no doubting that the Duchess meant well through this gesture, but this is the instinctive and unaware behaviour associated with Mid Range Narcissists, namely they think they are doing something good but cannot actually see (because their narcissism blinds them) to how crass and unempathetic their behaviours are.
What drove this act of charity was the unconscious narcissism whereby it was predicated on a lofty position she sees herself as holding. Her words are special, motivating because after all, surely the sex worker could regard themselves as strong, brave, loved but that will not turn around matters for them. No, the words must come from a ‘higher power’ namely the Duchess because her words matter. The Duchess does not realise this manifestation of the narcissism.
She of course believes that her gesture was well-intentioned , but failed to realise how condescending and ultimately pointless her act was.
In addition, in the footage of this act, you can see Prince Harry immediately recognises this is a bad move but he does nothing other than look on as the crass moment unfolds. After all “What Meghan wants, Meghan gets” as his own words come back to haunt him. Her failure to pick up on his discomfort is a further indicator.
Lack of Emotional Empathy
Whilst the media relish giving people labels, this happens because there is a basis for them. There are plenty of examples of this Ralph ‘Five Times A Night’ Halpern, John’ two Jags’ Prescott, Doris Day ‘The Professional Virgin’, Aretha Franklin ‘The Queen of Soul’, Madonna ‘The Queen of Pop’ and so on. The fact the Duchess is known as MeAgain demonstrates that there has been repeated recognition of self-absorbed behaviour and self promotion by many others.
Naturally a mother to be is proud of the baby she is carrying, but the bump/pregnancy will be used by a narcissist for the purposes of gaining fuel and exerting control. The Duchess was repeatedly filmed and photographed touching her bump, cradling the bump, flicking her coat open to ‘reveal’ the bump and accentuating it. This exaggerated cradling and posing was witnessed many times including at the British Film Awards, the Mayhew Animal Home visit, Brinsworth Care Home and at Admiralty House in Sydney, to name but a few.
Not keeping the bump under flowing maternity dresses like previous royal mothers to be, but a parade of tight clothing allied with stances/gestures to highlight the bump and adopting entirely unnatural poses (contrast how Kate Middleton stood/presented) and this, taken in context with all of the other behaviours in this article and the previous one tell a further story of narcissistic behaviour.
Sense of Entitlement
Changing of the Ring
Miss Markle received a stunning engagement ring from Prince Harry after he popped the question in November 2018. The Duchess of Sussex, showed off her huge sparkler in a BBC TV interview and for her official engagement photos. Since then the piece of jewellery has been flashed by the duchess on numerous royal outings.
Meghan flaunted the ring at Trooping the Colour in June when she also showed off a new pavé diamond eternity ring, believed to be a present from her husband.
There has been a major change to her engagement ring less than two years after Meghan first slipped it onto her finger.
This is interesting as her original ring was designed by Prince Harry himself and includes two diamonds from his late mother Princess Diana.
Editor-in-chief of Majesty Magazine Ingrid Seward stated “I find it a bit odd Meghan would want to alter a ring that her husband had especially designed for her.
“A royal engagement ring is a piece of history not a bit of jewellery to be updated when it looks old fashioned.”
Meghan has altered the band despite Harry saying “yellow gold” was her favourite.
Speaking at the time of their engagement, Prince Harry said: “The ring is obviously yellow gold because that’s her favourite and the main stone itself I sourced from Botswana and the little diamonds either side are from my mother’s jewellery collection, to make sure she’s with us on this crazy journey together.”
Meghan added: “Everything about Harry’s thoughtfulness and the inclusion of Princess Diana’s stones and obviously not being able to meet his mum, it’s so important to me to know that she’s a part of this with us.”
Having played on such importance at the time (when of course it suited during the seduction period) the necessity to assert control through an alternative method has resulted in altering a ring (something which is highly unusual in itself – not including altering it so it fits) and trampling over the feelings of her husband. It is not a surprise to find Miss Markle previously looking to emulate Princess Diana and once embedded removing this particular trace of the deceased Princess.
Sense of Entitlement
Exertion of Control
Lack of Emotional Empathy
There are plenty of other instances, including clashes with Kate Middleton, the refurbishment of Frogmore House and Harry’s failure to attend the memorial service to 11 marines (he is Colonel in Chief of the marines) and instead go to the Lion King Premiere instead with the Duchess. There is plenty more evidence available which contains similar instances of grandiosity, poor boundary recognition, haughtiness and a lack of emotional empathy. The gift keeps on giving.
It is evident based on the original article and the multitude of indicators highlighted from the above behaviours that the Duchess if very much A Very Royal Narcissist.
Today’s poll concerns what was the response of third parties to you explaining about your entanglement with a narcissist? It is highly likely that you have told somebody about what has happened to you once you learned that you were involved with a narcissist. It might have been a family member, best friend, colleague, neighbour, therapist or doctor. When you sat down with this person and explained that your partner, sister or mother was a narcissist and what this meant, what was the reaction of the listener?
Did he or she try to make excuses for that person’s behaviour, suggesting it was down to something else or did they dilute what it really was? Perhaps they rejected it out of hand and even went so far as to suggest you caused the problem and the other person was not a narcissist? Did they challenge you suggesting you did not know because “you’re not a doctor” or did they drink it all in and become supportive. Perhaps they joined you in going down the rabbit hole and began to read up on the matter also?
You may choose more than one answer before submitting your vote(s).
The response of a third party to being told you have entangled with a narcissist is an interesting one since it combines existing knowledge or ignorance, personal bias based on perceptions of the speaker and/or the narcissist, willingness to become embroiled in a ‘dispute’ and pre-conceived ideas.
Please expand on your experience in the comment section – how did the response make you feel? Who did you speak to? Did you try to change their response at all?
Thank you for contributing.
Manipulated. An excellent book and as one reader stated that for anyone involved with a narcissist, a must! This superb book has just had its cover updated and jolly sexy it looks too, I am sure you will agree.
The Tudor Tomes are all getting an update into this ‘house style’ and with so many glowing reviews, it is important to ensure that prospective readers and seekers of freedom have access to my work and of course the best possible plaudits come from you, the readers.
With that in mind this is your chance to appear on the cover of the revamped books as per Manipulated above. If you would like to be on the cover, this is all you need to do :-
- Review one or more of my books. Either use and existing review or even better add a new one to a title you have not yet read or not yet reviewed.
- Submit a screenshot of your reviews to my at email@example.com
- Confirm whether you want a name to appear with the review and if so, which name
- The best one for each book will be selected and appear on the cover.
So get writing and submitting, after all, appearing beneath my name on my books is probably the closest you would ever want to get to me!
My appreciation in advance.
What is Jane Chapman?
Standard Empath? Empathic but not an empath? Middle Mid Range Narcissist?
Letter to the Mid-range narcissist.
I will never be able to forget the day when you as you set in motion your empathic supernova detonation scheme. I searched your face for anything that could resemble caring, only to find your delight and satisfaction. A man fully fuelled by my devastation also eager to slip away to the arms of your secret lover. You were remarkably successful, triggering explosions and implosions including uncontrollable trembling that lasted days. Our life together built upon stories and excuses dissolved away leaving only rubble of facts in the wake of the wreckage as my world came tumbling in.
A search for an explanation to your rapid 180° shift and undeniable delight in my pain led me to the words “discard and replace.” For the first time, I found an explanation for the behaviours that had beleaguered me for over a decade. That first peek into our reality, so different from my flowery belief, yet so obvious to my intuition.
You are a master at blame shifting, plausible deniability, future faking, triangulation, word salad, and gas lighting. Although I struggled to accept the truth, dependable cycles of narcissist behaviour remained irrefutable and could no longer be denied.
Thank you to your Dirty Empath Marriage Breaker who kept you distracted while I built my new life. We both know that she could never replace …. Me. How disappointing it must have been for you that I avoided triangulation.
Thank you for the long cold fury silent treatments, which allowed me to interact with others and reset my expectations. Those long pauses made your behaviour much more irrational each time you hoovered.
Truly, thank you for wanting to keep a reputation as the “good guy,” which kept you following the law and covering my expenses until I recovered from illness and found a new job. That support may have exposed me to further provocations, but it was a life line that I appreciated tremendously.
I thank you for the malicious hoovers, which helped me to separate you from the person you pretended to be during our golden periods. You once said something important. You said that I am not a victim, which both thrilled and terrified you. I suppose that this was the differentiator in our end game.
In closing, I address not you but instead the golden period ghost: my former best friend, the man I once thought you were, who would want to see me thrive, and revel joyfully in the triumph over you. It’s time to close this chapter. I did it Baby!
Anonymous Super Empath
You are never immune to our kind. You will ALWAYS be susceptible to us because of your innate addiction to our kind. You cannot remove it and thus you will not achieve immunity. You must therefore always be resisting.
You can don the armour to protect yourself as fashioned through my works, but that armour does not give you permanent invulnerability. All armour must be updated, maintained and checked otherwise the shield splits, the chainmail links weaken and the breastplate shatters more readily.
If you think that you are immune to us, you are succumbing to emotional thinking. It wants you to think that you are immune because if that is what you think, then guess what you will do? You will either want to test your immunity or you will believe that you can engage with us in some way and therefore you are doing precisely what your emotional thinking wants you to do. It wants you to engage with us and it will find whatever way it can to make you do that.
You are not immune. You may very well be able to take a telephone call from us and not react to what we say you may even feel nothing for us – no pity, no love or no hate. That time. You may be able to take that second telephone call from us and feel the same way, but because you are not immune, the more you engage with us – whether this is thinking about us, talking about us, spending time with us – you will eventually fall prey to your emotional thinking to a greater extent.
The very fact you are engaging with us when you think that you are immune, means that your emotional thinking is working, because of course logic would tell you that you have no need to engage with us. Why then are you doing it? Because I want to show myself I will not react, I will not get drawn back in. That is emotional thinking. You are engaging with us and several things arise from this which are problematic. They may not appear problematic to you, because during that telephone call you feel in control, you did not get upset, you do not feel anxious any more, you do not feel anything for us, but you are creating problems.
- You will be providing us with fuel. It may be minimal but it will be there because you will not be able to maintain a neutral and flat tone throughout a conversation. Yes, you may be able to achieve this for a very short time and yes, you may not be giving much fuel, but it is there all the same. Thus, we are getting something we want.
- You are not rejecting us. By speaking to us you have signalled that you will answer the phone and engage. You may not be enthusiastic but you answered nevertheless. This provides us with encouragement.
- You are feeding your addiction and therefore your emotional thinking will want more and in its insidious way it will con you by telling you that you handled the call without any difficulty (it feels like this of course but it is not the case) and thus it will encourage you to do so again or encourage you to attend that social event where you know we will be there because you remain confident of being able to handle the situation. All you are doing is allowing the addiction to be fed and for the emotional thinking to surge until it overwhelms you (and it will) at a future point.
- You may well be feeding us useful information in the course of the conversation which we can use to our advantage.
Accordingly, by thinking you are immune and therefore thinking you can engage safely with us, you are creating risks and problems.
You have no need to engage with us.
You have no need to test your immunity because you are not immune. Understand this.
Instead, you can build your resistance. You are resistant but not immune. Some of you have a very low resistance, others far higher, but whichever it is, this resistance, just like the functioning of your own resistance to disease, can erode and weaken. The easiest way for this to happen is by repeatedly exposing yourself to engaging with us. The more you do so, you do not build your resistance but you weaken it. Of course, as I have explained above, you think you are becoming more resistant because you have an encounter with us and you walk away head held high thinking you handled it well. Superficially, yes, but beneath the surface, the problems I have detailed above are forming, waiting and growing ready to ensnare you.
By obeying this golden rule, you will avoid the complacency and risk which comes with thinking you are immune. Instead you will recognise you have resistance, you will understand that his resistance can be made stronger and can also be made weaker, so that with that logic defence established in your mind, you will work harder to avoid complacency and the problems that come with that.
Some of your resistance will be innate, but the majority of resistance is that which is learned and applied. You increase your resistance through reading and understanding, through the imposition of a solid no contact regime, by applying a rigorous purging of the emotional infection so it is driven to the lowest level and by the building of Logic Defences. Combining all of those elements will heighten your resistance, minimise weakening it, reduce the risk of using your resistance unnecessarily (which is of course a consequence of the impact of emotional thinking) and means that when a hoover happens to get through unexpectedly, that when you have those ‘bad days’ when you pine for us, your resistance will not be found wanting and you will repel the hoover, you will reject the emotional thinking which is straining to make you contact us and you will ensure that your resistance remains intact. Do not voluntarily test it, that is giving in to emotional thinking and taking an unnecessary risk – save its strength for when it is really needed because those moments will indeed come.
By applying the cornerstone elements from the paragraph above, their maintenance becomes easier, more natural and more instinctive and thus less arduous for you. You do not need to maintain a state of heightened vigilance, for that becomes draining, you will create a more-readily maintained defensive regime. Doing so little and often becomes far easier than a sudden overhaul when it is too late, which is invariably when complacency has already become the traitor who is unlocking the castle gates.
You are not immune.
You are always resisting.
Remember this and that resistance will achieve freedom and maintain it.
Dangled by the cruel mistress that is Eternal Hope, the possibility of change, the prospect of alteration and the desire to be there when it happens is a key manifestation of the emotional thinking that keeps a victim ensnared to the narcissist.
There can be no change.
The Lesser Narcissist has no idea what he or she is. Indeed, the Lesser invariably lacks any awareness of their behaviour being considered as ‘wrong’ by a third party. This is how it must be, because from the Narcissistic Perspective, the Lesser is doing what is right for her or him and it matters not the consequences for anybody else. The Lesser’s utter lack of any form of empathy also means that the blindness is so total that change cannot and will not happen. The Lesser will bulldoze through life, the proverbial wrecking ball, causing damage and chaos but seeing nothing wrong with doing so. He or she cannot understand why you are so upset, he or she knows that you deserved that beating and there is nothing wrong with them. The re-appearance of the Golden Period (or more usually since it is a Lesser – the Bronze Period) provides the victim with hope that the worst is over, that the narcissist has taken heed of your tear-filled pleading and look, it has happened, there is change.
This is not a permanent change. It is just part of the ongoing manipulation (and therefore there is no change) but it will give you false hope. It will stop you escaping the narcissist, it will encourage you to keep trying, to maintaining the belief that something can be done so that the narcissist interacts with you in a less hurtful and more benign way. Soon enough the devaluation will appear again – no matter where you sit in the fuel matrix – and you will cling on, trying various methods to bring back that respite period once more or the return to the Golden/Bronze Period. You did not effect that change, the narcissist did it because it suited him or her to do so. They chose because they must always control and it is because of this constant need for control that change cannot and must not happen.
The Mid-Range Narcissist is the member of the brethren who uses the prospect of change to a better way, a happier way, a healthier way more than any other school. It is a repeated protestation (see But I Can Change ) . With no emotional empathy, but usually a degree of (fake) cognitive empathy, the Mid Range Narcissist will choose to make some improvements in his or her behaviour. Sometimes it is the re-appearance of the Golden Period (as explained above) which gives the appearance of change, but it is merely part of the ongoing manipulation that forms part of the narcissistic dynamic. In other instances there will be a temporary alteration in behaviours (usually as a consequence of being part of a Preventative Hoover). This again is just part of the manipulation and is only done to enable the narcissist to exert control over the victim once again and ensure that the Prime Aims are met. Once that control is achieved (i.e. the escape is stopped) or another appliance is obtained to recruit the non-compliant/less compliant one – the supposed change in behaviour will end.
Often a combination of this form of manipulation and the effect of emotional thinking causes the victim to believe that long-lasting change has been effected. It has not. The Mid Ranger, with a higher cognitive function and more application may well attend therapy, may well seek treatment for drinking, may well start helping out more around the house and with the children but it will not last and is only being done to ensure the narcissist’s needs, primarily fuel, are being met. Similar to the Lesser, the Mid Range does not regard his or her behaviour as the problem. Yes, they will have sufficient cognitive function to recognise that their behaviour is viewed as problematic by third parties (hence why the Mid Ranger relies so heavily on maintaining the facade – ‘keeping up appearances’) but they are incapable of ever accepting culpability, liability or blame for their actions.
Accordingly, the alteration in behaviour will only ever be temporary. This is because it is driven not by a recognition that the Mid Range Narcissist is at fault (the narcissism blinds the Mid Ranger to it ever being his or her fault) but is driven purely by getting what the narcissist wants and needs. Once those needs are met, the supposed change stops. Thus, this is why there cannot be change.
You might think “Aha, well if I keep the narcissist thinking that he is going to lose me, then he will modify his behaviours all of the time to keep me.” Nice try. Firstly, you will not be capable of sustaining such an environment. You will find it too draining and too difficult to keep gauging how you should treat us, not to mention that behaving this way runs contrary to your empathic traits. However, the main reason this will not work is because the narcissist will eventually regard you as not complying and look to replace you for a model which is functioning more effectively. You will be changed, the narcissist will not.
The vast majority of our brethren are Lesser or Mid Range Narcissists and therefore recognising and accepting that there will be no change, conquering your emotional thinking which tries to convince you that you are witnessing change, that it can be achieved, that more effort from you and so forth, are central to this golden rule. There will be no change. Accept that and stop applying your energies to trying to achieve that which cannot be achieved. Anything which tells you to the contrary is emotional thinking.
As for those who claimed to have changed our kind. Mistaken or liars.
As for those who claim to be of our kind and to have changed. Mistaken or liars.
There may be someone who is narcissistic who has altered their behaviours, but they were not a narcissist. The narcissist will not change.
What of the much rarer Greater? Our heightened awareness means that of all the schools we possess the potential for modification, but not wholesale change. There can be no wholesale change because this is what we are, this is how we have been designed and created. Certain elements that you wish to see as a consequence of change are just not there and never will be. You cannot inject emotional empathy into us. We function so effectively, why alter a winning combination? Why take an unnecessary risk? There is no compelling reason to do so. Might we modify? Potentially yes, but once again the overriding need of our narcissism is such that we regard doing so as an unnecessary alteration to our power, a shift in control which is not required. Like the Mid Ranger, we will implement temporary change to achieve our aims, but this is done as an act of largesse and not as a pleading, snivelling last ditch attempt to halt you leaving. You will be grateful for our magnanimous gesture of reigning in our malice – albeit it will only be for so long as we need to and then normal service will be resumed.
The Lesser and Mid-Range cannot change. The Greater may modify, but sees no compelling reason to do so.
There will be no change.
Understand this. Accept this. Apply it and this will advance you further to your freedom and release you from the yoke of false hope that change might happen.