The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5


The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-

  1. It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
  2. We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
  3. We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
  4. It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
  5. We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.

Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.

Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.

Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.

Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.

Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.

Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.

None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.

You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.

Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.

There has to be a purpose.

Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.

During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.

You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.

This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.

Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.

When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?


12 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5

  1. foolme1time says:

    It wasn’t so much a song that he used, it was a certain type of music that we danced to, it still triggers me to this day. A group of us went out one evening ( this was before we were together ) he was with his friends I was with mine, and although we had spoken on occasion this was the night he sucked me into his world. They were at a table, my friends and I on the dance floor, a particular song came on and as I stayed dancing with another friend of mine, ( the rest had headed to the bar ) I glanced over at the table and caught him watching me. I can still remember the feeling inside of me as I watched him walk onto that dance floor towards me, I was pure nerve and excitement. His beautiful dark eyes and curly black hair had almost captured me in that moment, when he smiled I felt as though my heart leaped from my chest as they do at times in cartoons. I believe the whole room could feel the excitement and energy coming off of us. I was lost in the moment and had shut everything else out except him and the music, the rhythm that man had put everyone else in the room to shame. Our group of friends loved it and he loved the attention, we danced with no one else but each other the rest of the night. Dancing has been something I have always loved doing, and I would be the first one out on that dance floor, now I can’t even listen to that music anymore and I know I will never be able to dance to it again. It is just something else that he has taken from me. 😞💃

    1. foolme1time says:

      Last evening after talking to a friend, I realized something of great importance. My ex didn’t take this away from me, I did. It’s just another way of letting him control me. Well I’m done with that shit! I love Latin music and dancing, it has been a passion of mine for years and is something that I’m not going to give up, in fact I’m not giving anything up for anyone anymore! I’m not sure what this is that has just happened to me? But I can tell you this I’m done letting people control me. It’s time I start doing what I want and not what other people want me to do. I am a people pleaser, because it has been one of my defenses over the years, if I can please everyone and try to do everything perfect, then there would not be any backlash or abuse. Constantly stepping on eggshells and feeling tense and anguish. HG, I don’t know what just happened, something clicked inside of me, I think you finally broke through! Yes I know I have a lot left to work on, but I know now I can do this! Going to borrow these next few words from you oh wise one, Fucking A! Let’s go dancing! 💃💃🙃

  2. empath007 says:

    Do you think that empaths are also instinctely good at mirroring people? I ask because I’m a chameleon by nature, my reasons aren’t to manipulate though.. I do it so that the other person feels comfortable in conversation with me but it’s instinctual. The interesting thing about this is I’ve always found narcissits the most difficult to “mirror” and I now think it’s due to
    The fact that’s theres not a genuine personality to attach too. I can sense the void in some ways.

    Just wondering if you (or anyone else on the blog) has had this sort of experince? I think both empaths and narcissits have a special gift at reading people, it’s just how we use and respond to the information that differs.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All people mirror and it is a form of empathy. For you it is emotional empathy for the purpose of altruistic motives. For us, it is a learned instinct (not felt) and done for our purposes only.

  3. empath007 says:

    This is something normals do as well though. Most couples have “a song”

    Mine definitely did this…. but I can listen to the songs with no emotion now when I hear them.

    I’m not quite sure what the last piece of this puzzle is going to be for me. But I can’t wait until talking about him bores me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There’s a world of difference between ‘having a song’ and the way we use music,

      1. empath007 says:

        I understand the intent is different and it’s manipulation. I more meant from the victims perspective it can be harder to pin point as a red flag just due to the fact that it is “normal”

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fair point. That’s why the Narc Detector Consultation is so crucial

          1. empath007 says:

            Agreed. Because otherwise people can excuse away behaviour like you always point out.

          2. LC says:

            On first reading this I also thought isn’t that what normals do, too? But thinking about it more deeply I realised that music was very important for ex-narc during seduction – and he presented himself as someone whom music was important to- and then it stopped. Bit like his “love” for philosophy as well… And he picked the songs for nothing but seduction.

  4. Pheonix says:

    The Sociopath was a musician. He tried to latch on to me after a competition we’d both played. A few weeks later, after following my music page on social media, he turned up at one of my gigs. He walked in to the room like he owned the place. He’d just finished worked and was ‘smartly’ dressed from his ‘high paid job’, bought me a drink and ‘related’ to everything that I brought up in conversation. He stared at me intensely while we were talking. He left after my band performed but I received a message from him afterwards saying “Feel like I fully clicked with ya, when can I see you again?”. I knew his behaviour was unusual, very forward but from the start I could sense he was empty. I also found out that he’d sent a message to a female friend/fellow musician who had been at the show. She hadn’t even spoken to him. He continued to ‘pursue’ me and we did chat and meet at other events over the next few months. He became increasingly forward/implemented several hoover attempts when I played hard to get and eventually I got bored – and realised what he was, thanks to HG! I observed his social media for a while and noticed that he had suddenly become a fashion photographer and a vegan! He’d never mentioned any of these ‘interests’ before. It made me laugh. I wonder if the girl that he was photographing/ going on holiday with ever figured him out. He’s been blocked for a year so I wouldn’t know. Great writing HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

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