A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 67

khalessi letter

To the exN,


I don’t want to get back together with you. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t trust you anymore. There is nothing to salvage. Our relationship is over. This is not a game. I don’t want you to try harder. I don’t want your empty promises of a lovely future together. I know you. I know that you’re incapable of truly loving anyone. More importantly, it would never work because I don’t feel the same way about you. What I felt for you is gone and I couldn’t get it back even if I wanted to. I know and understand too much now. Why would I ever go down that road with you again?

Yes, I broke my promise to you. I forgive myself for that. When I promised to always be there for you I thought you were someone else. I thought the things you said to me were true. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. That was before. Before the lies and cheating. Before the head games and manipulations. Before you crushed me and made me feel less than. Before HG.

In your mind I “screwed you over” by breaking this promise. You want me to “stop trying to think logically and get back to my emotional side”. What a joke. Seriously. I’ve always been logical as well as emotional. Once I learn something it can’t be unlearned. I won’t close my eyes to the truth, or give you my love again, so you can feel better about yourself.

Yes, I agree, it is comical how I was afraid of losing you for so long and now it’s you trying so hard to get me back. How I blamed myself for not being enough for you. How I tried so hard to make things right between us for years. How I believed that we were meant to be together because our love was so strong. I was asleep and dreaming a beautiful dream. That’s all it was.

Then I woke up. I broke up with you. The tables turned. You didn’t think I had it in me. You thought that I cared more about you than I do for myself. You thought I was weak. You were wrong.

I was ready for the Grand Hoover (that’s what it’s called when you did what you did, you know, calling and messaging over and over trying to save our relationship). What I wasn’t prepared for was the length of time you would continue to try after my silence. I really thought you would give up by now. HG calls it “fuel obsession” and I believe him. Once upon a time I would’ve believed this meant that you really loved me and that I was mistaken about you being a narc. Not anymore. I know better now. I know the truth.

You didn’t know what you had until it was gone? Not my problem. Move on. I have.

8 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 67

  1. Khaleesi says:

    HG! I hope you had a great holiday season!
    I had to jump on and tell you the newest since my life has been pretty quiet for the last couple of years…He reached out asking if his friend could pick up his box of clothes that has been in my garage all of this time, which I had no problem with. Well, it wasn’t a friend coming here it was him. This idiot flew over 5,600 miles thinking he could convince me to see him. I’m pretty much cracking up over here LOL. He also sent me an email asking if he could take my female dog, that he met as a puppy, for a walk. He went on and on about how much he misses her and he’s sure she would be happy to see him. Really!? He sent a couple more emails and a text from a number he got while he’s in the states.
    I’m not in any danger of getting sucked back in.There isn’t an ounce of me remotely interested. I just had to tell you since you predicted this a couple years ago and I was so sure he would never waste that much money on plane tickets etc. Well, once again you were spot on.
    Have a great weekend!

  2. Khaleesi says:

    A quick note to say hi and let everyone know that I’m still narc free and loving life. I hope you’re all doing well and I hope that anyone who’s trying to live a narc free life reaches the same point that I have and enjoys their life as much as I do.
    Thanks again for everything HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read, well done.

    2. Lou says:

      Thanks for the update Khaleesi, I am glad to read your enjoying life.

    3. NarcAngel says:

      So glad to hear from you and that that is the case. All the best.

  3. Sarah says:

    Yes, yes, yes to this letter Khaleesi. I loved it.

    There is no point trying to seek the truth in a lie; leaving it behind is much healthier.

    Well done for turning those tables and finding a place of indifference!

  4. KellyD says:

    Great letter, Khaleesi. You described the very relationship many of us have been in. Yours has a happy ending. You sound strong and resolute. You inspire me

  5. Omj says:

    I never heard the fuel obsession before.
    I love this letter because we can feel beyond the hatred and the destruction the indifference – the true unloving someone.
    You seem in peace – that is what is flowing through.
    Happy for you.

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